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Age is a issue now.. - 12/2/2004 7:26:37 AM

lilserenity

Posts: 41
Joined: 7/1/2004
Status: offline

MercnBeth this will be a good one for you i will respect your comments..

I have been in lifestyle for 7 years and have not been on Real time due to lack of common sense,and honesty and experience.. I have never allowed age(I am 48) to be a issue until.......... I came here.. Being here I have encountered so many Doms/Dommes who are younger than my son and half want to collar me,right then and there..Its hard for me to go to a chatroom without them showing disrepect and the little ones (Doms) im me 3 or 4 at a time. Well i have been away thinking about this issue and I would like to think age is not a issue but when they are 22,23,24 in their 20's that really worries me and all i can think is they are missing their moms.. Geezz and half of them are Gors so maybe there will be a board game coming out soon for the tykes called Gor and The Alternate Lifestyle. Make good games and hours of fun for those who try to fill a Mans shoes.. lol .. hugs serenity to all be SSC in all decisions made. These little Doms make you want to be a Domme and turn a few over your knee and tell them not to play with peoples emotions,but perhaps one day someone will clean it up and make them a room to play in for themselves.. hugs serenity

Post #: 1

RE: Age is a issue now.. - 12/2/2004 7:34:48 AM

LadyShoshin

Posts: 492
Joined: 7/19/2004
From: Burlington, Ontario
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: lilserenity

MercnBeth this will be a good one for you i will respect your comments..

I have been in lifestyle for 7 years and have not been on Real time due to lack of common sense,and honesty and experience.. I have never allowed age(I am 48) to be a issue until.......... I came here.. Being here I have encountered so many Doms/Dommes who are younger than my son and half want to collar me,right then and there..Its hard for me to go to a chatroom without them showing disrepect and the little ones (Doms) im me 3 or 4 at a time. Well i have been away thinking about this issue and I would like to think age is not a issue but when they are 22,23,24 in their 20's that really worries me and all i can think is they are missing their moms.. Geezz and half of them are Gors so maybe there will be a board game coming out soon for the tykes called Gor and The Alternate Lifestyle. Make good games and hours of fun for those who try to fill a Mans shoes.. lol .. hugs serenity to all be SSC in all decisions made. These little Doms make you want to be a Domme and turn a few over your knee and tell them not to play with peoples emotions,but perhaps one day someone will clean it up and make them a room to play in for themselves.. hugs serenity

In SW Ontario we have a real time munch called TNG for people in their 30s & younger. It gives them a place to socialize with younger lifestylers and talk about the issues they face. I think it is a great idea.

As for chat problems with doms too young to remember when John Lennon was alive and well .... that is what the ignore feature is for.

_____________________________

PHLOX: “It’s unethical for a doctor to cause harm...I can inflict as much pain as I like.”

(in reply to lilserenity)

Post #: 2

RE: Age is a issue now.. - 12/2/2004 7:54:43 AM

MistressFire70

Posts: 378
Joined: 7/25/2004
From: North Carolina
Status: offline

This is one of those catch-22 issues. Young dominants and submissives usually don't have life or kink experience, so they're not taken seriously. Since they're not, they don't get any experience. And round and round it goes.

I understand about not being attracted to someone so young...but I also feel for them. At 21, I had been married for 3 years. Most at that age, however, are only on their 2nd or 3rd boyfriend or girlfriend and haven't had a "serious" relationship. Still, because I feel for them doesn't mean I want to collar them. What they really need is to find a local group where they can play and get some experience and just watch relationships. Most groups I know are 21+. Some are 18+.

There are several options for you to take:
1) Say, "No thank you, Sir (or Ma'am)". You'll probably want to offer a reason; they'll ask why not.
2) Politely say that you are looking for someone more your own age.
3) You might also add that taking a collar is a very important step for you and you don't take them for a certain period of time (you decide how long to put there).
4) Suggest they find a local BDSM group to join. They can find one by going to Google and entering "BDSM" and the name of their city or the nearest large city.
5) Flat out ignore them, in which case you will have to block them because they’ll be pissed off and likely throw a tantrum (Although, from what I’ve seen, the ability to throw a tantrum isn’t necessarily age dependant.).

Put these phrases in a Word file so you can copy and paste into the IM. You might have to use the Edit_Paste menu function of your browser to get it to work.

If they harass you, you can block or ignore them, but I'm not sure how to do that in the collarme IM since I've never used it.

Fire

_____________________________

you have come to a great chasm. Jump. It's not as wide as you think.

(in reply to lilserenity)

Post #: 3

RE: Age is a issue now.. - 12/2/2004 8:15:14 AM

Mercnbeth

Posts: 11766
Status: offline

serenity,

WOW - The pressure of a personal reply being referenced in a message header! Compounded by the pressure of packing for 5 days in Vegas. (Actually beth has the pressure.) We are honored to have our opinion valued. Thank you!

I will tell you that the problem with age difference is real. Setting aside for a moment your accurate assessment of the age related fantasy play. (I'll come back to that later and promise not to be offensive to the Gor people.) Age makes a difference! When I first came from NYC to LA and began to search for submissive partners I had quite a few opportunities to be with very young people. I just turned 49 yesterday (DAMN - It's worse when you see it in print!). Three years ago I did 'date' a few woman in their 20's. I contacted them from BDSM lifestyle sites so that foundation was already there, but beyond the sessions, relating to them was difficult.

I think every man - especially when they get as old and ancient like I am, has the fantasy of being with a 20 year old. Reality is, except for those most shallow, that relationship usually doesn't go very far. As I often say. No matter how much sex and sessioning you do - at some point you have to put your clothes on and actually talk and inter-relate. Having a giggling, bouncing, 20 year old who does not even know how to walk in high heels on your arm really looks silly when you have to attend a black tie dinner party.

beth is actually 12 years my junior, but at 37 is a lot different then 20. We relate on many more levels and our musical tastes are ALMOST compatible. she does know how to walk on 6 inch heels in a slinky gown, naked underneath; and the only 'evil stares' we get are from my jealous business associate's wives.

Look, there are exceptions. Mature 20 year olds do exist and there are many "old souls" in 20 year old bodies. But anyone who tries to "dom" you or collar you from the first IM contact should be eliminated from consideration. Remember those 20 year old boys have a lot of hormones. And they probably list themselves as doms, submissives, switches, whatever; just for the potential opportunity to get laid. your judgment is sound, in the way you describe them.

The problem is what you seek is at the thin part of the pyramid pool. If I may assume, you are looking for an unattached, 35-50 year old, virile, male, Dom who wants a relatively exclusive relationship. Then this person has to be in your neighborhood. And of course after all that criteria is met - he has to like everything about you and have desires compatible with you. That's not an easy accomplishment. Appreciate that - and realize that it will take time. Don't compromise. I feel a Dom should respect that in any sub. If a sub came to me with no self respect, I would assume that their self assessment was accurate.

Now, I've already been long winded but a comment about Gor. There are MANY MANY MANY real Gor practitioners out there. It is a very structured lifestyle. But I think the Gors that you are running into are more players, graduating from Dungeons and Dragons. If you've read and researched and determined that Gor isn't your path, don't waste time when a 'Gor Master' contacts you. And I would suggest don't even bother with arguing the point. Some arguments are best walked away from, especially those that 'winning' isn't possible, or even necessary. And don't fall into the trap of responding to those that reply; "Well, you must not be a real submissive." It's hard to imagine anyone validating that comment with a reply, but I've suggested to others the best reply is. "Yes I am - I'm just not yours."

serenity, it seems like you have a goal, don't want to play games (Gor or other), and know what you want. Stay the course. your frustration is palpable, but compromising would be just as frustrating in the long run.

(in reply to lilserenity)

Post #: 4

RE: Age is a issue now.. - 12/2/2004 8:25:07 AM

Nvernilla

Posts: 303
Joined: 10/1/2004
Status: offline

I really LOVE the comment about the board game! It seems to me that maybe these young people are trying to get lessons without asking formally...Mike

(in reply to lilserenity)

Post #: 5

RE: Age is a issue now.. - 12/2/2004 11:38:10 AM

siamsa24

Posts: 2426
Joined: 2/2/2004
Status: offline

Then there are us serious young people that never really get taken seriously. I have also had 7 years in the lifestyle, but somehow that never counts when you are younger. And the frustration continues...........

(in reply to Nvernilla)

Post #: 6

RE: Age is a issue now.. - 12/2/2004 2:54:51 PM

afmvdp

Posts: 494
Joined: 7/10/2004
Status: offline

You're not alone siam, I'm 25 with 10 years experience already under my belt. So I wouldn't say you should always put sucha high buffer on age. Just because you didn't come into sexual acceptance until you turned 41 doesn't mean we all did. In regard to purely compatibility issues sure...but I think your response shows nothing but disrespect by relating something that some of us "kids" take likely more seriously than most of the so called "adults" we should be taking our mentoring from. Thanks but no thanks.

People move at different speeds that's all there is to it. I'm a lifer, I am how I was born I don't act and I don't play a part. If your concern was regarding the massive ammounts of flakes that online gor can have, well do a bit of research and they come in all age brackets as well. There are a few people I have met who appear to be real life gor but they are in the extreme rarity.

And agreeing with LadySho, that is why the need for TNG was created as the ignorance tended to go both ways. The young people in the scene not fitting in with the majority age bracket that end up at Munches and the sort and why I personally helped to create one here in the Central Florida area.

It all comes down to a personal level, if you make any judgement upon an entire group then you are simply being ignorant and if you find that you yourself are not mature enough to be able to overlook age and it is an issue to you, then it will indeed be you that is missing out on some of the most active, devoted and real partners. Just something to consider.

< Message edited by afmvdp -- 12/2/2004 2:55:48 PM >

(in reply to siamsa24)

Post #: 7

RE: Age is a issue now.. - 12/2/2004 3:48:22 PM

NYCLeatherFem

Posts: 7
Joined: 11/27/2004
Status: offline

I'm 43, he is 34. He has more "Leather Years" than I. It seems all too often, quantification measures who we and others, perceive us to be. Would either of us be compatible with anyone else, regardless of age? Perhaps.

As we've found in ALL matters, however...It's really not about our ages but rather the intensity of the connection, the intent of our goals as a couple and as individuals, our willingness to communicate & compromise with each other, the sharing of common interests and beliefs, the depth of love and respect we have for each other, and the desire to place each other above all else.

(in reply to afmvdp)

Post #: 8

RE: Age is a issue now.. - 12/2/2004 4:30:31 PM

Estring

Posts: 3314
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

quote:

As we've found in ALL matters, however...It's really not about our ages but rather the intensity of the connection, the intent of our goals as a couple and as individuals, our willingness to communicate & compromise with each other, the sharing of common interests and beliefs, the depth of love and respect we have for each other, and the desire to place each other above all else.

It seems to me that many of these things that you mention vary very much depending on age. A 24 year old generally does not share many of the same interests as a 44 year old. Nor will they communicate or compromise in things that an older person would.
But in your case, being 9 years apart at both your ages is not such a crucial difference as say an 18 year old and a 27 year old would be.

(in reply to NYCLeatherFem)

Post #: 9

RE: Age is a issue now.. - 12/2/2004 4:47:24 PM

NoCalOwner

Posts: 241
Status: offline

Well said!

6.4 billion people.
Scratch 3.1 billion of them, because I'm heterosexual.
Scratch another 2.8 billion who don't speak any language that I do.
Cross off another 400 million who will never set foot on the same continent as me.
If I insist that a woman be my match in intellect, that cuts it down further.
Cross off 15% jailbait, 50% married, 90% vanilla, 90% culturally or personally incompatible.
I'm left with 650 candidates, one person in every 9.85 million of the world's population.
Hell if I'm going to automatically eliminate 80% of them for not being my age.

< Message edited by NoCalOwner -- 12/3/2004 2:31:29 PM >

_____________________________

"Find more pleasure in intelligent dissent rather than passive agreement; for if you value intelligence as you should, the former implies a deeper agreement than the latter."
-- Bertrand Russell

(in reply to afmvdp)

Post #: 10

RE: Age is a issue now.. - 12/2/2004 4:48:28 PM

siamsa24

Posts: 2426
Joined: 2/2/2004
Status: offline

Then there is the question of maturity and emotional and mental age as well.
There is a 13 year age difference between me and my man (him being 34 and me being 21) and there are many things that we are in the same place about. In fact, in many areas I am very far ahead of him and he seems as though he is the younger one.

(in reply to Estring)

Post #: 11

RE: Age is a issue now.. - 12/2/2004 5:01:00 PM

NYCLeatherFem

Posts: 7
Joined: 11/27/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Estring

It seems to me that many of these things that you mention vary very much depending on age. A 24 year old generally does not share many of the same interests as a 44 year old. Nor will they communicate or compromise in things that an older person would.
But in your case, being 9 years apart at both your ages is not such a crucial difference as say an 18 year old and a 27 year old would be.

I value your opinion, but I must disagree. I believe those things vary, very much on the individual and their social construct. I've known children (my own, in fact) who conduct themselves in a very different manner than others in their early 20's. That isn't so much a "pat on my own back" as it is predicated by their environment, demographics and family dynamic.

My parents were 12 years apart in age and celebrated 47 years together until my Father's passing. They were very compatible, despite their age difference and cultural differences. Additionally, my Husband and I have been together for a number of years, and we were just as compatible in the onset of our relationship as we are today.

With regards to incompatibility, due to dissimilar interests or a marked difference in communication style, (in the negotiation phase of any type of relationship) one would hope, the negotiations would cease. Incompatibility, especially in one's communication style will always be a red flag, no matter what dynamic you're seeking, no?

In any event, I am an optimist. I believe people, if they value something highly enough, have the ability to rise to any occasion.

Vince Lombardi said it best...

"The quality of a person's life is in direct proportion to their commitment to excellence, regardless of their chosen field of endeavor."

quote:

Then there is the question of maturity and emotional and mental age as well.

Indeed!

< Message edited by NYCLeatherFem -- 12/2/2004 5:49:12 PM >

(in reply to Estring)

Post #: 12

RE: Age is a issue now.. - 12/2/2004 6:51:17 PM

afmvdp

Posts: 494
Joined: 7/10/2004
Status: offline

also in response to that, I think again that different people are at different places of their lives at different times. It's easy to say that things between a person in their 20s and a person in their 40s wouldn't work because they are at different places in their life and there is some honesty and truth in that but it all depends on what things are most important to you on a personal level and in a relationship. If the chemistry, both mentally and physically is there then what difference would it make that I grew up listening to Judas Priest and Gary Numan and you grew up with Floyd and Zeppelin or even elvis and the beatles. (As if being young would actually even keep me away from great music such as that, haha now that would truly be ignorant) If that is the most important thing to you in your life...well perhaps you should see then why you might find yourself on a webpage in your golden years trying to find a new mate.

Maturity comes in all shapes, sizes and age brackets.

< Message edited by afmvdp -- 12/2/2004 6:52:12 PM >

(in reply to NYCLeatherFem)

Post #: 13

RE: Age is a issue now.. - 12/2/2004 9:34:43 PM

Kinkypupper

Posts: 713
Joined: 9/26/2004
From: Portland oregon
Status: offline

Is it also not most possable that 95% of those youngesters are just lurking for a quick "lay" and have no clue what they are really talking about ??

_____________________________

Phil Moulton
A Sensual Touch
Locopony Racing
Portland Oregon

(in reply to lilserenity)

Post #: 14

RE: Age is a issue now.. - 12/2/2004 10:16:34 PM

perverseangelic

Posts: 2625
Joined: 2/2/2004
From: Davis, Ca
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Kinkypupper

Is it also not most possable that 95% of those youngesters are just lurking for a quick "lay" and have no clue what they are really talking about ??

No, I really don't think so. Sure, some are, but I don't think the percentage of young people here just looking for sex is any higher than the percentage of older people here just looking for sex.

_____________________________

~in the begining it is always dark~

(in reply to Kinkypupper)

Post #: 15

RE: Age is a issue now.. - 12/3/2004 5:18:59 AM

siamsa24

Posts: 2426
Joined: 2/2/2004
Status: offline

*applauds*

I don't get too many e-mails from individuals my age looking for a quick lay, but I have lost cound of all the older ones.

(in reply to perverseangelic)

Post #: 16

RE: Age is a issue now.. - 12/3/2004 5:52:46 AM

deannalynn

Posts: 29
Joined: 8/4/2004
Status: offline

Greetings :)

My son and I were driving by a bar and he explained to me that was where the 'cougars' hang out. He explained that a couger was an older woman who enjoys the company of a younger man. Sometimes not knowing what clubs your kids go to is a good thing...

Different strokes for different folks. If it works for you, go for it and if not, just move on.

I personally am attracted to men in their 50's or older and if I receive mail from someone in their 20's I just explain my preference. I wish I had the opportunities in my late teens and twenties that the internet affords those interested or involved in the lifestyle do now. There are a few who post here that are in their 20's and when I read what they write it makes me smile and I think....if only....

deanna

(in reply to siamsa24)

Post #: 17

RE: Age is a issue now.. - 12/3/2004 10:05:06 AM

liljoy

Posts: 577
Joined: 3/25/2004
Status: offline

afmvdp,
wow since You were 15? If any other 25 year old claimed that i admit i would be doubtful. Strange how having read many of Your posts over these months i've been here without my knowing how old You are changes things. From reading Your posts over time i see that You know what You're talking about. Perhaps You are an old soul or perhaps i am guilty of making assuptions based only on age. Thank You for helping me see that.
Keep in mind however all you younger folks that it seems as time goes by the young grow up faster than even those ten years older did. At 15 the only sexual thing i had done was french kiss and i think i'd been felt up a time or two. Can You understand why i might have trouble grasping the concept of a 21 or 25 year old Dom or sub that really has a good grasp on what a Dom and sub is?
Yes i was pretty sheltered but i don't think i was very different from my peers. well ok i did hold onto my virginity longer than most my age did. Until i was 18.
siamsa the reason i did not include you in this post is simply because i've not read as many of your posts as i have afmvdp's post and i am in no way leaving you out as a slam or implying that you may not also be an old soul.
lil_joy

< Message edited by liljoy -- 12/3/2004 10:06:03 AM >

(in reply to afmvdp)

Post #: 18

RE: Age is a issue now.. - 12/3/2004 10:26:53 AM

proudsub

Posts: 6142
Joined: 1/31/2004
From: Washington
Status: offline

quote:

My son and I were driving by a bar and he explained to me that was where the 'cougars' hang out. He explained that a couger was an older woman who enjoys the company of a younger man.

Dang, around here a "coug" is a WSU student or grad, my daughter is a cougar.

_____________________________

proudsub

"Without goals you become what you were. With goals you become what you wish." .

"You are entitled to your own opinions but not your own facts"--Alan Greenspan

(in reply to deannalynn)

Post #: 19

RE: Age is a issue now.. - 12/3/2004 10:26:56 AM

afmvdp

Posts: 494
Joined: 7/10/2004
Status: offline

We are all guilty of making assumptions from time to time, often by our own experiences in life. I would have to agree that I am a bit of an old soul but I try to keep reminding myself of my own age sometimes to keep me from burning out. I also wouldn't be so ignorant as to say that of course there are certainly many young deluded minds out there as well but they'll fit in quite well along the old delusionaries. ;) There is good and bad to be found in every cross section of people. I wouldn't judge all people by me as the norm as I admit I am not but I also wouldn't say you should rule out all automatically.

Especially that 95% figure...that just seems completely off base as I also have found many more of the online trolls to be in their latter years rather than their prior as normally the younger sex fiends are out there actually having sex rather than sitting at home writing about it.

(in reply to liljoy)

Post #: 20

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