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Assistance - 7/19/2006 5:17:58 PM

MsKatHouston

Posts: 1909
Joined: 6/7/2006
From: Houston, TX
Status: offline

Would you be offended by an unsolicited offer for assistance to teach you how to better do a certain act? Would it make a difference depending on who offered? Or when? Or How?

For example if you were scening in public and afterward someone gave you suggestions on how to improve the scene...either technique, or set up, whatever...

_____________________________

-Kat

~If you can't be a good example, you'll just have to serve as a horrible warning~

Post #: 1

RE: Assistance - 7/19/2006 5:28:32 PM

Sensualips

Posts: 1013
Joined: 10/8/2005
Status: offline

If it was someone I didn't know and it was right after a scene, I would be amused and maybe annoyed. Not really offended though. A lot would depend on how it was presented.

In other situations I might be appreciative.

(in reply to MsKatHouston)

Post #: 2

RE: Assistance - 7/19/2006 5:33:09 PM

DiurnalVampire

Posts: 8125
Joined: 1/19/2006
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline

I dont know that I would necessarily appreciate an unsolicited offer to help do something better unless I believed that I was in need of improvement. Often, different styles and preferences are misinterpreted, and someones offer to improve means make how you did it more like how they like it. I dont know that I see that as "better".
However, assuming the offer was made politely and didnt sound more like a come on than an actual offer to assist, I would at least entertain the idea. It would most definately make a difference on how the offer was worded, the timing and who it was made in front of. If someone honestly wants t give you advice, respectfully they should pull you aside and suggest you talk somewhere and then make it. Not announce, in front of a group, that you could use improvement and they know just how to help you.
Thats just my take, of course. I have been in clubs where I was given some pointers, but they didnt make things better, they just made them different. However, I tried them, once, and if I liked them I kept them, if not, I went back to my way. Being open to ideas makes things far more fun.

DV

(in reply to MsKatHouston)

Post #: 3

RE: Assistance - 7/19/2006 5:36:30 PM

bandit25

Posts: 3029
Joined: 6/18/2005
Status: offline

Offended? Not sure, but yeah, I'd prolly be annoyed. It does, of course, depend upon how the offer was presented.

(in reply to MsKatHouston)

Post #: 4

RE: Assistance - 7/19/2006 5:38:49 PM

IronBear

Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline

I'm always up for improvement and I'll learn from anyone as long as I believe they know what they are talking about. HOWEVER It will all depend on how they make the offer. I'm touchy and I'm a proud man. Treat or speak to me as though I'm an imbocile and you risk at the very minimum, learing all about you varied animal ancestory and which species your mother copulated with most often. I expect to be treated and spoken to as I would treat or speak to you.

_____________________________

Iron Bear

Master of Bruin Cottage

http://www.bruincottage.org

Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F.

(in reply to Sensualips)

Post #: 5

RE: Assistance - 7/19/2006 6:04:57 PM

Cloudz

Posts: 836
Joined: 9/13/2005
Status: offline

ROFLMAO

Oh yes, I have to agree with the Bear on this one. I am always open to learning a new or better way to do anything. The devil is in the details. How you approach is how you shall be received!

_____________________________

Enjoy the Journey,
~Cloudz

"Life isn't about how to survive the storm, but how to dance in the rain."

(in reply to IronBear)

Post #: 6

RE: Assistance - 7/19/2006 6:13:45 PM

crouchingtigress

Posts: 4387
Joined: 3/19/2006
From: Maui
Status: offline

ditto Iron Bear but replace proud man with proud woman

quote:

ORIGINAL: IronBear

I'm always up for improvement and I'll learn from anyone as long as I believe they know what they are talking about. HOWEVER It will all depend on how they make the offer. I'm touchy and I'm a proud man. Treat or speak to me as though I'm an imbocile and you risk at the very minimum, learing all about you varied animal ancestory and which species your mother copulated with most often. I expect to be treated and spoken to as I would treat or speak to you.

_____________________________

Service slut, durable plaything, and ponypenquincatdogpig, to Lee Harrington

This is him

"Its none of my buisness what other people think of me."

(in reply to IronBear)

Post #: 7

RE: Assistance - 7/19/2006 7:21:12 PM

MissDiandSirHugh

Posts: 1158
Joined: 8/11/2005
From: Goondiwindi ( Qld )
Status: offline

We would be offended if the person approced us and imediatly started to tell us what we did wrong in their eyes and it should have been dne in such a way no matter where we where or who was present.
But if some one was to approach us and talk as normal people shoud and in time ask if we had thought of trying what ever it was in some other way by doing this or that we would not only think about that suggestion but also ask questions our seleves to gain more knowledge and then more than likely thank them for thier imput.
This would include all sides of the life style because that way it increases our understanding of both doing the scene that was being disected and its results both through it and at the end of it.

_____________________________

HoRoo for now from Us both and enjoy all you read even if you don"t agree with us or others.
Knowledge is no Burden to Carry

(in reply to MsKatHouston)

Post #: 8

RE: Assistance - 7/19/2006 7:22:41 PM

mistoferin

Posts: 8284
Joined: 10/27/2004
Status: offline

If someone came up and said...NO NO NO stupid you are doing that all WRONG, let me show you how it's done....yeah I would probably be offended.

If someone came up and said...Excuse me, but I think I have a great suggestion for improving what you are doing...would you care to hear it?.....then by all means I would love to hear that suggestion.

It really does depend on the delivery.

_____________________________

Peace and light,
~erin~

There are no victims here...only volunteers.

When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"

(in reply to MsKatHouston)

Post #: 9

RE: Assistance - 7/19/2006 7:24:38 PM

angelic

Posts: 1807
Joined: 1/24/2005
Status: offline

The day i stop learning, is the day my ashes are strewn over the ocean.

_____________________________

~....and once you have tasted flight, you will walk the earth with your eyes turned skyward, for there you have been and there you long to return.~ -- Leonardo de Vinci

(in reply to MsKatHouston)

Post #: 10

RE: Assistance - 7/19/2006 8:03:42 PM

EvilGeoff

Posts: 523
Joined: 8/24/2005
Status: offline

Depends on how it's done. With tact and respect, as a peer with some ideas, then yeah, I might can run with it.

If they approach me with an attitude of smugness, arrogance, or superiority, and I will not only be offended, but I will point them to the nearest bus stop so they may get on, and will also tell them where and when to get off the bus.

YIK,
- Geoff

(in reply to MsKatHouston)

Post #: 11

RE: Assistance - 7/19/2006 8:18:08 PM

sleazybutterfly

Posts: 2801
Joined: 5/15/2006
Status: offline

I can't really add anything too much new. I think it does depend on how I am approached. I don't like to be, belittled..when that happens I get defensive. If someone comes at me with a kind, helping approach, I respond much better.

I think the key word is "tact", honey/vinegar and all that stuff.

~Andrea (Flutterbi)

_____________________________

~Flutterby
~Curvylicious
Just when the caterpillar thought the world was over, she became a butterfly.
Life is not a popularity contest, it's better to be hated for what you believe, than loved for a lie.

(in reply to EvilGeoff)

Post #: 12

RE: Assistance - 7/19/2006 8:24:20 PM

BitaTruble

Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MsKatHouston

Would you be offended by an unsolicited offer for assistance to teach you how to better do a certain act? Would it make a difference depending on who offered? Or when? Or How?

For example if you were scening in public and afterward someone gave you suggestions on how to improve the scene...either technique, or set up, whatever...

Wow, you guys are all so nice! ::chuckles:: As the scene is already over, there doesn't seem to be any sort of advice that would be helpful to improve it. It's a done deal already. I would be very offended if someone came over after I finished scening because that's my personal down time to relax with my partner, talk, cuddle or whatever. I really don't want people coming up to me afterwards to critique it or offer me their words of wisdom on how it should have gone or what I could have done to make it better. If I want such advice, I'm perfectly capable of asking for it. The only thing their advice is going to do is piss me off and I don't much care how they phrase it or what their intention or motivation is for coming over uninvited.

Maybe it's just me, maybe I've just been doing this for too long, but my philosophy is to just butt out.. the scene belongs to me and my partner, not someone else and we're there to entertain each other, not the masses who may be in attendance.

Personally, I think it's rather rude to suppose someone knows my partner and I better than we do and what works for us. I spend a hell of a lot of planning time, sometimes a month or more, before a scene .. so, for the record, if ya leave me the hell alone, it's all good because I certainly wouldn't do that to anyone else.

Celeste

_____________________________

"Oh, so it's just like
Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."

(in reply to MsKatHouston)

Post #: 13

RE: Assistance - 7/19/2006 8:26:09 PM

ownedgirlie

Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline

~tiptoes away quietly

(in reply to BitaTruble)

Post #: 14

RE: Assistance - 7/19/2006 8:29:23 PM

Caretakr

Posts: 1221
Joined: 6/24/2006
Status: offline

If someone says "well you could have............"

no.

If they said, "I really loved watching you do that, I like to do it.........."

(in reply to ownedgirlie)

Post #: 15

RE: Assistance - 7/19/2006 8:39:21 PM

BitaTruble

Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: ownedgirlie

~tiptoes away quietly

Exactly! ::laughs:: For the record, I ran this question by Himself and he feels pretty much the way everyone else here does.. if the person is polite, respectful, what have you, he has no problem with it.. so, I guess it is just me. Sok, though, I'm used to being weird. ::laughs::

Celeste

_____________________________

"Oh, so it's just like
Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."

(in reply to ownedgirlie)

Post #: 16

RE: Assistance - 7/19/2006 8:45:27 PM

Kree

Posts: 118
Joined: 6/13/2006
Status: offline

If someone came to me with an attitude to critique my technique, I would tend to shut them out and walk away. If I felt they had something to offer in a learning experience, I would certainly listen to what they had to say. I have been around some very talented individuals and can not imagine any of them approaching someone with a know-it-all attitude. If they felt the person might be open to learning new things, they would find a quiet time, away from others, to offer suggestions. If the highly skilled saw an ego trip, they would smile inwardly and let the person continue to think they knew everything and not offer suggestions or help.

_____________________________

Author of "Nytewhispers"

Power whispers, it has no reason to yell

(in reply to Caretakr)

Post #: 17

RE: Assistance - 7/19/2006 8:47:11 PM

Bearlee

Posts: 2311
Joined: 10/25/2004
From: South Central CO
Status: offline

If it's at a discussion/munch thang...okay. A demo...YES. During/after MY scene...NO; it's not an appropriate time or place!

...but maybe that's just me.

(in reply to BitaTruble)

Post #: 18

RE: Assistance - 7/19/2006 8:50:17 PM

ownedgirlie

Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: BitaTruble

quote:

ORIGINAL: ownedgirlie

~tiptoes away quietly

Exactly! ::laughs:: For the record, I ran this question by Himself and he feels pretty much the way everyone else here does.. if the person is polite, respectful, what have you, he has no problem with it.. so, I guess it is just me. Sok, though, I'm used to being weird. ::laughs::

Celeste

LOL well you ARE menopausal...

Actually I think I would find it a little nervey to walk up to someone right afterwards for conversation. Maybe LATER, in the course of social interaction & conversation...in the meantime, I'll just be over here ---------------->

(in reply to BitaTruble)

Post #: 19

RE: Assistance - 7/19/2006 8:54:20 PM

BitaTruble

Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline

quote:

LOL well you ARE menopausal...

Wow.. good point, hadn't thought about it but that could have something to do with my attitude. I don't think I would have had the same answer 5 years ago.. and it may change again in 5 years ... but for now.. I'll just point to my second sig line and consider it fair warning. ::chuckles::

Celeste

_____________________________

"Oh, so it's just like
Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."

(in reply to ownedgirlie)

Post #: 20

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