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help with newly acquired bedroom fantasy - 12/2/2004 6:42:06 PM

shadownox

Posts: 2
Joined: 11/30/2004
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ok here is the dilema i'am in. recently, (4 days ago) my fiance (after 8 months ) informed that she was wanting to go our seperate ways because of the fact that i was not a dominating person. i have always found it hard to give orders whether it be in the bedroom or not. Now since then we have talked and worked things out and i told her that i would do anything it takes to keep her in my life. now i have always been a follower so i'm finding it to be slightly difficult to be a leader. i can admit that in the last 4 days our sex time as been beyond incredible she has been more than turned on it is more like complete and utterly gratifide. and i have found it totally arrousing for myself i mean i was never one to last long when it came to sex but since i started trying what she wants i have found that my stamina has increased dramatically. now i want this relationship to last but i also want to keep romance involved. neither one of us wants to carry or dom/sub relationship out of the bedroom, can someone help us out and make suggestions, give me ideas, that will keep the fire burning in the bedroom, but at the same time will not turn our relationship boring.

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< Message edited by ModeratorFour -- 12/3/2004 11:11:51 AM >

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RE: help with newly acquired bedroom fantasy - 12/2/2004 7:51:24 PM

INSIDEYOURMIND

Posts: 483
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I had mixed feelings when reading this post, I am curious if your fiance had discussed these feelings with you before deciding to call it quits?

The first and only advice is that you become comfortable with this, don't do it for her, do it for yourself, and then you will begin to enjoy it in a completely different way.

To be a Dominant is something inherently in you, not something you can become.

That said, I would think it possible to be a bedroom Dom, it is really just role play, and in reality she is the Dominat personality in your exchange, she is just letting you think you are.
Have fun with it, do the daddy/little girl games, hell, do the big bad wolf/little red riding hood free for all. The trick is to keep it fun for both of you, if you are always doing it for her, it will leave you wanting at some point.

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If I got smart with you.................
How would you know?

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RE: help with newly acquired bedroom fantasy - 12/2/2004 9:30:11 PM

Estring

Posts: 3314
Joined: 1/1/2004
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I am curious, will you be playing with yourself on yahoo messenger as people describe what you should do with your "fiance"?

(in reply to shadownox)

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RE: help with newly acquired bedroom fantasy - 12/2/2004 10:07:12 PM

shadownox

Posts: 2
Joined: 11/30/2004
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no that is not something i will be doing i'am only wanting to chat with people who have idea's and suggestions i'am new to this so i'am trying to take it in stride to get an idea as to what i may want to incorporate into the bedroom scene not to use as my own pleasure as an internet cyber sex session

(in reply to Estring)

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RE: help with newly acquired bedroom fantasy - 12/2/2004 11:38:43 PM

Sylverdawn

Posts: 1123
Joined: 1/1/2004
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My suggestion is as always .. educate yourself.. there are tons of books out there..

Start with something easy like the new topping book from greenery press..

The New Topping Book
authors: Dossie Easton & Janet W. Hardy
ISBN: 1-890159-36-0
specifications: 6" x 9", 224 pages
$14.95 + shipping
"Easton and Liszt tackle the Top... and bring that elusive critter down neatly and with a certain flair. This is good stuff, important stuff... an excellent guide to topping, both for the rank noice and for the player who just wants words to put to all the thoughts and feelings that have resisted categorization." - Laura Antoniou, Sandmutopian Guardian

and as I agree with Inside your mind... that Dominance is inherent not teachable.. but you can learn to be a great TOP and put the pleasure/ need of your partner first..

Tricks... To Please a Woman
author: Jay Wiseman
ISBN: 1-890159-40-9
specifications: 7" x 7", 160 pages
$13.95 + shipping

Bestselling sex author/educator Jay Wiseman created his Tricks series of books - "how to make good sex better" - nearly a decade ago. They've been perennial best-sellers in erotic boutiques and adult stores worldwide ever since. Now, the best of Jay's Tricks for pleasing a woman have been compiled into this handy volume… along with plenty of new information based on recent research into female anatomy and recent improvements in sex toys and accessories.

Both books should help with your self confidence in the bedroom and perhaps result in a better encounter for yourself and your partner.

My one word of caution is this.. if she is looking for a Dominant Master in her life.. to match her submissive heart.. and not just a bit of slap and tickle kink.. bedroom roleplay will eventually pale and you will both need to be prepared for that..

Good luck

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“When women are depressed, they eat or go shopping. Men invade another country. It's a whole different way of thinking.” Elyane Boosler

Being a women is hard work Maya Angelou

(in reply to shadownox)

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RE: help with newly acquired bedroom fantasy - 12/3/2004 2:09:05 PM

masteroffire

Posts: 66
Joined: 11/9/2004
From: Yukon, Oklahoma
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Though at first I thought the same thing EString alludes to, I see nothing wrong with giving this guy the benefit of the doubt. I think this would be a better question asked in a different forum however. I don't know where, but I'm sure there are ones dealing with role-play, which is what this would be.

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"They sicken of the calm, who knew the storm."
Dorothy Parker, 'Fair Weather,' Sunset Gun, 1928

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RE: help with newly acquired bedroom fantasy - 12/4/2004 12:40:51 PM

MistressDREAD

Posts: 2943
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~excuse My posts in Your area Masters~
actually masteroffire his posting in this
area is what any normal vanilla male whom
hasent a clue about BDSM would naturally
levitate to, is the Dominant Males of the boards.

shadownox
you come here from the vanilla world thinking
like most all whom do not know what BDSM or
D/s is all about and assume it is all about sex.
Sex is a VERY small part of this Alternate Lifestyle
and like so many others here it is VERY important
to educate your self into what Dominance and
submission is all about. I to do not see much
natural Dominance in you by your words
but do hear a Man desperate to do what
ever it takes to keep a relationship that He
desires. This is commendable and This can be a good
thing for the woman however I feel that if it is
not truely what you desire will end up giving
you feelings of remorse or a true dislike of this when it is
forced on you and not choosen for your own enjoyment
as Others here have stated. Read, Study, and
go thru all of the content even here on collarme to
learn and understand better what this is about and continue
here to ask * spacific * questions about things you
need answers to and good luck in your search and welcome
to the world of BDSM and D/s and Alternate Lifestyles.
JMO

(in reply to masteroffire)

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