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Learned a new word - 2/26/2016 6:02:59 AM   
betataster


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I learned a new word since coming to this website a week ago. The word is sapiosexual. Of course, most of you know it means being attracted sexually to intelligence in the way that homosexuals are attracted to folks of their own gender. Or even better, the way homosexuals are attracted to attractive people of their own gender. So here's my question:

Are dominant females often sapiosexual? Are they attracted very much to an intelligent submissive?

< Message edited by betataster -- 2/26/2016 6:11:11 AM >


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There is no best way, best political stance, best religion, best lifestyle. There is only how we treat one another. - betataster 2016

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RE: Learned a new word - 2/26/2016 6:18:29 AM   
Cell


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I'm kinda reading into your post some idea that there's a connection between female dominants and intelligence.
Is that what you think?

(in reply to betataster)
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RE: Learned a new word - 2/26/2016 6:48:01 AM   
betataster


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What do you think? I'm new to the scene so I don't have IRL experience, I can only go by what I see here. And what I see here is that many of the Dommes looking for an actual long term relationship as opposed to just some sugar daddy seem pretty intelligent. There are a lot of women here that call themselves Dommes and post a sexy picture and say "give me your money". Obviously they're pretty intelligent if they can figure out how to make that work but I can say more than that for sure, smile.

< Message edited by betataster -- 2/26/2016 6:50:38 AM >

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RE: Learned a new word - 2/26/2016 7:09:38 AM   
Cell


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I think you're way off. You better hope you're wrong too lol... because I don't think commending findommes for their intelligence is going to do you any favours if you're looking to attract sapiosexuals =P

(in reply to betataster)
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RE: Learned a new word - 2/26/2016 7:21:42 AM   
betataster


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You totally misunderstood me? I have no idea regarding the intelligence of professional doms. I don't correspond with them. I was just jokingly saying that they're pretty smart to figure out how to get money from guys. I'm talking about lifestyle non-professional Dommes. Usually women that are self sufficient and the last thing they want is for some submissive to give the money. Maybe as a Dom yourself, you don't see how many of the profiles here fit this description. I do and I'm attracted towards them and they, in the main, strike me as intelligent.

Do you think that ALL the Dommes on this site are looking to extract money from men?

< Message edited by betataster -- 2/26/2016 7:48:28 AM >


_____________________________

There is no best way, best political stance, best religion, best lifestyle. There is only how we treat one another. - betataster 2016

Nonsense, there's no such thing as a curse. - Famous last words #262

(in reply to Cell)
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RE: Learned a new word - 2/26/2016 8:00:03 AM   
LadyPact


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Sapiosexual is just a cool word for people to say what they've been saying all along about a characteristic that they want in other people. Think about it. Don't many people say that one of the qualities that they want in a partner is for them to be intelligent? When was the last time that you ran across somebody who said, "gee, I really want to be involved with somebody who is as dumb as a box of rocks?" It's not a Dominant thing. I don't even think it's a woman thing. I know men who have stopped dating certain women because every time they opened their mouth, the stupid came out.


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The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

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RE: Learned a new word - 2/26/2016 8:15:27 AM   
betataster


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I know what you mean but you set up a sort of straw man argument in that I'm not talking box of rocks here.. Some folks think that sapiosexual is a silly made up word. Like I said, I never even heard it until I came to this site about a week ago and ran across it somewhere here.

I just wonder if there are women that are sexually attracted to a man's intelligence regardless, to a large extent of his looks, money, physical fitness, or other attributes commonly thought to be attractive. So we're not talking about box of rock stuff. Imagine a man that's good looking, fit, and of normal intelligence (no genius) vs a man that is intuitive, able to express himself, obviously very intelligent but not particularly handsome or particularly fit though not disgusting in any way. I know of my own experience relative to this but I'd like to hear from others, especially dominant women.

_____________________________

There is no best way, best political stance, best religion, best lifestyle. There is only how we treat one another. - betataster 2016

Nonsense, there's no such thing as a curse. - Famous last words #262

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RE: Learned a new word - 2/26/2016 8:19:53 AM   
Wayward5oul


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quote:

It's not a Dominant thing. I don't even think it's a woman thing.


I don't think it's a homosexual thing either, which was the feeling I got from the OP's phrasing. It's just another preference that some feel stronger about than others. Not people in particular, just people.

(in reply to LadyPact)
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RE: Learned a new word - 2/26/2016 8:29:18 AM   
betataster


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I made an example related to homosexuality but I'm straight. Not that it matters. Yes, there will be variance in the makeup of the personal pallet of what attracts one person to another. For one person, a set of six pack abs might be incredibly sexy while to another, its no big deal and to a third, it's kind of gross. But the concept of sapiosexual, as I understand it, and the reason you would have a word for it at all, goes beyond that, no? So perhaps you feel that sapiosexual is some trendy saying that doesn't really exist in the way that the word would describe?

_____________________________

There is no best way, best political stance, best religion, best lifestyle. There is only how we treat one another. - betataster 2016

Nonsense, there's no such thing as a curse. - Famous last words #262

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RE: Learned a new word - 2/26/2016 8:58:33 AM   
LadyPact


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You're making an assumption. I don't consider it a made up word at all. I consider it a descriptor and it's a way for people to simply say they are attracted to intelligence.

For your follow through, I'm going to say it depends on the woman in regard to the particular man. How she views his intelligence as a part of the overall package. How valued is that compared to something like physical appearance in her mind.

The positive in this is that the scientific research all points to women (generally) being more stimulated/attracted mentally and emotionally than visually. It's actually males that are more prone to visual stimuli and for choosing partners, that more often can place a higher importance on physical attributes. This isn't to say that either gender discounts all other characteristics of a person, so it's still a part of the whole.

Here's something else that I've observed regarding forums. In a written based medium, males who are better than average at expressing themselves via their communication skill, which is often interpreted as intelligence, tend to be more favored by women. Well written and articulate can be big bonuses for a male because it allows him to tap into those women who are attracted to those qualities. (I happen to be one of the women in that category, btw.) I often see this happen for Dominant males as well when it comes to submissive women. It can be rather interesting to see how people respond to each other based just on forum posts.


_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

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RE: Learned a new word - 2/26/2016 9:01:20 AM   
FelineRanger


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The academic analysis of the word is here and there are several other definitions here. Personally, I think the term is highly unnecessary and i agree with one of the comments under the Collins Dictionary entry that says "What's wrong with saying you're attracted to intelligence?" Beyond that, by specifically mentioning female dominants and male submissives, the OP comes off like an attempt at a subtle personal ad.

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RE: Learned a new word - 2/26/2016 9:12:28 AM   
betataster


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I have no need for a passive personal ad, subtle or otherwise. I hid my profile on CS because I got all the interest I could handle simply by actively communicating to Dommes that interested me along with a few that stumbled upon my profile and reached out to me. I've communicated with a number of Dommes just in the short week I've been here and noticed that, while sapiosexual maybe a totally superfluous term as regards sexual attraction between two people, it's also possible that it actually exists. Would it exist between any two groups of homogeneous or heterogeneous people, of course it would. I'm just speaking from my interests. And I'm in the "ask a mistress" category.

_____________________________

There is no best way, best political stance, best religion, best lifestyle. There is only how we treat one another. - betataster 2016

Nonsense, there's no such thing as a curse. - Famous last words #262

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RE: Learned a new word - 2/26/2016 9:25:05 AM   
LadyPact


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quote:

ORIGINAL: FelineRanger
The academic analysis of the word is here and there are several other definitions here. Personally, I think the term is highly unnecessary and i agree with one of the comments under the Collins Dictionary entry that says "What's wrong with saying you're attracted to intelligence?" Beyond that, by specifically mentioning female dominants and male submissives, the OP comes off like an attempt at a subtle personal ad.

I'm not going with the assumption of personal ad, so I won't go there. However, I completely appreciate the links.

I tend to go more with the definition of attracted to intelligence, rather than the one stating it's a sexuality. I know people who rate potential partners according to intelligence, even to the point of being turned off because of what they perceive as their version of intelligence, (i.e., book smart vrs street smart) being considered a lacking characteristic. I don't know if I'd categorize it the same as straight, gay, bi, asexual, or demisexual. I'm even kind of iffy about 'hetero-flexible' being an orientation, rather than a descriptor on the basis of being willing to engage in a particular act doesn't necessarily make it a specific sexual desire. (Kink aside, of course.)



_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to FelineRanger)
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RE: Learned a new word - 2/26/2016 9:29:16 AM   
betataster


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Didn't mean to imply that you personally thought it was a silly made up word, that was just something I came across online when I researched the term.

Okay, you're getting into the meat of the matter, at least part of it being male vs female wiring. Another part of it, and you could addresses this as a Domme, has to do with what a Domme vs a vanilla female is looking for in a man. I see profiles where the Domme makes a point that they're not all that interested in appearance, and not just the ones that are looking to extract cash, while many non-professional Dommes have strict appearance requirements, perhaps because they so outnumber prospective subs that they can afford to be very selective.

< Message edited by betataster -- 2/26/2016 9:31:15 AM >


_____________________________

There is no best way, best political stance, best religion, best lifestyle. There is only how we treat one another. - betataster 2016

Nonsense, there's no such thing as a curse. - Famous last words #262

(in reply to LadyPact)
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RE: Learned a new word - 2/26/2016 10:22:20 AM   
LadyPact


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quote:

ORIGINAL: betataster
Didn't mean to imply that you personally thought it was a silly made up word, that was just something I came across online when I researched the term.

Okay, you're getting into the meat of the matter, at least part of it being male vs female wiring. Another part of it, and you could addresses this as a Domme, has to do with what a Domme vs a vanilla female is looking for in a man. I see profiles where the Domme makes a point that they're not all that interested in appearance, and not just the ones that are looking to extract cash, while many non-professional Dommes have strict appearance requirements, perhaps because they so outnumber prospective subs that they can afford to be very selective.

I'm more of the mind that it's important to remember that Dominant women are still women first. We aren't terribly different than our vanilla counterparts in most areas of life. You're not usually going to find vanilla women looking for qualities like obedience, surrender, and compliance in potential mates but common characteristics like intelligence, empathy, and trustworthiness are going to be important to most people no matter how they classify themselves.

I don't have a strict appearance requirement because I do place certain personality characteristics above that. You could take all of the avatars of people away from this site and I'd still be able to tell you who I thought were the top ten submissive males that I thought were attractive based on everything but their physical appearance. On a good day, I'll even flirt.

On a site like this, yes. I would tell you that you are absolutely in competition with other male subs because the Fem Dom to male sub ratio is very skewed in the favor of women. As you are here longer, you will see this evidenced on the forums. How that competition translates to any individual Dominant woman has to do with how she prioritizes what qualities are important to her. It's a matter of getting to know people.



_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to betataster)
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RE: Learned a new word - 2/26/2016 11:38:32 PM   
dreamlady


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quote:

ORIGINAL: betataster

Are dominant females often sapiosexual? Are they attracted very much to an intelligent submissive?

None of us can speak for all or most Dominant women. Like LadyPact stated, "it's important to remember that Dominant women are still women first." Ironically, this is what many submissive males forget (mostly newbies, but it isn't just relegated to them), in that they tend to see us as being different than vanilla women since we're kinky, as if this were a mutually exclusive condition. This mainly applies to those men who put their kinks & fetishes first, those who are accustomed to sexually objectifying women in general.

I know I'm a sapiosexual, and I'll tell you what that means to me. It means that this is THE MOST IMPORTANT quality I seek in a mate, not just one quality among many. In fact, I am unable to feel sexual attraction for a man who doesn't stimulate me intellectually and who isn't verbally expressive in a gentlemanly/courtly manner.

Btw, this doesn't mean he has to be cerebral, an academic or a member of the intelligentsia, or formally highly educated. Book learning can only take you so far, and for whatever reason in my experience, I tend to be drawn to autodidactics (those who are self-taught). Besides, there are many categories of intelligence, including emotional intelligence and being socially adroit, a cultivated sort of cultured intelligence. He has to also be interesting and well-rounded, perceptive and responsive. In fact, the physical is secondary, even a tertiary consideration, since sexual chemistry doesn't rely upon physical appearance.

Another relevant component when it comes to sapiosexuality (which used to be called sapiophilia, as a fetish), is that sapiosexuals are highly attracted to other sapiosexuals, which makes sense if you stop to think about it.

There's also another term, which is "sapioromantic," defined as being romantically attracted to intelligence or human minds. Yep, I'm one of those, too. As well as a demisexual (must be emotionally involved/bonded in order to feel sexual attraction).

As you can imagine, my dating pool is about the size of a small puddle, once you factor in age range, location, and the usual stuff.


DreamLady

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Love is born with the pleasure of looking at each other, it is fed with the necessity of seeing each other, it is concluded with the impossibility of separation. ~José Marti

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RE: Learned a new word - 2/27/2016 8:58:39 AM   
betataster


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Thanks for the input, dreamlady. Yes, in my opening post I was musing if people like you were out there. Because that's what I seemed to be experiencing in my opening foray into the CS site. I cannot or will not deal with people in any other way than the manner in which I deal with them and folks seemed to find that attractive to a degree that I did not expect.

Regarding myself, I don't know if it just has to do with the difference between the way men and women are wired but I am sexually attracted to all the things that you imagine men are sexually attracted to. Which is pretty much everything. That doesn't mean I want to meet the object of my sexual attraction. For me to want to pursue a relationship with someone, there must be more than simple physical attraction. I won't say intelligence because it's more than intelligence, it's a package of which intelligence will play a greater or lesser part. Compassion, humor, many other things, no? I do like earthy women. I prefer a woman who is more comfortable cleaning up after her horse than chastising her chauffeur. Regarding the demisexual aspect, I think I have a lot of that. I cannot have satisfying sex with a woman I am not emotionally bonded to. I can go through the motions but it will not be "satisfying" for me except in that I pleased the woman.

_____________________________

There is no best way, best political stance, best religion, best lifestyle. There is only how we treat one another. - betataster 2016

Nonsense, there's no such thing as a curse. - Famous last words #262

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RE: Learned a new word - 2/27/2016 6:47:12 PM   
DarkSteven


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I believe that people are drawn to those with similar intelligence levels. Gender and Dom/sub orientation are irrelevant to this.

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"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

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