Does anyone ever wonder where etheir interest in BDSM came from ? (Full Version)

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Tantalust -> Does anyone ever wonder where etheir interest in BDSM came from ? (3/4/2016 6:26:56 AM)

Talking with my shrink yesterday, the best shrink I have ever had for the places they will allow me to go, a Transgender LGBT shrink where the subject of BDSM came up and through various I with surprise to myself admitted BDSM is linked to my spirituality and it is also linked to my gender dysphoria of which elicited a mind flash back to something I had forgotten way back when I was impressionable, that of my Roman Catholic upbringing, ah yes crucifixions of which are a BDSM attraction as are inquisitional scenes ergo I wonder if my lifelong BDSM interest is because of the family religion where I further wonder am I seeking to use BDSM as a tool to work the shadows out, sort of a form of catharsis ?



ThatDizzyChick -> RE: Does anyone ever wonder where etheir interest in BDSM came from ? (3/4/2016 8:29:40 AM)

Not me, I simply accept that it is an aspect of my sexuality



UllrsIshtar -> RE: Does anyone ever wonder where etheir interest in BDSM came from ? (3/4/2016 9:24:47 AM)

When I was 4, I freaked out my mother because she walked into my room in the morning and I had tied myself to my bed by the neck with a belt.
She thought I was trying to kill myself.

I wasn't. I was playing 'puppy'.

I have nothing in my childhood whatsoever to explain why I'm kinky. I've always been this way. Nothing's happened to cause it, it's just who I am.

Kink IS my sexuality, just like gay people are homosexual. Kink isn't something I do, it's something I am.

Kink and sex are the same thing for me. I cannot get off via sex alone without kink, although I can get off on kink without sex. If I'd have to make the choice between giving up kink or sex, I wouldn't even stop for a moment to consider it. Sex would be out the door.



stef -> RE: Does anyone ever wonder where etheir interest in BDSM came from ? (3/4/2016 2:33:10 PM)

Nope.



Dvr22999874 -> RE: Does anyone ever wonder where etheir interest in BDSM came from ? (3/4/2016 2:42:08 PM)

I KNOW where mine was triggered and I am perfectly content with who and what I am.



mousekabob -> RE: Does anyone ever wonder where etheir interest in BDSM came from ? (3/4/2016 4:01:04 PM)

No, I've never wondered where it came from. Doesn't seem important to me.

But if I had to guess, I grew up in a traditional Christian household. It's what I'm comfortable with. It's what I like. Nothing mysterious about it for me.



Greta75 -> RE: Does anyone ever wonder where etheir interest in BDSM came from ? (3/4/2016 6:50:37 PM)

I see it just like being gay. If I was gay, I don't ponder where being gay comes from. I believe I was born to be into BDSM. My kinks and me are one! I knew what I was into since I have memories. Just like gay people would probably experience gay revelations when they were from very young, but still didn't understand what it means. It was exactly like that for me with bdsm.



peppermint -> RE: Does anyone ever wonder where etheir interest in BDSM came from ? (3/4/2016 8:11:44 PM)

Years ago I went through a period when I wanted to understand why I was like I am. It haunted me. I read everything I could to try to explain it. Then one day the answer came to me.

The answer is that it doesn't matter at all why I am into all this. What matters is that I accept what I am and love myself, no matter what.

I haven't worried about it ever again.



DocStrange -> RE: Does anyone ever wonder where etheir interest in BDSM came from ? (3/4/2016 8:36:21 PM)

The richest of the rich, the poorest of the poor, catholics, jews, buddhists, atheists, lawyers, ceo's factory workers, tailors, mechanics, chinese, americans, germans, the blue collar worker, the white collar worker, the average joe, people from every walk of life and every religion have enjoyed BDSM.

You are a grown adult. You make your own decisions. I would suggest you try to focus on your desires and why you enjoy those desires. Do not look to the past but rather look to now and answer "What is it you enjoy?", then ask yourself "Why do you find it pleasurable?" Many when asked these questions cannot answer. I would encourage to seek out those answers. Do not look to the past for answers. Answer the questions in the now. It will help you to better understand your BDSM desires.



ResidentSadist -> RE: Does anyone ever wonder where etheir interest in BDSM came from ? (3/5/2016 7:07:55 AM)

I have heard several people say that BDSM was cathartic for them. It is the opposite for me. It not the release of something repressed, it is an expression of my unrepressed dominance and sadism. I was a preteen when I learned that we are not born with morals, there is no divine or inherent set of human morals. Your morals are a result of environment. So I accepted, embarrassed and nourished my perversions with careless abandon.

My BDSM interests were sparked by the books I read, a kinky swinger that was twice my age and sneaking into gay leather bars when I was underage.



thorneyone -> RE: Does anyone ever wonder where etheir interest in BDSM came from ? (3/13/2016 4:19:13 PM)

I do not wonder because I think I know.
The issue is; was it started by an incident where I was sexually assaulted as a young boy? or was it already there and just enhanced or encouraged further by that assault?
The one telling upshot of my experience was that I enjoyed it and it became the basis of masturbation fantasy.
I have been discussing a similar issue to this in another BDSM Forum.
I suppose if we are not careful, we tend to reckon our own experience to be common to everyone, but that is simply not the case.
Active and Passive personas come about from an initial fascination with either.
All I know is that my own early years were critically and adversely influenced by my experiences and it's been a long slog resolving guilt and shame.
On a positive note, coming on here and revealing things is cathartic.



camille65 -> RE: Does anyone ever wonder where etheir interest in BDSM came from ? (3/13/2016 6:34:04 PM)

FR

I tend to be analytical, so yes I've wondered and done some thinking about it. For me I'm pretty sure it is a multi-faceted thing. My dad has a very strong alpha personality and in their relationship my mother is the quiet helpful one. So I grew up with that model of M/f, now I don't know if my submissiveness is a learned or inherited part of my personality. I'm most content and secure being a follower, provided the leadership is up to par. The natural submissiveness of my nature and desire for kinky sex led me to some bad relationships. Looking back I can see that a shaky self-esteem kept me at that stage for awhile.

From my earliest sexual memories, kink has played a part. It is what gets me off. I have an early and very fuzzy memory of some movie, a girl was covered in paint and paraded in front of a group. It doesn't sound like much but to my 8 year old self it was very enticing/sexual.

Now what I've never quite figured out is: which plays a heavier part in being 'me'. Kink or submission. They feel so entwined that I can't separate them.



dreamlady -> RE: Does anyone ever wonder where etheir interest in BDSM came from ? (3/13/2016 9:48:46 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: camille65
I tend to be analytical, so yes I've wondered and done some thinking about it. For me I'm pretty sure it is a multi-faceted thing. My dad has a very strong alpha personality and in their relationship my mother is the quiet helpful one. So I grew up with that model of M/f, now I don't know if my submissiveness is a learned or inherited part of my personality. . . .

From my earliest sexual memories, kink has played a part. It is what gets me off.
<snip>

I think most of us have early memories of scenes in movies or shows which resonated inside and left an indelible impression upon us.

I grew up with a model of two strong-willed parents who were incredibly compatible with and completely devoted to one another and to our family for over 30 years as soul mates.
They showed (proved by example) how it is possible to function daily in an intimate partnership of equals, and that marital bliss can endure.
Hard act to follow.

I don't see in terms of kink per se, but in terms of mutually meeting needs, however that may unfold or progress.

My earliest fantasies were fed more by the (adult-level) books I read voraciously. There's some good stuff in classical literature. Cinematic influences weren't nearly as strong, and growing up overseas in insular cultural environments, exposure to English-language films and programming was limited.

Outside of my family, I was probably more influenced by military protocol. In order to be the best soldier you can be, you must be an obedient subordinate, hence submissive. You must also demonstrate that you can protect others and be willing to lay down your life when duty calls. If you are career military, then you must also have leadership skills and abilities. There is no incongruence in being both an officer in charge of those whom you outrank AND being a gentleman.

In other words, you can be submissive and still be an effective leader and protective warrior. You can be Dominant and still defer to others in authority and gain their respect and recognition. No matter what, there is always going to be somebody subordinate to you over whom you are responsible. There is always going to be somebody superior in power and authority to you who is responsible for your well-being, and there is no wiggle room to shirk the responsibilities to which you are assigned. You also take personal responsibility for representing your country to the best of your ability as an ambassador-at-large, regardless of who you are -- no ambiguity there.

DreamLady



DaddySatyr -> RE: Does anyone ever wonder where etheir interest in BDSM came from ? (3/14/2016 1:18:20 AM)


I have next to no interest in BDSM. In fact, if I were to identify as "kinky", I'd probably be lying.

I do know whence my D/s proclivities originate. There have been a ton of studies that have concluded that young boys who have been abused usually go one of two ways: they become abusers, themselves or they become "protectors" (or "Daddy").



Michael



Greta75 -> RE: Does anyone ever wonder where etheir interest in BDSM came from ? (3/14/2016 2:04:05 AM)

FR
It seems like everybody attribute it to some life incident.
My parents had an equal relationship. Both were out working all day, and pulled equal salary, and both just as busy. Both parents are never home. So both never really had to take care of kids. They hired help for that. So I know d/s ain't from my parents model.
I already knew I was into bdsm, BEFORE I got molested twice. So I know it's not stem from abuse.
I didn't live with my parents until 7 yr old, prior to that, lived with a very loving grandpa, who treated me like a boy, and spoiled me rotten, and we did boys things, fishing, spider catching, hiking, swimming, cycling, I don't know, we are always outdoors doing stuffs. So technically also, I already knew I was into BDSM, BEFORE parental physical and emotional abused occur.

So I can't identify my bdsm with later abuses. I just innately had bdsm fantasies ever since, I have memories. It started seriously young. And they stayed with me since kid, reoccurring fantasies, alot of self-exploration, that later in life, in my teens, did I start hunting for boys to play them out with.

The very interesting bit is, through collarspace itself. I have spoken to many people who were like me. As in, BDSM awareness since they have memories. You are talking 3 to 5 yr olds. You already have fantasies. But at that age, you don't identify it as sexual but just things you think you will enjoy and feel desire for. Only when you grow up then you realise those are actually sexual.

It's like molestation. I didn't even know what molestation is, and whether is it a crime or not, until I was 12. When you get molested at 10. All you know is, the feeling is horrible, and it's against your will, you don't like what is being done, but you have no clue whether the person did anything wrong or not. Because you had no reference or even any knowledge about what sexuality is.



WilliamWizer -> RE: Does anyone ever wonder where etheir interest in BDSM came from ? (3/14/2016 4:02:44 AM)

In my case... I just never fit in what society expected of me and I got bullied because of that (and a few other reasons that are best left for another time)

I endured it the best I could and before I knew I had learned by myself that I am me and to hell with those that don't understand. then... I found others that had (or could have) similar problems and for some reason I wanted to help them. I wanted to show them that you aren't less just because others think less of you. you are less when you can't acknowledge your good traits and laugh in the face of those bad traits you may have. I found that some people need to be lead and helped to endure because they can't do alone. I was still too young to know about dominance and submission but I wanted to help those girls that did their best and more but get isolated because they don't fit in what society expects of you.

I just wanted to tell them "don't worry. you aren't alone and you aren't useless. all you need to do is smile, believe in yourself and do this (replace this with whatever she needed to do in my opinion)"

as for the kinky side of BDSM... I think I have always loved to see girls tied. most boys want to be the hero of the story. I'm more like an anti-hero. I want to have my own damsel in distress and enjoy how she struggles to get free while I slowly seduce her until she doesn't want to be rescued. over the years my tastes have changed, refined, expanded and become more sexual in nature but it all began more or less like that.

I even enjoyed tying the neighbors daughter using scarfs or whatever we could find and leaving her on the bed trying to get free while I was busy watching the TV, with my toys or reading. I always managed to keep her quiet until it was time for her to leave. and god knows she enjoyed being left defenseless and unable to get free on her own. I still wonder why a six years old girl would want to be tied until she couldn't do a thing other than struggle with the restrains but... she did. and I enjoyed watching her struggle and begging (and when it was time to go home her last words were always something like "can't I stay a bit more? please daddy. just a bit more" which I found kinda cute)



littleclip -> RE: Does anyone ever wonder where etheir interest in BDSM came from ? (3/14/2016 7:49:43 AM)

i know that there is evidence of those enjoying flogging back to 9thcentury bc in a cave aptly called the flogging cave as it has depictions of individuals being flogged and enjoying it.
i know where i first was intruduced to it was in colorado before one of my deployments 2 strippers blindfolded me and tied my hands up and i enjoyed that and the light spankings more than anything else
i know i am a service oriented slave i accept that and am comfortable with it.



DudeA -> RE: Does anyone ever wonder where etheir interest in BDSM came from ? (3/14/2016 12:49:31 PM)

To be honest, I pretty much had no interest in BDSM, until when I was around 20 and found some submissive wife's blog and I was disgusted and horrified by it at first, but it also turned me on like crazy. I think something must have triggered something in me.



LadyConstanze -> RE: Does anyone ever wonder where etheir interest in BDSM came from ? (3/14/2016 2:10:45 PM)

I don't. I think it's just somewhere hardwired in my genes, drove me nuts for ages because I got confused and thought a Sadist is the same as an abuser, so dealt with all the guilt and stuff, until I realized it's just another way of expressing intimacy.



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