Could this just be an innately pure submissive masochist?

Collarspace Discussion Forums

Home Login Search

Could this just be an innately pure submissive masochist?

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> Could this just be an innately pure submissive masochist?

Page: [1]

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

Could this just be an innately pure submissive masochist? - 3/1/2016 1:16:58 AM

Greta75

Posts: 9968
Joined: 2/6/2011
Status: offline

Here's a story in my news today.

When I read this, I was just thinking, maybe...., this woman is a natural submissive masochist, but she is unfamiliar with BDSM and of course general society views this as clear cut abuse. I always wondered what kind of woman would even consider staying in such a crazy situation and even want to marry this man? She must be a natural submissive masochist. Maybe if she was educated about this kink in BDSM, she can simply have a better understanding of what she innately crave for and just enjoy it for what it is. To me, she must be getting masochistic pleasure some how, for her to insist she still loves this man and wants to stay with him and continue to suffer all these. I mean, she's not even financially reliant on him. She's supporting his expenses as well!!! In some crazy way, the counselors are calling this abuse, but I see this as consensual!

What do ya all think?

Nellie, 21, an administrator, had to send him pictures of herself throughout the day and answer his calls within a certain number of rings. Phillip also installed a programme on her phone to monitor her activities. He even got physical, throttling, kicking, punching and slapping her. He also made Nellie pay for his bills and settle his debts. Nellie is a victim of dating abuse.

In another move to keep tabs on Nellie, Phillip made her switch on her laptop as soon as she got home from work. To further control her, she was not allowed to share her problems with friends or family and her contact with them was restricted.

Phillip also constantly accused Nellie of cheating on him and used vulgarities on her. Nellie eventually got tired of his relentless harassing. So to make him stop talking about it, she lied to him that she has been unfaithful.

This worsened their relationship as Philip started telling her that she deserved the abuse because of her "infidelity". He also got physical. During a particular violent incident, Nellie needed stitches after she hit her head on the edge of a wall when he pushed her in public.

The abuse in their relationship has been going on for two years.

The couple are planning to get married and Nellie is hopeful that things will improve after marriage.

Nellie has sought help but she said she really loves Philip and want to stay in the relationship.

She is also unable to go for regular counseling because Philip is against the idea.

Profile

Post #: 1

RE: Could this just be an innately pure submissive maso... - 3/1/2016 2:29:53 AM

tastytart

Posts: 4
Joined: 5/11/2004
Status: offline

The things that make it scream abuse to me is that she's not allowed to share problems with friends and family.
She's scared enough of him to lie to him,
She's hoping the relationship will improve,
And that she's not allowed to get regular counseling.

she just has to see it for her self, then find a way to leave safely... It's not always easy to see an abusive relationship from the inside.

(in reply to Greta75)

Profile

Post #: 2

RE: Could this just be an innately pure submissive maso... - 3/1/2016 2:39:10 AM

Greta75

Posts: 9968
Joined: 2/6/2011
Status: offline

But she has to know on some level, this man is seriously fucked up!
I mean, the problem is, alot of people who enjoy these things in BDSM, if they told a counselor they enjoy it, they would still be seen as abused.

But a vanilla person, who find themselves gravitated towards such situations, on a certain awareness level, they gotta know, this man is abusive, yet they still feel drawn to him and want to be with him.

In this situation, she is completely financially independent. They are just dating. Yet she's gonna marry him.

I have a feeling that if she was exposed to BDSM, and explained that some women like these stuffs. She might realise, yea, she actually likes this! I mean..., the thing is, society tells you, you aren't suppose to like this! But to me, she innately likes it, because she's gravitated towards him. Most women would be running like hell away from him!

PS: The counselling, she only went because her friends who were appalled, pressured her to go or they reported her case to a local counselling place that helps abused victims.

< Message edited by Greta75 -- 3/1/2016 2:45:56 AM >

(in reply to tastytart)

Profile

Post #: 3

RE: Could this just be an innately pure submissive maso... - 3/1/2016 4:43:14 PM

littleclip

Posts: 869
Joined: 5/31/2012
Status: offline

the best thing to do for her is make sure she knows there is always someone she can call. trying to help can make things much worse and harder for her to ask for or get help. i made that mistake myself as many others have and it still hurts me. let her know there are support groups and manny that will drop everything and help her. untill she accepts the help nothing you can do will make it better. keep supporting her and always answer her calls

_____________________________

currently owned by LadyAthena15805
i will always come to the call of those i love

(in reply to Greta75)

Profile

Post #: 4

RE: Could this just be an innately pure submissive maso... - 3/1/2016 4:57:35 PM

mousekabob

Posts: 187
Status: offline

No. This is clear cut abuse. There's no consensual bdsm in this anywhere and I find it strange that you would think that there possibly is. She's simply afraid of him and so she does what she is told. She's probably also afraid to be on her own without him or anyone for that matter. I find lots of times, those who are abused stay because they fear what is on the outside even more than what's on the inside.

_____________________________

aka littlewonder
------------------------
Nothing has changed
Everything has changed

(in reply to littleclip)

Profile

Post #: 5

RE: Could this just be an innately pure submissive maso... - 3/1/2016 5:04:40 PM

littleladybug

Posts: 1082
Joined: 5/30/2013
Status: offline

How is this even remotely consensual?

I'd define it as "seriously fucked up". Period.

(in reply to mousekabob)

Profile

Post #: 6

RE: Could this just be an innately pure submissive maso... - 3/1/2016 5:43:39 PM

Greta75

Posts: 9968
Joined: 2/6/2011
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: mousekabob
I find lots of times, those who are abused stay because they fear what is on the outside even more than what's on the inside.

Perhaps I just cannot imagine how could outside feel scarier than what's inside, if that is what she is experiencing inside.

I mean...., she was alone before she met him, so her decision making skills must be, the abuse is better than, being alone. And for someone to innately gravitate towards that decision, could be innately masochistic.

If she was financially reliant on him, it becomes understandable. But this woman is supporting him financially on top of taking all his shit. It's just incredible. She can just walk away. There is nothing holding her back but herself. They aren't even married. There is no kids. No financial reliance on him. Nothing.

I would personally love to interrogate her if only I knew her personally to understand the psyche! And I just want to explain to her what masochism is about and ask her if that kinda arouses her.

< Message edited by Greta75 -- 3/1/2016 5:46:52 PM >

(in reply to mousekabob)

Profile

Post #: 7

RE: Could this just be an innately pure submissive maso... - 3/1/2016 5:51:47 PM

ThatDizzyChick

Posts: 5490
Status: offline

quote:

Could this just be an innately pure submissive masochist?

No.

_____________________________

Not your average bimbo.

(in reply to Greta75)

Profile

Post #: 8

RE: Could this just be an innately pure submissive maso... - 3/27/2016 5:04:33 PM

Eayore

Posts: 12
Joined: 3/27/2016
Status: offline

Firstly, I have doubts about whether Nellie and Phillip are real. I’m not just talking about ‘names have been altered to protect the innocent.’ To me this seems like a scenario written by a journalist, based on a composite of facts known about abusive relationships. (One reason I’m saying this is that I can’t imagine “Nellie” would be so candid about all the things she has experienced, if she did genuinely still intend to marry him.)

To answer your question, do I think this woman is a natural submissive masochist, but unfamiliar with BDSM? I don’t think there is any way of knowing from this article, whether she has her own submissive or masochistic desires. There could be so many other reasons why she stays trapped in the relationship, which have nothing to do with submission or masochism. Similarly, I wouldn’t like to guess whether she is familiar with BDSM or not.

One thing I believe for sure is this guy is not a suitable partner for any kind of BDSM lifestyle… or any lifestyle at all, for that matter. Seriously “f***ed up” is the correct term for him. I hope he gets treatment before he kills or permanently injures somebody.

_____________________________

Eayore
#insubordinatehusband

(in reply to ThatDizzyChick)

Profile

Post #: 9

RE: Could this just be an innately pure submissive maso... - 3/27/2016 10:32:22 PM

Commonplace

Posts: 12
Joined: 7/11/2014
Status: offline

What differentiates what my partner does and what he does is intention.

His intention is to abuse, control, coerce, isolate, punish, humiliate.

My partners intention is to facilitate a meaningful and mutually satisfying relationship.

Him & I are equal partners each taking what we need from our relationship.

He is taking what he wants while she is hoping it will change - that's inequality. Two people, one situation, two very different realities.

That's abuse period & he needs to be locked up.

You cannot be something if you know nothing about it. I'm not an astronaut because I know nothing about being one. She's not a submissive masochist because nothing in this tells me she knows anything about being one.

(in reply to Eayore)

Profile

Post #: 10