Orgasm T&D and relationships (Full Version)

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DeliciousAche -> Orgasm T&D and relationships (4/24/2016 8:32:44 PM)

I want to pose a question for all of you who have engaged in orgasm tease and denial (T&D), whether giving or receiving it.

How has it affected your relationships with your dominant or submissive?

T&D is a very intimate form of surrender and submission between partners. Giving of oneself in such personal ways can develop intimacy and closeness of bonding. How have your relationships been impacted by T&D?

Do you feel that T&D is an effective means of training the submissive/slave?
What limits do you feel are appropriate?
What devices, if any, have you used/used on which enhance T&D? Any chastity devices or other devices in particular?

I have conversed with people who yearn to either keep a sub in T&D or to be kept in T&D and have found their discussions interesting. Would you care to share your thoughts, opinions or concerns?

Let's make this a meaningful discussion and enjoy it!



peppermint -> RE: Orgasm T&D and relationships (4/25/2016 8:46:20 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: DeliciousAche



Do you feel that T&D is an effective means of training the submissive/slave?



I've never been part of tease and denial so can't answer most of your questions. I was curious about this aspect. You are asking about using T&D to train a submissive. What kind of training are you talking about? Training to do or learn what?



OsideGirl -> RE: Orgasm T&D and relationships (4/25/2016 11:21:03 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: DeliciousAche

I want to pose a question for all of you who have engaged in orgasm tease and denial (T&D), whether giving or receiving it.

How has it affected your relationships with your dominant or submissive?
M having control of the orgasms, is just part of the relationship. It's not like it's some deep thing.

quote:

T&D is a very intimate form of surrender and submission between partners. Giving of oneself in such personal ways can develop intimacy and closeness of bonding.
I disagree - many, many bottoms engage in this activity and just about every "Do Me Sub" has it on his list of fetishes.

quote:

How have your relationships been impacted by T&D?
Again, minimally. It's just part of obedience, nothing deep or spiritual.

quote:

Do you feel that T&D is an effective means of training the submissive/slave?
Train them to do what? This is one of those wank statements - that kinky sex somehow "trains" the bottom/submissive....when in reality it's just fetish feeding.

quote:

What limits do you feel are appropriate?
Limits are an extremely personalized thing. My limits don't pertain to you or vice versa.


quote:

What devices, if any, have you used/used on which enhance T&D? Any chastity devices or other devices in particular?
Devices tend to be a male-centric thing. The majority of female subs aren't really into the devices and honestly, if he tells me not to orgasm....I don't. Also, with women, constant orgasm denial will lead to drop in sex drive.

I think your post is pretty much based on the male view, even though you use the generic term "submissive". And since you're male, that's understandable - but the female experience with tends to be quite different.




mousekabob -> RE: Orgasm T&D and relationships (4/25/2016 6:04:49 PM)

There's nothing deep or intimate about it. He's a sadist. He likes to tease and deny. I get frustrated for a bit and get over it. It's just a bit of fun...nothing more to it.




DeliciousAche -> RE: Orgasm T&D and relationships (4/25/2016 7:42:22 PM)

@Peppermint:

I'm glad you are curious about this topic. Some people seem bored with it but I am not; I enjoy discussion on this from all perspectives.

The training I consider is that of bonding, the dominant and submissive working together to develop a synergy between partners. Sexual energy is built up through the implementation of T&D and that energy is channeled wherever the dominant desires, perhaps to service, or obedience, or greater levels of submission. The Total Power Exchange would cause the submissive to focus on the desires of the dominant while enjoying being subjected to a Delicious Ache (hence my screen name).

The discussion pertains to both male and female submissives.

Here are a couple of cool sites to check out:

www.tantalism.org

http://scienceofmaleorgasmdenial.tumblr.com/

I hope the reader enjoys these sites.



peppermint -> RE: Orgasm T&D and relationships (4/25/2016 11:15:33 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: DeliciousAche

@Peppermint:

I'm glad you are curious about this topic. Some people seem bored with it but I am not; I enjoy discussion on this from all perspectives.

The training I consider is that of bonding, the dominant and submissive working together to develop a synergy between partners. Sexual energy is built up through the implementation of T&D and that energy is channeled wherever the dominant desires, perhaps to service, or obedience, or greater levels of submission. The Total Power Exchange would cause the submissive to focus on the desires of the dominant while enjoying being subjected to a Delicious Ache (hence my screen name).

The discussion pertains to both male and female submissives.

Here are a couple of cool sites to check out:

www.tantalism.org

http://scienceofmaleorgasmdenial.tumblr.com/

I hope the reader enjoys these sites.


Okay, I'm getting the sense of where you are coming from. Guess I don't completely understand that kind of training as my own D/s relationship is not based on sex. In fact, sex has little to do with our D/s relationship. That is why I didn't get what tease and denial would "teach" someone. You feel it makes them closer. Guess that playing sexual games makes people closer. That would work with some relationships, I'm sure.



layla82 -> RE: Orgasm T&D and relationships (4/25/2016 11:43:37 PM)

in my (limited) experiance. The more I cum, the more I can. For me orgasm denial is defiantly NOT something I would ever seek. taken to the extreme I know I would simply lose interest altogether. But there are people who find it very sexy to have control n this way and those that crave to experiance it. For me TandD would be a punishment. And I would guess a very successful one as I dislike it so much.



freedomdwarf1 -> RE: Orgasm T&D and relationships (4/26/2016 1:11:22 AM)

I have to agree with Oside here - and that's from a male perspective.

I don't see T&D as anything that helps training in any way.
I also don't see it as something that is actually helpful in developing intimacy; quite the contrary, unless it happens to be your kink.
To be honest, for most women I've dated over the years and with both my partners, the denial part in particular would soon push their sex drive through the floor, not enhance it.

I think it's one of those kinks that really only have any influence or meaning to those that are 'into' this type of kink.
I don't think it's particularly common and I can say that I can't remember any female I've dated or played with that would like this.

But, like any kink, if you like it, go for it and enjoy it.

[sm=2cents.gif]



WickedsDesire -> RE: Orgasm T&D and relationships (4/26/2016 4:59:11 AM)

A never ending stream of people wish to talk to me about T&D. So much so my mail box, is like my pantaloons region, positively bulging with intrigue and wonderment and sheer terror.

I remember some time ago, long, long time ago, which I will not date as to maintain an air of mystery, or possibly so as to not incriminate myself for internet continuity existence timeline purposes. Wench paradox – yes its a real thing

So I made creature of utter wretch (she was a fine lass) bring herself to the brink 10 times, stopping each time at the precipice to write me a mere 100 word novella 10 times. And they were a eclectic read on many subject matters I will not go into too, And the task is not actually an easy task when done correctly

Soo, whoever I was with at that time heh look, dear readers, I only ever claimed to be perfectly imperfect, and humongous of the nether regions....soo I said I am off to the shops to plunder muffins Credible I think you will agree
and I went around to wanton whores house and I made her come so hard she simply blew herself clean out of this space time continuum.



OsideGirl -> RE: Orgasm T&D and relationships (4/26/2016 9:45:02 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: DeliciousAche


The training I consider is that of bonding, the dominant and submissive working together to develop a synergy between partners. Sexual energy is built up through the implementation of T&D and that energy is channeled wherever the dominant desires, perhaps to service, or obedience, or greater levels of submission.
Here's the thing sex doesn't equal intimacy. You can't "train" intimacy. And I don't provide service, obedience or submission because I'm sexually frustrated. Those things happen because it's what we negotiated, it's how our relationship is constructed - nothing other than our relationship drives those desires.

quote:

The Total Power Exchange would cause the submissive to focus on the desires of the dominant while enjoying being subjected to a Delicious Ache (hence my screen name).
We clearly have different definitions of TPE. You're focused on having your kink fed and you're trying to justify it by saying that deeper submission and TPE are the byproduct. Thousands of bottoms, casual relationships, Do Me Subs, and Pro-Domme patrons prove differently.

If you have T&D in your relationship and enjoy it - fantastic. But, don't try to make it something it isn't. Using one kinky sex act as a basis for a relationship is pretty much setting that relationship up for failure.

I'm also confused as to why you keep talking about TPE and deeper submission in regards to your kink...when you list yourself as a switch.



mousekabob -> RE: Orgasm T&D and relationships (4/26/2016 5:50:09 PM)

Maybe it's just me but intimacy in our relationship doesn't come from sex, not even close.

Our most intimate moments have been just taking a walk and talking and laughing over stupid movies.




ThatDizzyChick -> RE: Orgasm T&D and relationships (4/26/2016 8:17:58 PM)

If I don't get orgasms, then it's over.



Lucylastic -> RE: Orgasm T&D and relationships (4/26/2016 9:31:12 PM)

Have to say that tease and delay, has been a long part of my enjoyment. Tease and deny, is fun, yes can be very intimate, and enjoyable also chastity, not a big fan of long term tho. Being a domme who enjoys t&d, (with a male, is) I'm really anti denial or chastity for my sexual happiness. Even tease will only go on so long before my irritation turns to bitch quite quickly.




littleone35 -> RE: Orgasm T&D and relationships (4/27/2016 1:13:25 PM)

Tease and deny is not part of our dynamic now tease and delay that is a different story. If iHe makes me wait too long i just lose interest in cumming at all seems too much like work. That happened only once he found the pointt where i lose interest. You have to know how far you can push before she loses interest.

Matt's littleone



ThatDizzyChick -> RE: Orgasm T&D and relationships (4/27/2016 2:07:44 PM)

quote:

If iHe makes me wait too long i just lose interest in cumming at all

Yup.



DeliciousAche -> RE: Orgasm T&D and relationships (4/27/2016 7:03:52 PM)

Thank all of you for your posts and expressing your thoughts.
It appears that some clarification might be in order.

Ultimately, orgasmic release is a good idea! The question is when. I don't expect anybody to talk about something impractical. We have limitations, for sure.



FieryOpal -> RE: Orgasm T&D and relationships (4/27/2016 8:03:59 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: DeliciousAche

It appears that some clarification might be in order.

Ultimately, orgasmic release is a good idea! The question is when. I don't expect anybody to talk about something impractical. We have limitations, for sure.

The problem is in terminology. Denial can be absolute, practiced over an extended period of time, or involve orgasm delay within intervals or per encounter without outright denial.

There is T&D with total denial (T&TD), the favorite of some chastity slaves who go along with periodic milkings, or subs who get into having Ruined Orgasms,

T&D with partial denial, where the orgasm release process gets prolonged with delayed (T&DD) ejaculation, which employs Edging. Edging can be self-regulated by a non-submissive to varying degrees, and is not always exclusively enforced on the submissive partner.

I am only aware of one female sub, who used to post on the fora fairly regularly, who enjoyed Orgasm Denial and would proudly mark how many months she had abstained from having an orgasm. (By the same token, it is also uncommon to come across a female sub who wants to get locked into a chastity belt.)

quote:

ORIGINAL: OsideGirl

Here's the thing sex doesn't equal intimacy. You can't "train" intimacy. And I don't provide service, obedience or submission because I'm sexually frustrated.

I don't get this either, how training enters the picture or how T&D (with either distinction as made above) can create a deeper level of intimacy. Closer bonding occurs on many levels, regardless of what sexual activities are taking place between partners.

Training usually refers to Obedience Training, and I do not believe that the withholding or granting of sexual gratification will reap long-lasting results in terms of greater obedience, only fleetingly superficial ones at most.



DeliciousAche -> RE: Orgasm T&D and relationships (4/28/2016 10:41:36 PM)

Yes, Opal, the denial could be absolute. Maybe some women need that and I think that is the case. Some men need it also.
Moving on, the terminology needs to be defined between partners; they must be on the same page. I sense you already know that.
Define the terms of chastity and denial and make it happen. I think the longer, the better - to a point. We all have our limits.



wannapleez -> RE: Orgasm T&D and relationships (4/28/2016 10:46:20 PM)

T&D is not inherently intimate, but can often be used to build intimacy.

1) Often, but not always, when a sub gives over control of orgasms to his Domme, it can be a very submissive thing to do. He is trusting Her with something very important to him.
2) If T&D is used just during playtime, then it's not intimate. Fun, but not intimate.

I've had both. I wouldn't say that either affects the relationship. But #1 can be used such that the relationship is deepened.

IME, devices greatly hinder the deepening/intimacy that can happen. What kind of sub needs an artificial device to obey his Domme's commands? If she says you don't cum, you don't cum. Period. Full stop. That said, I'm not against devices -- I know some who like the eye candy aspect -- a visual/physical representation of a deeper psychological truth.



daydazed82 -> RE: Orgasm T&D and relationships (4/29/2016 2:42:11 PM)

It works very well if you or she wants to crave denial is the way to keep it also releaf of knowing she is ready to fuck because she hasn't been released



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