siamsa24
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Joined: 2/2/2004
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A friend of mine sent these to me, I know they have been floating around the internet for years, but I thought that they were too funny not to pass along.
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CINDERELLA Wants to go to the ball, but her wicked stepmother won't let
her. As Cinderella sits crying in the garden, her fairy godmother appears, and
promised to provide Cinderella with everything she needs to go to the ball,
but only on two conditions. "First, you must wear a diaphragm." Cinderella
agrees. "What's the second condition?" "You must be home by 2:00
a.m. Any later, and your diaphragm will turn into a pumpkin." Cinderella
agrees to be home by 2:00 a.m. The appointed hour comes and goes and
Cinderella doesn't show up. Finally, at 5:00 a.m. Cinderella shows up, looking
love struck and very satisfied. "Where have you been?" demands the Fairy
Godmother. "Your diaphragm was supposed to turn into a Pumpkin three
hours ago!" "I met a prince, Fairy Godmother.
He took care of everything."
The Fairy Godmother stated, "I know of no Prince with that kind of power!
Tell me his name!"
Cinderella replied, I can't remember, exactly, Peter, Peter, something or
other..."
___________________________________________
PINOCCHIO Had a human girlfriend who would sometimes complain about
splinters when they were having sex? Pinocchio's, therefore, went to visit
Gepetto to see if he could help.
Gepetto suggested he try a little sandpaper wherever indicated and Pinocchio
skipped away enlightened.
A couple weeks later, Gepetto saw Pinocchio's bouncing happily through town
and asked him, "How's the girlfriend?"
Pinocchio's replied, "Who needs a girlfriend?"
_____________________________________________
LITTLE RED RIDING HOOD Was walking through the woods when suddenly the Big
Bad Wolf jumped out from behind a tree and, holding a sword to her throat,
said, "Red, I'm going to screw your brains out!"
To that, Little Red Riding Hood calmly reached into her picnic basket and
pulled out a . 44 magnum and pointed it at him and said, "No, you're not.
You're going to eat me, just like it says in the book."
____________________________________________
MICKEY MOUSE and MINNIE MOUSE were in divorce court and the judge said to
Mickey, "You say here that your wife is crazy."
Mickey replied, "I didn't say she was crazy, I said she's fucking Goofy." ___________________________________________
SNOW WHITE Saw Pinocchio walking through the woods so she ran up behind him,
knocked him flat on his back, and then sat on his face crying, "Lie to me!
Lie to me!"
___________________________________________
Did you know...Captain Hook died from jock itch.
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