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LadyPact -> RE: Am I Comparing Apples To Oranges? (4/12/2016 9:57:52 AM)
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OK. Yesterday you said I was mean to you. Today, I'm going to use the same approach and it's going to be interpreted in a much different way.
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ORIGINAL: ilovestarbucks
I belong to another forum and I posted a question but it got deleted because the admin said this is just ranting. But honestly, I'm not ranting. I'm not here to rile or stir things up. I would like to know your opinion.
Here is something that a lot of people don't seem to understand about forums. It is not your interpretation that matters. The Admin of any forum is making a judgement call on content, tone, and all of the other things they consider. If they see it as a rant, and rants are against whatever their guidelines are, it goes.
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I've been reading some interesting posts concerning BDSM dating sites. I would like to ask this question.
It surprises me that more people *don't* read the research that is readily available about dating sites. Heck, OKCupid does this work for you. I'm not even here to date and I read more of this stuff than a lot of people do on average. Anyway...
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1. Say an average guy joined a BDSM dating site and he wants to find an authentic long term relationship. He reads listing and sends out thoughtful emails but gets no response. He comes to a forum and complains and bitches about it. The most valid response I've read would be something like this:
"Well, you are only writing to women who are an #8, 9, 10. (I hate giving numbers like this.) And you are just a 3! Of course you're not getting a response. If you are serious in finding someone, why don't you write to the women who are a #2, 3, 4, 5.
If the guy complains that those women are ugly fat, etc, he gets the wrath of the community - a lot of derogatory remarks.
That response does come up sometimes. However, if you ever read these types of threads over the years, it's certainly not the most common reply. Most people who have been on sites like this aren't really going to direct you to write to women who are less attractive, etc because they know your chances of getting a response (because it's still you sending out the same type of email that you already send) don't get higher just based on the other person's level of physical attraction. You are still going to have the same things that discount you to women in general.
What you're doing with this is going with the theory that less attractive women would be more likely to reply because their options are fewer. This is actually rather silly in the online dating and especially the online kink world because women don't need to depend on this medium to accomplish what they want. Women, especially women in your age group, can go to a munch, club, or play party and get more than enough attention and potential interest in them. It's one of the constants of the kink world.
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2. An average women joins a BDSM dating site and wants an authentic long term relationship. She complains that she can't find anyone of substance. 99% of the emails she receives are of dick pictures, men who live in another country, etc. However, 1% come through who live near her. But she says, "Look at that 1%! They look like they need a bath - they are ugly - etc.
Does she deserve the wrath of the community and derogatory remarks?
Here's what I'd like you to do.
Go find me the ten threads from the past year on this site where you find women doing that. Then, find all of the threads where men use terms like overweight, fatties, old, middle-aged, etc. You're going to see a huge imbalance about how many threads are generated by which gender. Heck, on this forum, a lot of posters can probably tell you the screen names of people who use negative terms like that because they do it so often. Quick hint: They happen to be male.
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My intention isn't to rant. If it sounds like ranting, how would I change the question so it doesn't sound like ranting?
I'm basing this on your original.
For something not to be a rant, in my opinion, you need to take the negative out of it. That includes terminology such as b^tching, whining, complaining, or any other term or phrasing that puts the connotation to imply that it's a rant. There's a difference in writing an original with the immediate bad tone of "women never write back when I send nice emails" and "I'm not getting a lot of replies so I'm asking how I can improve my results". Even though it's the same subject, the underlying tone makes this two entirely different threads. It's all about approach.
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Why is the popular thread, "Fetish delivery system vs financial delivery system" not considered ranting but this one is?
Oh, it's a rant. It's the same rant that's been that particular poster's MO for a very long time. When a person is sending those emails out to the smaller demographic, when they are part of the larger demographic, the smaller demographic is going to be looking at what they bring to the table. It's not a 1:1 scale, so those members of the smaller demographic are going to start picking and choosing why they would rather spend their time on the other.
What the original poster of that thread doesn't understand (or want to accept) is that when it comes to things like "casual" or fetish delivery systems, when it comes to women on either side of the slash, there are always more options. That's why the rules of supply and demand have come into play in the first place. Why are there so many female pros as compared to male pros (het)? It's because the demand is obvious and the supply is low. On the other, men looking for casual sex or casual play are about as hard to find as walking into my kitchen and getting a glass of tap water. This is even more compounded by the internet and the lack of effort that one has to put into trying to get that hook-up compared to actually taking a shower, putting on clean clothes, and going out into public. The latter are already at a higher advantage because they put more effort into meeting people and that nice email you sent is going unread on a Friday night because the gal is out doing what she wants to do.
*If* a person is just going to rely on the internet, the smartest thing they can do is listen to their target demographic because that's how to help improve your results. It doesn't hurt to read the reports that OKCupid does because they survey their members about what works and what doesn't.
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