How Far Can A True Sadist Really Go? Just Curious (Full Version)

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion



Message

SusanofO -> How Far Can A True Sadist Really Go? Just Curious (7/19/2006 6:21:50 AM)

Well - my attitude about appreciating and understanding Sadism has completely changed in the past few months. I guess a lightbulb just went on for me one day, and I thought: "Gee, this is just regular bdsm activity, perhaps cranked up a notch (or two, or ten, depending on the people and situation), and the Dominants and-or Masters are turned on by seeing their partner physically or emotionally suffer. But they do still really care about them, no question." (at least, the healthy ones do, as is the case for those who appreciate "less extreme" types of bdsm activity).

Whether or not anyone else agrees with it, this is the conclusion I have reached.
Everyone else is, of course, entitled (as usual) to their own opinion.

However, I do have a question about how a dedicated Sadist knows just when to stop, and when their partner has, indeed, had "enough" of whatever, and just cannot take anymore. I am not insinuating here, that any Sadist out there is a sociopath, or does not know their partner intimatley enough to be able to gauge this - *I am asking if the way they might gauge this is different than if they were not a Sadist. If they know (if not, take your best guess). This is not a "trick question", it is honest human curiosity.

This is not meant to be an insult, or a stupid question (it might be a naive question, but I would appreciate a response anyway, if anyone cares to respond).

Thanking you advance, [:)]

- Susan



Tamerofwild1s -> RE: How Far Can A True Sadist Really Go? Just Curious (7/19/2006 6:40:38 AM)

true Sadists will learn the partners levels of acceptance . how far they can be pushed .... safe words in the beginning should be used . I can usually detect signs in the body when enough is enough . or her pleas become apparent that she can take no more ..... and I work my way up with them . each session is pushed a little further  each time so that a tolerance is built up and she starts to enjoy the session and some actually start craving it and desiring a sadist session.



SusanofO -> RE: How Far Can A True Sadist Really Go? Just Curious (7/19/2006 6:42:23 AM)

Thank you for the reply, Tamer. In your opinion, do Sadists have to know their partners more intimately than non-Sadists to be able to do this well? Oh, I guess he's gone. Maybe he'll be back later.

- Susan 



Tamerofwild1s -> RE: How Far Can A True Sadist Really Go? Just Curious (7/19/2006 6:48:27 AM)

I never travel far SusanofO ...... no actually I think every Dominant person needs to know their partner intimately .... does a Sadists need to be more alert to warning signs .. maybe. when I go into a Sadistic session not only am I concentrating on what I am doing .. I am concentrating on her movements . her breathing .. her voice ... everything becomes acute to me.



Caretakr -> RE: How Far Can A True Sadist Really Go? Just Curious (7/19/2006 6:49:17 AM)

This is why I won't play heavy casually. I'm simply not comfortable enough with knowing a person's limits and tolerances without this.



LongArms -> RE: How Far Can A True Sadist Really Go? Just Curious (7/19/2006 6:55:51 AM)

I wouldn't say they have to know their partner more intimately than others, but it sure doesn't hurt.  Any edge play has the potential to be dangerous.  One must fully understand the causes and effects of their efforts.  Whether that be while pushing the extreme limits or just a simple round of bondage.  Safe words and a good knowledge of body language are of the most use.  I can not state it too strongly:  a complete understanding and knowledge about what you are doing is by far the most important factor.  In my humble opinion any way, I hope this helps you somewhat and I realize that I did not directly answer your question.  Playing safe and respect for your partners limits is without doubt the most important aspect of the life no matter what you call it...love, intimate knowledge, or .........?



KennelDeSade2 -> RE: How Far Can A True Sadist Really Go? Just Curious (7/19/2006 7:02:00 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: SusanofO
In your opinion, do Sadists have to know their partners more intimately than non-Sadists to be able to do this well?
- Susan 


Does a sadist. . . I'd say that the higher the intensity, the better you should know your partner, regardless of the sadist label or no.  How do I know when enough is enough?  I can only call it empathy and paying very close attention to all the signals given off by your partner, but first you have to know enough about your partner to read them very very well.  That kind of knowledge doesn't come easy or quick.





shivvy -> RE: How Far Can A True Sadist Really Go? Just Curious (7/19/2006 7:08:54 AM)

hi ya Susan hunny,
 
gosh, you have been asking some thought proving questions these last few days[;)]
 
i'm not a Sadist (funilly enuff), but i guess i am kind of a masochist, in that i gratefully accept and endure pain, coz i know it makes my Master happy. without going into the arguement about safewords and limits and stuff, i have neither. So when Master decides He wants to hurt me, i gratefully submit myself to Him for His pleasure.
 
He decides when i've had enuff. i spose like Tamer said, He can identify changes in me, like my breathing, and they way i choke back my screams and the way my body reacts to His stimulation. i generally start crying quiet early on, but then i cry when i stub my toe and when i wax as well, so that's nuffin unusual.[;)]
 
i spose with Master, i can cry and scream and beg as much as i like, coz we both know it won't make a difference, but it's wot happens when i go quiet i think, and stop struggling and stop clenching my fists, or doing stuff to take my mind away from wot i feeling.
 
i said i thought i woz a kind of masochist, coz at the time of it happening, i really hate it, coz pain hurts me, and i don't like it. but afterwards, when He's done with me, and His craving is satisfied, i feel satisfied too, and later, when i look back on it, it feels me with a nice warm feeling inside, and yes, it kinda excites me too.
 
i dunno if that's any good hun, or answers your question, but i tried. so i hope it helps.
 
take care,
 
luv,
 
shiv
xx



CreativeDominant -> RE: How Far Can A True Sadist Really Go? Just Curious (7/19/2006 7:14:42 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: SusanofO

Well - my attitude about appreciating and understanding Sadism has completely changed in the past few months. I guess a lightbulb just went on for me one day, and I thought: "Gee, this is just regular bdsm activity, perhaps cranked up a notch (or two, or ten, depending on the people and situation), and the Dominants and-or Masters are turned on by seeing their partner physically or emotionally suffer. But they do still really care about them, no question." (at least, the healthy ones do, as is the case for those who appreciate "less extreme" types of bdsm activity).

Whether or not anyone else agrees with it, this is the conclusion I have reached.
Everyone else is, of course, entitled (as usual) to their own opinion.

However, I do have a question about how a dedicated Sadist knows just when to stop, and when their partner has, indeed, had "enough" of whatever, and just cannot take anymore. I am not insinuating here, that any Sadist out there is a sociopath, or does not know their partner intimatley enough to be able to gauge this - *I am asking if the way they might gauge this is different than if they were not a Sadist. If they know (if not, take your best guess). This is not a "trick question", it is honest human curiosity.

This is not meant to be an insult, or a stupid question (it might be a naive question, but I would appreciate a response anyway, if anyone cares to respond).

Thanking you advance, [:)]
- Susan


For me, it is a matter of how well I know the person that helps to determine how far I will go.  Knowing the person and their limits and putting that together with prior knowledge of their tolerances for certain activities, an ability to read their body and their reactions, honesty with myself about my level of knowledge and experience with whatever aspect of sadism I am using, and the use of my own brake for not wanting or being willing to damage someone physically/emotionally/mentally all comes into play. 

Marks are lovely...but more marks or darker marks does not necessarily equate to a lovelier picture may be a rather simplistic way of putting it but it is a general caution for myself.



SCORPIOXXX -> RE: How Far Can A True Sadist Really Go? Just Curious (7/19/2006 7:24:59 AM)

Well Susan, as Tamer and others have indicated it boils down to a few simple factors, which I too follow and echo... 1 - Knowing/reading your partner and her unspoken signals (aside from the obvious spoken or motioned safe words/signals, when such are still used); 2 - "Hurting" your partner for fun and pleasure and the stretching of limits (with patience and care!) is one thing, but damaging them is quite another (as in "too asshole to live"); 3 - the ultimate paradox: be a loving Sadist...



SusanofO -> RE: How Far Can A True Sadist Really Go? Just Curious (7/19/2006 7:25:12 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: CreativeDominant

"and the use of my own brake for not wanting or being willing to damage someone physically/emotionally/mentally all comes into play". 



Creative: How do you determine, personally, when to "put on the brake"? Is it different for each scene (yes, I suppose it is). I am not meaning to get too personal here. I just want to know if determining that is different than when you are doing a non-Sadistic scene. Thanks.

Well, now he's gone, too. If anyone else can answer that question, feel free.

**And thank you to everyone, for the replies, so far. I appreciate them - a lot.

- Susan



MsIncognito -> RE: How Far Can A True Sadist Really Go? Just Curious (7/19/2006 7:26:16 AM)

I think sometimes the ability to judge that comes with experience with the same person and I think some people just have an innate ability  to read people very well. I think that if you play with the same person repeatedly, over time you get a sense of what their signals mean. I think being able to read people, in general, as an innate skill is much rarer. I've only ever played with one Top who was quite skilled at this and most people who played with him even for the first time commented on the same thing. He just seemed to be able to read body language very well and instinctively know whether to change the pace, the activity or stop altogether. It was a real pleasure playing with him because it didn't require  much in the way of coherent verbalization which meant we could both get into our grooves and go with it. 



SusanofO -> RE: How Far Can A True Sadist Really Go? Just Curious (7/19/2006 7:29:48 AM)

Yes, that would be ideal, Ms. Incognito - not having to verbalize. May not happen very often, but it must be a rush when it does happen, I'd imagine.

- Susan



MrrPete -> RE: How Far Can A True Sadist Really Go? Just Curious (7/19/2006 7:36:28 AM)

Most of my play in the last 2-3 years has been "first scene" which helps me to learn to "read" a sub.
I feel it is my responsibility to do so. I always start low and slow and build up. I watch the face
carefully as well as the body and listen to her breathing. It also is very helpful if they a vocal.
The quiet ones make nervous.

I also use a feedback word in 1st scene. It's a relative scale that is always changing in relation to pain.
When they reach a certain level of pain [for them] they say the word. I drop back and build again.
It doesn't take long to increase the tolerance.

I'm not as sadistic as others. I don't like black and blue and heavy welts. but a pink to red butt in
the shape of my hand is a delight to look at.



stanton -> RE: How Far Can A True Sadist Really Go? Just Curious (7/19/2006 7:40:43 AM)

Is a TRUE sadist like a true sub, slave, dom etc?

No offense, Susan, to you at all. It is a good question.

You or anyone may not know a true sadist. Ted Bundy fooled a lot of people.

A true lifestyle sadist will cause hurt but generally halts at harm.
Oftimes it is not out of the concern for the sub, but concern for the sadist themself.

Be careful but live your life.
Stanton




Tamerofwild1s -> RE: How Far Can A True Sadist Really Go? Just Curious (7/19/2006 7:46:05 AM)

Being a "Mean Ass Sadist" that I am .. lol. I think as Masters and Doms we are supposedto be in control .. not just of the sub/slave but also ourselves . first and foremost .... when to put on the brakes is something a true Sadist learns early on ... subs/slaves go into sub space ... Sadists will often go into Dom space too .. in that things can get easily out of control if the control issue is not perfectly controlled .... it comes with years of experience on my part .. I wish to inflict pain .. not damage .. I want her to continue coming to me for that pain .. not run like a scalded dog because she felt scared. experience will be the best determining factor in when the brakes are put on. I have conversed with some subs who have told me nightmare stories of Sadists who have damaged them and they wish to never experience the pure eneregy of a Sadistic session again . I feel for them because they are missing out on some serious TPE



SusanofO -> RE: How Far Can A True Sadist Really Go? Just Curious (7/19/2006 8:09:05 AM)

A clarification: No offense, but I do think the term Sadist, like you infer, can be mis-used. What I meant was this: Many Dominants say they do what I can consider sadistic things, and yet do not consider themselves, Sadists. I mean people who think of themselves, in a bdsm life-style activity context, as *primarily Sadistic, as opposed to maybe once in a blue moon, or whenever the mood occasionally strikes them.

- Susan



SusanofO -> RE: How Far Can A True Sadist Really Go? Just Curious (7/19/2006 8:10:44 AM)

Thank you very much for the clear explanation, Tamer. It is much appreciated.

Mr. Pete - I appreciate your scale reference. It is very reassuring to know people out there do that sort of thing (at least to me). I did not stop to think that being non-verbal could be a problem - of course it could be. Now I see that.

- Susan [:)]



Tikkiee -> RE: How Far Can A True Sadist Really Go? Just Curious (7/19/2006 8:21:05 AM)

Interesting question, and one which I am sure will have many different answers. I would have to agree with most though, that say that to actually push past the boundary of what one would think is the limit, you have to know you  partner very, very well; emotionally, mentally, and physically.
Only one person has ever continued after I thought that I had reached my limit; he knew me inside and out though, and I have no doubt what-so-ever in my mind that had he thought I could not handle it; he never would have pushed.



SusanofO -> RE: How Far Can A True Sadist Really Go? Just Curious (7/19/2006 8:34:53 AM)

Thnaks for answering, Tikkee.[:)]

- Susan



Page: [1] 2 3 4 5   next >   >>

Valid CSS!




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy
0.046875