RE: Expressing Sissy insights to a FemDom

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DesFIP -> RE: Expressing Sissy insights to a FemDom (7/2/2016 8:10:58 PM)
I didn't get the feeling he was planning to say things to random dommes, more that he's trying to imagine what a relationship with the domme of his dreams would entail. The problem, of course, is that he doesn't view them as people in their own rights, just as fetish delivery systems. As far as Rage's view, man that must make for one lonely life. Not having any intimacy, no one able to help you see yourself and improve. Takes one hell of an ego to view yourself as perfect. And you're not. No one is.

JeffBC -> RE: Expressing Sissy insights to a FemDom (7/2/2016 8:29:43 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyPact There is something about this thread that I haven't been able to determine that makes all of the difference about my answer. I'm not seeing anything in the original or the replies about a specific relationship with said Domme. I'm seeing terms like 'a' Domme and other terms that get me thinking that this isn't a D/s dynamic in play. With this in mind, I can say I wouldn't be terribly welcome to hear such "insights". There are certain things I only want to hear from my intimate partners when it comes to my play, kink, sexuality, or my mindset during such activities. If it were some casual acquaintance dressed en femme that wanted to comment on something that would be over and above familiarity level, I would prefer they didn't. An actual partner, I would see in a completely different way. Fair enough and totally understandable. This may be foolish of me but I try to assume that folks are acting with some sort of modicum of social graces. But yes, if OP is talking about rolling up to random strangers and telling them all about themselves then I wouldn't expect it to go well.

LadyPact -> RE: Expressing Sissy insights to a FemDom (7/2/2016 8:39:46 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: DesFIP I didn't get the feeling he was planning to say things to random dommes, more that he's trying to imagine what a relationship with the domme of his dreams would entail. Kind of an issue there. That means he's already placing someone in his fantasies, rather than letting the supposed woman have a say in the relationship or how it will work. quote: The problem, of course, is that he doesn't view them as people in their own rights, just as fetish delivery systems. I happen to agree with this, which is exactly what I am wondering about the whole thing. In such a hypothetical, I'm not sure the OP is considering how such a thing will be received. quote: As far as Rage's view, man that must make for one lonely life. Not having any intimacy, no one able to help you see yourself and improve. Takes one hell of an ego to view yourself as perfect. And you're not. No one is. LOL. I can promise that I'm far from perfect. However, I'm more receptive to certain compliments or observations when they come from someone with whom I feel a type of intimacy. If that doesn't exist, I'm going to be put off. Somebody closer to me, it will be more welcome.

LadyPact -> RE: Expressing Sissy insights to a FemDom (7/2/2016 8:57:49 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: JeffBC Fair enough and totally understandable. This may be foolish of me but I try to assume that folks are acting with some sort of modicum of social graces. But yes, if OP is talking about rolling up to random strangers and telling them all about themselves then I wouldn't expect it to go well. This is going to sound weird. I separate this. OK. If I'm doing a class somewhere, part of the point of doing that is to get feedback. This benefits me (should I need to adjust a class for the sake of the attending) and the group/event about scheduling future presenters. When I'm just an attendee? I separate again. There are compliments about play and then there are comments that aren't especially welcome. Some people do become 'overly familiar' because of something that struck a cord with them. They may see me play multiple times at a certain venue, so they suppose a certain level of familiarity. It's not even bad social graces. The same comment from a friend would be welcome because they actually do know me. It's just that some people don't realize they aren't close enough of a friend to comment on some things. I appreciate people saying they enjoyed watching a certain scene, but I don't particularly like people trying to write their own script about what they saw.

JeffBC -> RE: Expressing Sissy insights to a FemDom (7/3/2016 9:39:07 AM)
I guess I'd call that bad social graces -- or, at least, things that I don't normally do. But I take your meaning. As is not atypical for me, I fell into the trap of thinking the context was some sort of intimate relationship. I assumed the person offering the insights actually had the experience (with me) and the social position (with me) to offer them. I guess that seems like basic (vanilla) social grace to me. But yeah, too many assumptions from my part.

LadyPact -> RE: Expressing Sissy insights to a FemDom (7/3/2016 5:28:53 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: JeffBC I guess I'd call that bad social graces -- or, at least, things that I don't normally do. But I take your meaning. As is not atypical for me, I fell into the trap of thinking the context was some sort of intimate relationship. I assumed the person offering the insights actually had the experience (with me) and the social position (with me) to offer them. I guess that seems like basic (vanilla) social grace to me. But yeah, too many assumptions from my part. I don't know if you'll remember this. Quite some time back, you wrote this post about how it felt like "Stranger in a Strange Land". It's something like that. Only, with a bit of a twist. Certain folks with fringe kinks struggle pretty hard with this. They are so used to not being accepted that, when they experience the environment where they are accepted, they over-align themselves. Even just someone being cordial, seems like something certain folks want sooooo much. This leads to over-eagerness on some people's parts. They don't realize they are over-extending their bounds. When they say stuff like "I wish you would get that look on your face while interacting with me" or "when your eyes shine like that, I can see your devious side, and I love your kink expression," or whatever. The very same words that a person in an intimate relationship with me (tk would be a wonderful example) would be favorable. In my personal view, darn near all female Dominants experience this.

DesFIP -> RE: Expressing Sissy insights to a FemDom (7/3/2016 7:13:37 PM)
Damn near all women have experienced this. The number of people I've met with no social skills is unbelievable. Many of them should be tested for learning disabilities, which does affect this. But it's damn near impossible to teach them social skills if you don't know why they never learned it. When my daughter was young, people couldn't see a handicap. She wasn't in a wheelchair or accompanied by a service dog. So people simply assumed that she was deliberately throwing tantrums or that I was a bad parent. None of which was true. She needed to learn the skills that her problems had prevented her from picking up like normal kids.

LadyPact -> RE: Expressing Sissy insights to a FemDom (7/4/2016 10:35:12 AM)
Des, you are quite correct. It is my mistake that I didn't broaden my comment to include all women, regardless of role. I apologize for not being clear in my comment.

JeffBC -> RE: Expressing Sissy insights to a FemDom (7/4/2016 11:38:13 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyPact I don't know if you'll remember this. Quite some time back, you wrote this post about how it felt like "Stranger in a Strange Land". laugh I almost still feel like that. But now it's more of a "frequent visitor in a strange land" :) To the meat of your post... yes. In fact, I wonder how this relates to another situation I'm familiar with. I used to go to a strip club and I went to the same one all the time. Honestly, for the most part I shot pool and the sexuality was more background noise. I kept mental tabs on the dancers and made sure I tipped appropriately because they deserve to be paid. A few of them took to engaging with me more personally... stuff like plopping their asses down over the corner pocket before I took a shot. At no point did I do anything that was a response to that faux-flirtation. Amusement was had by all and my reactions made it clear that while their flirtation (and more importantly, their willingness to actually be human with me) was welcome, but it was going nowhere... thereby making me "safe". Also worth noting is that this sort of more personal relationship was always initiated by the dancer. Other patrons, seeing this, would mix in. In their case, their interest was obviously sexual and that produced the obvious response from the dancer(s) in question. These people, quite obviously, had no clue regarding "social graces". When this occurred, some of the dancers fled, others put on their "dancer face" (also fleeing by my lights). I'm thinking that there is absolutely a segment of men who, for one reason or another, are unable or unwilling to maintain appropriate social boundaries when there is some aura of sexuality in the air. For some of them, the presence of a female is enough to make an "aura of sexuality".

DesFIP -> RE: Expressing Sissy insights to a FemDom (7/4/2016 2:08:55 PM)
Oddly enough, most of them had no sisters. A lot of that wears off in adolescence when you see a sister shaving her legs. And from the girls' side when her brother borrows mascara to try and accentuate an almost nonexistent mustache. When looking at my son and his group, the only ones who have female friends and girlfriends are the ones with sisters. Because you don't sexualize your sibling's friends whom you've known since kindergarten. You view them as people.

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