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LadyPact -> RE: Understanding of Submission (1/3/2016 12:57:51 PM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Bounceback
Id be interested in finding others views on what they understand as submission within a BDSM relationship.
In asking the question I make the following observations based on my own personal experience gleaned over the years.
submission & domination within any BDSM relationship is simply a mutual acceptances of 2 consenting adults' personal kinks .. Put simply i play your game if you play mine to the mutual satisfaction of both parties.. but from a submissive point of view if someone is playing your game in what ever sense the Domme chooses to implement, is this a genuine act of submitting to another Surely to genuinely submit the person choosing to put themselves in this position has to constantly be in a situation where they have to endure a relationship / scene where they have to be constantly in a situation that they wouldn't naturally choose to be in, for their act of submission to be of any real value.
Would others agree with this interpretation of the submission?
I have to say that our definitions don't quite line up. My first issue with it is, I do not care if someone does everything that I tell them to do right down to the last piece of lint. As a Dominant woman, I'll be the first one to tell anybody that if someone's kink is on my hard limit list, I'm not budging. We respect my hard limits and your hard limits. Simpatico.
Soft limits of a submissive, those things that may change as the dynamic evolves, I may start to push as the time becomes right. I actually don't come with soft limits. There is nothing on my limits list that are soft, so it doesn't work in reverse. (I am very mean.)
I also happen to be a sadist (probably much like your wife) and in play, I treat s-types and bottoms differently. I hinge it on a little saying that I have called "the toy you hate". Now, the toy you hate is not the same for everyone. I don't think that special, hated toy has ever been the same for two separate people. I will find the toy you hate sooner or later. The toy you hate, as an s-type, does not get removed from the toy bag. I do not use the toy you hate on bottoms unless it's specifically been negotiated. The s-type in question doesn't get that choice. I say I'm hitting you with it and you submit. "I don't like it" is a preference. Not a safe word.
The toy you hate doesn't get used every play time and it tends to get used an overall small fraction of the time. (Really big toy collection here.) Pretty much the same way I see the overall dynamic. There will absolutely be things you submit to, even though you don't like it, with a bunch of things in there, but in the end, it's because I say do. In general, I expect that to be a small percentage of the time. The large majority of the time, I want you wanting or at least willing to do the things I tell you to do. (Hey, I'm not the hugest fan of housework on the block either, but we all admit some things need to be done and we take care of them.) It's not all about suffering for the s-type, and if that were the situation, I'd tell the s-type to bail. If I find us out of balance, we really need to examine just how compatible we really are. Most of life should have peace and harmony in the house and if I don't have it, sooner or later, I'm going to end the dynamic. Nobody is supposed to be miserable unless that's your particular kink. Most people want to be happy.
I don't know if that explains some my approach to this. I don't know if I answered anything for you, but then again, not all D-types are cut from the same cloth.
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