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LadyPact -> RE: Femdoms, what makes you stop in your tracks to check out a new sub? (6/9/2016 2:35:56 PM)
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Since there seems to be some disruption on the thread, I thought it better to just quote the original.
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ORIGINAL: AAkasha
Whether it be online or in person - assuming that said sub is too shy or polite to make the first move....
Ladies, what makes you stop and go -- ok, I want to approach this man and find out more.
This is one area where you and I differ, because we have different methods. (I'm not saying yours is wrong. We're just different.) While there is some debate within the kink community about the mono vrs poly numbers, I tend to view this as an overall perspective of the majority of people (to include kinky and non) being monogamous, so I tend to use that as a default. This means I tend not to approach people for relationships. I tend to assume that people fall into the monogamous majority, so I'm more likely not to pursue. Just for me, I don't want to offend monogamous folks with my advances.
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REAL LIFE (munches, parties, clubs)
If it is his LOOKS -- what about them? Interesting eyes, his attire (is it that he looks sharp? professional? something else?), how he interacts with other people? Something else?
I'm highly unlikely to be attracted by physical appearance alone. I have noticed that I do tend to have a "type" regarding submissive men. I'm more likely to be physically attracted to those who are dark haired/dark eyed, slim, running around the 5'10" to 6' mark. Oddly enough, I tend to lean more towards those who are bookish. Well kept, clean, attire is another attraction for me.
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If it is his DEMEANOR - what about it? Does someone who is gregarious and talking to lots of people interest you, or are you drawn to the quiet brooding type? What if a man has some social anxiety and is alone - how can he stand out? What would make you notice a guy who probably is not doing more than observing?
I'm kind of middle of the road on this one. While I do think male submissives/bottoms need to put themselves out there, I also think there is a point where it is overdone. Over eager is a turn off.
While I wouldn't use the descriptor of brooding, I do tend to be drawn to people who have to try. It's a strange way to put it but I like effort, that is not annoyance.
What a good question about those with social anxiety! One thing I would say is to actually *be* observant. (Not leering. That's a whole other thing.) People look around the room often at social gatherings. If you are the guy who has trepidation about approaching others, notice them when they notice you. Look up! Smile, wave, when that person sees you. Appear to be friendly if they are wondering about approaching you. Skip negative body language and cell phone obsession. (Seriously, how many people are going to interrupt a person who is on their cell phone all night?) If you see somebody has noticed you, it's ok to introduce yourself.
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ONLINE
If it is the PHOTO, how much does attraction factor in (be HONEST...people say "oh use pics with you showing your hobbies" but you must admit you do look a bit at the man, right?) - is it purely a random thing, i.e., all ladies have different quick physical things that interest us - some like shaved heads, some like big guys, some like tattoos, etc.
Hair. I'm a sucker for shoulder length hair.
Tattoos. I like artistic ink. Body art is attractive.
It's not just the hobby. It's enjoying the hobby.
And, pets. I am more likely to write a first contact email about people's pets.
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Any other factors to add?
I am just curious what that -- literal - split second instinct is that says "I am intrigued a bit" to "not even noticing said sub."
Akasha
I'm going to add this, even though it seems like the same worn out record.
I'm recently dating somebody new. I did not approach him. He wrote me a first contact email.
You know the things we are constantly telling men to do when approaching women? He did many of those things when he chose to write to me.
Great mix of vanilla interests *and* mentions of what led him to write to me based on my profile.
Made sure the email was a mix of putting forth his interests (light kink and vanilla) with asking me chit-chat type of questions to encourage a response.
Light attitude. Good grammar, punctuation, and syntax. Obviously had read my profile.
As many folks know, I ignore 95% of my email from people I don't know. When I answer one, it's because the sender did something right. [:)]
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