Jokes, Riddles and Lymricks (Full Version)

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lovmuffin -> Jokes, Riddles and Lymricks (5/1/2016 11:49:42 AM)

Three contractors are bidding to fix a broken fence at the Obama White House. One is from Chicago, another is from Tennessee, and the third is from Minnesota. All three go with a White House official to examine the fence. The Minnesota contractor takes out a tape measure and does some measuring, then works some figures with a pencil. "Well," he says, "I figure the job will run about $900. $400 for materials, $400 for my crew, and $100 profit for me." The Tennessee contractor also does some measuring and figuring, then says, "I can do this job for $700. $300 for materials, $300 for my crew, and $100 profit for me." The Chicago contractor doesn't measure or figure, but leans over to the White House official and whispers, "$2,700." The official, incredulous, says, "You didn't even measure like the other guys! How did you come up with such a high figure?" The Chicago contractor whispers back, "$1000 for me, $1000 for you, and we hire the guy from Tennessee to fix the fence." "Done!" replies the government official. And that, my friends, is how the new stimulus plan will work.



lovmuffin -> RE: Jokes, Riddles and Lymricks (5/1/2016 11:54:10 AM)

Q: How many liberals does it take to change a light bulb?

A: Two: one to change it and another one to change it back again.



lovmuffin -> RE: Jokes, Riddles and Lymricks (5/1/2016 12:03:22 PM)

In a conciliatory move by the Obama White House, President Obama has asked the U. S. Board on Geographical Names to name the fault line beneath Haiti after the 43rd president of the United States, George W. Bush.

This particular fracture in the tectonic plate will henceforth be called "Bush's Fault."




bounty44 -> RE: Jokes, Riddles and Lymricks (5/1/2016 12:03:32 PM)

there are many versions of this but heres a short one:

SOCIALISM
You have 2 cows.
The State gives one to your neighbour

COMMUNISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and gives you some milk

FASCISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and sells you some milk

NAZISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and shoots you

BUREAUCRATISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both, shoots one, milks the other, and then
throws the milk away

TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM
You have two cows.
You sell one and buy a bull.
Your herd multiplies, and the economy
grows. You sell them and retire on the income

I suspect there'll be some liberal attempts at this, the difference being, the conservative pokes will have their basis in the truth.



lovmuffin -> RE: Jokes, Riddles and Lymricks (5/1/2016 12:05:04 PM)

Q: Why did President Obama run for office as a Democrat?

A: The Communist Party didn't have enough voters.




lovmuffin -> RE: Jokes, Riddles and Lymricks (5/1/2016 12:12:28 PM)


Lewinsky and Clinton have shown
What Kaczynksi must never have known
That an intern is better
Than a bomb in a letter
When deciding how best to get blown



Said Clinton to young Ms. Lewinsky,
"We don't want to leave clues like Kaczynski.
Since you made such a mess,
Use the hem of your dress;
And please wipe that stuff off your chinsky."



bounty44 -> RE: Jokes, Riddles and Lymricks (5/1/2016 5:07:08 PM)

[image]https://lenbilen.files.wordpress.com/2015/08/zst1wd7eijb2k1ff0qyyvicfwol-l5hvcd3qzcaprue2w4ctrtgpc-g2iikt7kjrcnkw5pbkddva3k5kyer7emj9msrpg06hrereus2nkjtd1wjmsial6c4s0-d-e1-ft.jpeg[/image]

In the person of Bernie Sanders, Hillary Clinton has found a candidate even slightly more ancient and out of touch than herself. One of the areas that reflects differences between the two Democrat candidates is in their use of different Social Media for campaigning. For example, Hillary has begun using Instagram, while Bernie is still using Telegram.



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