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Wolf4lamb -> RE: I would really love some input (6/30/2016 3:34:51 PM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: newbiesub1977
Even though I have always known that there must be more to relationships than what I was getting with vanilla, I never quite knew what it was. I met Sir a short while ago and (god only knows how Sir was so patient about it) we accidentally discovered that the Dom/sub dynamic works for us. Sir has had a similar relationship before, but this is completely new to me. I find a deep and absolute satisfaction in submitting to Him and find immense pleasure and arousal in following his commands, even when I am not with Him.
Earlier in the week He has me go through slave rules to indicate where i was willing to go and we plan to discuss it this weekend. up to this point i have been completely OK with everything, loving it in fact. I have never felt more complete and happy in my entire life. However, a couple of days ago He mentioned something about me walking on all fours when we are alone. This is where my questions come in.
my one and only goal is to please Sir. From a submissive's point of view, how do you overcome apprehension / anxiety / fear about trying something that you are unsure about? I want to please him, but feel uncomfortable with the idea of walking around like a dog? it is a complete mindf^ck for me as i do not want to risk making him unhappy when everything has been going so well. Is that sort of thing a dehumanizing exercise or does it invoke respect from a Master? i am afraid of having the discussion because I so want to please Sir, but also want to retain respect?..
Next, may sound stupid, but where is the difference between submissive and slave?
i would appreciate and and all input please
That's a legitimate question and, not surprisingly, different people have different opinions. It's all good. My input is this ... first of all, a slave is by definition submissive, but you can be submissive without wanting to be a slave. Like most things there is wide range of interests, desires, and motivations driving both sides of the D/s relationship, form the mild to the extreme.
To me the primary difference between a "submissive" and a "slave" is about the level of control you, as the sub/slave desire to give up to your Master. Simply put, agreeing to be a slave is to give up all control all the time, essentially to agree to become, and be treated as, owned property. By definition, this must be a 24/7 condition, whether you live with your master 24/7 or not.
Some people, men and women, love that idea and really want it. Committing to it in real life is another thing, and it requires an equal commitment from both the slave and the Master. Some people can do it and achieve a fulfilling relationship. Others find that reality is much different from the fantasies or desires that drive them to want it.
Having said that, you can be submissive and give up certain levels of control in certain aspects of your life, for example sexually and domestically, without giving up control of other aspects of your life, such as work and family. Personally, I don't consider that a "slave" condition, but the submissive lifestyle as a personal commitment between the Dom and sub, within understood bounds is just as satisfying for those that want it.
The important thing is that the two people involved have a clear understanding of what each other wants for the relationship and what commitment they are willing to make ... and, as in ANY relationship, communicating is the key. Even in a Master/slave relationship there needs to be good communication and clear understanding, although in that situation there may be rules for how and when to communicate once the master/slave commitment is made and understood.
If you do not have a clear, shared understanding of desires and expectations through good communication, then ultimately someone will be disappointed and it won't work. This is not unique to D/s relationships, of course. The nice thing about D/s is that it is probably more honest and open than any other type of relationship, because, whether a sub or slave you need to free yourself, or be open about, your inhibitions and you have the freedom to do that without judgment or keeping secrets.
At the end of the day, don't get overly hung up on words and definitions. have a clear, open, and honest discussion about what you both want and where the bounds are, if any, so that it works for both of you. It is better to compromise on some areas if needed ... and most caring people can do that ... rather than hide feelings or concerns out of fear of disappointing the other person ... and it goes both ways.
Of course, if the other person doesn't care about your feelings or concerns, well then that tells you something.
(Side note, even a Master who tells his slave he doesn't care about her feelings as part of the humiliation and control that she craves and needs, really does care about the relationship and making it work for both of them. It is caring at a different level.)
Just my views, but I hope it helps.
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