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Entering the lifestyle in RL - 12/2/2004 5:36:44 AM

brennarosethorne

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Joined: 12/2/2004
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How does one go about finding someone she can possible have a real realationship with. I am new to being a submissive and have only had 1 brief online experience so far with a very young dominant and wish to know how to explore this new side of myself.

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RE: Entering the lifestyle in RL - 12/2/2004 7:53:41 AM

BRANCH17

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Joined: 5/10/2004
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While not knowing any more about your experiences then what you mentioned, I can only tell you to learn all you can by exploring all the online resources available. Castlerealm is the most complete and least judgemental.

Secondly, you may want to search for an experienced Dom to be a Mentor.......who'll be there to answer your questions without making you feel foolish. Online is a safe method for 'learning'. As you feel stronger, I am sure there are local clubs with munches that you may attend to meet real people in the lifestyle. Just remember, that online has many , many pretenders quite capable of fooling a novice......... It's My philosophy that you need to be as real , online, as you would be in person. Honesty is a virtue that has it's own rewards.

In spite of what others say..........it is quite possible to have a satisfying and exciting relationship , online. I have had a loving D/s relationship for almost 4 yrs.......and still growing. I also require a daily journal be submitted to give Me further insight into My subs life/thoughts/fears/desires.

SIR DAVID

(in reply to brennarosethorne)

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RE: Entering the lifestyle in RL - 12/2/2004 8:42:44 AM

proudsub

Posts: 6142
Joined: 1/31/2004
From: Washington
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quote:

How does one go about finding someone she can possible have a real realationship with. I

I would start by filling out your profile, say what you are seeking, what you have to offer and what you enjoy. You list Gorean slave as an interest--do you know what that means? if not you might want to do some research on it. Good luck.

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proudsub

"Without goals you become what you were. With goals you become what you wish." .

"You are entitled to your own opinions but not your own facts"--Alan Greenspan

(in reply to brennarosethorne)

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RE: Entering the lifestyle in RL - 12/2/2004 9:10:44 AM

Nvernilla

Posts: 303
Joined: 10/1/2004
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I empathise with you in a way, and I realise also that it must be more frustrating for a woman than a man as you have the added element of fear since in most cases the male is physically the stronger gender. I haven't had a lot of experience with the social club aspect of this scene but the 4 I've checked into seem to be mainly submissive harems for a few founding members. I've had 5 1/2 yr live in experience which much to my surprise seems to be a pretty good amount comparativly. I also have 30 yrs of research knowlege and if you would like to bounce questions or ideas off of me I will answer them truthfully. I can't tell you anything about the poly aspect of it as I have not believed in poly for quite some time. Blissed Be...Mike

(in reply to brennarosethorne)

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RE: Entering the lifestyle in RL - 12/2/2004 10:55:01 AM

cariad

Posts: 943
Joined: 9/25/2004
From: Calgary, Alberta
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this slave would suggest finding a munch or a meet and greet coffee group where you live. meet and greets are just that, it gives you a chance to find someone in your area to talk to and Mentor you until you are ready to move into a Master/sub/slave relationship....however don't go into one expecting anything right off the top because it takes time to get to know O/others and once you make the right connection you will find that you not only have made friends but have learned a lot from the meet and greets or the munches. also as was said before fill out your profile and see what happens, just remember that no matter what happens you always have the right to say no if something does not feel right.

good luck with your search to find a Dom/Domme near you.

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(in reply to Nvernilla)

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RE: Entering the lifestyle in RL - 12/2/2004 5:32:02 PM

BeachMystress

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Joined: 4/3/2004
From: Naples Island- Long Beach CA - Southern California
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You need to find a local munch as cariad mentioned. Since you didn't bother to list your part of Tn , the most I can do to help you find a munch is tell you to go to google and put in the name of your nearest large town and Tennessee bdsm munch. If that doesn't work, just do Tennessee bdsm and munch. Good hunting

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*Do not threaten the weak. Intimidate the strong. ~ Stevenson*
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(in reply to brennarosethorne)

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RE: Entering the lifestyle in RL - 12/3/2004 1:30:30 PM

sub4hire

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I also have to echo the munch idea. We are usually normal type people. A munch is nothing more than a gathering of friends in a familiar restaurant to you. They just happen to have the same kink you want to learn about.

I'd hesitate at filling out my profile with your interests though. Being new. Do you know what your interests truly are? It is usually better to be honest. Say something like, well I think I may like to be spanked. Rather than saying you are into spanking. Leave the door open for you to learn without making other's frustrated.

Also I'd find a mentor. A mentor is anybody at all. They are not dominant. They can be submissive. They can be anyone who you happen to respect within the lifestyle. They are someone who doesn't want in your pants. Basically they are like a big brother or sister to you. They will look out for you and keep you safe. Yet at the same time answer your questions to the best of their ability. They can also take you to a party and under their supervision you can play. Get an idea for what interests you may or may not have.
Mentors generally are not the ones doing the playing with you though.

Good luck on your journey

(in reply to brennarosethorne)

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RE: Entering the lifestyle in RL - 12/3/2004 9:57:00 PM

CloudThrasher

Posts: 15
Joined: 7/31/2004
From: NW Washington
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The "lifestyle" is real life. The "lifestyle" is about bringing fantasy to reality and trying to live according to a fantasy. Clubs, munches, and such, in my experience are about the "playing" and the "lifestyle." I don't live or practice the "lifestyle"; I live my life according to my wants and needs, guided by who I am. After BDSM, there is the rest of life: all the boring, day to day, so-called "vanilla" stuff. That's where you find and build relationships, even D/s relationships.

I believe your question was about finding a real relationship. In order to find that, you must meet people. Look through the profiles on this site and others, read what they have to say about themselves, what they are looking for, what they expect, and begin by contacting a few of them. Don't worry about whether they are labelled Dom/me, switch, or sub/slave. Find out if they would be willing to answer a question or two. Read the forums on this site and others that are BDSM or D/s related. As you begin to piece together how you feel about certain areas, what you seek from a relationship, what you have to offer, and what you expect from partner, you may want to meet those that truly interest you and that match your interests. Email, instant messaging, and phone conversations are useful in deciding if you want to take the step to actually meet someone.

It's really no different than meeting and getting to know someone outside of BDSM. And, just like the rest of the world, you have to be careful of the ones that talk a good game but may be something else.

Oh, and by the way (here's some real flamebait), as far as Gor is concerned, it's a fantasy that's played out online and pretty much stays online.

PS. Out of curiosity I looked at your profile and noted that you're "collared." So, I suppose my suggestions are moot.

< Message edited by CloudThrasher -- 12/3/2004 10:03:43 PM >

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the stone of the fruit must break, that its
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you know pain." -- Khalil Gibran, The Prophet

(in reply to brennarosethorne)

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RE: Entering the lifestyle in RL - 12/3/2004 10:09:17 PM

Lordandmaster

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My question is how your profile can say you were collared last night if you've never had a real experience.

(in reply to brennarosethorne)

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RE: Entering the lifestyle in RL - 12/3/2004 10:45:02 PM

proudsub

Posts: 6142
Joined: 1/31/2004
From: Washington
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quote:

My question is how your profile can say you were collared last night if you've never had a real experience.

I see she finally filled out her profile.

Brenna--to whom are you collared? the young online dom? or did you find a new dom in 2 days and get collared in r/l?

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proudsub

"Without goals you become what you were. With goals you become what you wish." .

"You are entitled to your own opinions but not your own facts"--Alan Greenspan

(in reply to Lordandmaster)

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RE: Entering the lifestyle in RL - 12/5/2004 7:54:17 AM

masterLon3446

Posts: 48
Joined: 10/17/2004
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One old mans opinion, FIRST, Learn all you can of the lifestyle, Then learn all you can of the dominant, Makes no difference of male or female, Learn what you can, What makes them tick, What makes them what they are, Learn the difference between a real dominant and a player or fake, Then also learn of the submissives/slaves role in this lifestyle...There is much to learn before actually seeking a realtime Dominant, True castlerealm is a great place to start, Another good site is the steele door. First learn then seek, NEVER...NEVER seek first, Then expect one to teach, After you read everything you can and you have a good grasp of what this lifestyle is about, Then seek a mentor, Also read about the mentor, Find out who and what he/she does, Many claim to be a mentor and they have not the slightest idea what to do..So choose wisely, A mentor is a friend, A confidant, A counselor, A teacher of the lifestyle in general, He/She is not your dom or domme, slave or sub, You give them no power over you...They do not punish, They have very few if any rights..Read, Study and Learn, Then seek....Good Luck!!!!!

MasterLon

(in reply to brennarosethorne)

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RE: Entering the lifestyle in RL - 12/5/2004 3:05:11 PM

AlphaGeek

Posts: 86
Joined: 8/22/2004
From: Charlottesville, VA, but in Orlando for a temp job
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One of the best resources for learning bdsm stuff, networking with like minded local kinksters, and above all, doing these things in a safe environment, is to become a member of a local group. Most states have several, and they are geneally pansexual, non-profit, educational in nature.

In most groups I've visited, they have more public munches for people to meet in a non-threatening environment and simply meet and talk, no kinky stuff since most munches occur in public facilities such as resturants, coctail lounges, etc. Ther also have meetings/socials, whatever you call them, where a more structured gathering occurs. Typically these may have a group business meeting, followed by a demo and more socialization. Then there are play parties, but that's a whole 'nother thang. LOL

Anyway, look around ont he web for a local group... contact them, go to a few of their functions, keep an eye out for the club officers, and feel free to march up to 'em and say "hello, I'm new. I'd like to learn more about..." It's a big step, making that intorduction, but it'll get you started making friends in the RL community.

Best of Luck! If you need assistance in trying to locate a local group, I'll be happy to help, just let me kno!

A_G

(in reply to masterLon3446)

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RE: Entering the lifestyle in RL - 12/10/2004 2:57:03 PM

MC2044

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Joined: 8/8/2004
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There are a few online websites like this one that provide dating/match service. They are not the same as attending a munch, but far more people seem to subscribe or at least enroll in such sites than attend munches. Just be aware you are likely to get bombared with invitations.

(in reply to brennarosethorne)

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