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Once bitten twice shy - 3/14/2016 7:33:44 PM

lmdTheDefiantOne

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I've recently ventured into a new relationship. Its pretty vanilla at the moment but we both have the intent in pressing on into more of a bdsm dynamic. My issue is, despite doing this kind of thing before and wanting to do it again, there is something holding me back, I feel completely safe and secure with this man and I know he would never hurt me. But he has left it up to me to decide when we walk through the lifestyle door. I really want to do this but I just can't take that first step... what should I do? How can I overcome my hesitation of doing something I know I will enjoy?

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RE: Once bitten twice shy - 3/14/2016 10:02:55 PM

LadyPact

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First, I'd suggest trying to figure out why you have the hesitation. If you are ready to let go of any issue you had with the last guy, you'll be ready to engage with the new one.

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Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to lmdTheDefiantOne)

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RE: Once bitten twice shy - 3/14/2016 11:58:32 PM

lmdTheDefiantOne

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I know why, it's because I'm not used to saying "okay let's do rhis " yet He has given me that power and I'm not used to it

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RE: Once bitten twice shy - 3/15/2016 7:56:39 AM

WickedsDesire

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pushes you get on with it.

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RE: Once bitten twice shy - 3/15/2016 9:15:38 AM

WinsomeDefiance

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Ok, if you are the defiant one, (taken from your screen name) - take it from good 'ol WinsomeDEFIANCE, set your defiance aside and consider what it is you want and or need and go for it. If he's the DefiantOne, that's on him and he'd need to come to terms with that himself. Either way, unless your desires center around take-down scenarios or you have a SAM disposition (for example) and he desires that in you or you have a Daddy/girl thing going and he likes bratty (again, for example) then defiance is usually counter-intuitive to a BDSM relationship.

You stated you aren't used to being the one to make the decisions, so I'm assuming you are the bottom and or submissive in this relationship. If you are assuming the Top/Dominant aspect of this relationship; disregard the following: If you know what you desire/need - communicate that to your partner. Assuming you are ready - tell him that too and then hand the authority of when and how BACK to him. If he isn't able or ready to assume responsibility for making the decisions then you both aren't ready and you need to communicate/discuss and study up on what it is you both want and or need. Find your common ground or if none, find your incompatibility in regards to BDSM and make decisions from there.

Wishing you the best and success in your relationships

WinD

(in reply to WickedsDesire)

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RE: Once bitten twice shy - 3/16/2016 2:44:42 PM

ThatDizzyChick

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quote:

ORIGINAL: lmdTheDefiantOne

I know why, it's because I'm not used to saying "okay let's do rhis " yet He has given me that power and I'm not used to it

So tell him that

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RE: Once bitten twice shy - 3/16/2016 6:06:22 PM

DesFIP

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From: Apple County NY
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You've got it in your head that it has to be all or nothing. Talk about pressure!

Don't do that. Instead let him have control Saturday night from 6 till 10. The next day, talk it out and see what you did or didn't like.

For what it's worth,the fact that consent matters to him says to me that he's a good guy.

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RE: Once bitten twice shy - 3/17/2016 3:40:06 PM

Kana

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quote:

ORIGINAL: lmdTheDefiantOne

I know why, it's because I'm not used to saying "okay let's do rhis " yet He has given me that power and I'm not used to it

Then give it back to Him and see what he does with it.
If He chooses not to use it, then He's not for you.
Likely, since He already has ceded control, you're already fucked but WTH, why not give things a try and see.

Dudes-Lesson number one-S-types like, want, need and crave a Man that takes the leash.
Seriously. How fucking difficult is that?

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RE: Once bitten twice shy - 3/19/2016 4:58:35 PM

StrongSpirit

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There are lots of ways to ease into this. Here are some suggestions, depending upon what your interest is:

For the Masochist: Start with a hand spanking, move to a paddle. No ropes, no chains, no role play. You say stop, dom stops. You say Harder, dom hits harder.

For the Roleplayer: Do something where the sub is in mostly in control. For example, the sub is an embezeller that has been caught doing X and has to offer to do things till the boss accepts. No bondage, no pain, only the sub reluctantly offering services.

For the Bondage enthusiast: Legs tied apart, no other bondage, Dom has his way. Sub still has hands free, no pain, no role play.

For the exhibitionist: Photo Shoot! - on the sub's phone. Sub can delete when they are done. Sub can tell what happened to each photo because it's the sub's phone. Hell, turn off the wireless connections before you begin.

Like others said, you start slow and easy, work your way around.

(in reply to Kana)

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