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RE: Question about "Playing Hard to Get" - 7/20/2006 7:40:10 AM

SCORPIOXXX

Posts: 223
Joined: 11/6/2004
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I agree with Julia, Raven, lolipop, Nuke... Although I have a degree in Sociology and read a lot of Psych books, and could offer a reasoned argument -- I'll put it in very plain English: anyone who plays hard to get is an asshole, but not one that is worth screwing...

(in reply to submarie123)

Post #: 21

RE: Question about "Playing Hard to Get" - 7/20/2006 7:47:39 AM

IronBear

Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
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Again to place it into the common tongue

People play games daily in one form or another. One of the secrets of sucessfull interaction between people is to know what games are being played, how to play the game, what the rules are and when to stop playing and to start being honest in attitude. Every Psychologist and Counsellor I know have many cases which they can cite where the 'Playing Hard to Get" has been the cause of relationship problems and split ups or cost employment opportunities.. It is one of the early things taught to Counsellors and was taught in the forst sic months when I did my Bsc in Criminal Psych.

_____________________________

Iron Bear

Master of Bruin Cottage

http://www.bruincottage.org

Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F.

(in reply to SCORPIOXXX)

Post #: 22

RE: Question about "Playing Hard to Get" - 7/20/2006 10:07:37 AM

juliaoceania

Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
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quote:

ORIGINAL: OsideGirl

quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

I have a different view on this than others have stated. Men do not like women who "play" hard to get, they want a woman that IS hard to get on some level. It does not mean that she ignores calls, or is rude, or plays the "busy" game... it means that she returns calls, but has a life outside of them, that she is always polite, and that she really has a life .

It means she keeps her options open until there is some sort of commitment or arrangement of exclusivity, because she wouldn't assume there is one. She respects herself and others. It isn't a "game", it is a reality. No man wants to feel as though a woman grabbed the only person willing to talk to her and won't let go.

I agree with this. I also think that a lot men (I did not say ALL men) don't want to form a long term relationship with someone that will just jump into play and sex. It's the idea that you did that with him.....and everyone else. A lot of guys, subconsciously, hold a double standard of girls you f**k and girls you stay with.

This just comes from my own personal observation of the people and relationships in my local community.

Hard to get is not just about sex, I can go for 5 years at a time without sex, it isn't that big of a deal. It is about self respect. I do not attach my self worth to what I have done with my genitals, and I do not date men that would have sex with women and disrespect them for it.. it is a question I ask every man I have dated for the last dozen years or so, "do you have a Madonna/whore complex?" It is one of the typical questions I ask, because I am hard to get, answer incorrectly and you do not get a date with me...smiles. I do not pursue relationship with men that have a double standard for the women they date. Sexual monogamy is important to me for a couple of reasons, but the biggest is I love me and do not want me to get sick..Being hard to get is about self respect and self love, it has nothing to do with what the vast majority of men think.. because they are never going to be in a dynamic with me anyways..

< Message edited by juliaoceania -- 7/20/2006 10:08:32 AM >

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(in reply to OsideGirl)

Post #: 23

RE: Question about "Playing Hard to Get" - 7/20/2006 10:09:04 AM

michaelGA2

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Joined: 4/26/2006
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some of us aren't playing "hard to get"...we actually ARE...LOL

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Post #: 24

RE: Question about "Playing Hard to Get" - 7/20/2006 10:12:28 AM

juliaoceania

Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
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Yes Michael, I am hard to get...smiles.

But Daddy would tell you, not impossible...Hee he

< Message edited by juliaoceania -- 7/20/2006 10:13:03 AM >

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to michaelGA2)

Post #: 25

RE: Question about "Playing Hard to Get" - 7/20/2006 10:29:48 AM

SCORPIOXXX

Posts: 223
Joined: 11/6/2004
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Julia... I see a big difference between Self Respect and Hard To Get: the former is good self preservation, the latter is bs head games/power trip -- for both genders...

As for the Madonna/Whore thing: GAK! Men with that attiutde have their head up their ass... And I am guy saying it!!!

(in reply to juliaoceania)

Post #: 26

RE: Question about "Playing Hard to Get" - 7/20/2006 10:31:24 AM

michaelGA2

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Joined: 4/26/2006
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LOL

to coing an old addage: "i may be cheap...but i'm far from easy"

LOL

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Post #: 27

RE: Question about "Playing Hard to Get" - 7/20/2006 10:48:09 AM

Owned1

Posts: 847
Joined: 7/6/2005
From: Toronto, Ontario
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wOw amazing answers! I agree with not playing hard to get. Emotions are not a plaything, nor is ones ego (and yes we all have one). What i have found most refreshing in this life is the honesty that comes from those who are here for the life not just the play. The Dom who introduced me to the BDSM aspect of this life was the most honest man i had ever met, because he was so honest i was not hurt emotionally. If he had not been i would have been broken and not in a good way. i still have a great deal of respect for him and would defend him to all lengths. He is not my Master, he was not looking to collar anyone at that time.

I feel if you are playing hard to get you are not being honest with the other person and this can only lead to a bad place for everyone.

owned

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Post #: 28

RE: Question about "Playing Hard to Get" - 7/22/2006 7:19:07 AM

Manawyddan

Posts: 701
Joined: 1/2/2005
From: Petaluma (Northern California)
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I also wish to commend Julia on her post, I think it was accurate and concise and ought to be widely reprinted.

Whatever flaws I have, Madonna/whore complex is not one of them ... I married a woman who slept with me within 24 hours of my becoming her roommate.

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Post #: 29

RE: Question about "Playing Hard to Get" - 7/22/2006 8:41:03 AM

IronBear

Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
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I dont play hard to get. I'm easy to get, just a phone call away. But I'm bloody expensive.

_____________________________

Iron Bear

Master of Bruin Cottage

http://www.bruincottage.org

Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F.

(in reply to Manawyddan)

Post #: 30

RE: Question about "Playing Hard to Get" - 7/22/2006 8:50:58 AM

stanton

Posts: 41
Status: offline

Playing -games- at all besides the good kind ;) are not what we are about.

Sounds like How to get a man or how to pick up and score hot chicks BS

Stan

(in reply to IronBear)

Post #: 31

RE: Question about "Playing Hard to Get" - 7/22/2006 3:20:42 PM

Padriag

Posts: 2633
Joined: 3/30/2005
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I like this

quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

Edited to state, Im not a man, but this is what they have told me, the ones that I have been involved with as well as friends with...smiles

I have a different view on this than others have stated. Men do not like women who "play" hard to get, they want a woman that IS hard to get on some level. It does not mean that she ignores calls, or is rude, or plays the "busy" game... it means that she returns calls, but has a life outside of them, that she is always polite, and that she really has a life .

I would add here that she has standards. She's not desparately seeking anything, she knows what she needs and she can articulate that. For example, she may decide she needs stability, a certain degree of intelligence and experience / education. And she is able to express this to those who ask. Its not so much that she is hard to get, because for someone who meets and exceeds her standards she may be very easy to get.

I would also add that her standards aren't unreasonable and don't become a petty list of wants. Her standards should be about her needs, not a laundry list of wants.

quote:

It means she keeps her options open until there is some sort of commitment or arrangement of exclusivity, because she wouldn't assume there is one. She respects herself and others. It isn't a "game", it is a reality. No man wants to feel as though a woman grabbed the only person willing to talk to her and won't let go.

I would never advise someone to "play" hard to get. I would advise them to be this way, it will improve the quality of those she consorts with. Do not sit by the phone, have a life, date as many people as are interesting to you...this is not a game, it is your life....Someone worth their salt won't expect your universe to revolve around them without putting any effort into being with you....

We all play the dating game when we are looking, but that doesn't mean we have to play headgames. Treat others the way you want to be treated and it usually turns out ok...

That being said, once you decide to be with "just one", especially a dominant one, better be prepared to give a lot of time and energy to the arrangement because it is NOT a game...he has you, and you are his. This is why being hard to get is important in the beginning...you value that which you had to work for.

We are demanding bastards, I'll grant you.

_____________________________

Padriag

A stern discipline pervades all nature, which is a little cruel so that it may be very kind - Edmund Spencer

(in reply to juliaoceania)

Post #: 32

RE: Question about "Playing Hard to Get" - 7/23/2006 11:12:45 AM

JP719

Posts: 4
Joined: 3/18/2006
Status: offline

In my experience, people who played 'hard to get' were doing just that, playing...they did not place a great deal of value in the potential for a relationship with the other person (or persons, I suppose, in some cases) but were okay toying with someone's emotions, which is a pretty crummy thing to do once you're out of middle school.

As for the thrill of the hunt? Speeding after big game with a guide and a huge rifle in South Africa was hunting and quite thrilling. Playing email/phone tag is not hunting and quite annoying.

(in reply to Padriag)

Post #: 33

RE: Question about "Playing Hard to Get" - 7/23/2006 11:43:16 AM

xsolitairex

Posts: 22
Joined: 4/25/2006
Status: offline

Well said. Some feel if you don't wish to speak with them, you're not "real"or playing hard to get. Could it be, I don't wish to speak with YOU personally? Not playing hard to get, but rather being "selective"?

Toying with the emotions of another is childish. Believing everything you see online is ridiculous.

"I'd rather be alone for the right reasons, than with someone for the wrong ones."

(in reply to juliaoceania)

Post #: 34

RE: Question about "Playing Hard to Get" - 7/23/2006 11:57:31 AM

Caretakr

Posts: 1221
Joined: 6/24/2006
Status: offline

I have preffered ways of living, that need certain attributes to be compatable. And there are goals to be met before considering anything serious. So for now, I am impossible to get.

Once things shake down and stabalize into some semblence of sanity, I'll consider the future.

For now, friends are pleasant company,and they can be as hard to get as they desire.

I'm not in a hurry,.and I won't die without a bed warmer tonight..

(in reply to xsolitairex)

Post #: 35

RE: Question about "Playing Hard to Get" - 7/23/2006 10:36:59 PM

Mavis

Posts: 828
Joined: 2/8/2004
Status: offline

Off-topic..

Caretakr, i went to that link just because..well.. i'm nosy. anyway, from there i hit the home page of the site, and from there, i found this interesting tidbit about yahoo, yahoo groups, and "web beacons".. this was news to me. it may be to others as well. Maybe i'll start a thread on it, but i wanted to thank you for the link.

http://www.institute.blacksteel.com/Whats%20New.htm Opting out of yahoos snoop-tracking

(in reply to Caretakr)

Post #: 36

RE: Question about "Playing Hard to Get" - 7/24/2006 8:36:30 PM

Zenar

Posts: 39
Joined: 4/4/2005
Status: offline

I was going to say some thing else but the whole hunting thing has me sidetracked. Some hunters chase their prey, others lay snares and traps. I am definately the type to try to snare someone than to hunt them down, so playing hard to get simply does not work with me at all. It reminds me of an old spiritual saying, though I dont remember which culture it came from. When you hunt an animal down it is caught in the chase and will forever be restless. When you trap the animal in a snare it is at peace because it wanted to be caught.

(in reply to Mavis)

Post #: 37

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