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longwayhome -> RE: Success rate with introducing kink to vanillas. (3/6/2016 9:16:54 PM)
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The only caveat I would make to what has been said above is that I had two long term relationships where there was initially no explicit BDSM at all, but there was a spark that we both became increasingly aware of.
Both times I was the one who eventually brought it right to the surface and both times it created a relationship and sexual dynamic which was successful over years. Indeed all of my relationships except my first whilst at school have had a strong D/s element to them. Each time I have had the explicit interest rather than my partner, and despite this I have enjoyed genuine love, had my limits stretched and learned a huge deal.
The key for me has been to be very careful in terms getting to know people as people but also being very alive to underlying dynamics and sexual tendencies. I have therefore rejected relationships where we got on like a house on fire because I wasn't convinced about the potential sexual dynamic. Saying no to a romantic relationship in such circumstances where you have lots of fun together can be a killer. Although in my experience, it is much easier if you do the friend thing rather than submitting to your first urge to sleep with someone.
The bottom line is, I suppose, that it depends what you want. It also depends whether you knew what you wanted from a partner in advance.
If you are going to "convert" someone to kink, you had better have had really good instincts in subconsciously choosing the right person, or have known what character traits and sexual interests you were looking for in advance. If not it can be unfair or even cruel to demand behaviours which are out-of someone's comfort zone. Even if my every fantasy was not on the table and there was no explicit D/s contract, my partners have always known in advance that I was into some fairly kinky stuff
In that sense I wholly endorse the previous contribution about not enticing vanilla people into kink. There is a big difference between adding fuel to a fire pretty early on, and trying to drag a long term partner up a steep slope, after you have decided you can't live without kink.
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