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losttreasure -> RE: Aftercare (7/21/2006 9:34:41 PM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: thegunslinger
Just curious to see reasons why a Dom/Domme would set up rule with punishments, then punish and not use aftercare.
Thank You
Because they lack compassion, perhaps?
Honestly... I'm not sure why. It doesn't make any sense to me.
Of course, the whole idea of punishment in a D/s relationship is tricky in my opinion.
For the most part, I view punishment as not necessary in an adult relationship. After all, you are talking about adults. If I'm not behaving as my dom would prefer, he could simply explain to me what was wrong and why. Knowing his expectations for the future, further non-compliance would indicate either unrealistic expectations on his part, or a nullification of the power exchange in that particular area. Either way, a serious discussion would in order... not physical punishment.
In my personal experience, physical punishments don't teach lessons... they mainly serve as consequences for inattentiveness to lessons previously established, or sometimes for willful disobedience. But if you've got defiance going on in your D/s relationship, you've got much bigger problems than a broken rule.
I see physical punishment as the closure to a disciplinary issue. It is the final step in the behavior modification process; essentially, "you erred, you understand how you erred, you accept that you erred, you know how to avoid erring in the future, you will now suffer the consequences for erring, and that will be the end of this particular issue."
Regarding aftercare, I suppose it really all depends on just what that means and entails for you, but I consider withholding affection after punishment as prolonging the discipline process beyond the established closure.
I’m sure that most here have heard that for a lot of submissives (myself included), just the fact that they’ve disappointed their dom is punishment. Assuming a submissive feels similarly, if a situation arose that warranted correcting, she would first mentally punish herself for failing her dom, then she would be verbally punished (lectured/scolded) by her dom, then she would suffer physical punishment for the error.
So... let’s just keep the flow going and emotionally punish her by withholding reassurance and comfort, too. Can’t make things too easy for her... she screwed up, after all, and lord knows she can’t be punished enough for that.
For heaven’s sake... from some of the responses here, it sounds as if withdrawal of care and support wouldn’t even have a proscribed time limit. How on earth do you decide when enough is enough? When you are no longer angry? Where’s the closure?
By all means, go ahead and create an environment of insecurity and mistrust by leaving your sub hanging, not knowing when your affection and acceptance will be felt again.
But then, I'm not a mental health professional... my only experience in behavior modification stems from twenty-one years of hands-on experience raising three young ones to responsible adulthood... what would I know, eh?
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