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Tolerates BDSM Community? - 7/21/2006 2:26:09 PM   
Bearlee


Posts: 2311
Joined: 10/25/2004
From: South Central CO
Status: offline 		Okay, I just read two profiles in a row that state the authors only 'tolerate' both the BDSM Community and munches.
 
Why would that be?  Aren't both good places of support, education and people of a like mind?  If we are on a 'dating' site (which for most this IS, afterall), why wouldn't people enjoy the BDSM Community and munches?
 
curious,
beverly
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Tolerates BDSM Community? - 7/21/2006 2:29:34 PM   
agirl


Posts: 4530
Joined: 6/14/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Bearlee

Okay, I just read two profiles in a row that state the authors only 'tolerate' both the BDSM Community and munches.
 
Why would that be?  Aren't both good places of support, education and people of a like mind?  If we are on a 'dating' site (which for most this IS, afterall), why wouldn't people enjoy the BDSM Community and munches?
 
curious,
beverly


Hello Bearlee,

That could be for a number of reasons....possibly they've *been there, done that* and found it not to their liking......They vary SO much from place to place and are only as *good* as the people that inhabit them.

Regards, agirl



(in reply to Bearlee)
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RE: Tolerates BDSM Community? - 7/21/2006 2:31:43 PM   
mistoferin


Posts: 8284
Joined: 10/27/2004
Status: offline 		There is an awful lot of politics that go on in communities. A lot of egos...opinions....one upmanship....lots of cliquey behavior...lots of drama. To some it's hard to get past. I've heard many reasons from different people. Personally I think it is like anywhere else...there will some stuff you like and some stuff you don't. I tend to be able to enjoy the good and steer myself clear of the aspects of it that I don't like....but not all people can do that.

_____________________________

Peace and light,
~erin~

There are no victims here...only volunteers.

When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"

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RE: Tolerates BDSM Community? - 7/21/2006 2:31:56 PM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline 		I think there maybe good reasons. Perhaps they have had bad experiences in the past. Perhaps they have social anxiety. Perhaps socializing with others that do WIITWD isn't necessary because they have a partner, or they are looking for someone that is a homebody too. Perhaps they think that BDSM is a sexual kink for them and they find lifestylers that do 24-7 aren't their kinda people.. the lists of reasons are endless I am sure.

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

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RE: Tolerates BDSM Community? - 7/21/2006 2:32:15 PM   
Caretakr


Posts: 1221
Joined: 6/24/2006
Status: offline 		Because there are lots of annoying assholes in the scene?

Just a guess,mind you.


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RE: Tolerates BDSM Community? - 7/21/2006 2:41:26 PM   
Alumbrado


Posts: 5560
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Bearlee

Okay, I just read two profiles in a row that state the authors only 'tolerate' both the BDSM Community and munches.
 
Why would that be?  Aren't both good places of support, education and people of a like mind?  If we are on a 'dating' site (which for most this IS, afterall), why wouldn't people enjoy the BDSM Community and munches?
 
curious,
beverly



Because people in groups wind up acting the same way, including behaving badly, even in BDSM groups?
Or some people prefer not to be part of labelled groups?

Did you ask the 2 people directly?

(in reply to Bearlee)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Tolerates BDSM Community? - 7/21/2006 2:41:32 PM   
Bearlee


Posts: 2311
Joined: 10/25/2004
From: South Central CO
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: agirl

...They vary SO much from place to place and are only as *good* as the people that inhabit them.  

But… we ARE them!  I’m okay, you’re okay…


quote:

ORIGINAL: mistoferin
...
Personally I think it is like anywhere else...there will some stuff you like and some stuff you don't. I tend to be able to enjoy the good and steer myself clear of the aspects of it that I don't like....but not all people can do that. 

Yeah, but don’t most of us agree that meeting online is the most difficult to accomplish and ‘in-person’ is a LOT easier?  Where do ya MEET people (like us), if not at munches and such?
 
I agree with you, but living in the small town like I do, I drive two and a half hours just to GET to such meetings now and then.  I know there’re a**holes, but I just ignore ‘em; same as here!
 
So...if ya don't go to munches; is it pretty much a crap-shoot or do ya stay online-only?
 
still curious,
beverly

(in reply to Caretakr)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Tolerates BDSM Community? - 7/21/2006 2:44:16 PM   
Caretakr


Posts: 1221
Joined: 6/24/2006
Status: offline 		I'm a control freak, I cannot control the behavior of those I do not own.

So private is more peaceful to me.

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RE: Tolerates BDSM Community? - 7/21/2006 2:44:20 PM   
Bearlee


Posts: 2311
Joined: 10/25/2004
From: South Central CO
Status: offline 		No, I didn't ask directly...but one just answered!  LOL 
 
I figured most of the reasons myself, I'm curious, though, where people DO meet others then...

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RE: Tolerates BDSM Community? - 7/21/2006 2:46:24 PM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Bearlee




So...if ya don't go to munches; is it pretty much a crap-shoot or do ya stay online-only?
 
still curious,
beverly


I met my dominant the crap shoot way, worked for me. Internet dating has really taken off for the vanillas too, it really isn't that different, is it? You have to meet of course, but it is as valid as a munch... (at least the bruises that just healed on my ass seemed real..weg)

Personally I didn't want to go to the local group because I wish to move from this area so I did not want to get involved with anyone that was well established here. It isn't a matter of "tolerates", it was a matter of not wanting casual play, which was all I could offer anyone in my city.

Like I said, 1000s of reasons...

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to Bearlee)
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RE: Tolerates BDSM Community? - 7/21/2006 2:51:15 PM   
agirl


Posts: 4530
Joined: 6/14/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Bearlee

quote:

ORIGINAL: agirl

...They vary SO much from place to place and are only as *good* as the people that inhabit them.  

But… we ARE them!  I’m okay, you’re okay…


quote:

ORIGINAL: mistoferin
...
Personally I think it is like anywhere else...there will some stuff you like and some stuff you don't. I tend to be able to enjoy the good and steer myself clear of the aspects of it that I don't like....but not all people can do that. 

Yeah, but don’t most of us agree that meeting online is the most difficult to accomplish and ‘in-person’ is a LOT easier?  Where do ya MEET people (like us), if not at munches and such?
 
I agree with you, but living in the small town like I do, I drive two and a half hours just to GET to such meetings now and then.  I know there’re a**holes, but I just ignore ‘em; same as here!
 
So...if ya don't go to munches; is it pretty much a crap-shoot or do ya stay online-only?
 
still curious,
beverly


Hello again Bearlee,

If I want to meet someone, I'll meet them one on one.

Personally, I've been to *community* type events, been to munches etc....... they do absolutely nothing for me at all.

I am not that interested in meeting whole groups of people that are  *into* bdsm.....I manipulate my world to make me happier....hence I only meet up with people when I am fairly certain that I'll be comfortable and enjoy it.

It's very easy in the UK to meet with mostly anyone........no-one is far away.

Regards, agirl

(in reply to Bearlee)
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RE: Tolerates BDSM Community? - 7/21/2006 2:51:37 PM   
indigo302


Posts: 127
Joined: 4/28/2004
From: Delaware
Status: offline 		For the most part, those who meet in my local area, or who gather for munches, do so as a way of finding someone to "play" with.  Since I don't do casual play, or casual sex, I don't find most of the munches in my area to be to my liking.

I ran a munch for a few years here, that was based on knowing people, sharing ideas and making friends, rather than playing and being a 'meat market', but it didn't last, as people prefer to meet n beat.

So where do I meet like minded people....that's something I'm still trying to figure out.

(in reply to Bearlee)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Tolerates BDSM Community? - 7/21/2006 2:54:12 PM   
Bearlee


Posts: 2311
Joined: 10/25/2004
From: South Central CO
Status: offline 		 
...but Caretakr,Sir....
 
where do you MEET them, to make them yours?
 
bearlee

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RE: Tolerates BDSM Community? - 7/21/2006 2:56:34 PM   
KatyLied


Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline 		Munches can be weird experiences.  I've been to two and I doubt I'll ever go to another.  I don't want to sit at a table with the expectation that I will bare my breasts to a bunch of strangers.....I'm silly like that.

_____________________________

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

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Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Tolerates BDSM Community? - 7/21/2006 2:57:45 PM   
Bearlee


Posts: 2311
Joined: 10/25/2004
From: South Central CO
Status: offline 		ahhhhhhhhh yes.  Well, I meet people 'the crap-shoot way' (lol) too.  Perhaps it's because of this small town.  I rather like the 'socialization' the group I see now and then afford.  I've made some good friends, so...perhaps it's not like a room-of-strangers for me anymore.
 
Thank you all for your comments...

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RE: Tolerates BDSM Community? - 7/21/2006 2:59:57 PM   
agirl


Posts: 4530
Joined: 6/14/2004
Status: offline 		I know you're not asking me Bearlee.......... but if you chat to someone online etc.......and wish to meet them as a friend, (or anything else, come to that)........you can just meet anywhere, surely. A pub, for lunch, a coffee..........isn't it like meeting anyone, for any reason?....... I mean, you wouldn't meet a model railway enthusiast at a model enthusiast *function,* necessarily.

Regards, agirl

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RE: Tolerates BDSM Community? - 7/21/2006 3:01:41 PM   
darkinshadows


Posts: 4145
Joined: 6/2/2004
From: UK
Status: offline
Sometimes, the BDSM 'scene' can just be too full of politics.  One is lucky to find a good group.
 
How do you meet others?  Same as you meet anyone.  If you are open about who you are (ok, so I understand some people arent or cannot be) and what you like, then you do meet people - I certainly have.  Some people I have met, I didnt know were into BDSM until I get to know them really well, and its always a great and pleasent surprise.
 
If your not into BDSM, you meet people who end up being compatable, BDSM isn't any different in that respect.
 
Peace and Rapture


< Message edited by darkinshadows -- 7/21/2006 3:03:25 PM >

_____________________________
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...i surrender to gravity and the unknown...

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RE: Tolerates BDSM Community? - 7/21/2006 3:02:44 PM   
Bearlee


Posts: 2311
Joined: 10/25/2004
From: South Central CO
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: indigo302

For the most part, those who meet in my local area, or who gather for munches, do so as a way of finding someone to "play" with.  Since I don't do casual play, or casual sex, I don't find most of the munches in my area to be to my liking.

I ran a munch for a few years here, that was based on knowing people, sharing ideas and making friends, rather than playing and being a 'meat market', but it didn't last, as people prefer to meet n beat.

So where do I meet like minded people....that's something I'm still trying to figure out.


quote:

ORIGINAL: KatyLied

Munches can be weird experiences.  I've been to two and I doubt I'll ever go to another.  I don't want to sit at a table with the expectation that I will bare my breasts to a bunch of strangers.....I'm silly like that.

DANG!  indigo…the kind of munch you started IS the kind I attend!  There are several up in the Denver area that are friendly and educational.  I don’t do casual play or sex either…and I doubt most of the folks seriously interested in attending the munches do either!  Wow… we have such different experiences, don’t we?
 
And…I’ve NEVER seen anybody bare breasts at a munch!  Sheeshhhhhhhhhhhhhh  I’m sorry it was like that for you, Katy!

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Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Tolerates BDSM Community? - 7/21/2006 3:03:01 PM   
Alumbrado


Posts: 5560
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Bearlee

No, I didn't ask directly...but one just answered!  LOL 
 
I figured most of the reasons myself, I'm curious, though, where people DO meet others then...


Well, for myself, I've never connected with any of the people I've met at munches, but the one I go to occasionally mentions that it isn't a pick-up service...

Casual play partners, about half and half on line, and at some local event other than a munch, such as a play party.

Serious relationships, same ratio, just lower numbers....

I've not met people in vanilla settings and then moved into a lifestyle realtionship with them, and I really don't expect to...way too much time and effort as opposed to dealing with someone who already knows what they want enough to get out in the community, cyber or RL.

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Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Tolerates BDSM Community? - 7/21/2006 3:07:22 PM   
Bearlee


Posts: 2311
Joined: 10/25/2004
From: South Central CO
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: agirl

I know you're not asking me Bearlee.......... but if you chat to someone online etc.......and wish to meet them as a friend, (or anything else, come to that)........you can just meet anywhere, surely. A pub, for lunch, a coffee..........isn't it like meeting anyone, for any reason?....... I mean, you wouldn't meet a model railway enthusiast at a model enthusiast *function,* necessarily.


Of course I'm asking you, agirl!  
 
And yes, while I meet people for lunch or coffee after I've chatted with them, too.  ...I guess I just like the odds of meeting that engineer at the railway enthusiasts meeting!  LOL  <smiles>

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