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RE: Does anyone ever wonder where etheir interest in BD... - 3/14/2016 4:34:46 PM   
WilliamWizer


Posts: 223
Joined: 3/19/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyConstanze

I don't. I think it's just somewhere hardwired in my genes, drove me nuts for ages because I got confused and thought a Sadist is the same as an abuser, so dealt with all the guilt and stuff, until I realized it's just another way of expressing intimacy.


there's a fine line between a sadist and an abuser. that fine line is called consent. anything consensual is fine no matter how sadistic or hardcore is. anything that's not consensual is, by definition, an abuse.

it took me years to understand that simple truth. before that I got as confused as you Constanze. I think most of us got taught that violence is bad and sadists enjoy torturing their poor victims.

curious enough one of the lessons that helped me to understand was a little joke. a sadist and a masochist are together. the masochist says "make me suffer" to which the sadist answers "no" denying the masochist what (s)he most desires. it's the most sadistic and cruel thing possible yet it's as far from abusive as you can go. this made me realize that some things aren't what vanilla people think they are.

_____________________________

There's only two rules for a sub:
- she can do anything her Master didn't forbid her.
- she only needs to do what her Master told her to do.

(in reply to LadyConstanze)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: Does anyone ever wonder where etheir interest in BD... - 3/14/2016 8:01:24 PM   
lthrpup


Posts: 125
Joined: 4/28/2004
Status: offline 		I think people come to it in a variety of ways. In my case, mostly nature.

(in reply to WilliamWizer)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: Does anyone ever wonder where etheir interest in BD... - 3/24/2016 2:43:56 AM   
BondageersT


Posts: 196
Joined: 3/8/2016
Status: offline 		NO I JUST LIKE BEING TURNED ON XXX

(in reply to Tantalust)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: Does anyone ever wonder where etheir interest in BD... - 3/24/2016 4:58:48 AM   
maleficae


Posts: 25
Joined: 3/23/2016
From: North-East England
Status: offline 		I actually asked this question on my kink Facebook filter yesterday. Most people including myself said that it was a sort of innate inclination, then given a name and more depth by later events, relationships or encounters. Social media and television were two popular 'oh so that's what it is called' moments.

(in reply to BondageersT)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: Does anyone ever wonder where etheir interest in BD... - 3/25/2016 1:45:39 AM   
Commonplace


Posts: 12
Joined: 7/11/2014
Status: offline 		My mother is an emotionally void narcissist who chose work over her children - my need to be a SAHM - fits in with his 1950's kink.
My father is an alcoholic - my need for a man in control, focused and defendable.
I had an amazing lover in my 20's who taught me bow to have sex for me - my need for intense sexual satisfaction.
I get bored easily - my need to be consumed by sex and for intense physical sensation.
I like kink - I do things that I like.


(in reply to LadyConstanze)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: Does anyone ever wonder where etheir interest in BD... - 3/25/2016 8:55:11 AM   
WickedsDesire


Posts: 9362
Joined: 11/4/2015
Status: offline 		Shrinks are mad. You spake of these creatures of utter wretch often, even I have noticed this. Can you not think for yourself, resaon, deduce bake, cake and so on

I am led to believe we are born and as ladypact inferred it is hardwired into us...we just word it differently.

Then there is the remaining 50% and that is quite another story, a long story. and many cannot be saved.

(in reply to LadyConstanze)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: Does anyone ever wonder where etheir interest in BD... - 3/25/2016 10:09:20 AM   
Bhruic


Posts: 985
Joined: 4/11/2012
From: Toronto, Canada
Status: offline 		In my own case, I think my interest in BDSM and D/s is probably informed somewhat by childhood experiences of abandonment, and thus the desire to feel in control, coupled with a mis-equation of sex and love.

Recognizing these contributing elements of my youth have, in adulthood, allowed me to acknowledge them, understand them, accept who I am, and to convert negative experiences from childhood in to a positive and integrated sense of self.

_____________________________

pronounced "VROOick"

(in reply to WickedsDesire)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: Does anyone ever wonder where etheir interest in BD... - 3/25/2016 10:25:19 AM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: WickedsDesire
Shrinks are mad. You spake of these creatures of utter wretch often, even I have noticed this. Can you not think for yourself, resaon, deduce bake, cake and so on

I am led to believe we are born and as ladypact inferred it is hardwired into us...we just word it differently.

Then there is the remaining 50% and that is quite another story, a long story. and many cannot be saved.

Well, no offense, but I don't believe it's hardwired into all of us. Some of us are quite optional. We just don't know enough. We still have to look at those of us who have wants instead of needs. (There is a difference.)

To the OP, I'm a convert. I have fun with this stuff but except for giving up a really cool toy collection and certain friends in kink, I'd shrug my shoulders and say <meh>.


_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to WickedsDesire)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: Does anyone ever wonder where etheir interest in BD... - 3/25/2016 4:54:38 PM   
Kana


Posts: 6676
Joined: 10/24/2006
Status: offline 		Earliest sexual memory was watching some 70's TV show, maybe about witch burning. Anywho, the plot had some big haired seventies chick wearing not enough clothes forced to walk the plank with hands tied behind her, the old if she's a witch she'll float deal.

Something between the helplessness and the bondage and the sexuality of the scene lodged like a splinter in my brain.
Why that scene, I dunno.
I'd seen porn, been exposed to some forms of sexuality (I grew up in the late 60's and early 70's) but nothing stuck. Nothing elicited a reaction. But this one I remember grinding hips against the couch and getting a little woodie. So there was something present, something inherent that was awakened and brought into life...but whatever it was had been nascent, dormant, until then and came from within rather than without.

Fuck, Frazetta didn't help either now that I think of it, or all those pulp books with Damsels in Distress covers

_____________________________

"One of God's own prototypes. A high-powered mutant of some kind never even considered for mass production. Too weird to live, and too rare to die. "
HST

(in reply to LadyConstanze)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: Does anyone ever wonder where etheir interest in BD... - 3/25/2016 10:14:53 PM   
dcnovice


Posts: 37282
Joined: 8/2/2006
Status: offline
quote:

Shrinks are mad. You spake of these creatures of utter wretch often, even I have noticed this. Can you not think for yourself, resaon, deduce bake, cake and so on

Oh, dear God.

I see an oncologist for my cancer, a pulmonologist for my lung issues, and a psychiatrist for clinical depression that's probably as old as I am and rooted in brain chemistry. I don't know why the last is so stigmatized.

On second thought, I do. It's because ignorance abounds around mental health. Because I seek appropriate medical help, I can't think for myself? Can't reason? Can't deduce? Can't bake? (Okay, I'll give you that last one.) Between shrink visits, I edit a magazine, manage a complex medical life, contribute my talents to the community, co-chair a retreat ministry, and (stamina permitting) volunteer at the coolest historic house in D.C. All that takes a fair bit of reason and cognition.

I'm dismayed--but not surprised--to learn that the stigma lives on.



_____________________________

No matter how cynical you become,
it's never enough to keep up.

JANE WAGNER, THE SEARCH FOR SIGNS OF
INTELLIGENT LIFE IN THE UNIVERSE

(in reply to WickedsDesire)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: Does anyone ever wonder where etheir interest in BD... - 3/27/2016 10:53:09 AM   
needlesandpins


Posts: 3901
Status: offline 		As a child I wanted to be kidnapped away from my family because I was so miserable. As I got older that went further to a sexual nature. In my sexual life I was always rather dominant, but in fact this wasn't always what I wanted. I'm truly a switch, but I have to be with the right person or my sub side is never coming out. There are reason for this, and that is very deeply psychologically routed.

needles

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I deserved better. Not than you, but from you.

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Profile   Post #: 31
RE: Does anyone ever wonder where etheir interest in BD... - 3/27/2016 11:54:13 AM   
WickedsDesire


Posts: 9362
Joined: 11/4/2015
Status: offline 		LadyPact offence taken as I clearly also said Then there is the remaining 50% and that is quite another story, a long story.
Not the first time, now is it, you have tried to jam words into my mouth. Reminds me of particularly deranged psychotic I once new from the asylum.

(in reply to needlesandpins)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: Does anyone ever wonder where etheir interest in BD... - 3/27/2016 9:26:48 PM   
SweetlySadistic1


Posts: 74
Joined: 5/25/2014
From: Bellingham, WA U.S.A.
Status: offline 		I don't really know where my kinkiness came from and, honestly, I don't care. But I did tell my counselor a few weeks ago and he was cool with it. So that's cool. Oh, and then I went to the Dr this last week for an appt and he says "What the hell happened to your arm!?" I told him(his nurse was there too) that I'm kinky and I like to show off my toys so I smacked my paddle on my own arm so my friends could hear it and that's where the bruise came from. OMG, I thought they'd fall over laughing. lol lol

_____________________________

On CM since December 2008. I have a new username now.

Formerly NiceButMeanGirl.

MissBossyPants57 on FL

(in reply to WickedsDesire)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: Does anyone ever wonder where etheir interest in BD... - 4/11/2016 9:34:22 AM   
kinkednotbent


Posts: 1
Joined: 4/10/2016
Status: offline 		mine is easy to recall, I was young 13yrs old i was tied up by my friends older sister [15yrs old] ever since then it has been a big part of my life

(in reply to mousekabob)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: Does anyone ever wonder where etheir interest in BD... - 4/11/2016 1:03:39 PM   
SWForidaDom


Posts: 11
Joined: 10/16/2015
Status: offline 		I think it's hard wired into most of us, we mostly remember the stimulus that set it off but the predisposition was already there. Others have the same experiences but don't end up driven by their bdsm.... I don't know what percentage of the general population we actually are, certainly the numbers floating around are under estimates since the number of people willing to admit is small. When gays started coming out the psychological world thought it was 1 or 2% and now it's looking like closer to 10 and of course the bi numbers continue to get higher with more acceptance. I think we are like that except almost everyone is still in the closet to protect jobs, custody battles over kids, security clearances etc.

It is true humans car erotisize things just from sexual experiences, so there must be some of us that were exposed to bdsm in a way that added it to their already growing 'love maps'. But most of us saw a scene in a movie that turned us on and we didn't know why or got excited playing cowboys and indians when being tied up or tying someone up etc. That's why I think most of us have a predisposition for bdsm in our sexuality and are essentially just hard wired for it...

My ex was a Sexologist and she believed she could add to anyone's list of erotic turn on's but couldn't remove anything from that list for very long. From what I've seen in bdsm communities over the last 50 years I think she was right. If we are hardwired for it, that won't go away.

(in reply to LadyConstanze)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: Does anyone ever wonder where etheir interest in BD... - 4/19/2016 2:56:31 AM   
BondageersT


Posts: 196
Joined: 3/8/2016
Status: offline 		no I know exactly where they came from !

(in reply to Tantalust)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: Does anyone ever wonder where etheir interest in BD... - 4/19/2016 2:13:35 PM   
blinkingblythe


Posts: 28
Joined: 1/4/2016
From: New York City
Status: offline
quote:


When I was 4, I freaked out my mother because
she walked into my room in the morning and I
had tied myself to my bed by the neck with a
belt.
She thought I was trying to kill myself.
I wasn't. I was playing 'puppy'.


This reminds me when I was about the same age (in 1981 or so) , I
was playing the role of a giant captured monster, and I had teddy bears, etc lined up in a parade with me at the
end and I was supposed to be confined by a collar
and leash. I put a kid size leather belt around my
neck and somehow, I managed to get it on so tight that I was unable to undo the buckle, and I
had to go to my mom to unbuckle it for me. I dont think she was freaked out but more like WTF. Around that same time, my mom had a big brown winter coat with
a drawstring at the neck, and I would put it on and ask her to tie the string so it was snug around my neck, and she had to untie it for me so I could take it back off. I would lie on the bench we had in the dining room and just enjoy the feeling of the coat closed up snugly around m neck. It could not have been sexual scince puberty was several years off, but I too wonder
why I enjoyed these things so much.

Later on , still pre puberty, I developed a fetish of being in my pajamas while everybody else around me wore street clothing. this then morphed into having to wear long, formal clothes with the blouse and collar buttoned up all the waywhile everybody else wears casual, skimpy summer clothing with open necklines which sticks with me to this day.

(in reply to UllrsIshtar)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: Does anyone ever wonder where etheir interest in BD... - 4/19/2016 7:34:16 PM   
seekingOwnertoo


Posts: 1323
Joined: 8/1/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Tantalust

... which elicited a mind flash back to something I had forgotten way back when I was impressionable, that of my Roman Catholic upbringing ...


Well I could blame it on Mother Superior, the nun who was Principal of my grade school. She really did take me to her office, closed the door, made me bend over and absorb 20 "strokes" from the "board of education"! (true story)

But truthfully, it all started when i was 7 .. Catwoman tieing up Batman ... got me my first orgasm! ROFL Before that, I dreamed of women making me dance and sing naked before them.

So ... I think submitting to Dominant Females is wired in my mind as sex and lovemaking.

What else can I say? It turns me on to submit to a Female with a whip!





_____________________________

Got my second paddle! Finally! :-)

Heck I had one in 2010 .. now in 2013 another! Yes you can say, i am just a gifted slow learner!

(in reply to Tantalust)
Profile   Post #: 38
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