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Paradox of chastity - 4/13/2016 12:36:04 PM

aynior

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Do any of you have insights in this phenomenon? Men (like myself) getting utterly arroused by the thought of chastity...

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RE: Paradox of chastity - 4/13/2016 12:38:33 PM

freedomdwarf1

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quote:

ORIGINAL: aynior

Do any of you have insights in this phenomenon? Men (like myself) getting utterly arroused by the thought of chastity...

I don't see it as a paradox at all. You either like it or you don't. Simples!

Not my cup of tea tho. I hate chastity and don't see any point in it.
To each their own. That's what makes the diverse world such a wonderful place.

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RE: Paradox of chastity - 4/13/2016 1:31:35 PM

ThatDizzyChick

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You like what you like

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RE: Paradox of chastity - 4/13/2016 2:25:45 PM

TheRomanticDomme

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There's no paradox there. Men often fixate on and fetishize things they see in porn, whether they've done them in real life and know they like it or not. The real paradox is how many find out they hate in real life what they've been fantasizing about for years in private and yet still love the fantasy of it.

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RE: Paradox of chastity - 4/14/2016 11:09:30 PM

wannapleez

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First of all, let's dispense with the ridiculous canards that (1) porn is some kind of boogeyman responsible for all the ills in sexual relationships and that (2) all men strictly adhere to everything they see in porn. Those who subscribe to such notions have apparently only have sub-par men in their lives. I feel for them; but it's tiresome as hell.

I'm assuming that by "chastity" you actually mean "physical chastity". There appear to be fewer and fewer who make the distinction, but it's important. A desire for physical chastity is somewhat paradoxical. You are mentally (and maybe physically) aroused by the concept of not being able to be physically aroused.

The primary drive of such a feeling is often the desire to give over control. From a sexual standpoint, there is little more control that can be given over than relinquishing all control over the physical core of your sexuality. The only thing more significant would be if the chastity was not physical, but enforced just as firmly as if it was.

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RE: Paradox of chastity - 4/17/2016 6:52:19 AM

FieryOpal

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quote:

ORIGINAL: aynior

Do any of you have insights in this phenomenon? Men (like myself) getting utterly arroused by the thought of chastity...

Since you want insights, you should ask yourself what exactly about being kept in chastity arouses you.

Is it the thought of having a (more powerful) woman wanting to own your dick? There are many ways for a woman to take ownership of a man's dick.
The real question here would be why would any woman want to take ownership of your sexuality? A woman typically does not care about a man's sexuality unless she cares about the man himself, first.

Do you want a woman to control you because you lack self-control, as in feeling as though you masturbate excessively, because then it becomes more of a matter of your not being able to take personal responsibility for yourself. I, for one, have no use for a man who lacks self-control or has so little self-discipline that he expects a woman to act as his Keyholder Mistress to "fix" him.

Or, is it the T&D-Tease&Denial that gets you off -- paradoxically, that keeps you from getting off. You can have T&D without having to wear a chastity device.

quote:

ORIGINAL: wannapleez

I'm assuming that by "chastity" you actually mean "physical chastity". There appear to be fewer and fewer who make the distinction, but it's important. A desire for physical chastity is somewhat paradoxical. You are mentally (and maybe physically) aroused by the concept of not being able to be physically aroused.

The primary drive of such a feeling is often the desire to give over control. From a sexual standpoint, there is little more control that can be given over than relinquishing all control over the physical core of your sexuality. The only thing more significant would be if the chastity was not physical, but enforced just as firmly as if it was.

In this sense, there are Dommes like myself who consider themselves more mental domination purists, without the crude use of externally enforced devices. Sometimes it boils down to trust, aynior. If a sub cannot be trusted to resist temptation, then he cannot be trusted, period.

It also depends on what kind of D/s relationship you wish to have. I have found that most Keyholder Mistresses are into on-line domination (the remote convenience factor), or who are seeking nonsexual and oftentimes service-oriented subs who are rarely allowed physical release, and will expect to get compensated for the large chunk of time they have to spend to monitor and supervise your chastity regimen.

If that is not the type of arrangement you want, where you might not get treated like sub mate material, then you will need to keep your options open rather than being fixated on becoming a chastity slave.

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RE: Paradox of chastity - 4/17/2016 5:56:29 PM

experiment2

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From a personal perspective, the longer chastity is maintained the more easily I am manipulated and controled. It is difficult to explain and harder to understand, yet most pleasurable while serving a Mistress.

It probably is a fetish unto itself.

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RE: Paradox of chastity - 4/17/2016 10:48:42 PM

FieryOpal

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quote:

ORIGINAL: experiment2

From a personal perspective, the longer chastity is maintained the more easily I am manipulated and controled. It is difficult to explain and harder to understand, yet most pleasurable while serving a Mistress.

It probably is a fetish unto itself.

No question about it being a fetish, a combination of fetishes, with a couple of kinks thrown in. Like swinging or cuckolding, where there are many variations under those umbrellas, I consider these to be a type of lifestyle practice unto themselves.

To clarify, they become an integral part of one's lifestyle due to the addictive nature of these indulgences. I'll give a few examples, but I'm not drawing conclusions as to which came first -- the chicken or the egg.

1. One of my friends in his 40s is a European businessman who doesn't stay longer than a year or two in any given country and conducts business all over the globe. He is one of the sweetest, kindest and considerate gentlemen I have ever known, and I always look forward to hearing from him.

He became a chastity slave many years ago to a Sensual Domina who kept him in chastity during his travels, but who trained him to become erect on command in her presence. Not many Keyholder Mistresses will engage in sexual relations with their chastity slave (with the exception of married couples), but she was one who did. He has a difficult time finding this type of Mistress, one who wants to be sexually possessive in addition to exerting extreme control over other facets of his life. He got hooked on her putting a tracking device in his cell phone, on giving her total control over his pc, etc.

2. Another friend of mine is a middle-aged sissyCD who likes to get locked into both a cockcage and his metal collar (having a Keyholder Mistress for both). He doesn't see himself as a *lesbian*, in that he doesn't desire having a sexual relationship with his Mistress, nor does he want to engage in sex with other men -- he become asexual a few years ago. When he was between being owned by a Domme, he wanted me to be his collar Keyholder (since I don't do chastity devices) because he felt utterly lost without one, but I had to decline. I don't take collaring lightly, and I don't want to own a platonic sub-companion; when we do things together, we go out as girlfriends would.

3. A middle-aged acquaintance got divorced after 20 years, and during half of them, his ex-wife had been his Keyholder. He is so conditioned to being a chastity slave, that he cannot envision conducting the rest of his life without this sort of constant supervision. He recently told me that he has lost the ability to get and to maintain an erection anymore.

Not personally known to me are chastity slaves who are nonsexual service subs. In exchange for having a Chastity Domme dominate them, they perform domestic services as needed, including being farmhands or ranch hands in their spare time.

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RE: Paradox of chastity - 4/18/2016 7:51:54 AM

wannapleez

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quote:

ORIGINAL: FieryOpal
In this sense, there are Dommes like myself who consider themselves more mental domination purists, without the crude use of externally enforced devices. Sometimes it boils down to trust, aynior. If a sub cannot be trusted to resist temptation, then he cannot be trusted, period.

This is an exact representation of my experiences. Any D/s relationship that is anything less than 24/7 supervision by the Domme requires some level of trust of the sub. If the sub can't even resist the temptation to cum, there's no point in the relationship, IMHO.

I also know that knowing I was being trusted as a sub just heightened the experience, and deepened my feel of being controlled and owned. To know that I could cheat (and she'd never know), and yet choose not to do so, was very arousing, but also drove me deeper into the relationship. There was, admittedly, some pride in my control, too.

quote:

ORIGINAL: FieryOpal
It also depends on what kind of D/s relationship you wish to have. I have found that most Keyholder Mistresses are into on-line domination (the remote convenience factor).....

Not to contradict what you say (esp since you didn't make a universal statement), but just riffing off it, the two main relationships that I have had that involved chastity was solely mental chastity AND had big online components.

The first was a relationship where we were together 24-48 hours every three weeks. Mistress was very into T&D -- she would edge me (or occasionally, have me take myself to the edge) dozens of times without the privilege of cumming -- once over 100 times in a 24-hour period. The 19-20 days between meets were filled with daily contact via email and video chats about 4 times a week. During the in-between times, I was expected to edge at least 5 times in a row on a daily basis.

The video chats and in-person were the hardest as she controlled how long the stimulation continued after I warned her that I was about to cum. (I quickly learned not to sandbag and claim nearing the edge early. She could tell, especially in-person.) And she also controlled how soon the stimulation started up again. I remember many occasions where I could feel the cum rising up my shaft, sometimes even in the head, before she stopped. And sometimes not even then, but then there were consequences to pay.

The other relationship was completely online. Goddess (she preferred that name) was 1000 miles away and was seeking total obsession. It took me a while to get there, but once there, I found -- to my surprise -- that her version of mental chastity was even more difficult. She didn't want edging; on the contrary, the only time I was permitted to touch myself at all was long enough to wash in the shower.

I would have thought that being on the edge a lot would have made me hornier. Maybe it was the fact that edging occasionally went over the edge to release (even if there was punishment). Or maybe it was the fact that at least there was some physical sexual stimulation. I don't know. What I do know is that chastity of this nature had a profound effect on me. While out and about, I would see a woman who wasn't even my type and start drooling over her. And if she was my type, I would almost become paralyzed with desire.

Goddess eventually started expanding her control into other areas, but that's another story for another time.

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