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subnumber1 -> Munchies (7/18/2006 9:40:54 PM)

Hi,

My quest to find my Top has been, to be frank, not that successful lately. Perhaps my profile needs work on, but I don't think this is completely it. I think the simple answer is there is too many sub males competing for too few dom Females. I know if I want things to change I must innitiate change in the way I approach my quest.

Which brings me to the topic of Munchies. I have never been to one and have always been reluctant to, for fear they are for exhibitionists and couples. I do have a Dominant Female friend that has always said she would be happy to go as my date. (We are strictly friends these days). My questions about Munchies are : Are these events places where I could have a realistic expectation to meet a potential partner, or are they for couples only? Would I be expected to get up and humiliate myself? I am not into public humiliation so this would be a deal breaker for me. Also, assuming that Munchies are for me, how do I go about finding a suitable  event? (I am in Melbourne)

Thankyou to all who respond for your kindness.

subnumber1    



PrincessinLatex -> RE: Munchies (7/18/2006 9:59:22 PM)

That post made me hungry!

All kidding aside, I am assuming that you are talking about munches. I wouldn't sweat going to a munch if I were you. . .they are usually held in a very vanilla public place (such as a restaurant.) Basically, you go to meet people that are into our alternative lifestyle in a casual setting. . .maybe eat some grub and knock back a few cold ones. Dressing in fetish attire or scening is usually frowned upon. From an outsider's perspective, a munch would look like a group of friends or some organization getting together to eat. If you go and it doesn't float your boat. . .you can always just excuse yourself. . .and even grab a bite to eat while you are there away from the actual munch group. It's a good place to see BDSM-y people in an everyday setting. It's also good for networking at times.

Depending on who actually attends munches in your area. . .it might be a place to meet potential partners. The ones I've attended didn't have a big showing of femdoms.

I think you are getting munches confused with play parties. That is where scening may occur.



Calandra -> RE: Munchies (7/18/2006 10:04:18 PM)

A Munch is usually specifically FOR new ones.... They are often held in restaurants or other public places and fetishwear is discouraged. They allow a new person (new to BDSM OR new to an area) to meet people in a non-lifestyle, no-pressure setting. It helps to know that you're not going to be pressured to play, or that you're not going to feel that you didn't choose the right clothes, because play and often times explicit BDSM discussion isn't possible. It's kinda hard to discuss the flogging you got Saturday when you're at a long table in a Golden Corrall Steakhouse with families with children are sitting all around and might overhear.
 
The important things to remember at munches:
* Kinksters are real people too.
* Courtesy is important (titles and outward displays are frowned upon)
* Don't touch anyone you don't know well unless you ask (even a friendly hug)
* Owned sub/slaves may not be allowed to talk unless they have permission, ask first.
* Never assume that someone you meet at a munch is safe unless you ask and check references. Munches are public, but a person may not be willing (or ABLE) to provide good private references. Hint: never check a reference in the presence of the person, because you want the reference to feel free to speak openly with you.
  



Calandra -> RE: Munchies (7/18/2006 10:11:20 PM)

Oh, one more thing-
 
If you are not sure, simply go to the restaurant the first time but sit at a nearby table first... listen to the conversation and maybe learn a few names and personalities before stepping up and actually identifying yourself. If you find any cause for concern, then ask questions online from the people who originally invited you to the munch in the first place if possible.
 
We had a local munch that is nearly dead because they were on Friday night (VERY busy restaurants don't encourage you to stay and chat after a meal), and the core people began allowing rampant gossip and negative talk about all the other area organizations and participants. It became such a negative environment that I and my family quietly stopped attending, now two years later it seems no one goes anymore...
 
Take your time and check them out before committing yourself to one... If the organizers of a munch don't encourage new ones who have questions, then they may not be right for you....



MisPandora -> RE: Munchies (7/18/2006 10:57:40 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Calandra
A Munch is usually specifically FOR new ones.

Interesting -- in my area, they are not restricted to newcomers and are predominantly social activities, often with private play parties elsewhere after the public meeting.



MisPandora -> RE: Munchies (7/18/2006 11:00:57 PM)

A MUNCH (not munchie which is a snack here) is a public, social meeting of likeminded people in a vanilla environment.  That's it.  At least here in the states, there is no playing, no fetishwear, no public humiliation, no nothing but folks getting together to break berad or share time together in a non-dungeon environment.  Often a munch is a precursor or screening time that a group uses before allowing a new person into their private parties or club/group.

If you're not sure of the venue, be in contact with the leader/organizer of the munch.  They are more than willing to tell you what to expect of their particular venue including menu prices, atmosphere, ratio of attendance, parking, etc.



thetammyjo -> RE: Munchies (7/19/2006 9:31:04 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: subnumber1

Hi,

My quest to find my Top has been, to be frank, not that successful lately. Perhaps my profile needs work on, but I don't think this is completely it. I think the simple answer is there is too many sub males competing for too few dom Females. I know if I want things to change I must innitiate change in the way I approach my quest.

Which brings me to the topic of Munchies. I have never been to one and have always been reluctant to, for fear they are for exhibitionists and couples. I do have a Dominant Female friend that has always said she would be happy to go as my date. (We are strictly friends these days). My questions about Munchies are : Are these events places where I could have a realistic expectation to meet a potential partner, or are they for couples only? Would I be expected to get up and humiliate myself? I am not into public humiliation so this would be a deal breaker for me. Also, assuming that Munchies are for me, how do I go about finding a suitable event? (I am in Melbourne)

Thankyou to all who respond for your kindness.

subnumber1


Munches are for casual socialization with others who have "kinky" interests.

Some munches have turned into workshops/discussion groups and some have turned into pre-play parties over the years. You'll need to contact the host of the munch (there should be one or two of them you can connect via email) and ask about the setting of the munch (so you can also dress correctly) and tone of the munch.

They are for anyone who wants to go.

That being said, munches quickly become venues for kinky friends to connect once or twice a month so they can feel very closed to new people. Everyone there was once new, you just need to keep attending and get involved to become one of those friends. Consistancy and friendliness works well here.

The most you'd be expected to do is introduce yourself to the host, maybe introduce yourself to the group as you all sat down at the table, and pay for your own food plus a tip for that food/service. Even if its a "discussion group" rather than a munch, I doubt they'd expect anyone new to contribute much though they probably would not tell you to shut up either unless you were rude or used vulgar language.

As for finding partners.... If you go with an eye to leave with someone that day, that next munch or the next, I'm sure you will be disappointed. Go to socialize and to learn, to have fun, and feel free to flag your freak flag (as one expression around the town I'm in goes). As you get to know folks and they to know you, that is when you might find partners especially when you are just having fun and not looking desperate for a top.

Think about it. If you look like you are having fun and you seem to be fun, wouldn't that attract more people? I've always found myself most attractive to the person who came regularly, participated, was friendly and polite, and seemed to know something that he/she was talking about. Flirting and talk showed an mutual interest and things went from there.

This is exactly how I found Fox, Faith, Anna, Treasure and others I've trained and owned now and in the past.



RavenMuse -> RE: Munchies (7/19/2006 1:00:48 PM)

The Munches I attend are for the most part vanilla gatherings of like minded people. A few drinks and a lot of chatting. If someone new turns up and has either mailed the organiser in advance or simply asks, they get introduced around so as to 'break the ice' and them not feel so much the outsider.

The Local Munch is smaller (Around 20-30 folks regularly) and very friendly/accomidating and welcoming of newbies.

The one in central London is overly big for the venue and as a result gets clique ridden with groups huddling together (Elbow room only with upto 100+ folks in one not overly large room) but can still be OK so long as you realise you are going to have to work harder and be a little more forward in order to meet folks.

And no, not all couples.



Nuke718 -> RE: Munchies (7/19/2006 1:29:46 PM)

Go ahead, attend a munch or two.  Whether you go with a friend/date or not is your call.  But you will meet people with something in commen (general kink as opposed to specific) and hopefullly get some grub to boot.

Can you meet a potential partner thru munches?  Sure, but remember it isn't a meat market.  If you go in, be friendly and open, and join the conversation chances are you will eventually make a friend or two.  And just remember friends are important to you.  Because if you don't meet somebody the first time (or the 40th) the more people who know you and speak well of you, the better chance you have hitting it off with one of their friends down the road.

In the meantime, you will have a social life, and learn somt things.  You may even get invited to the play party after (no promise, cuz ther isn't always a prty and you won't always be invited).  Play parties are another thread, but I'll say they are usually not meat markets either so keep the same friendly open vibe going and follow the house rules.

Nuke}:-



gypsyssoul -> RE: Munchies (7/19/2006 1:47:12 PM)

:: Smiles
like you i am new to this and new to the idea of meeting the real people
is it not so much easier to sit here .. in front of this screen
and pretend
then .. the day comes .. as i think has for you
that you ... say
hey ... if i don't get out of the boat .. its gonna sink around me
i didn' go to a munch in my town but i found out where it was
and as suggested .. i watched
listened to what they talked about
there was light banter .. and talk of movies .. and weather and gas
hey ... pssttt . don't tell anyone . . but they are just normal people in public
and when a few stepped to the bar after .. i got to talk to a few of them
they said they are a chat group from on line .. that meets
::: giggles yeah ... ok
but it was nice to see real people .. and i didn't see many couples . . alot of
friends . . chatting and having a good time
so go ...
i think it might help ...
i know i will go next time ..
and do more then watch
~~wishing you the best
blessings



subnumber1 -> RE: Munchies (7/20/2006 4:10:34 PM)

Dear All,

Thankyou for your kind help, advice, and sharing your stories.

"Munchies" - ok, I admit it, I am a newbie and need to get out more!

I looked up on the net local munches and could only find one place, that seems to also do play parties. My friend told me she has been there and it is very clicky. If you are not in  the group your right out. I am sure a city the size of Melbourne would have a few places. If anyone has any recommendations, or even ways of finding more places, I would be greatful for your insight.

Thanks,

subnumber1


----------------
If I have to ask how high to jump, perhaps its punishment time again.



MisPandora -> RE: Munchies (7/21/2006 4:45:48 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: subnumber1
I looked up on the net local munches and could only find one place, that seems to also do play parties. My friend told me she has been there and it is very clicky. If you are not in  the group your right out. I am sure a city the size of Melbourne would have a few places. If anyone has any recommendations, or even ways of finding more places, I would be greatful for your insight.

Not to be one to state the obvious, but your local friend probably has more resources on your area than any of us possibly could.  We're just going to google it like you.



MrrPete -> RE: Munchies (7/21/2006 5:02:48 AM)

Welcome to the forums. We have a few members from down under.

I recommend www.fetishinformationexchange.org to get started.



Bearlee -> RE: Munchies (7/21/2006 5:24:18 AM)

 
hmmmmmmmmm...  Bad Link, I think...



MrrPete -> RE: Munchies (7/21/2006 5:42:02 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Bearlee


hmmmmmmmmm...  Bad Link, I think...


you're right Bearlee it's www.fetishexchange.org

That's what I get for depending on my swiss cheese brain to remember something.



MzMinx -> RE: Munchies (7/21/2006 8:16:04 AM)

hello *smiles* sub1

Munches in australia are generally  pretty   easy going, certainly not fetish orientated as far as clothing etc goes , although ocasionaly they are specially organised before  large  club event  so  at times  the freaks are let out to play *grins* ..... but generaly pretty  easy for  new people, as long as you are willing to help  with friendly smiles and hellos yourself, rather than sit back as a wallflower.  Many organisers are happy to help with the first intros,  just tell them when you email them for the details that you are new.
they are ceertainly not specificaly for couples, exhibitionists or  any specific kink or fetish unless they say so .. you will find gay male ones, sub only groups, woman  only  etc etc  but they are  clearly named. Otherwise they are generaly pansexual with a tendancy to be hetro based ... a mixture of singles and couples .. male and female


Chat can range from easy social stuff to quite indepth bdsm discussions, it all depends on who is there and  whats on their minds.

Their  can be cliques at any event  be it munch, play party, night club, discussion group  or  workshop..... but  these happen in any small social group, and australia although a  large country has a  small population...... but most are more than willing to be friendly to a new comer, if the new comer makes an attempt to be charming and  doesnt expect every conversation to be about play.

http://aussieadultgroups.com/vicbdsm/month.php  is a link to the events calender for melbourne/vic ....   it also has links to calenders in other city/states of  australia

I cant see any munches listed on it at the moment ,...  But  the community tends to go through waves of lots of munches ... and then only a  few of them for a stretch.. there was even a Femdomme/sub munch there for a while.  

There are also several email lists  australia wide and melbourne specific where munches and other events  as well as chat/questions etc  are listed 

I havent resubscribed to any of them since my  return from extended overseas traveling ... and  do not have any of their addresses ... but a quick visit to the australian channel on alt  (unfortunatly we dont really have one on collarme although you could try the melbourne one )  would get you the addys, if you asked

hope this helps *smiles* ....  and if you  cant  get the addys  .. just email me and  I will get them for you

*warm  smile*

MzMinx



IndigoDadesi -> RE: Munchies (7/21/2006 8:56:22 AM)

I kinda want cheezies now.

And subnumber1, as someone else who has never been to a munch, I can understand how you could be a little intimidated. But if you have a friend to go with at least you know youll have someone to talk to no matter how it goes for you.



thegunslinger -> RE: Munchies (7/21/2006 10:30:23 AM)

Munches can be intimidating at first, there's new people, if your awkward at social interaction that can be a turn away. Get in contact with a member of the munch before or find someone you know that's already a part of the group to introduce you around like Indigo is talking about. W/we got lucky to have nice group of folks here in GR that met U/us beforehand and have done everything they can to introduce us around and make the transition much more comfortable.



MsGothUk -> RE: Munchies (7/23/2006 2:04:47 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: RavenMuse


The one in central London is overly big for the venue and as a result gets clique ridden with groups huddling together


not really.......

a munch like any other, has a meeter & greeter, who usually introduce you to at least 1 person, then its down to you to start talking to others, if you're new or nervous, its easy to confuse cliques with people just being friendly & talking to eachother, once your confidence has picked up after afew large munches, you'll find it alot easier



mellian -> RE: Munchies (7/23/2006 8:49:14 AM)

Munchies are great, initially, but if nothing great or special or new happens after a period of time, they get boring quick, especially if it comprised of people can't relate to and do not really talk to.

-mellian



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