How to put it? (Full Version)

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SuaveGentleman -> How to put it? (3/3/2016 11:48:59 PM)

So .. serving up the divorce notice question.

If you are filing for divorce on the basis that "I am into BDSM and my spouse isn't at all, hence we dont get along", whats the right way to put it? I dont think BDSM is accepted legally.. so while I want to say the truth I dont want to end up in jail. Or paying huge damages. The spouse in question is not really after me for either of those 2 - we both want it to end in a peaceful, dignified manner and part as friends.

I was under the impression that you dont have to say specifically what the issue is as long as both partners feel they dont get along and it is a mutually agreed upon decision. However, it seems the judge is more curious about the details than he should be in some systems.

Any suggestions from friends who might have been through similar situations?

- asn



OsideGirl -> RE: How to put it? (3/3/2016 11:59:02 PM)

irrecconcilable differences



Dvr22999874 -> RE: How to put it? (3/4/2016 12:00:49 AM)

In this country, the divorce is filed on the grounds of irretrievable breakdown of marriage.....................We have 'no blame' divorce laws here which make things a lot simpler and there is no need to go into any more details.



SuaveGentleman -> RE: How to put it? (3/4/2016 12:03:48 AM)

I thought of "irreconcilable differences" too, apparently the judge asks "what does that mean? explain". ugh.

- asn



Greta75 -> RE: How to put it? (3/4/2016 12:05:31 AM)

Yup, Irreconcilable differences. I thought if it was a peaceful divorce, then, both of you can decide the terms of the divorce, and the judge just signs off on it, game over! If it's a peaceful divorce, everything is soooo easy! Just say that, the feelings ain't there anymore for each other.



HisForLife71 -> RE: How to put it? (3/4/2016 12:10:05 AM)

On the specifics of explaining the differences. Just say you have absolutely opposing beliefs on how a relationship works. You are completely incompatible and it's causing misery on both sides.



DaddySatyr -> RE: How to put it? (3/4/2016 12:28:23 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: SuaveGentleman

So .. serving up the divorce notice question.

If you are filing for divorce on the basis that "I am into BDSM and my spouse isn't at all, hence we dont get along", whats the right way to put it? I dont think BDSM is accepted legally.. so while I want to say the truth I dont want to end up in jail. Or paying huge damages. The spouse in question is not really after me for either of those 2 - we both want it to end in a peaceful, dignified manner and part as friends.

I was under the impression that you dont have to say specifically what the issue is as long as both partners feel they dont get along and it is a mutually agreed upon decision. However, it seems the judge is more curious about the details than he should be in some systems.

Any suggestions from friends who might have been through similar situations?

- asn



Having been through a divorce lo, these many years past, I'd be interested in hearing how that works out for you.

Let me just share a little piece of advice from my experience: if she's retained a lawyer and you continue to believe that is her stance, you might very well be surprised, when it's all over.



Michael



SuaveGentleman -> RE: How to put it? (3/4/2016 12:41:30 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: DaddySatyr


quote:

ORIGINAL: SuaveGentleman

I dont want to end up in jail. Or paying huge damages. The spouse in question is not really after me for either of those 2 - we both want it to end in a peaceful, dignified manner and part as friends.



Having been through a divorce lo, these many years past, I'd be interested in hearing how that works out for you.

Let me just share a little piece of advice from my experience: if she's retained a lawyer and you continue to believe that is her stance, you might very well be surprised, when it's all over.

Michael


I dont know if it will come across as ironic for me to be defending her at this point in time, but I am happy to say you are wrong. She has not retained a lawyer, in fact she has asked me to discuss and advise on how we can best phrase it so that it causes minimal damages to me. I understand everyone has their own perspective and history, and I respect that. I would only, humbly, request you not to fling mud into this particular instance.

No hard feelings whatsoever - just that your statement made me a little defensive and protective about her. Curse of habit I guess.

If somewhere down the line I am proven wrong I shall come and personally apologize to you.

- asn



DOM68005 -> RE: How to put it? (3/4/2016 3:34:52 AM)

A few years ago "No Fault Divorce" was in the news and many lawyers advertised their service to such possible clients.
I am blessed not to know more than that, but it may something to Google for a someone that can do that for you.



longwayhome -> RE: How to put it? (3/4/2016 3:55:39 AM)

Would it be possible in your country to use a mediator, who could be trained or experienced in mediation or a qualified lawyer?

I know many people who agreed to part but did not want to have opposing lawyers because that would make a bad situation even more painful. If you can genuinely come to a fair deal between you (think 50:50, not one person walking away with more) then a mediator can help you put together a settlement that a court would accept. You have to be genuinely up for no blame and splitting everything down the middle though. That can avoid cashing in pension pots and selling family assets if you are smart about it.

In terms of the divorce process once all the money is sorted out, every jurisdiction however is different. In the UK there is no such thing as a "no fault" divorce. Someone has to take the blame, unless you are willing to wait for two years and divorce by consent. It is five years if both parties do not consent. Otherwise it has to be adultery, unreasonable behaviour or desertion.

The only reason I say this is that you will need to take advice on the specific grounds for divorce, because people often get it badly wrong. People in the UK people talk about "no fault divorce" or "irreconcilable differences", but it's all tosh. If you want to get divorced in less than two years, some poor bugger has to take the blame legally.

In most jurisdictions however a court will not waste its time interfering in a fair financial settlement both parties have made in advance. That may be different in your country, if one party has to admit blame.

Good luck with your aim of a harmonious divorce; many try but few succeed.



crazyml -> RE: How to put it? (3/4/2016 4:24:39 AM)

Google is your friend.

http://www.futurescopes.com/getting-divorce/821/guide-getting-divorce-india-mutual-consent

It would seem that, by far, the simplest thing for you both to do is to separate for a year...

quote:

Divorce by Mutual Consent

Seeking a divorce in India is a long-drawn out legal affair, where the period of prosecution takes a minimum of six months. However, the time and money required to obtain a divorce can be considerably shortened if the couple seeks divorce by mutual consent. In this case, estranged spouses can mutually agree to a settlement and file for a “no-fault divorce” under Section 13B of the Hindu Marriage Act 1955. All marriages which have been solemnized before or after the Marriage Laws (Amendment) Act 1976, are entitled to make use of the provision of divorce by mutual consent. However, for filing for a divorce on this ground, it is necessary for the husband and wife to have lived separately for at least a year.



longwayhome -> RE: How to put it? (3/4/2016 4:42:16 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: crazyml

Google is your friend.

http://www.futurescopes.com/getting-divorce/821/guide-getting-divorce-india-mutual-consent

It would seem that, by far, the simplest thing for you both to do is to separate for a year...

quote:

Divorce by Mutual Consent

Seeking a divorce in India is a long-drawn out legal affair, where the period of prosecution takes a minimum of six months. However, the time and money required to obtain a divorce can be considerably shortened if the couple seeks divorce by mutual consent. In this case, estranged spouses can mutually agree to a settlement and file for a “no-fault divorce” under Section 13B of the Hindu Marriage Act 1955. All marriages which have been solemnized before or after the Marriage Laws (Amendment) Act 1976, are entitled to make use of the provision of divorce by mutual consent. However, for filing for a divorce on this ground, it is necessary for the husband and wife to have lived separately for at least a year.



Google is certainly not your friend (apologies for making that point) but using a search engine certainly helps.

It seems that Indian marital law is very similar to UK law (not surprisingly) with the advantage that you only need live apart for one year in India instead of two in the UK.

Trying to find some kind of mediator to act as a referee for your divorce settlement then seems entirely possible, avoiding both of you having opposing lawyers.

Worked for me (two years apart, one afternoon working through our assets, no court representation).



WickedsDesire -> RE: How to put it? (3/4/2016 9:53:01 AM)

I always view whatever you say OP with a modicum of disbelief and you know why that is.

Here is what you said.
I am married
I married my wife, she had no idea I was into bdsm.
I now wish to divorce my wife because you are into BDSM and she is not. Did she know this before you got married.
I did too. But the fundamental difference was I married her for the full package she represented.
Are you defining a relationship for you is the other person must be into bdsm and nothing else matter regarding your fundamental driving force/singular reason.
What do you define as BDSM, handcuffs, blindfold, spanking thrashings beatings and so on. I thought some still; stone, beat people to sticks, rape etc in some parts of your country



UllrsIshtar -> RE: How to put it? (3/4/2016 10:17:02 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: DaddySatyr


quote:

ORIGINAL: SuaveGentleman

So .. serving up the divorce notice question.

If you are filing for divorce on the basis that "I am into BDSM and my spouse isn't at all, hence we dont get along", whats the right way to put it? I dont think BDSM is accepted legally.. so while I want to say the truth I dont want to end up in jail. Or paying huge damages. The spouse in question is not really after me for either of those 2 - we both want it to end in a peaceful, dignified manner and part as friends.

I was under the impression that you dont have to say specifically what the issue is as long as both partners feel they dont get along and it is a mutually agreed upon decision. However, it seems the judge is more curious about the details than he should be in some systems.

Any suggestions from friends who might have been through similar situations?

- asn



Having been through a divorce lo, these many years past, I'd be interested in hearing how that works out for you.

Let me just share a little piece of advice from my experience: if she's retained a lawyer and you continue to believe that is her stance, you might very well be surprised, when it's all over.



Michael


Your experience it typically American. It rarely goes down like that in most other countries I'm familiar with. In part, because laws don't allow partners to screw each other over as much as they do here, in part because lawyers are not in the habit to push their clients to go for blood, and in part because women of other cultures don't tend to see men in the same light as women tend to do here.
Uncontested divorces that go down peacefully and are agreeable to both parties involved are the norm in those countries, not the exception like they are here.

Sorry you had to go through that though.



SuaveGentleman -> RE: How to put it? (3/4/2016 12:09:27 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: WickedsDesire

I always view whatever you say OP with a modicum of disbelief and you know why that is.

Here is what you said.
I am married
I married my wife, she had no idea I was into bdsm.
I now wish to divorce my wife because you are into BDSM and she is not. Did she know this before you got married.
I did too. But the fundamental difference was I married her for the full package she represented.
Are you defining a relationship for you is the other person must be into bdsm and nothing else matter regarding your fundamental driving force/singular reason.
What do you define as BDSM, handcuffs, blindfold, spanking thrashings beatings and so on. I thought some still; stone, beat people to sticks, rape etc in some parts of your country



Firstly, I have no idea what your last 2 sentences were meant to convey. You think people rape in my country? News flash! So do people in yours. At any rate I see no relevance of that point with my question. You want to know my definition of BDSM? Get to know me and spend time with me.

You seem very concerned about how I got myself into this situation. No sire, I did not know I was into BDSM before I got married. People change and evolve both before and after marriage, and if such has not been your experience, count yourself as fortunate. If you would like I can sit and describe to you the entire case history. But I doubt your concern would overflow beyond your vitriol.

I am sure you will no doubt have something to say to that. Go ahead. Allow me to merely say I do not wash my dirty linen in public. We can have a beautiful and poetic exchange if you might want to seek out my inbox. Entertainment guaranteed, definitely for me.

@everyone else - thank you for your support and your suggestions. The "mutual consent" is the one I read about too, and I agree that sounds the most benign way to go. Thank you for taking the trouble and hunting out Indian marital law - I could not have expected so much.

@Wicked - see? Some people try to help. It is so easy to judge, so hard to walk a mile in someone's shoes.



Cinnamongirl67 -> RE: How to put it? (3/4/2016 12:25:50 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: WickedsDesire

I always view whatever you say OP with a modicum of disbelief and you know why that is.

Here is what you said.
I am married
I married my wife, she had no idea I was into bdsm.
I now wish to divorce my wife because you are into BDSM and she is not. Did she know this before you got married.
I did too. But the fundamental difference was I married her for the full package she represented.
Are you defining a relationship for you is the other person must be into bdsm and nothing else matter regarding your fundamental driving force/singular reason.
What do you define as BDSM, handcuffs, blindfold, spanking thrashings beatings and so on. I thought some still; stone, beat people to sticks, rape etc in some parts of your country



Yikes! Someone laced your muffin with some sassy meanness today.
PAss me the cAke and Chardonnay my husband refused to give me a knick knack patty whack.



DesFIP -> RE: How to put it? (3/4/2016 3:04:03 PM)

NY State lacks irreconcilable differences as grounds for divorce for some unknown reason. I forget what the lawyers said instead.
But since we had agreed on the settlement, that's all that mattered here.

Both of you need to see a lawyer, I don't think you can share one. If you do, then the spouse who doesn't pay the bills can claim they weren't fairly represented.



Wayward5oul -> RE: How to put it? (3/4/2016 3:33:49 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP
Both of you need to see a lawyer, I don't think you can share one. If you do, then the spouse who doesn't pay the bills can claim they weren't fairly represented.

If that is the law in NY, I don't think its the norm for most states. Its pretty common for people who are going about it ( or attempting to ) in an amicable manner to get a mediator or share a lawyer, provided there are not a lot of assets involved.

Its not widely recommended, but its done.

As far as the representation point goes, that's not necessarily the case either. At least not in civil suits. I ended up in court again not long after after my amicable divorce where we shared a lawyer and my ex paid (so technically he was the one represented). In court, that fact was entirely irrelevant.



mousekabob -> RE: How to put it? (3/4/2016 3:57:12 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: SuaveGentleman

I thought of "irreconcilable differences" too, apparently the judge asks "what does that mean? explain". ugh.

- asn


sexual incompatibility



WickedsDesire -> RE: How to put it? (3/4/2016 4:45:21 PM)

Sits Cinnamongirl67 on his knee. perhaps whisper into my ears any and all questions - i will reply no matter how you word them in a honest manner...did you see my last post
i think i said
Op offered no reality well it has none at all It is not difficult to work out it is sactually a guy and is no slave.

The odd regular on here does, have a reality, and when they have a reality they can sit in judgment, as I do on my throne of many muffin wrappers and empty wine bottles strewn asunder, resiting, most of the time to stamp on as utter garbage, and those without reality proclaiming the higher moral ground.

Heh I am up late this eve now what one of the many shall it be, crumpets is exempt.
Now, I wonder what one of you ladies, who are not an actual lady shall I chose, Count to ten, before I declare a snake of poison and free muffins and shoes for all

back to this "thread"_________as for Op all your threads are the same no matter the identity.....but heh let me entertain a lying ass hole, such as your fine self, if it will excite cinnamon she has has 100 times your value and oi do not even know if it is real - now keep up, so back to OP my last two lines said this exactly i will switch to verbatim

Second last line I said was I did too. But the fundamental difference was I married her for the full package she represented.
whats not to get she liked the lights out and nothing else.

My last line was Are you defining a relationship for you is the other person must be into bdsm and nothing else matter regarding your fundamental driving force/singular reason.
What do you define as BDSM, handcuffs, blindfold, spanking thrashings beatings and so on. I thought some still; stone, beat people to sticks, rape etc in some parts of your country

You have no reality and that women does not exist and i doubt you are even married. But I was very concise in asking how you define BDSM, from a land that beats, stones rapes people to death and I am not talking about the odd one now I am

over to you fake asshole (it is what it is)



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