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Protection - 12/24/2015 8:56:28 PM   
anniezz338


Posts: 1183
Joined: 8/17/2010
Status: offline 		On the other side, I notice the words protection, protected, protective etc. And I guess this is something like devotion or loyalty. A feeling.

When I look back, it was more of a "I got your back" or "I'm there for you". I don't know what it takes for me to feel protected. I've never really felt protected before

How does your SO make you feel protected or do they? What do you need in order to feel protected?

< Message edited by anniezz338 -- 12/24/2015 9:00:26 PM >

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RE: Protection - 12/25/2015 1:01:32 AM   
JVoV


Posts: 3664
Joined: 3/9/2015
Status: offline 		Do you feel unsafe or vulnerable normally? That's never been an issue for me.

(in reply to anniezz338)
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RE: Protection - 12/25/2015 4:19:05 AM   
NookieNotes


Posts: 1720
Joined: 11/10/2013
Status: offline 		As the dominant, it is my responsibility to make my subs feel like I have their back.

I do this by:

1. Telling them.
2. Showing them.

Consistency in words an actions will work every time. They will always know exactly what to expect, because I tell them so.

If I say, "I support you," they know from past experience exactly what that means and the lengths I will go to to help them realize a dream.

I suspect if I needed the same in return, I would look for those same two things.

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I Write! A few of my books on Amazon: http://amazon.com/author/msnnotes

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RE: Protection - 12/25/2015 4:41:47 AM   
ExiledTyrant


Posts: 4547
Joined: 12/9/2013
From: Exiled
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: NookieNotes

As the dominant, it is my responsibility to make my subs feel like I have their back.

I do this by:

1. Telling them.
2. Showing them.

Consistency in words an actions will work every time. They will always know exactly what to expect, because I tell them so.

If I say, "I support you," they know from past experience exactly what that means and the lengths I will go to to help them realize a dream.

I suspect if I needed the same in return, I would look for those same two things.


Nookie, you don't mean just with a strap-on, right?

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To lead, first follow: Aurelius, Epictetus, Descartes, Sun Tzu, to name a few.

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RE: Protection - 12/25/2015 7:02:58 AM   
WickedsDesire


Posts: 9362
Joined: 11/4/2015
Status: offline 		Muffins must be protected. Why I myself would like a castle, atop Mount Thor (used in a James Bond film). With turrets. Nestled within said turrets, all cosy wosy and humming away, Martian heat rays. So I may deatomize all that dare approach muffin lair. Well, the ones that get past the moat filled with bubbling magma and ravenous irate piranhas.

In a relationship both should have each other's and that goes without saying.

Protection used in the sense I see it on some profiles hmm i'd probably just throw that helpless lot to the lions and be done with. I translate it, most of the time, as I am vulnerable and emotionally wrecked come get me predators. I am not being overly harsh they very rarely get someone decent or that decent person is not good enough for their insatiable attention/need. They very rarely live happily ever after. Forever lost I usually refer to them but as I am currently listening to War of the Worlds Forever Autumn is also a good descriptor

oops Mount Asgard(shown in the James Bond film The Spy Who Loved Me)

50 edits just for the above :) :(((

< Message edited by WickedsDesire -- 12/25/2015 7:43:32 AM >

(in reply to ExiledTyrant)
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RE: Protection - 12/25/2015 7:37:36 AM   
NookieNotes


Posts: 1720
Joined: 11/10/2013
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ExiledTyrant


quote:

ORIGINAL: NookieNotes

As the dominant, it is my responsibility to make my subs feel like I have their back.

I do this by:

1. Telling them.
2. Showing them.

Consistency in words an actions will work every time. They will always know exactly what to expect, because I tell them so.

If I say, "I support you," they know from past experience exactly what that means and the lengths I will go to to help them realize a dream.

I suspect if I needed the same in return, I would look for those same two things.


Nookie, you don't mean just with a strap-on, right?


Not JUST with a strap-on. But that can certainly be arranged. *grins*

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RE: Protection - 12/25/2015 10:31:50 PM   
DocStrange


Posts: 1076
Joined: 6/10/2015
Status: offline 		My SO did not make me feel protected. But then I have never felt the need to be protected. I am rather Dominant in my vanilla life. I will say my SO did make be feel safe. By that I mean, I trusted that she would not harm me physically or mentally. That was/is very important to me in the fact it allows me to completely "let go". There are varying levels of submission. For me to hit "sub space", I need to know I can trust that person. That does not come easy.

Now as to people who advertise they will protect you in their profiles I find kinda of pointless. I am sure they are people who do need to feel more generally protected, but I am not going to get that from a profile into? No. That is something that takes time in a relationship to demonstrate/earn/build through action and not words :)

(in reply to NookieNotes)
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RE: Protection - 12/25/2015 11:10:11 PM   
Greta75


Posts: 9968
Joined: 2/6/2011
Status: offline 		My x-dom said he wanted to be present in any sexual activity with other people that I engage in, as he wanted to be there to ensure, I never get hurt by anybody else.

Does that count as protection? Like my personal body guard? I mean, I never took up on his offer as I had no need to engage in sexual activity or bdsm activity with anybody else when I was with him to start with.

But he did protect me when I was being stalked and harassed and threatened by a predator by confronting the guy and telling him to back off and stay away from me, and well more than that, as the guy was persistent. So a war started. But in the end, we manage to get police involve which got the guy work permit pulled and deported.

And I felt protected too in the way he physically handled me in bdsm, making sure everything is executed in a safe manner with frequent safety checks.

I felt protected knowing for sure, he would step infront and take a bullet for me, if need be, if we were ever in such a situation.

I also felt protected, knowing that he would never engage in unsafe sex outside and bring back diseases to me.







< Message edited by Greta75 -- 12/25/2015 11:24:14 PM >

(in reply to DocStrange)
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RE: Protection - 12/26/2015 1:13:41 AM   
longwayhome


Posts: 1035
Joined: 1/9/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: NookieNotes

As the dominant, it is my responsibility to make my subs feel like I have their back.

I do this by:

1. Telling them.
2. Showing them.

Consistency in words an actions will work every time. They will always know exactly what to expect, because I tell them so.

If I say, "I support you," they know from past experience exactly what that means and the lengths I will go to to help them realize a dream.

I suspect if I needed the same in return, I would look for those same two things.


Makes complete sense to me.

(in reply to NookieNotes)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Protection - 12/26/2015 1:17:37 AM   
longwayhome


Posts: 1035
Joined: 1/9/2008
Status: offline 		I know that protecting someone can carry unfortunate overtones of inappropriate control and even a lack of respect but in a big bad world knowing that someone has your back makes a huge difference. What is the point of any relationship if it makes you feel existentially less secure? Opening yourself up involves taking off your armour and laying yourself bare. That can be scary and stop you dead if you don't feel a sense of support and protection.

From that point off view I don't understand emotional offers that are actually abusive and make someone feel worthless. Feeling more complete because what you do together meets a psychological need, even if it is to be scared, hurt or punished, is very different to abuse. Unfortunately some people think that BDSM is ca licence to actually harm others, rather than the complex, delicious dance which can take you into the abyss but also leave you more whole.

It's also a two way street. Dom/mes have a certain responsibility given the nature of power exchange but that does not mean that a sub should cede all emotional responsibility, leaving their partner in a lonely or isolated space, while they sit back and expect to have all their needs met.

The other type of protection is about being streetwise. Sure there are people out there who will take advantage of others but, whilst I have sympathy for those who are caught, I am always surprised by how people think they should be able to leave their normal scepticism aside when making contact or meeting people in a BDSM context.

Why you would meet or give money to someone you don't know without taking common-sense precautions is quite beyond me.

(in reply to longwayhome)
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RE: Protection - 12/26/2015 10:59:29 AM   
Wayward5oul


Posts: 3314
Joined: 11/9/2014
Status: offline 		I screwed up a lot in the beginning. I bought into the whole idea that a different lifestyle meant different rules and expectations. Luckily for me I met someone very early on who friends later referred to as my 'protector Dom'. We got sexually involved early on, which I absolutely do not advocate in a protector/protectee dynamic, but that isn't what we started out as. It evolved into that after I made a bad judgment call with someone I met off of here. Within 5 minutes of hearing my sobbing over the phone, he was at my door and held me in his lap all night long while I cried.

He helped me to understand a lot that night, first by scolding me for being so reckless, then making me realize that I was not overreacting and that it really was a bad situation that I was lucky not to have come out of damaged, and finally by making me ask myself why, if I was exploring this lifestyle to find happiness, why I was letting myself into situation that felt unnatural to me just because someone told me that was what submissives do? If this was what it led to, then unless I wanted more nights like that then I needed to reconsider what I was doing. That is what made me realize that I did this on my terms or not at all. That is when things began to fall into place for me.

After that night, he continued to help me be more proactive in looking after my own well-being, while still being there if I felt I needed support. In both vanilla and non-vanilla contexts. While we don't see each other anymore, and are now worlds apart in what we are looking for in this lifestyle, I still don't think I could ever thank him enough for being there, physically and emotionally, the way he was in the beginning. By having him as my 'safety net' and sounding board there for a while, I was able to sort out my feelings and figure out how to be who I want to be in this lifestyle while still being true to the person I am inside.

I see nothing wrong with people in this lifestyle having protectors, whether formally or informally, especially since there is so much about this lifestyle that involves risk and attracts predators.

If you ask me, I 'did it wrong', by being involved with this person. I was very fortunate in that he was good-hearted and sincere in everything he said and did. But I think that is the exception to the rule.

(in reply to anniezz338)
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RE: Protection - 12/26/2015 1:04:07 PM   
Kana


Posts: 6676
Joined: 10/24/2006
Status: offline 		Protector means that she's safe from everyone in the world...except Me :-)

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"One of God's own prototypes. A high-powered mutant of some kind never even considered for mass production. Too weird to live, and too rare to die. "
HST

(in reply to Wayward5oul)
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RE: Protection - 12/27/2015 10:49:47 AM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		Have your back implies to me that he'll be there after you screw up and are dealing with the unpleasant consequences.
Protection implies to be that he'll prevent me from getting into trouble to begin with.

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Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


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RE: Protection - 12/27/2015 12:05:28 PM   
NookieNotes


Posts: 1720
Joined: 11/10/2013
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

Have your back implies to me that he'll be there after you screw up and are dealing with the unpleasant consequences.
Protection implies to be that he'll prevent me from getting into trouble to begin with.


Oh. I don't agree with this at all. It's not what I mean. I mean, if I have your back, I'm there to whisper in your ear if you're about to make a mistake, push you froward when you need to shine, and pull you away when something is dangerous. As well as help pick up pieces when fallibility happens.

_____________________________

Nookie
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https://datingkinky.com

I Write! A few of my books on Amazon: http://amazon.com/author/msnnotes

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RE: Protection - 12/27/2015 12:44:02 PM   
NorthernGent


Posts: 8730
Joined: 7/10/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: anniezz338

What do you need in order to feel protected?



A harmonious existence.

Not that it's a request.

We all protect one another in some way: everyone wants their values to be respected.


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Sooner or later, the man who wins is the man who thinks he can.

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RE: Protection - 1/4/2016 11:36:34 PM   
blinkingblythe


Posts: 28
Joined: 1/4/2016
From: New York City
Status: offline 		For the physical:
I want my dom to keep me locked up at night, and to keep me within his/her sight at all times in public. Having him/her keeping a tight grip on my wrist or even tethering would be a huge plus. I also want to be physicaly disciplined if I do something wrong or stupid. I want my dom to strike me across the face in this instance and punish me. At the same time, I want them to show genuine concern and emotion
fir my well being and I would show the same for them.

For the mental/spiritual

Just being told that I am loved and me telling my dom
the same would be enough. That, and a willingness to
go to any length to protect me even from myself. If my dom feels like it would be best to keep me locked up and shackled somewhere, either in the house or some remote area, I want him/her to do it to me without hesitation.

< Message edited by blinkingblythe -- 1/4/2016 11:43:27 PM >

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RE: Protection - 1/7/2016 8:47:24 AM   
WickedsDesire


Posts: 9362
Joined: 11/4/2015
Status: offline 		other side...,most musing I have a bag of handsome stone and hefty rubble

(in reply to blinkingblythe)
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RE: Protection - 1/7/2016 3:54:43 PM   
spellslave


Posts: 246
Joined: 7/16/2015
From: England
Status: offline 		Amusingly, given how I'm the one who has done martial arts, archery and historical combat in the past, we joke that I am more likely to protect him!

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Fetlife: spellslave

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