How far can and should I go?

Collarspace Discussion Forums

Home Login Search

How far can and should I go?

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Master >> How far can and should I go?

Page: [1]

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

How far can and should I go? - 7/18/2006 9:17:34 PM

Nalta

Posts: 38
Joined: 6/22/2006
Status: offline

I have a girl friend, I call her my slave but so far we really havent gotten into anything that deep yet. she has no experiance with bondage and such and my fear is goingo over board and driving hwer away. she has expresed a intrest in the idea, shes allready bought some leeather items and has agreed to a few things (tht when ever I feel like sex I will walk up and and just fuck her, no queations asked) anywa, shes very innocent and so I was wondering if anyone could tell me how far I should go, and better yet if theres a way I can try to tell how far she will let me go?

Profile

Post #: 1

RE: How far can and should I go? - 7/18/2006 9:26:17 PM

desertdancer

Posts: 1095
Joined: 5/12/2006
Status: offline

Nalta, the whole I can walk up and fuck her whenever I want to, it sounds so good doesn't it? But I've found that subs'/slaves need a bit of..hmm for lack of a better word conditioning. Meaning that there are going to be moments that she just wont feel like it, or she'll be cranky and think "screw you, I don't wanna" or maybe she's had a long day and is tired. none of these are excuses to get her out of it, not by a long shot, but it's your job as Master to help get her through these times and help her into the mind frame of being your fuck toy. Because what sounds good to her now, when she's only thinking about it may not sound so good to her when she's coming home with a carp load of shopping and you throw her over the table and feck her brains out without warning.

Your somewhat new? i suggest you read some nonfiction books, and take things slowly, let her read a few things and explain the realities of being a slave. In my home what Master wants is what Master gets, even if it isn't what I'm wishing or wanting and these are things for her to think about.

In the mean time, there is a lot of beauty to explore and discover, enjoy yourselves go at your own pace and learn together

_____________________________

* Shimmy Shimmy *

(in reply to Nalta)

Profile

Post #: 2

RE: How far can and should I go? - 7/19/2006 4:53:13 AM

Focus50

Posts: 3962
Joined: 12/28/2004
From: Newcastle, Australia
Status: offline

I've never considered myself psychic so pardon my obvious predjudices, but when I read your OP, it struck me that you'd be lucky to be 20!

You tell through your own judgement - which comes from life experience. You ain't got a lot of it and M/s is about a lot more than just kinky sex. First step in mastering another is to master yourself - of getting your own shit together, so to speak.... I'm very sceptical of teens setting themself up as another's Master or Mistress so I'd severely stress that you don't just "dive in and do it" because it looks like fun. Small steps, grasshopper, very small steps....

There's a simple way of telling how far she'll let you go - it's called maturity. You acquire that over time, you learn it through taking on responsibility; by being a bread winner; by providing for yourself via shelter, food and general spending money and the independence that gives you; you may even raise a family but at least find out what a long term relationship that isn't just about sex is; you grow up first - that's how you know!

You're right - a Master and slave dynamic is deep; it ain't for the beginner! For example, if I wanted sex with my slave, I may well "walk up and and just fuck her" but it's still ok to make love, too! It's more about doing what you actually wanna do, including meeting your slave's needs, as well. And to meet them, you have to know what they are, for starters....

I'd suggest you back off on the M/s kink and just enjoy being with each other and (this is a biggy), really getting to know what makes the other tick - *communication*. Vanillas play with bondage, so have some fun with it by all means, and grow from there.... But don't forget to learn about life because I'm not even going to ask if you still live at home with mum and/or dad....

And don't get too offended with my post, I usually attract flak for actually saying what many only think with this particular view....

Focus.

(in reply to Nalta)

Profile

Post #: 3

RE: How far can and should I go? - 7/19/2006 5:32:10 AM

Bearlee

Posts: 2311
Joined: 10/25/2004
From: South Central CO
Status: offline

Awesome post! Very good advice Nalta...

No wonder you made the 'crush' list, Focus! LOL

beverly

(in reply to Focus50)

Profile

Post #: 4

RE: How far can and should I go? - 7/19/2006 9:50:07 AM

Kinkypupper

Posts: 713
Joined: 9/26/2004
From: Portland oregon
Status: offline

I agree with Focus50's comments I am most definately NOT the person I was at 20, and at 20 I felt I knew everything and no once could tell me different.
I do however know that some people are "natural" salves or Masters so without knowingyou I will not pass any judgement there.
My suggestions:
Locate your locat MAsT chapter and attend a few meetings with your "parter"

Goto local bdsm munches in your area and learn lots.

If none of those are available to you look you MAsT on the internet "Masters and slaves together"
Also go to http://castlerealm.com which is definately one of the better websites out there.

Throw out the books on "GOR" (or at least box them up for a few years)Reality is totally different then any fantasy and remember you are dealing with another PERSON here who if they are a "slave" has or will give you total control over their entire life. This is not something to be trivial about.

Phil

_____________________________

Phil Moulton
A Sensual Touch
Locopony Racing
Portland Oregon

(in reply to Nalta)

Profile

Post #: 5

RE: How far can and should I go? - 7/19/2006 10:43:03 AM

LadyHugs

Posts: 2299
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

Dear Nalta, Ladies and Gentlemen;

I am glad you are experiencing a bit of fear of going overboard with a willing girlfriend. Perhaps it is a gut feeling that you might be indeed going to fast.

What I see in my mind's eye is a general man's ideal sexual life. But, as with many things, the old saying of "If it is to good to be true, it usually is."

A Master must wear many hats, to include being a good custodian over another being's body. Certainly, sex is just one thing but, anybody can have kinky sex but, a Master is custodian and guardian to the slave's emotional, mental, spiritual welfare just as much as the physical being. Being the arms she seeks for comfort, strength, love, to be a little girl at times or a sexy siren of a sensual woman with charms of seduction. Masters also must be an example and live daily to the standards expected of his/her slave and not give excuses as why the Master does not need to keep the same standards. Of course, there will be 'off days' however, being the consistant element of leadership does not let standards slip. So, in other words--don't do anything to a slave you would not do yourself and or have done yourself.

Communication is so very important between you as a Master and your slave. Sometimes the best communication does not come through oral words alone but, the eyes and the body.

Patience is always required. Being patient with yourself is something you will always need to understand. Excitement, thrill, the rush does pull dominants faster than the submissive/slave can handle. The dance of both Master and slave is a matching of energy, as to feed equally and not un-equally. Timing comes with it, as well as knowing your slave.

Slaves who are women are beautiful creatures, most times possessing a quiet strength that often is mistaken for weakness. Respecting the slave first, will be returned to you by the slave--regardless of gender.
Indeed, slaves can be seen as 'passive' dominants--but, knowing that; perhaps you will apply your skills in domination with wisdom, skills and as a good custodian/guardian of the spirit of slaves/submissives.

I would indeed recommend Master/slave groups like MaST and also BDSM support and education groups to grow in many things.

Respectfully submitted for consideration,
Lady Hugs

(in reply to Nalta)

Profile

Post #: 6

RE: How far can and should I go? - 7/19/2006 10:51:45 AM

enigmabrat

Posts: 2383
Joined: 8/1/2004
Status: offline

I agree 110% with focus you sooo young I know Im not much older but then again I dont claim to be anyones master or even a slave for that Matter... dont rush or someones gunna get hurt. There is no real way for her to know her limits so be carefull

_____________________________

Leather strap $85.00 on Master card
Wooden paddle $50.00 on Master card
ratten cane $48.00 on Master card

a Master that can use them all Priceless

(in reply to LadyHugs)

Profile

Post #: 7

RE: How far can and should I go? - 7/19/2006 10:55:25 AM

MasterFireMaam

Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline

Nalta,

You have concerns that many Doms and Master do when they enter the scene, no matter how old they are. Being a Master doesn't mean you're a mind reader or that you have to be perfect. Just because you're young doesn't mean you can't explore. Take it slow and most of all, just talk to her. Why not take one thing and try it slowly?. For example, her being always sexually available. Some good points have been raised, such as there are times when she just really, really doesn't feel like it. Sit down with her and talk about it BEFORE the two of you make this agreement. Will you be willing to allow her to be sick without demanding sex? Will you allow her time to do X because it's important (like study for a test) without demanding sex? Things like this. You can also give her, say, three "get out of jail free" cards that she can use say no each week/month. Know that you MUST stick to whatever you agree to! See how that system, or something similar, works for at least 3 months. Constantly talk to her and ask her how things make her feel.

As for the BDSM items, find someone real time to learn from. Being that you're young, you'll find that there are many groups that you can't join yet. However, see if there is a TNG (The Next Generation) group in your area. They are 18+. Do SIMPLE and very safe things at first. Jay Wiseman's book "Erotic Bondage" shows how to do simple rope cufs and harnesses. His other book, "SM 101" is excellent for beginners. Do these simple things over and over before advancing and always know how to do it safely (like never tie someone up without a way to cut them loose quickly!).

You'll simply have to ask HER how far you can take her. Don't just ask her this once...because the answer will change over time. As you're trying things, keep in touch with how she's doing physically and emotionally. If she has/had any problems, stop doing whatever it is that you're doing and talk about WHY she had a problem and make sure she knows it's ok that she had one. Communicate with her constantly and communicate with yourself constantly. Are YOU comfortable with what's going on? How are you being affected?

Work on improving yourself, your skill, your comfort level and your understanding of why you do what you do. For some of us, this is a spiritual journey...you may or may not find that to be true, for example. No matter what, you should find that growing into Mastery is a journey of some sort.

Master Fire

_____________________________

The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
-----
Ms Relationship Books
-----
BDSM How-To Books

(in reply to Nalta)

Profile

Post #: 8

RE: How far can and should I go? - 7/19/2006 10:59:26 AM

desertdancer

Posts: 1095
Joined: 5/12/2006
Status: offline

Focus, great words of wisdom, i think you've just made every one's crush list.

_____________________________

* Shimmy Shimmy *

(in reply to enigmabrat)

Profile

Post #: 9

RE: How far can and should I go? - 7/19/2006 11:01:22 AM

BillsGalSusan

Posts: 69
Joined: 7/18/2006
Status: offline

I could never in a million years give a Master's perspective on the issue, Nalta, but from my vantage point as a submissive/slave who started out as a young and innocent girl coupled with (and married to) an equally young and inexperienced man with urmmm, Dominant/Masterly proclivities, I'm pretty sure Focus50 hit the nail on the head.

I imagine the fantasy is unlimited freedom to do what you will, when you will, but nothing is further from the truth. Whilst Bill's friends were out joyfully banging one woman after another in a series of one night stands, Bill had the ever present responsibility for my welfare--physically and emotionally. He could not be ruled by the lustful urgings of his "little head" alone. He had to be the kind of man (not boy) who was absolutely trustworthy and that was (and is) a huge undertaking.

Neither of us ever expected perfection from one another, but we did expect honesty, trust, integrity, and sensitivity to the nuances of living together in this very special kind of relationship. Even today, after 30 years with each other, there are a few things Bill has not attempted, even though the idea of doing them excites him. It's not that I have set limits either.

For example, he loves using a bull whip, and has practised with one for quite awhile, but he feels that he is not yet ready to actually use one on me. He knows that even when I urge him to give it a go (it excites me too), his concern and responsibility for my safety must take precedence over his desire (and my willingness), until he feels absolutely certain that he could do it properly.That may seem odd, but both of us remember what it was like as he practised hot wax on himself until he felt confident enough to use it with me. Mostly we laugh about it. Mostly ;).

In the meantime, he'll practice, and I'll continue to bake bullwhipped peaches pie. It sure feels great to know that if and when he decides to trade my skin for peach fuzz, neither of us will come out of the experience with regret or with a diminished sense of respect and trust.

Another Susan

(in reply to Kinkypupper)

Profile

Post #: 10

RE: How far can and should I go? - 7/19/2006 6:47:13 PM

TemptingNviceSub

Posts: 3054
Joined: 10/1/2005
Status: offline

Well now I am thinking that Bill and Focus IMO are up for top of crush list..wonderful narrative Susan..thank you..Tempting

(in reply to BillsGalSusan)

Profile

Post #: 11

RE: How far can and should I go? - 7/19/2006 7:55:22 PM

jonmark5

Posts: 2
Joined: 7/14/2006
Status: offline

to focus 50 you are my hero i"m 39 she is 37 we met she is new and wanted to jump right in to thing which we did then we realized we had"t take the time to get to khow each other as people now we have laid off the d/s stuff and are starting as friends and takng it slow. slow and steady is the best way we love each other and khow one day we will reach the Master / slave piont but for now we are just enjoying each other so focus 50 my brother you are right

(in reply to TemptingNviceSub)

Profile

Post #: 12

RE: How far can and should I go? - 7/19/2006 8:24:00 PM

SaphireLynn

Posts: 145
Joined: 2/15/2005
Status: offline

19 years of age and playing Dom .... anyone can call themself a Dom/me, Master/Mistress but that comes with knoweledge and maturity.

_____________________________

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
But he that dares not grasp the thorn
Should never crave the rose.
~~~Anne Bronte~~~
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

(in reply to jonmark5)

Profile

Post #: 13

RE: How far can and should I go? - 7/20/2006 3:18:45 AM

wandering4u