Collarspace Discussion Forums


Home  Login  Search 

Bit of an odd question


View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest
 
All Forums >> [Casual Banter] >> Off the Grid >> Bit of an odd question Page: [1] 2   next >   >>
Login
Message << Older Topic   Newer Topic >>
Bit of an odd question - 1/5/2016 3:06:39 AM   
LadyConstanze


Posts: 9722
Joined: 2/18/2005
Status: offline 		Years ago I met a medical student while in LA, he was working for a friend, very reliable and nice guy, super nice when I had a very stressful time taking care of a sick friend, to cut a long story short his mom is super religious as in church every Sunday, she basically went a bit apeshit when he started dating a girl who's not Catholic and the parents cut him off, there were bad fights. Got the guy a holiday job as a pet sitter with one of my clients (it just came up and I thought he's a reliable person, no trouble recommending him), they became friends too and we thought we help him out a bit as he maxed out his student loans, no support from the parents, old car kept breaking down. He's in one of the fast track programs for gifted students, it's pretty condensed his time studying is shortened but he has more hours, so he can't really do a regular job and keep up with the studies.

He decided he wants to marry this girl, her parents are also religious (the dad is a pastor), she's a nursing student and living together without being married just wouldn't fly with the parents. We all suggested a small wedding, oddly enough her parents decided to pay something like 5K for the wedding, yet they won't support the couple, I thought it would make more sense to do the wedding quietly and give them the money, but that wasn't an option... We all thought it was stupid but not our call and as they both said, they wouldn't give them the money so they might as well take the wedding. We're all fine with that, not the fault of the kids...

We were all invited to the wedding but decided not to go, schedules and stuff and not wanting to burden them even more by having more guests.

Next thing we see is a super lavish wedding on FB, 220 guests, 10 bridesmaids in identical dresses, ushers, huge cake, upscale location, rehearsal dinner, hen night, the whole bells and whistles, very very lavish, they are off on a honeymoon, staying in hotels, they check in at very expensive restaurants, go to NFL games with fabulous seats...

I know they are young and all, but in the past we all sent them lots of support (one of the others took over the university fees, quite considerable, the other helps with rent and bought them a car, admittedly 2nd hand but a good one for 6K, hubby and I pay $300 a month for the car insurance), apart from the regular stuff, there were often a few hundred as they reported a Mac (they need Macs due to the programs) breaking down, or he ran short of food money. Their other 2 sponsors are very wealthy, but they are also a bit miffled as they say it's one thing to need money for education and another to have lavish weddings, tickets for the NFL and expensive restaurants, and if you need help with food money, checking in at Morton's (on FB where everybody can see it) isn't quite the done thing.
I'm a bit pissed off as I've been busting my butt quite a bit, cleaning out my wardrobe and putting it on eBay, I always did a few translations on the side just to keep up the language skills, but for a while did them so much that it really ate considerably into my spare time, just so I could give them a few hundred without actually dipping into my wages, as the conversations and mails often went to the fact that he's having protein shakes instead of real food as it's cheaper. He's a straight A student, top of his class and all that and it's only another year and he'll be done.

We had a big pow wow (hubby, the other 2 and me) and agreed that we aren't going back on the promise to support them and help them out, but the buck stops there. Additional moneys dropping into his account are going to stop.
Part of me feels a bit mean about it, they are young and he will make a fab doctor, but just stuff that happened, like one of the others giving him a few K to buy a new car, they used it to fix the old truck so he could fix her car up as well and both broke down again, apparently they couldn't find a reliable 2nd hand car in LA for 5K, we told them to go shopping for a car and suggested a leasing car and we'd cover the lease, but they claimed the insurance then would be so high... Then him fessing up to being bullied by her dad to buy her an an engagement ring and being screwed over regarding the quality of the diamonds, he told me that almost a year later and was really angry with me that I told the others, apparently he told me in confidence. He never said to not mention it, but I wanted them to talk some sense into them as selling the ring on eBay (or trying to) when it's still under finance could get them into real trouble, apart from the fact that the first thing anybody will do is to have the ring valued, if the diamonds are flawed to contest the sale and demand the money back via PayPal, as they offered to have it professionally cleaned and resized and shipping insured, it would only have cost them.

I met his now wife and she seems nice enough, she certainly wears the pants, and I think it's an age thing to want the big white wedding, it's just I feel I didn't take on responsibility for another kid, it's OK to support him and I really want him to make it through the last year (he's on clinical rotation now, I think), he's a bit wet and thinks it's his job to be a good husband by providing her with everything she may desire, she possibly thinks we are all made of money (the other 2 guys are and they are even more pissed off than I am).

At the moment, I don't think he's aware (I hinted at finding it all very lavish), one of the other guys planned to give him a full blown honeymoon in Hawaii where they can renew their vows, once he finished his studies, all expenses paid, but said he thought it would be prudent to wait until he IS a doctor (basically December 2016), he's so pissed off that he said "They had the honeymoon, their choice"

I seriously don't know how to talk to the kid without being the complete and utter meanie, what basically had me fuming was that in December I got a nice bonus from a client who kept me super busy the last year, so I sent him a considerable amount, thought I give it to him before Xmas, he said thanks and when the car insurance was due, reminded me that we hadn't sent that, well, the early December thing was the equivalent of a few months car insurance, I would have sent the Jan insurance anyway but figured he would take the December insurance from the money, it just rubbed me the wrong way and then the pictures of that wedding...

The other guys suggested to just give him the insurance money for the rest of the year in one piece and tell him it's easier for me, if he blows it, his problem, I just don't think it's fair to not tell him that we all plan to stop the additional funds and let him end in trouble. What makes it really hard for me is, before he got serious with her, we almost had to persuade him to accept our help and he doesn't seem to spend the money for himself. It's a bit difficult to tell a guy who's madly in love and recently got married that the wife's expectations are pissing everybody off and to grow a pair of balls and tell her to live within the limits as we don't plan to fund her.


_____________________________

There are 10 kinds of people who understand binary
Those who do and those who don't!

http://exdomme.blogspot.com/2012/07/public-service-announcement.html
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Bit of an odd question - 1/5/2016 4:33:24 AM   
MisterP61


Posts: 1345
Joined: 10/9/2007
Status: offline 		I have to ask You. How will it make you feel to continue and NOT say anything? If Your answer is that it will not feel right and cause You distress, than You have Your answer Hon.

ETA If You don't let them stand on their own two feet now, You may actually be causing them greater harm down the road. Comes a time in all adults lives that they must take responsibility for themselves, and like you said at the end "grow a pair".

< Message edited by MisterP61 -- 1/5/2016 4:40:22 AM >

_____________________________

Proudly married to the "Diva of Destruction" LadyPact
Though the truth may vary, this ship will carry our bodies safe to shore - Of Monsters and Men
What is the maximum effective range of an excuse? Zero meters!

(in reply to LadyConstanze)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Bit of an odd question - 1/5/2016 4:43:03 AM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		My opinion would be you have to tell him. If for no other reason, him not knowing could end him up in a hole to where it will be worse in the end. It seems folks are being very generous with him and the arrangement has been going on for a while, so changing it would be something he'd have to know about, or it would lead him to make a mess of things. He's in the home stretch with less than a year to go. Nobody wants that all that effort to be for nothing if the financial thing to get him in the end.

I agree that a lot of stuff related to the wedding and whatever seems over the top. I'm biased in this in my own feelings about how much people will spend on a ceremony, reception, etc. Parents were so pissed that she wasn't Catholic that they cut the education funds and then throw the lavish wedding? Sounds silly to me but the parents probably wanted to look good/keep up with the Joneses kind of thing. Even stranger, they threw the big wedding and wouldn't help out with the struggling expenses (car repairs, insurance, etc) now? That part seems odd but I'll have to chalk that up to people thinking differently than me.

Since they did do this big wedding with 200+ guests and all that, I could go with the possibility that things like the NFL tickets and even dinners at Morton's could have fallen under wedding gifts. Those parents were trying to impress somebody, so there are at least friends and relatives who have money that would have been attending. (Probably friends and relatives that had no idea they had cut their son off because of the religion of the woman he was dating.) Them being gifts would also explain the posts on Facebook about it because it wouldn't be like they could cash them in for money and the people who gave them wondering why they never went.


_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to LadyConstanze)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Bit of an odd question - 1/5/2016 6:17:33 AM   
freedomdwarf1


Posts: 6845
Joined: 10/23/2012
Status: offline 		I have to say LC, that I agree with LP and Mr P wholeheartedly.
I am certainly aware that people can fall down a hole (I know, been there and still climbing out of one) and a helping hand is always gratefully received.
If the game plan is going to change, he needs to know about it and IMHO the reason why.

Having been on the receiving end of some of your wonderful generosity, I can perfectly understand that you must feel well and truly miffed to say the least.

Your last paragraph said it all to me - he needs to grow a pair. Seriously.


_____________________________

“If liberty means anything at all, it means the right to tell people what they do not want to hear.”
George Orwell, 1903-1950


(in reply to LadyConstanze)
Profile   Post #: 4
[Awaiting Approval]
chattelmansub


Posts: 194
Joined: 6/24/2015
Status: offline 		[Awaiting Approval]
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Bit of an odd question - 1/5/2016 6:34:36 AM   
LadyConstanze


Posts: 9722
Joined: 2/18/2005
Status: offline 		No her parents threw the wedding, just from looking at the pictures and having been at the location for another event, the location must have been a lot more than the 5K her parents wanted to spend. His mom is a bit of a fruitcake who actually wanted the pope being excommunicated for being too tolerant with gays. I think that is why he is with the now wife, because his mom was always the overbearing factor in his life and she always had problems with any girl he dated. I don't know if his parents contributed to the wedding, though apparently they took a financial hit and and there were some things they tried to make the couple pay for.
I met his parents, so a bit of 1st hand knowledge, never met her parents, but from what transpired, I would want to strangle them, her dad making him buy the engagement ring and claiming that's how it is done in his family and he expects that, telling him in exchange he will take care of some of their bills, then totally flaking out on the promise with "can't afford it". Her parents also have 2 sons, one with a massive substance problem and they keep enabling the boy, buying him new cars when he trashes one, however she never even got a 2nd hand car from them. Say what you want but I don't find cutting off the funds from your own son due to falling in love with somebody who's not Catholic (I think she's Methodist) is not what I consider Christian, nor is treating your daughter as less worthy than the son anything that is remotely Christian.

As for the whole wedding thing, if her parents really paid for it, great, but it was just we were always fed the story it will be a small modest affair, he said he would rather elope, I just find it a bit doubtful that they had no word in how big the wedding would be, it's their wedding after all, and if they planned a small modest affair, they wouldn't have had that many bridesmaids with partners, and she possibly wouldn't have a wedding dress with a train longer than at a royal wedding, that stuff tends to be fairly expensive.

As for honeymoon, we were told they are taking a trip to see friends so it wouldn't cost them anything but gas, last time I spoke to him he said they staid mostly in the hotel as she felt a bit sickly, again that's a far cry from "costs nothing, we stay with friends"

A lot of things don't really add up and in the past when I was super polite and mentioned that holding the engagement party at an exclusive Y Club and bragging about the 5 course dinner on FB might not sit well with the others resulted in them being pissed off about people interfering in their affairs and they scrimped to afford it and they dipped into their savings for that. Well, call me old fashioned but I would rather dip into my savings to pay my own way than for entertainment. I know LA is expensive and he basically took out all the loans he can, and his parents won't guarantee, hers claim it's the duty of the husband to provide....

We just found the FB text all a bit offensive, giving thanks to all 220 people who made the effort to come to the wedding and celebrate with them, she thanking her parents who made their life together possible, blah blah. It's not that we expected a big thanks, just the way it was phrased it was a bit like "You other lot didn't even make the effort" well personally I didn't have the time with Harvey, peak travelling time and the flight and all the rest would have been a few K, I thought I rather give to them because they will need stuff for setting up house and all that, plus I really didn't want to have religion stuffed down my throat by both sets of parents and their wedding day was my bday, I preferred to spend that with H, the other 2 had their own reasons to not attend (one really wouldn't have gone down well with the religious crowd) both made very generous donations as wedding pressies into his account, they haven't even had a thank you mail. I understand that they are busy but 3 weeks, you should be able to send an email, I'm really not very good checking bank statements, but even without being a poor student I would notice a few K more than expected.

I think I try to have a quiet word with him, maybe mention that due to having Harvey I am not able to do a lot of translations on the side, that they will get the car insurance in one big chunk.

I really want him to finish, and yes, not end in trouble, I think things just heated up the last few months especially when she emailed us all and had a shit fit about the bridal shower, some disagreement with his mom about the cakes, one of the other guys went "I understand how important transportation is in LA, I understand how important food and education is, cakes however aren't life's essentials, nor are bridal showers!" She had a massive sulk about that one, as in nobody understands the importance of her wedding.

_____________________________

There are 10 kinds of people who understand binary
Those who do and those who don't!

http://exdomme.blogspot.com/2012/07/public-service-announcement.html

(in reply to LadyPact)
Profile   Post #: 6
[Awaiting Approval]
chattelmansub


Posts: 194
Joined: 6/24/2015
Status: offline 		[Awaiting Approval]
Profile   Post #: 7
[Awaiting Approval]
chattelmansub


Posts: 194
Joined: 6/24/2015
Status: offline 		[Awaiting Approval]
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Bit of an odd question - 1/5/2016 7:08:00 AM   
LadyConstanze


Posts: 9722
Joined: 2/18/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: freedomdwarf1

I have to say LC, that I agree with LP and Mr P wholeheartedly.
I am certainly aware that people can fall down a hole (I know, been there and still climbing out of one) and a helping hand is always gratefully received.
If the game plan is going to change, he needs to know about it and IMHO the reason why.






We aren't cutting him off, the 2 other guys will pay the tuitition and rent plus some food money, I will continue with the car insurance, it's just that additionally we dropped a lot of money into his account, as we figured school books, petrol and all that doesn't come cheap, I don't know what the other 2 gave him, but they tend to be super generous and often just slipped him a few hundred, I'm shit with book keeping and only sometimes made a little note when I send something really big, but the thing that gets me is, he needs to freaking eat well, I couldn't finance him completely on my own, LA is one hell of an expensive town, especially around the place where he studies, but including the car insurance, the last year was somewhere in the tune of 15 to 20K, I don't grudge him that for living, but I had a look at her FB profile over the last year, and him having shakes because money is short and her having a girls night out in one of the most expensive places in LA or booking into one of the spas, that pisses me off, especially since she won't even get petrol money from her parents and he was super embarrassed to ask if he could have 50 as he doesn't know how to get to the clinic where they periodically put him.

I think he needs to have a word with her and tell her that his friends help him and don't think they should support her extravaganzas.

I wish I was filthy rich, but that money was additional work stuff and cutting back on things H and I both enjoy, like the odd weekend away and renting a cottage in Cornwall that allows dogs, not taking a trip to see family in Europe frequently as it would involve boarding the dogs in a doggie pension (as ex rescues they have issues with kennels and it takes weeks to get them back to normal), I seriously don't grudge HIM anything, it's more that I get the feeling she takes the piss and because he is so pussywhipped by his mom, he can't stand up to her.

As for Mr P, yeah, I know I have to say something, I just don't know how to do it without offending him by criticizing his new wife.

_____________________________

There are 10 kinds of people who understand binary
Those who do and those who don't!

http://exdomme.blogspot.com/2012/07/public-service-announcement.html

(in reply to freedomdwarf1)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Bit of an odd question - 1/5/2016 7:11:24 AM   
hamishenglish


Posts: 4
Joined: 1/5/2016
Status: offline 		nicht?
Sae ye say that yer a model ?It that nae a glaswegian term fur a wynd hussy fud ?Howfur muckle dae ye charge fur a trick bonny loassie?
Whit pairt o' th' gorbells 'n' sockiehall wynd is yer patch ye howfin fud whore? Ye gie scots girls a ill name sellin` th' cunny sae cheap 'n' advertizing fud oan line! Ye wull notr fin' ony got somehin clients fur yer dosh making scemes oan collarspace message boards lassie!
Ah wid scoot if ah wis thee afore th' predatory sock fud hunters come keekin tae mak e ye thair neist meal sittin` duck! Wghat size knockers dae ye possess missy lassie.

Ah see ye cam ower 'ere tae mairie some sassenach bas nonce is that nae richt?
Did ye ever dae a striptease ur git yoursel whipped at th' glescae kinky fetish fair?
Howfur muckle dae ye charge fur a gobble bonny lassie?Hae ye ever taken coals tae newcastlre, scouse tae liverpool ur puddin tae yorkshire?

Urr ye merrit tae a ginger heavy? say awright tae him fur we how come dinnae ye?
Ah bet ye loue in doon in northern englain wi' al;l that lovey green countryside? better than a' that figging sand ye git doon in southern california in jobby holes bide victorville! Heich desert mah aresehole 'n' deaths glen is a shithole stowed oot o' sand. A' they frigging josua trees 'n' brambleweed. Palmdale 'n' barstow ur pumpin' shitholes.San bernadino county is a th' lairgest us county 'n' a tot waster o' space.Th' sheriffs deputies ur a' faggot dudes fresh aff a picture set o' columbo. Los angeles is a series o' villsages linked by hundreds o' highways. Screw roeo take the motor tis tae pumpin' lang 'n' boring tae take the motor doon.

Howfur ur th' twa mukkers o' yers lucylastic 'n' lassie pact? Th' turd freedom dwarf 'n' dvr 22999874 th' ken it a' na hee haw wee lee. 'n' th' demented 'n' demonic former moderator osidegirl

nicht?
Sae ye say that yer a model ?It that nae a glaswegian term fur a wynd hussy fud ?Howfur muckle dae ye charge fur a trick bonny loassie?
Whit pairt o' th' gorbells 'n' sockiehall wynd is yer patch ye howfin fud whore? Ye gie scots girls a ill name sellin` th' cunny sae cheap 'n' advertizing fud oan line! Ye wull notr fin' ony got somehin clients fur yer dosh making scemes oan collarspace message boards lassie!
Ah wid scoot if ah wis thee afore th' predatory sock fud hunters come keekin tae mak e ye thair neist meal sittin` duck! Wghat size knockers dae ye possess missy lassie.

Ah see ye cam ower 'ere tae mairie some sassenach bas nonce is that nae richt?
Did ye ever dae a striptease ur git yoursel whipped at th' glescae kinky fetish fair?
Howfur muckle dae ye charge fur a gobble bonny lassie?Hae ye ever taken coals tae newcastlre, scouse tae liverpool ur puddin tae yorkshire?

Urr ye merrit tae a ginger heavy? say awright tae him fur we how come dinnae ye?
Ah bet ye loue in doon in northern englain wi' al;l that lovey green countryside? better than a' that figging sand ye git doon in southern california in jobby holes bide victorville! Heich desert mah aresehole 'n' deaths glen is a shithole stowed oot o' sand. A' they frigging josua trees 'n' brambleweed. Palmdale 'n' barstow ur pumpin' shitholes.San bernadino county is a th' lairgest us county 'n' a tot waster o' space.Th' sheriffs deputies ur a' faggot dudes fresh aff a picture set o' columbo. Los angeles is a series o' villsages linked by hundreds o' highways. Screw roeo take the motor tis tae pumpin' lang 'n' boring tae take the motor doon.


How come dinnae ye learn tae speak scots ye shower o' goddamn sassenach foreigners. We scots ur sae hady we even wur shirts wi'oot jock straps in th' depths o' severe snaw storms in winter 'n' we dae nae even cover ur legs 'n' oor cocks hing oot.

(in reply to LadyConstanze)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Bit of an odd question - 1/5/2016 7:21:35 AM   
freedomdwarf1


Posts: 6845
Joined: 10/23/2012
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyConstanze
As for Mr P, yeah, I know I have to say something, I just don't know how to do it without offending him by criticizing his new wife.

Sometimes the truth needs to be told, and not always politely.
Try the gentle approach and if he seems fazed or puzzled, I think you need that sledge-hammer-and-walnut approach so there's no ambiguity in what you're saying to him.


_____________________________

“If liberty means anything at all, it means the right to tell people what they do not want to hear.”
George Orwell, 1903-1950


(in reply to LadyConstanze)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Bit of an odd question - 1/5/2016 7:54:05 AM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyConstanze
No her parents threw the wedding, just from looking at the pictures and having been at the location for another event, the location must have been a lot more than the 5K her parents wanted to spend...

Yes, I should have been a bit more aware of that. (I'm blaming early morning caffeine infusion still being in progress.) I'd really be surprised if they did it for 5K because once you're hitting the size of event that includes ten (ten?) bridesmaids, you're also talking about everything that goes with it. They probably saved some costs with the girl's father being a pastor, so nothing for the wedding hall, music for the ceremony, and expenses like that. (What parishioners are going to say no to the head of their church for such things?) Still, five grand would go quick with gowns, flowers, invitations, rehearsal dinner, and not even starting on any kind of reception they threw.

Even just reading about this, I see a recipe for a wedding that got out of control on the guest list. Certain obligatory invites that had to be done so no one was slighted from the girl's father's congregation. Not to mention a few related to the groom's upcoming medical career. (Even I'd say that's a direction he should be looking at for the near future.) If the mother is one of those 'social-standing' wives, it probably snowballed.

With the additional information, yes, you'll have to talk with him. They are probably still on a bit of extravagance between the wedding, the holidays, etc, and probably need to look at toning down.



_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to LadyConstanze)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Bit of an odd question - 1/5/2016 7:54:16 AM   
WickedsDesire


Posts: 9362
Joined: 11/4/2015
Status: offline 		I haven't a clue what you are on about hamishenglish and I am all for the allegorical, metaphysical, nonsense begagts nonsense, I beget muffins, myself. Seems like you are just using slang/Scottish/olde English for the sake of it. The odd word is okay, put probably stick a definition in brackets after it. Or just copy and paste Robbie Burns Rabbie Burns

They might get the gist of, if they huff enough ether:
Auld Lang Syne
A red, red rose

But they sure as hell aint going to understand Glaswegian ( I don't really, nor do i wish to do so), let alone it written down.

Which brings me onto, valiantly, I am equally lost ladyconstatine

1. You met a nice guy, where and when, and offered to support him with his studies/life?
2. Why?
3. His, or was it her, parents paid for the wedding…your point with that is?
4. Religion no time for it me mum, aunts, uncles all practicing Catholics (not too deranged) I married a protestant (that religion has something to do with 8 wives or something and nothing else). But I did not want married in a chapel, nor church. Everyone came and so should you went to the wedding, well as long as you can answer point 1 and 2 adequately. I will add a second cousin who got married to a hun (carefull selected word for irony/impact), I mean protestant her dad did not go to the wedding – her mum did though.

You feel mean..ive no idea why..But it hinges on point 1 and 2 I am not understanding why you support him a wee bity. I studied once, malarkey; materials, mathematics, chemistry, geology and a lot more, no free periods and I did it travelling 4 hours a day, or travelling down to your land at weekends, whislt working full time and it was utter shit (it was what it was) 8 years of my life and mum was poor

That’s enough for me to be going on with for now.
How olde is he?






(in reply to hamishenglish)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Bit of an odd question - 1/5/2016 7:54:28 AM   
LadyConstanze


Posts: 9722
Joined: 2/18/2005
Status: offline 		I just find it kinda absurd, and I seriously couldn't go to the wedding because I might have said something to her parents (and his), his about how utterly mean and spiteful it is to cut the son off because you don't agree with the religion of his future wife, it's not like she's a satanist, hers about the utter irresponsibility of blowing money for a wedding when you aren't prepared to support your daughter, how much more important education is than a big ostentatious wedding and if he wants to be the one who marries his daughter, Mr Pastor could have done it in a small and quiet ceremony.

He worships the ground she walks upon, completely smitten, personally I think the whole thing was too hasty anyway, hope it doesn't end in a messy divorce.

Maybe I take the approach "She needs to cut a bit back now, once you are earning, she can enjoy all the spas and nice restaurants, all the diamonds you can afford, NOW is not the time for it and you are pissing off a few people who intend the money to go to your education funds, not her pampering fund! Rubbing her spending into everybody's face with FB posts makes people question how much support they should give you, it's only another year, I'm sure she loves you enough to be frugal for a year..."

I just have to be careful, because when he was totally stressed out how to support her as well, one of the guys suggested that it might be a good idea if she'd get a job, since she only started her studies, supports him until he's finished and then goes back to being a student while he brings in the bacon. She had a real shit fit about it, like as the woman she has to come last and is treated as less worthy, blah blah, it wasn't at all that, just that he is nearly done with his studies and she just started, he can't take a break, having one of them earning would make it easier in the long run. If they are a team, that's how it should work.

_____________________________

There are 10 kinds of people who understand binary
Those who do and those who don't!

http://exdomme.blogspot.com/2012/07/public-service-announcement.html

(in reply to freedomdwarf1)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Bit of an odd question - 1/5/2016 8:10:18 AM   
Greta75


Posts: 9968
Joined: 2/6/2011
Status: offline 		When I read this, I don't know if there is any helping of this guy.
Even when he finishes school and start earning his own money, she will probably bleed him dry and he may still end up cashless if he doesn't take control of her and her unnecessary wants.
Sounds like he has self-esteem problems for being inlove with somebody so selfish and frivolous.

I know this is unhelpful, but probably telling him straight in the face, the way you phrase it, is probably the best way, but if he doesn't have any backbone, as you said, he'd just get stressed and crumble.

It's crazy going through so much sacrifices for a stranger though. But the way I see it, the problem is, you have already spent so much money on him, so you are determined that his going to finish his medical school.

That's what the problem is here. Any cut back in funds, or giving him any extra stress, may affect his ability to graduate.

So in that, the crappier solution would be simply to grit it for one more year and just help him graduate and then his on his own.

Or tell him, confront him and hope for best. Hope he actually have the backbone you thought he didn't have.


(in reply to LadyConstanze)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Bit of an odd question - 1/5/2016 8:10:56 AM   
LadyConstanze


Posts: 9722
Joined: 2/18/2005
Status: offline 		I took care of an good friend who was going through an extremely challenging medical procedure, an organ transplant, the meds they are given make them extremely irritated and sometimes irrational, during that time I was an emotional wreck and he was very supportive, when I got to know him and found out about him struggling, I thought I can help him, you know it is what people do, and getting into the program he is in, you have to be very very good. I don't like to see somebody dropping out in the middle of it because his mom is batshit crazy.

I was pretty poor as a student, but the student loans here are a bit more affordable, and so is going to college, in the US the student fees alone would have run sky high.

If you don't get why somebody might be a bit upset about an ostentatious wedding, when the person only manages to eat, live and study because you and your friends pay for that and they refuse to support their daughter and her husband but waste tons on the wedding, I guess no amount of explaining can make that clear to you.

_____________________________

There are 10 kinds of people who understand binary
Those who do and those who don't!

http://exdomme.blogspot.com/2012/07/public-service-announcement.html

(in reply to WickedsDesire)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Bit of an odd question - 1/5/2016 8:13:35 AM   
freedomdwarf1


Posts: 6845
Joined: 10/23/2012
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyConstanze
...If they are a team, that's how it should work.

I think that's the crux of the whole matter right there.

It appears to me, before he got smitten, that he was a half-sensible young man that needed a bit of a leg-up to help in his education towards what could be a very lucrative career.
This young lady seems to have his head up his ass and ruling the roost like lady muck and ruining his golden opportunity for the sake of leading a life of upper-socialite Madam o'Reilley before they can properly afford it.

He probably can't see it so much because his head is in a spin; love is blind.
I think you should present him with the stuff just like you've explained it to us here because he really needs to know that his whole career path is in jeopardy because of her and her attitude.


_____________________________

“If liberty means anything at all, it means the right to tell people what they do not want to hear.”
George Orwell, 1903-1950


(in reply to LadyConstanze)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Bit of an odd question - 1/5/2016 8:39:31 AM   
LadyConstanze


Posts: 9722
Joined: 2/18/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Greta75



That's what the problem is here. Any cut back in funds, or giving him any extra stress, may affect his ability to graduate.







We are not going to take his funds for the stuff he needs away, he has the car, his university fees are paid, the rent will be paid, etc.

He really loves her and she is 21, that's very young, I mean with 21, I saw things totally different, what she possibly sees is that the other 2 guys who help him our are very very rich, so she possibly doesn't think that people with money aren't just pissing it away, even if they can afford it, the 2 others have good heads on their shoulders and said from the beginning on that they don't want to ruin him by spoling him, that they want to make it easier but to value he needs to learn the value of money.

Part of the problem was possibly that when he was cut up about not being able to give her a nice bday present for her 21st, they sprang for a seriously expensive gift, because she had once mentioned that she always loved the look of a certain watch and once she is rich, that will be her dream. I think they meant well, but it just might have messed up her perception and she thinks they are so rich that money doesn't matter.

What I think is a good solution (just spent a bit of time on the phone to his other sponsors) is one of them will send an accountant over and go with them through expenses and then set up a budget, he said outside their budget $200 a month for both of them as spending money is enough and he will claim the accountant is a wedding gift to help them to live within their means and to make sure he can finish his degree without having to juggle money. Instead of food money they will get a shopping card for Sprouts, if she can stretch to spas from her $100 pocket money or he gives up part of his $100, it's up to them.

I'm super happy with that, because it delivers the message in a nice way and I don't have to be the bad guy.


_____________________________

There are 10 kinds of people who understand binary
Those who do and those who don't!

http://exdomme.blogspot.com/2012/07/public-service-announcement.html

(in reply to Greta75)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Bit of an odd question - 1/5/2016 9:00:19 AM   
LadyConstanze


Posts: 9722
Joined: 2/18/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: freedomdwarf1


quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyConstanze
...If they are a team, that's how it should work.

I think that's the crux of the whole matter right there.

It appears to me, before he got smitten, that he was a half-sensible young man that needed a bit of a leg-up to help in his education towards what could be a very lucrative career.
This young lady seems to have his head up his ass and ruling the roost like lady muck and ruining his golden opportunity for the sake of leading a life of upper-socialite Madam o'Reilley before they can properly afford it.

He probably can't see it so much because his head is in a spin; love is blind.
I think you should present him with the stuff just like you've explained it to us here because he really needs to know that his whole career path is in jeopardy because of her and her attitude.




As I just said to Greta, I think the 2 boys (sponsors) contributed to her attitude, a top of the line Cartier Tank watch is NOT a fitting pressy for the 21st bday of the female half of a pair of struggling students, just because they were a bit drunk and edged each other on and for them it's a drop in the bucket, it WILL fuck with her perception of reality, 21 - if somebody gives your bfriend that and says "Give it to her, say we all bought her something together" it has to fuck with your head. When he told me that (just a short while ago) I did go a bit "You know, you actually are at fault, what the hell where you guys thinking? Were you thinking at all? That is so not appropriate, you are idiots!"

I'm glad one of them manned up with the accountant, I'm actually really pissed off with them and less with the young couple. They are older and should know better. And yes, I did mention putting the watch in unspeakable places followed by lots of tiger balm. Great way to ruin kids.

_____________________________

There are 10 kinds of people who understand binary
Those who do and those who don't!

http://exdomme.blogspot.com/2012/07/public-service-announcement.html

(in reply to freedomdwarf1)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Bit of an odd question - 1/5/2016 10:42:28 AM   
LadyConstanze


Posts: 9722
Joined: 2/18/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Jokerr

Will Lady Constance be putting her series tall tales into a volume of short stories soon?



Just stop making sock accounts, or is that too easy a solution? I'm getting a bit tired of putting all your accounts on hide.

Some people were actually helpful, but thanks for reminding me that I haven't put the Joker sock on hide, will be remedied at once

_____________________________

There are 10 kinds of people who understand binary
Those who do and those who don't!

http://exdomme.blogspot.com/2012/07/public-service-announcement.html

(in reply to Jokerr)
Profile   Post #: 20
Page:   [1] 2   next >   >>
All Forums >> [Casual Banter] >> Off the Grid >> Bit of an odd question Page: [1] 2   next >   >>
Jump to:





New Messages No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages Locked w/o New Messages
 Post New Thread
 Reply to Message
 Post New Poll
 Submit Vote
 Delete My Own Post
 Delete My Own Thread
 Rate Posts




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy

0.111