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Starting out.... - 7/19/2006 11:03:31 PM

TNbear

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Joined: 7/18/2006
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As a newbie in this lifstyle, or better yet, a newbie wannabe, should you seek out a new sub and learn together, or seek out an experienced sub that can help you along the learning process?

Bear

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RE: Starting out.... - 7/19/2006 11:28:09 PM

LuckyAlbatross

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quote:

ORIGINAL: TNbear

As a newbie in this lifstyle, or better yet, a newbie wannabe, should you seek out a new sub and learn together, or seek out an experienced sub that can help you along the learning process?

Bear

YOu should seek someone who you work well with and want to be with in the long term.

Both options have their pluses and minuses- you have to figure which works best for you and find someone who fits. Life has a way of throwing us something we never saw coming.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

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RE: Starting out.... - 7/19/2006 11:31:13 PM

TNbear

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Thank you for your response LuckyAlbatross. What you said makes a lot of sence. i really appreciate any advice from you or anyone on this journey.

Bear

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RE: Starting out.... - 7/20/2006 3:02:41 AM

bandit25

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I have to agree with LA. There are pluses and minuses for both. The most important thing is to find someone that you are compatible with. Don't forget, at the base, a bdsm relationship is a relationship.

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RE: Starting out.... - 7/20/2006 3:33:52 AM

RavenMuse

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quote:

ORIGINAL: TNbear
As a newbie in this lifstyle, or better yet, a newbie wannabe, should you seek out a new sub and learn together, or seek out an experienced sub that can help you along the learning process?

As others have said, the most important part is the relationship. Without that the rest is pretty meaningless, who she is, who you are and how you relate, the rest will come from there.

From personal experience, I consider myself incredibly fortunate to have been introduced to D/s by someone far more experienced. She suggested much but left the deciding to me without Topping from the bottom which must have been quite a struggle at times with someone just learning to be confident in the fact that he finaly could be himself, didn't have to hold back but still had so much to learn about what his responcibilitys as a Dom/Master where and how to go about fullfilling them.

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This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.

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RE: Starting out.... - 7/20/2006 4:39:38 AM

deltadawn

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quote:

ORIGINAL: TNbear

As a newbie in this lifstyle, or better yet, a newbie wannabe, should you seek out a new sub and learn together, or seek out an experienced sub that can help you along the learning process?

Bear

I agree with those here. Find someone you click well with and the rest will come. Also attending some functions (there are many here in Tn) and reading up on things you find of interest will help all the way around.

dawn

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RE: Starting out.... - 7/20/2006 4:47:07 AM

wandering4u

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Seek out like minded people and go from there. Delta makes a great point about attending functions in your area.

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RE: Starting out.... - 7/20/2006 10:09:00 AM

yourMissTress

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Joined: 6/14/2005
From: Nashville, TN
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I see that you are in Nashville. There's a large, fun and friendly community here and we also have a few clubs and dungeons here as well. I've emailed you on the other side.

My suggestion and advice to anyone new is to get involved with the local scene, meet people face to face, find someone you trust and ask them to mentor you. Get to know yourself and what you want out of the lifestyle before you find a partner to play with.

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Tress

"If you have to tell people that you are a lady, you are not." My Grandmother

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RE: Starting out.... - 7/20/2006 10:59:27 AM

MdmSarah

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I think Tress has a very valid point. Get out and meet people sooner rather than later - and make sure your time spent online is well balanced with lots of time spent in the presence of others in the lifestyle. Too much time spent online warps ones perceptions.

I think a novice's best route is to not look to get tied down to "one" but rather to play the field a little bit - but making sure not to be disrespectful to those they are playing with. Experience is the only way to understand what truly will work for you.

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RE: Starting out.... - 7/20/2006 11:14:53 AM

crouchingtigress

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Some stuff we do is very rudimentary and easy to learn and practice on your own with a loving partner, but some stuff, can be very harmful and to my mind should only be attempted after having a fair bit of eduacation and instruction.

The rule of thumb i would think would be, dont be afraid to not know something, and seek out advice when you get stuck, read alot of books, and go to community events.

community events are really great for a newbie for several reasons:

you get to learn through r/l demos and lectures
you will meet new folks to play with
you will make new friends
you can find folks you admire and ask them advice
you become comfotable in this wiitwd
you will have a support system

play safe...

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RE: Starting out.... - 7/20/2006 1:58:28 PM

mp072004

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Read a lot. Go to classes if there are any in your area. I disagree with LA and others that you need to find someone you really like and could be with long term. A BDSM relationship is a relationship like any other, yes. However, there are lots of good relationships that are neither affectionate nor long-term. You want someone or several people who will help you meet your goals. You should be able to have and enjoy a conversation the length of a lunch with these people, but you don't have to want them as your best friends or lovers. [You do, of course, need to be clear about exactly what you want from a given person, and you'll probably do better if you can give each person something he or she wants in return.] If you want to learn a skill, your priority is to find someone with that skill. If you want to figure out what you like, you want someone experimental, possibly widely experienced.

Monica

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RE: Starting out.... - 7/20/2006 5:35:01 PM

TNbear

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Thank all of you for your information. i see now that i have some research to do.

Again, thank you.

Bear

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RE: Starting out.... - 7/20/2006 7:33:02 PM

ExSteelAgain

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More or less as others have said, don’t think you have to focus on the trappings of those into things, but focus on the person. No different than vanilla life. No magic here. The biggest mistake most of us have made is to start with just anyone because we wanted to begin the journey so much. When we look back, the Vonage commercial comes to many of us.

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