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HoneyBears -> RE: What's the most impressive thing a sub has done for you? (5/10/2016 10:01:02 PM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Fellissimo
A line I see quite a bit in dominant lady's profiles generally goes along the lines of 'be interesting/impressive or don't bother'. Which is fair enough, no-one's overly fond of a wet fish. What I'd like to ask is- what's been the most impressive or interesting thing that a submissive/slave/etc. has done for you? Partially I ask out of curiosity and partially because I want to take notes.
Being interesting can range from making an effort to find out what vanilla interests the lady has to being a good conversationalist, verbally expressive, charming, having a passion for life, being eclectic and versatile or multi-talented, not exhibiting the usual affectations of obsequiousness that submissive men do with dominant women (unless she is into that sort of inferior/superior axis, beyond simply knowing your place in gaining her approval).
Do not pretend that you are interested in everything she is, because that will backfire on you by getting tagged as being fake, as in trying to be everysub to everydomme.
Being interesting can mean do not bring up your kinks and fetishes, including no topics of a sexual nature, unless she broaches the subject first.
She wants to know who you are as a person, where your head is at, and that you are not a coach potato glued to the TV or to your smartphone watching spectator sports. She wants you to get to know her as a person, as a real-live human being, and not just as your idealized image of what a Femdom is or how a Femdom should act. It is not all about getting dominated and getting Topped with BDSM.
Do not talk about business unless it is on a need-to-know basis.
As far as impressive goes, actions speak louder than words. Make her feel as though she is your highest priority whenever possible.
Pay attention and be attentive. Be reliable. Give direct and straightforward answers, do not be evasive. Do what you say you will do without making excuses.
This can be as rudimentary as reading her messages right away, and responding to them promptly, within 1-2 days.
Do not act as if you have something to hide. Do not wait to be asked for a non-graphic recent photo of yourself once she shows an interest in you. If she likes what she sees, then she will reciprocate at her discretion.
However, do not act desperate, pushy or demanding. A gentleman takes his cues from the lady, which does not mean she has to always make the first move, but from carefully reading whether you are getting the green light with signs of encouragement.
If her interest wans, then back off, and go on with your life. Take a hint. Do not press her to explain herself to you or for justification of her position if she indicates that she does not think you are not the right match for one another. Wait for an upcoming holiday, the Spring Equinox, Summer Solstice, whatever, to drop her a friendly note, and then leave it at that.
Getting to Know You Phase: A sub who befriended me was a music-lover like myself. He surprised me by sending me a large music playlist he had put together of upbeat song imports that he correctly figured I was not already familiar with. I know he made a special effort to personalize this just for me because ALL upbeat songs would not have been his style, and he confirmed this when I remarked upon it.
The best gifts come from the heart and do not have to cost anything but your time, effort, and thoughtfulness.
Initial Meeting Phase: Demonstrate to her that she is appreciated. The women I know enjoy getting surprised with special tokens of affection. Their favorite flowers. Their favorite confections and goodies. Most anything that is handmade which incorporates their favorite color, material, motifs.
If and when appropriate, invite her over for a romantic dinner, and go all out to make it a wonderful experience, a memory-maker she will never forget.
Sub-Under-Consideration or New Sub Phase: Any of the above, but it can be more romantic or intimate, depending on the type of D/s dynamic you share.
My now sub-switch partner remembered that I told him there was a specific type of rum I had had once on vacation but had not run across locally. He found a place one state over which carried this country's brand and bought me a couple of bottles. (He was not 100% sure it was the right kind or he would have bought a lot more for me.)
Special Occasion: My partner Cub also remembered how much I regretted not having known about larimar, called the Atlantis Stone, which is a single-source gemstone originating only in the Dominican Republic. He found a fine specimen on eBay, then had it set into a ring which he designed to give me for my birthday. I was floored. Mega, mega brownie points, not that he needed to rack up more. [sm=kiss.gif]
-- Lisa
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