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The more I know of how to please you, the more I can ac... - 1/15/2016 1:18:26 PM

crumpets

Posts: 1614
Joined: 11/5/2014
From: South Bay (SF & Silicon Valley)
Status: offline

Just wondering.

I'm not even close to perfect, nor, even a good sub of sorts, but, given that I seem to talk too much, and to have too many "ideas" at times, I'm slowly realizing the eloquence of the statement:

The more I know of how to please someone, the more I can actually please them.

What thinks you about that thought (which, after all, requires me to shut the fuck up!)?

Post #: 1

RE: The more I know of how to please you, the more I ca... - 1/15/2016 1:32:41 PM

OsideGirl

Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
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I think that's true regardless of whether the relationship is D/s or not.

It's about getting to know your partner. No one starts on day #1 being to anticipate the needs and wants of their partner. Communication and intimacy provide that proactiveness.

One day M said to me "I prefer my sandwiches get sliced on the diagonal". Ever since then, that's how he gets them. I know that when he gets home tonight, that within a few minutes of being home, he'll ask me what I want to do for dinner. I also know that if it's a home cooked meal, he'll want to kick back on the sofa with a drink, whether it's Pepsi, Scotch or a beer.

I have learned his likes and dislikes. I have learned his moods. I have learned his views. It all translates to being able to anticipate his needs and wants most of the time.

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to crumpets)

Post #: 2

RE: The more I know of how to please you, the more I ca... - 1/15/2016 5:54:25 PM

Andalusite

Posts: 2492
Joined: 1/25/2009
Status: offline

I agree, in any relationship, including D/s, communication about needs and desires (sexual and BDSM-related too, but mostly the vanilla things) is crucial. OsideGirl, I agree that anticipatory service is a very satisfying part of a D/s dynamic, and that as we discover more about our partner, the better it gets!

(in reply to OsideGirl)

Post #: 3

RE: The more I know of how to please you, the more I ca... - 1/15/2016 10:46:05 PM

NookieNotes

Posts: 1720
Joined: 11/10/2013
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: crumpets

The more I know of how to please someone, the more I can actually please them.

What thinks you about that thought (which, after all, requires me to shut the fuck up!)?

I think you're right.

So, how do you think someone learns this stuff?

_____________________________

Nookie
--
https://datingkinky.com

I Write! A few of my books on Amazon: http://amazon.com/author/msnnotes

(in reply to crumpets)

Post #: 4

RE: The more I know of how to please you, the more I ca... - 1/16/2016 1:35:24 AM

crumpets

Posts: 1614
Joined: 11/5/2014
From: South Bay (SF & Silicon Valley)
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quote:

ORIGINAL: NookieNotes
So, how do you think someone learns this stuff?

Mebbie' this is a trick question, 'cuz, um, er ... well, I um ... well I figured' I'd learn it by um, well, by opening a thread on just that topic.

Naaaaah... that can't be the right answer.....

Must be a trick question....

Hmmmmm...... Do you supposed, I'm supposed to just "ask" (and then listen)?

Naaaah... Can't be.

(in reply to NookieNotes)

Post #: 5

RE: The more I know of how to please you, the more I ca... - 1/16/2016 4:40:49 AM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

OK. I snickered. (I couldn't help it.)

These kinds of questions are very individual specific. You very specifically say, "and to have too many "ideas" at times..." To me, this isn't one of those deals where you are saying you are a submissive who thinks for themselves. This can also mean, "I have ideas, which I put into practice, and aren't really sure if that's what the Dominant really wants." That tends to not go over well with some of us. If I want a peanut butter sandwich and you decide that peanut butter and jelly would be better... Well, that's a poor result. Silly example but it's a demonstration of what I mean.

From interacting with you on the boards, I'm more prone to say that you are going to be more in the listening and doing that (whatever "that" is) as a method, rather than going for what others have mentioned in anticipatory service. There is always ask first if you want to do something nice, rather than assuming. (The latter irritates the crap out of me, personally.) Anticipatory service is more like knowing somebody wants their coffee every day at a certain time, so you don't need to be told every day. It's not, hey, I decided to reorganize your closet because I think my way is better.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to crumpets)

Post #: 6

RE: The more I know of how to please you, the more I ca... - 1/16/2016 6:38:43 AM

Wayward5oul

Posts: 3314
Joined: 11/9/2014
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quote:

ORIGINAL: crumpets

quote:

ORIGINAL: NookieNotes
So, how do you think someone learns this stuff?

Mebbie' this is a trick question, 'cuz, um, er ... well, I um ... well I figured' I'd learn it by um, well, by opening a thread on just that topic.

Naaaaah... that can't be the right answer.....

Must be a trick question....

Hmmmmm...... Do you supposed, I'm supposed to just "ask" (and then listen)?

Naaaah... Can't be.

Getting to know someone better is absolutely the way to learn how to please them, and how not to. That Human Interaction 101, not just bdsm.

Everyone has agreed with your statement for once. No need to get snippy.

(in reply to crumpets)

Post #: 7

RE: The more I know of how to please you, the more I ca... - 1/16/2016 7:49:38 AM

Cell

Posts: 409
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Wayward5oul

quote:

ORIGINAL: crumpets

quote:

ORIGINAL: NookieNotes
So, how do you think someone learns this stuff?

Mebbie' this is a trick question, 'cuz, um, er ... well, I um ... well I figured' I'd learn it by um, well, by opening a thread on just that topic.

Naaaaah... that can't be the right answer.....

Must be a trick question....

Hmmmmm...... Do you supposed, I'm supposed to just "ask" (and then listen)?

Naaaah... Can't be.

Getting to know someone better is absolutely the way to learn how to please them, and how not to. That Human Interaction 101, not just bdsm.

Everyone has agreed with your statement for once. No need to get snippy.

Haha, it's not a trick question OP, it's your cue. All the talk in the world ain't going to take care of the bushes in their lady gardens. Strap on your kneepads and get in there if you want to get the job done. >_<

< Message edited by Cell -- 1/16/2016 8:02:24 AM >

(in reply to Wayward5oul)

Post #: 8

RE: The more I know of how to please you, the more I ca... - 1/16/2016 7:58:17 AM

freedomdwarf1

Posts: 6845
Joined: 10/23/2012
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: crumpets

Just wondering.

I'm not even close to perfect, nor, even a good sub of sorts, but, given that I seem to talk too much, and to have too many "ideas" at times, I'm slowly realizing the eloquence of the statement:

The more I know of how to please someone, the more I can actually please them.

What thinks you about that thought (which, after all, requires me to shut the fuck up!)?

Meh. It's just a basic statement that most people can read and understand at first glance.
It is simple and makes perfect sense.
It doesn't warrant a second thought for most people.

But of course, you have to analyze it to death and back again.

_____________________________

“If liberty means anything at all, it means the right to tell people what they do not want to hear.”

George Orwell, 1903-1950

(in reply to crumpets)

Post #: 9

RE: The more I know of how to please you, the more I ca... - 1/16/2016 11:29:50 AM

NookieNotes

Posts: 1720
Joined: 11/10/2013
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: crumpets

quote:

ORIGINAL: NookieNotes
So, how do you think someone learns this stuff?

Mebbie' this is a trick question, 'cuz, um, er ... well, I um ... well I figured' I'd learn it by um, well, by opening a thread on just that topic.

Naaaaah... that can't be the right answer.....

Must be a trick question....

Hmmmmm...... Do you supposed, I'm supposed to just "ask" (and then listen)?

Naaaah... Can't be.

You don't want to learn how to please ME better, do you? You want to learn how to please whomever you're with better. Right?

Because pleasing me won't do you any good. You're on the opposite coast, and I don't do online.

So, I was asking... How do you think you learn the things that please an individual? Or, put another way, what kind of person do you have to be, with what traits to learn in the most efficient way possible how to please another human being?

_____________________________

Nookie
--
https://datingkinky.com

I Write! A few of my books on Amazon: http://amazon.com/author/msnnotes

(in reply to crumpets)

Post #: 10

RE: The more I know of how to please you, the more I ca... - 1/16/2016 11:46:15 AM

Awareness

Posts: 3918
Joined: 9/8/2010
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: crumpets
The more I know of how to please someone, the more I can actually please them.

That's very definitely a submissive's viewpoint.

As a Dom, one of my self-directed goals is to determine what is GOOD for someone to ensure health, vitality and prosperity. And that's because I assume responsibility for those aspects and desire that outcome.

Aside from that duty of care, it's pretty much fucking all about me.

_____________________________

Ever notice how fucking annoying most signatures are? - Yes, I do appreciate the irony.

(in reply to crumpets)

Post #: 11

RE: The more I know of how to please you, the more I ca... - 1/16/2016 12:15:50 PM

Wayward5oul

Posts: 3314
Joined: 11/9/2014
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Cell

quote:

ORIGINAL: Wayward5oul

quote:

ORIGINAL: crumpets

quote:

ORIGINAL: NookieNotes
So, how do you think someone learns this stuff?

Mebbie' this is a trick question, 'cuz, um, er ... well, I um ... well I figured' I'd learn it by um, well, by opening a thread on just that topic.

Naaaaah... that can't be the right answer.....

Must be a trick question....

Hmmmmm...... Do you supposed, I'm supposed to just "ask" (and then listen)?

Naaaah... Can't be.

Getting to know someone better is absolutely the way to learn how to please them, and how not to. That Human Interaction 101, not just bdsm.

Everyone has agreed with your statement for once. No need to get snippy.

Haha, it's not a trick question OP, it's your cue. All the talk in the world ain't going to take care of the bushes in their lady gardens. Strap on your kneepads and get in there if you want to get the job done. >_<

OMG I am so stealing this!

(in reply to Cell)

Post #: 12

RE: The more I know of how to please you, the more I ca... - 1/16/2016 12:45:49 PM

NorthernGent

Posts: 8730
Joined: 7/10/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: crumpets

Just wondering.

I'm not even close to perfect, nor, even a good sub of sorts, but, given that I seem to talk too much, and to have too many "ideas" at times, I'm slowly realizing the eloquence of the statement:

The more I know of how to please someone, the more I can actually please them.

What thinks you about that thought (which, after all, requires me to shut the fuck up!)?

It is: "what do you think" not "what thinks you"....what are you? a 16th century old crone?

This shouldn't really come as a surprise: yes, knowledge helps.

_____________________________

I have the courage to be a coward - but not beyond my limits.

Sooner or later, the man who wins is the man who thinks he can.

(in reply to crumpets)

Post #: 13

RE: The more I know of how to please you, the more I ca... - 1/16/2016 1:03:40 PM

Cell

Posts: 409
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Wayward5oul

quote:

ORIGINAL: Cell

quote:

ORIGINAL: Wayward5oul

quote:

ORIGINAL: crumpets

quote:

ORIGINAL: NookieNotes
So, how do you think someone learns this stuff?

Mebbie' this is a trick question, 'cuz, um, er ... well, I um ... well I figured' I'd learn it by um, well, by opening a thread on just that topic.

Naaaaah... that can't be the right answer.....

Must be a trick question....

Hmmmmm...... Do you supposed, I'm supposed to just "ask" (and then listen)?

Naaaah... Can't be.

Getting to know someone better is absolutely the way to learn how to please them, and how not to. That Human Interaction 101, not just bdsm.

Everyone has agreed with your statement for once. No need to get snippy.

Haha, it's not a trick question OP, it's your cue. All the talk in the world ain't going to take care of the bushes in their lady gardens. Strap on your kneepads and get in there if you want to get the job done. >_<

OMG I am so stealing this!

(in reply to Wayward5oul)

Post #: 14

RE: The more I know of how to please you, the more I ca... - 1/16/2016 4:24:10 PM

NookieNotes

Posts: 1720
Joined: 11/10/2013
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Awareness

quote:

ORIGINAL: crumpets
The more I know of how to please someone, the more I can actually please them.

That's very definitely a submissive's viewpoint.

As a Dom, one of my self-directed goals is to determine what is GOOD for someone to ensure health, vitality and prosperity. And that's because I assume responsibility for those aspects and desire that outcome.

Aside from that duty of care, it's pretty much fucking all about me.

Agreed.

_____________________________

Nookie
--
https://datingkinky.com

I Write! A few of my books on Amazon: http://amazon.com/author/msnnotes

(in reply to Awareness)

Post #: 15

RE: The more I know of how to please you, the more I ca... - 1/17/2016 9:15:10 PM

crumpets

Posts: 1614
Joined: 11/5/2014
From: South Bay (SF & Silicon Valley)
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact
This can also mean, "I have ideas, which I put into practice, and aren't really sure if that's what the Dominant really wants." That tends to not go over well with some of us. If I want a peanut butter sandwich and you decide that peanut butter and jelly would be better... Well, that's a poor result. Silly example but it's a demonstration of what I mean.

Yes. You understood.

I have ideas of how "I" would want things, but, that doesn't mean there is a "She" who would want the same.

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact
There is always ask first if you want to do something nice, rather than assuming.

I think, my current dynamic, is to ask, and then be told, and then to try and then to be corrected, and then to try harder, and to be corrected further, if necessary, and then to keep trying (with little things inevitably added ad-hoc, some of which work out, others don't), where the whole process hones the skill (whatever it is) down to the perfection of the way she likes it.

Luckily, I (think I) take correction well. I just have to be told some things that are already obvious to others sometimes.
But once I'm clearly directed, I take that well (remember the strong "P" in me gets along well with a strong "J").

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact
Anticipatory service is more like knowing somebody wants their coffee every day at a certain time, so you don't need to be told every day. It's not, hey, I decided to reorganize your closet because I think my way is better.

I do try to do the anticipatory service, because I always have lots and lots of ideas; but, in reality, I prefer to be told what to do.
The problem is, I guess, is that most women I know (to date, anyway) want ME to be the one to lead with ideas.

Maybe that's why I'm a bit confused?

(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 16

RE: The more I know of how to please you, the more I ca... - 1/17/2016 9:23:00 PM

crumpets

Posts: 1614
Joined: 11/5/2014
From: South Bay (SF & Silicon Valley)
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Cell
it's not a trick question OP, it's your cue.

Heh heh ...
I thought that was obvious from the jocular way I said "is that a trick question".

HINT: I knew it was my cue.

quote:

ORIGINAL: NorthernGent
It is: "what do you think" not "what thinks you"....what are you? a 16th century old crone?

heh heh ...
Those who wot me realizeth I hast a rath'r remarkable controleth ov'r the English language, so, mine w'rding was not in 'rr.

NOTE: While the British don't capitalize "English", I did, since I'm still an American.

(in reply to Cell)

Post #: 17

RE: The more I know of how to please you, the more I ca... - 1/18/2016 3:16:23 AM

NookieNotes

Posts: 1720
Joined: 11/10/2013
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: crumpets
I think, my current dynamic, is to ask, and then be told, and then to try and then to be corrected, and then to try harder, and to be corrected further, if necessary, and then to keep trying (with little things inevitably added ad-hoc, some of which work out, others don't), where the whole process hones the skill (whatever it is) down to the perfection of the way she likes it.

Sounds like you prefer someone who enjoys behavior modification. It's a skill, and works very well with someone who loves direction (and awesome with people who don't).

It's also a way to "teach you" to anticipate in the right directions. Because you will begin to think in the right directions through training and repetition.

But, you'd have to play along. Thus, the thought exercise. *smiles*

_____________________________

Nookie
--
https://datingkinky.com

I Write! A few of my books on Amazon: http://amazon.com/author/msnnotes

(in reply to crumpets)

Post #: 18

RE: The more I know of how to please you, the more I ca... - 1/18/2016 4:12:17 AM

crumpets

Posts: 1614
Joined: 11/5/2014
From: South Bay (SF & Silicon Valley)
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: NookieNotes
Sounds like you prefer someone who enjoys behavior modification.

I hadn't thought of it in those words, but, thinking about what you said, and what I enjoy, I would think you are correct in that assumption (even though I hadn't myself realized that's what I might have been saying).

quote:

ORIGINAL: NookieNotes
It's a skill, and works very well with someone who loves direction

I do so very much love to learn exactly how She (whomever she may be) wants things done, so, yes, I would say that this "Behavior Modification" thing would work well with me (if that's what it is).

quote:

ORIGINAL: NookieNotes
It's also a way to "teach you" to anticipate in the right directions. Because you will begin to think in the right directions through training and repetition.

Interesting point.
I think what you're saying is that She would be able to, over time, train my myriad ad-hoc adjustments and inventive improvements in a certain channel, where she defines that channel, over time, via the corrections she applies.

Given I'm always adding improvements to every process, is that what you are you intimating seems to be the pleasure-improvement dynamic that would work out well?

quote:

ORIGINAL: NookieNotes
But, you'd have to play along. Thus, the thought exercise. *smiles*

Yes. I love to play along, and I love to improve every process, which, for some people, might not work - but - for those who like things done a certain way - where the service just gets better and better and more honed to her liking and needs over time - that seems to be the process toward service perfection.

[Continuing the thought experiment ...]
I wonder how long it would take before the service is so perfect, that it can't be any further improved upon?

What I mean by that is that is she'd repeatedly order a certain service, where I'd apply myriad improvements over time in supplying that service, where there would inevitable corrections, and just-as-inevitable improvements, until (as time goes on), we can presume the point of perfection has been achieved.

What then?

At that point, would applying still more attempts at improvements only diminish the quality of the service?

(i.e., When we get to the stage where my attempts at improvement only result in her corrections, is that when the point of service perfection has finally been achieved?)

Or is the perfection point never achieved?

(in reply to NookieNotes)

Post #: 19

RE: The more I know of how to please you, the more I ca... - 1/18/2016 4:53:22 AM

WickedsDesire

Posts: 9362
Joined: 11/4/2015
Status: offline

Seems an overly simplistic statement. But with depth, and burgeoning with complexities and delightful, decadent nuances, and fragrance of muffin or a sea breeze. Ocaam’s razor it is not and therefore worth revisiting – freedomwarf1

Osidegirl diagonal slices they simple taste better and more fulfilling, and has nothing to do with an increase in surface area; when split in two, ironically when split into 4 there seems less…illogical is it not, but very true for many a reason- so not always simple.

The more I know “insert a few generic words” –
1. The more I truly wonder
2. The more I come to like/dislike a person
3. The more I resent pleasing them..Pleasing someone isn’t just sub thingy.
4. No-one, least of all I, believe I should have muffins served to me by wanton wench in bespoke corsetry with eyes that would drown most souls.
5. And so on…saves me doing a big list and the gist/framework is there to be seen.

You’re not short of a brain-mind crumpets, I have seen some of your posts and profile over the passing of time.

Ps no-one is perfect, save mindless drones (at least within their minds). How can they ever truly be pleased? Do not become one ;)

Anyhow your seemingly simple statement is in fact most complex; some will say it cannot be:
1. Truly answered/defined.
2. Resolved

Why did you say it.
Were you referring to anything/anyone in particular?

Dynamic, my second least favourite word ever – you are above a word like that - over used particularly on fetish sites; a generic get out clause that demands it says so much when infact it says absolutely nothing at all. So try and define what you mean by current dynamic.

My least favourite word is no – that is more complex than it initially seems:
Q Dear local shop do you have any four quid chardonnay
A No
Q Is my man parts the most wondrous thing you have ever seen and did it touch your very soul and weep salty tears of bliss.
A a good half hour of laughter and sound of wanton wenches pantaloons being wetted - No

(in reply to NookieNotes)

Post #: 20

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All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> The more I know of how to please you, the more I can actually please you

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