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quote:
ORIGINAL: UllrsIshtar
I personally don't engage in consensual non-consent relationships of the type LP laid out in the OP (once you consent you're not allowed to revoke consent or leave).
However, I do engage in CnC play.
In this type of play, I negotiate that, for the duration of play, I consent, and that any withdraw of consent is invalid, and can be ignored by the Top.
In this type of play, limits, and the duration of the play is heavily negotiated, and I only engage in it with people whom I implicitly trust (to not pull out chainsaws).
The times where I've actually engaged in it are rare, especially considering how risky it is for the Top in question. It's essential that they can fully trust me to stand by my word that I really do want this, and that if the shit hits the fan, and they miscalculate, and we hit a serious issue, I'm not going to accuse them of being some horrible abuser later for making a mistake, and instead we'll get through it together without involving third parties.
The reason I engage engaging in this type of play is because I'm physically incapable of enduring some of the harder type play that I love to do, without me hitting the point where -in the moment- I feel like I can't take it anymore, and attempt to make them stop, including using safewords. While if they do stop, it always results in disappointment later.
Agreeing to CnC for a heavily negotiated play session allows me the freedom to not hold back my natural responses, even if those natural responses are attempting to get them to stop with every fiber of my being.
Pushing myself past the boundaries of what I feel I can take, and what I can maintain a full consent to in the moment, has actually helped me to get to be able to enjoy some types of play now without CnC agreements, where before, I couldn't get past the pain and panic long enough to find out "I'm really okay doing this, even if it's scary and it hurts".
Anal is a big example (huge trigger for me). For the most part, I really want to enjoy it, but every single time, initially it hurts enough that it drives me to a panic that I used to be absolutely unable to push past without safewording. Giving certain people the blank permission of: "I want you to do this, and I want you to not stop until you cum, regardless of what I say and do, including safewords", has given me the opportunity to not only find out that, after I get past the initial panic and pain, and finally 'give in' and start to relax, I really enjoy it, but it's also allowed me to be able to control my feelings enough in certain circumstances so that I can get to the point of relaxing without panicking and safewording.
CnC is something that I use to explore the boundaries of what I'm physically capable of, past the point of what I feel -in the moment- I'm physically capable of.
The above describes much of what I feel about the type of heavily negotiated play, which I cannot safe-word out of, by prior agreement. Some people are very blasé about "no holds barred" sessions and even boast about them, but I thought that UllrsIshtar's post explains exactly what non-abusive CnC can look like.
Such edgy play can be really scary and exciting at the same time (as well as leaving you physically and emotionally drained), but it is only something you can safely do with someone who, whilst being turned on by "hurting" you, also respects you hugely and wants the best for you.
The descriptions some people give about extreme micro-management, having no right to make any major life decisions for yourself and not being allowed to leave, make me concerned, although I know that may be what some people want. I always feel personally uncomfortable with the possibility that an abused person is eventually unable psychologically to leave even if there is a theoretical physical possibility. The age old issue about when extreme power exchange ends and abuse begins is a complex one.
For a similar reason I would never want to be with anyone who didn't care for or respect me (and vice versa), no matter what the dynamic was in the relationship or whether I was regularly beaten. For me CnC play is only possible against that background of trust and concern for another's well-being.
In the right circumstances, it can blow your mind.
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RE: Let's get it on... The CnC thread - 
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