LadyPact
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Good Morning, Hon. What an interesting piece you've written.
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ORIGINAL: ExiledTyrant
Hindsight is 20/20 and if you had the opportunity to travel back in time and buy a ticket for the Titanic, woudja?
There is no debate about hindsight being 20/20. You get to evaluate things you didn't see or might have ignored before. I have a very short list of instances that I would have made a different decisions about in my life *if* I had the opportunity to go back and rectify certain situations. It's easy to say that, hell, no, a person knowing what they know today wouldn't buy that ticket for the Titanic. Was that really what the person purchasing the ticket was thinking when they did so?
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Me neither.
In the nilla world you rarely have a clue that you're about to hit an iceberg until you hit the fucking thing. That can happen early or it can happen late in the relationship, but that bitch will sink you.
The "icebergs" are getting greater social awareness now. In my opinion, there's a difference. People can look up just how many plane crashes happen or boats that sink. These things are coming out more. I would greatly encourage people to READ about what happens. This is the only way we can create change in our communities.
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In WIITWD it's a little easier to avoid the icebergs because, in theory, most of us are very forthcoming about the freaky shit we want to do or have done. So, diddling the maid is a team sport that doesn't lead to divorce and/or fucking the pool boy is an option because your SO picked the tanned Adonis out for you. As you can see, the stuff that would break a normal nilla relationship is, usually, wot you signed up for, seeking out the partner that is going to be the grand fucking facilitator or partner in crime to all the little freaky fuckers that make your nickers wet or raises your mast for full sail.
The key phrase in this is "what you signed up for".
The Titanic wasn't the first boat lost and it never meant that a person could continually drag another person under the freezing water. Just because someone *did* buy that ticket voyage, doesn't mean they get to try to use another person as a flotation device.
As a personal note, when I bought my passage, it meant the cruise didn't last forever. My ticket didn't say perpetual voyage. There is no 'you must remain on the ship for the sake of another passenger'.
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I am very forthcoming about who I am and wot I am looking for because I don't want to board the Titanic nor do I want to captain that bitch either.
Nobody is *required* to sink for the sake of another person's happiness.
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So it all comes down, initially, to the "Wants" list and the "Needs" list. My wants and needs have to synergize her wants and needs.
I am, forever, talking about the difference between wants and needs. Most people confuse these words, daily. As an individual, I am not beholden to other people's wants.
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If she needs to be humiliated, I am so wrong for her that it will be a trip on the Titanic. Humiliation isn't my bag, it's not a want, need, desire... in fact it's a pretty hard limit for me. I build people up, I do not tear them down.
We look for kinky partners because kink is ingrained in us and in this lifestyle we can look at the kink list first and see if our eggs can all be in the same basket. However, we are more multifaceted than that. Once we move past kink compatibility the real life and rest of life stuff comes in.
Our kink compatibility can give us quite a hot fever for person X, but it's the day in and day out stuff that can be the iceberg and no matter how hard we try, the avoidance system is banjanxed and broken and this ride will make its last stop on the ocean floor... right next to davey jones locker.
I was talking about this on another thread. Not all of this D/s stuff is relationship oriented.
I used to hire and fire people for a living. I didn't necessarily have to *like* the person who was working for me. When you hire a person, you don't really know. In their private life, they could be liars, thieves, or whatever else. If they were showing up to do their job, it wasn't my concern. Not up until they brought that sh^t to the job site.
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That ultra hot fever tends to boil the brain and we overlook or dismiss stuff that is going to sail us right into endsville and no matter how hard we try to make it work, once the ship is sunk, it is sunk, dead, over, move along. At this point we can obsess over partner X and think, in some fucked up reality that comes straight from Bizzarro world, that we can wear them down... "if they just spent an hour talking to me, alone, without their friends... blah blah... tick tock tick tock, crazy is coming..." call the LifeTime network, the next movie is on its way.
This is something that (I think) most members of the kink community don't grasp.
Never once, in all of the time I worked HR, did I ever care about anybody I fired as much as they cared that they lost their job. Losing a job is always *bigger* to the person that got fired. It's their livelihood, and I get that. However, it was never on the same scale to me. Hey, you (general you) f^cked up, hit one of those 'one strike and you're out rules' according to company policy, I'm not doing it. Don't call me at home/ Don't try to get your job back.
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Most of us are here cuz we are twisted kinky fuckers and that isn't ever going to change. The way we can better manage our happiness is by knowing ourselves very very well, be very forthcoming about wants, needs, desires, limits, etc... and once we find a compatible partner do not compromise on the day in day out stuff that is important to us. Ideally, we move from kinky fun to relationship... in my twisted mind anyway... so not only do I want all my kinky stuff synergized by hers/theirs, but I need to be able to live with her/them as a life partners until on my eleventy-first birthday I die of a massive heart attack while banging them both out.
Most people can't stand for the other person to actually *be* happy.
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In essence, my "wants" and "needs" also need to be either a "want" or "need" for her. This extends well beyond kink, though we are here because we want kinky partners, into the day in day out stuff that lets us read about the "ship sinking" rather than our ship sinking. Just have the courage, strength, and integrity to let the doomed vessel pass you by once you see, clearly, that it is doomed.
Some people don't have that kind of fortitude.
_____________________________
The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT
Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD
Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.
Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread
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One ticket for the Titanic please - 
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