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People with a temper have it better in life? - 5/3/2016 9:43:46 PM   
Sweetheart4UUU


Posts: 2
Joined: 5/3/2016
Status: offline 		I'm brand new to this site. I have a profile on Fetlife and I posted a question but it got deleted because the moderator said I was just ranting. But I would honestly like to know the opinions of other people on this subject.

I know some pretty nice people, as long as things are going there way. But if things start to "go south" the voice gets louder and they get more demanding.

I work with the general public and it seem like everyone has a short fuse these days. They yell until they get what they want.

I see it in BDSM relationship with some of my friends. The "Dominant" has a temper and the submissive works around it.

So you yell until you get what you want. You aggressively assert yourself with people.
I was at the gym and she was sitting in front of my locker checking her cell phone. She was done using her locker. I asked if she could scoot over so I could get into my locker. She raised her voice and said she will be done in a few. So I went to get a drink of water and when I came back she was gone.

It must be nice to have a temper? Right?
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RE: People with a temper have it better in life? - 5/3/2016 9:54:03 PM   
DaddySatyr


Posts: 9381
Joined: 8/29/2011
From: Pittston, Pennsyltucky
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It isn't nice to "have a temper" (except in extreme circumstances), but I hear what you're saying. I have a step-brother that behaves the way you described the young lady at the gym.

Just a few weeks ago, I pulled up to a convenience store. There was a guy parked with his front tire (indeed, half his car) over the line marking the spaces. The space next to him was (obviously) available and was right in front of the door. The next closest space that was open was about four car widths down (about 20 ft. or so? 25?). I have a smaller car so I pulled into the space that he was partially using.

It was a tight squeeze, but I got out of my car without dinging his door. He rolls down his passenger side window and starts cursing me up one side and down, another because I didn't use the further spot (he also preceded to "re-adjust" his parking job).

I was a bit confused. He was yelling at me in the foulest of ways because I didn't feel like being inconvenienced to facilitate his ignorant behavior.

I think the real issue (and you may not like my assessment) is that there are people who allow these bullies to get away with this behavior and that's one of the reasons they keep doing it. It's effective.

Where relationships are concerned (even in the aforementioned situation), I'm actually at a bit of a disadvantage. When I get angry, I speak more quietly and more slowly (DEFINITELY NOT a "typical Noo Yawk" trait). Some people mistake that for passivity. It is not, but that is how it is perceived by some.

The truth is: one needs to call bullies on this behavior and involve an "authority figure", if need be (The manager at the gym?).



Michael

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RE: People with a temper have it better in life? - 5/3/2016 10:01:07 PM   
MuscleBoundDom


Posts: 90
Joined: 9/24/2015
Status: offline 		Yea, I think you need to raise your voice to get things done. Lots of people don't respond to "normal talk." However, you have to be very careful who you raise your voice to. There are so many crazies you have no idea how they will react.

I was at Walmart, in the self service check outs. Two young guys cut in front of me to use the checkout. I went to the woman in charge and complained. I was loud and those two heard me complain about them. The woman in charge said she isn't going to do anything about it. I left the store to get to my car. Those two guys followed me. I thought they were going to jump me. Lots of people don't handle "assertion" very well.

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RE: People with a temper have it better in life? - 5/3/2016 10:06:23 PM   
OsideGirl


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quote:

ORIGINAL: DaddySatyr




I think the real issue (and you may not like my assessment) is that there are people who allow these bullies to get away with this behavior and that's one of the reasons they keep doing it. It's effective.
Michael


Honestly, I just think there are people that are just happy being unhappy and people that enjoy being offended.






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RE: People with a temper have it better in life? - 5/3/2016 10:54:29 PM   
DaddySatyr


Posts: 9381
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From: Pittston, Pennsyltucky
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quote:

ORIGINAL: MuscleBoundDom

Yea, I think you need to raise your voice to get things done. Lots of people don't respond to "normal talk." However, you have to be very careful who you raise your voice to. There are so many crazies you have no idea how they will react.



If what you say is true about needing to be "careful" to whom you raise your voice (and I suspect you are correct), wouldn't it make more sense to just calmly confront the person? Why escalate a situation which needn't be?

The guy that I referenced, I just calmly told him that I didn't feel like walking the extra distance just to make his life easier. No muss. No fuss.

Besides, if two people are shouting at each other, neither gets heard.



Michael

_____________________________

A Stone in My Shoe

Screen captures (and pissing on shadows) still RULE! Ya feel me?

"For that which I love, I will do horrible things"

(in reply to MuscleBoundDom)
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RE: People with a temper have it better in life? - 5/3/2016 11:12:12 PM   
MuscleBoundDom


Posts: 90
Joined: 9/24/2015
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quote:

ORIGINAL: DaddySatyr


quote:

ORIGINAL: MuscleBoundDom

Yea, I think you need to raise your voice to get things done. Lots of people don't respond to "normal talk." However, you have to be very careful who you raise your voice to. There are so many crazies you have no idea how they will react.



If what you say is true about needing to be "careful" to whom you raise your voice (and I suspect you are correct), wouldn't it make more sense to just calmly confront the person? Why escalate a situation which needn't be?

The guy that I referenced, I just calmly told him that I didn't feel like walking the extra distance just to make his life easier. No muss. No fuss.

Besides, if two people are shouting at each other, neither gets heard.



Michael



You have a point. I need to watch myself. In any case, you can calmly assert yourself with a complete stranger and that person may not take kindly to it. So many people on meds these days. What if that person didn't take his meds that day? What if he did take his meds but the next day he didn't and decided to come after you?

And in personal relationships, so many people don't want their "shortcomings" brought into light, even if your diplomatic about it. By that I mean say your spouse gets yelled at work, comes home and is grumpy and irritable and even yells. You point out this and your spouse doesn't take kindly to it.

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RE: People with a temper have it better in life? - 5/3/2016 11:17:19 PM   
Dvr22999874


Posts: 2849
Joined: 9/11/2008
Status: offline 		Because somebody reacts in an unexpected manner to your raised voice, does that make him/her a crazy ? Or does it make him/her somebody who would prefer you to speak in a moderated and respectful tone/manner ? I admit I AM crazy and if you try shouting at me, you may find yourself wearing an interesting pair of earrings and singing soprano. And if you DO manage to get me down, you had better make sure you KEEP me down, because I AM crazy enough to come after you.

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RE: People with a temper have it better in life? - 5/3/2016 11:38:42 PM   
MuscleBoundDom


Posts: 90
Joined: 9/24/2015
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Dvr22999874

Because somebody reacts in an unexpected manner to your raised voice, does that make him/her a crazy ? Or does it make him/her somebody who would prefer you to speak in a moderated and respectful tone/manner ? I admit I AM crazy and if you try shouting at me, you may find yourself wearing an interesting pair of earrings and singing soprano. And if you DO manage to get me down, you had better make sure you KEEP me down, because I AM crazy enough to come after you.



"In any case, you can calmly assert yourself with a complete stranger and that person may not take kindly to it." That's what I wrote.

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RE: People with a temper have it better in life? - 5/3/2016 11:43:04 PM   
DaddySatyr


Posts: 9381
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From: Pittston, Pennsyltucky
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quote:

ORIGINAL: MuscleBoundDom

You have a point.



Yeah, but if I wear a hat, no one ever sees it!

quote:

ORIGINAL: MuscleBoundDom
I need to watch myself. In any case, you can calmly assert yourself with a complete stranger and that person may not take kindly to it. So many people on meds these days. What if that person didn't take his meds that day? What if he did take his meds but the next day he didn't and decided to come after you?



That's why they invented cell phones, 9-1-1, and I live in an open carry commonwealth.

quote:

ORIGINAL: MuscleBoundDom

And in personal relationships, so many people don't want their "shortcomings" brought into light, even if your diplomatic about it. By that I mean say your spouse gets yelled at work, comes home and is grumpy and irritable and even yells. You point out this and your spouse doesn't take kindly to it.



In that case, she and I are finished.



Michael

_____________________________

A Stone in My Shoe

Screen captures (and pissing on shadows) still RULE! Ya feel me?

"For that which I love, I will do horrible things"

(in reply to MuscleBoundDom)
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RE: People with a temper have it better in life? - 5/3/2016 11:44:17 PM   
DeviantlyD


Posts: 4375
Joined: 5/26/2007
From: Hawai`i
Status: offline 		Hmmm...I don't see this myself, but maybe that's due to where I live and who I am. :)

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(in reply to Sweetheart4UUU)
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RE: People with a temper have it better in life? - 5/3/2016 11:52:32 PM   
Dvr22999874


Posts: 2849
Joined: 9/11/2008
Status: offline 		Also muscleheaddummy, I would like to watch you as you try the 'raised voice' tactic on any work site in Australia, from an office to a building site to a mining site. First, the workers would laugh at you, then they would sit down and laugh at you, then they would call a stoppage until you were removed. That would be referred to the union and unless you were out of there very quickly, it could result in a state-wide stoppage. Result ? I leave it to your imagination.
In any other situation, the result may be less traumatic, but you would still be laughed at to begin and then told to travel and have sex, very rapidly.

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RE: People with a temper have it better in life? - 5/4/2016 3:36:14 AM   
LilJuly76


Posts: 1245
Joined: 1/9/2016
Status: offline 		one of my sisters have a quick temper and a long memory not to forgive people, she stopped talking to me for almost 30 years than she phones me up and says she's willing to be my sister again. Last year we were in her car together and out of the blue on a busy street she yells at me and calls me names and it freaked me out. I was scared, was I going to have to jump out of the car on a very busy street?

(in reply to Sweetheart4UUU)
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RE: People with a temper have it better in life? - 5/4/2016 7:18:55 AM   
Aliendragun


Posts: 15
Joined: 4/4/2016
Status: offline 		I believe I remember this post from Fet. Having a quick temper and/or anger issues does not go well with BDSM, just like alcohol does not mix well with BDSM. The reasoning is simple,when anger arises you are not in control of yourself and as a top or bottom type self control is necessary,otherwise someone is gonna get hurt.

(in reply to DaddySatyr)
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RE: People with a temper have it better in life? - 5/4/2016 7:53:18 AM   
littleladybug


Posts: 1082
Joined: 5/30/2013
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Sweetheart4UUU


So you yell until you get what you want. You aggressively assert yourself with people.



Until you piss off the wrong person and end up on the wrong end of a gun.

I can't imagine that people with a short fuse, who think that yelling is the best way to get what they want, are generally happy people. So, no, I absolutely do not think that they have it "better in life".

And, in terms of being in a relationship with someone who was like this? Walking on eggshells all the time doesn't sound like all that much fun to me.

(in reply to Sweetheart4UUU)
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RE: People with a temper have it better in life? - 5/4/2016 9:28:21 AM   
Danemora


Posts: 752
Joined: 10/9/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MuscleBoundDom

Yea, I think you need to raise your voice to get things done. Lots of people don't respond to "normal talk." However, you have to be very careful who you raise your voice to. There are so many crazies you have no idea how they will react.

I was at Walmart, in the self service check outs. Two young guys cut in front of me to use the checkout. I went to the woman in charge and complained. I was loud and those two heard me complain about them. The woman in charge said she isn't going to do anything about it. I left the store to get to my car. Those two guys followed me. I thought they were going to jump me. Lots of people don't handle "assertion" very well.



Doesnt sound like your raising your voice did much though in all honesty. There is a night and day difference between assertion and the passive aggressiveness you demonstrated. The woman in charge told you she wasnt doing anything after you loudly complained. The two guys still did what they did anyway. And they put the thought in your head that you were going to get jumped in the parking lot afterwards.

If you were going to get your melon thumped in the parking lot anyway, why not just sack up and stand up for yourself with the men? Its not hard to calmly confront someone and stand up for yourself.


< Message edited by Danemora -- 5/4/2016 9:37:23 AM >

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RE: People with a temper have it better in life? - 5/4/2016 9:28:27 AM   
Sweetheart4UUU


Posts: 2
Joined: 5/3/2016
Status: offline 		It seems to me that people who have a temper, people who will "snap" at you if you get in their way, or are an inconvenience to them at the moment, get instant relief.

If someone "snaps" at you and walks away they get that pressure off themselves. The person who got yelled at holds it in. So in that respect, they don't hold anything in, they get instant tension relief.

(in reply to littleladybug)
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RE: People with a temper have it better in life? - 5/4/2016 9:43:37 AM   
littleladybug


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Joined: 5/30/2013
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Sweetheart4UUU

It seems to me that people who have a temper, people who will "snap" at you if you get in their way, or are an inconvenience to them at the moment, get instant relief.

If someone "snaps" at you and walks away they get that pressure off themselves. The person who got yelled at holds it in. So in that respect, they don't hold anything in, they get instant tension relief.


Most of the people that I know who have (or have had) tempers don't get "relief" from lashing out at people. There's a lot going on underneath that is not relieved by briefly yelling at someone.

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RE: People with a temper have it better in life? - 5/4/2016 9:45:40 AM   
ThatDizzyChick


Posts: 5490
Status: offline 		In my line of work (barmaid) we have to deal with people not just raising their voice, but doing so while drunk. We learn never to reciprocate, you just remain calm and stand your ground. Can it get scary? Oh fuck yeah, you have some big drunk yelling at you because you have cut him off or because you told him he can't smoke and they are threatening you, it gets plenty scary, but you just stay calm and refuse to back down. Does it go wrong sometimes? Yup, I have been spat on, kicked and punched, and even bitten (by a woman).
One thing I will say is that usually when things start escalating, the other customers gather to back me up against the jerk, which is nice.


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RE: People with a temper have it better in life? - 5/4/2016 9:56:52 AM   
ExiledTyrant


Posts: 4547
Joined: 12/9/2013
From: Exiled
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quote:

ORIGINAL: OsideGirl


quote:

ORIGINAL: DaddySatyr




I think the real issue (and you may not like my assessment) is that there are people who allow these bullies to get away with this behavior and that's one of the reasons they keep doing it. It's effective.
Michael


Honestly, I just think there are people that are just happy being unhappy and people that enjoy being offended.







Many people are defined by their misery. Jus sayin


_____________________________

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RE: People with a temper have it better in life? - 5/4/2016 9:57:21 AM   
AiredaleOH


Posts: 2
Joined: 4/10/2016
Status: offline 		I was at McDonald's getting a refill on my soda. This huge person was standing right in front of the soda machine talking to someone, so I couldn't get in. I said, "Excuse me but I want to get to the soda machine." But he didn't budge. So I squeezed myself in, brushing against him. He looked at me and he seemed shocked and pissed. Several days later, I was at the soda machine pondering if I want to drink Dr. Pepper or Coke. This same guy approaches me and starts yelling at me. "Why you standing by the soda machine? Hurry up! Other people want to get in!" His eyes were wide and full of fury. He said some other things and then walked away. There was no one else trying to get in and he didn't want any soda. He was just there to yell at me.

Do I think he has it easier in life? I thought he was a nut-job.

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