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jlf1961 -> SCIENCE HAS FINALLY PROVED WHAT I HAVE BEEN SAYING (7/7/2016 10:01:55 AM)
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That's right, science has proven that I am not an anti-shortboard radical who has a unreasonable bias against short boards.
It seems that some brilliant scientist who was trying to determine just why surfers using short boards were being attacked by great whites figured out (granted he was 30 feet below the surface and happened to be filming looking up at the surface) that a surfer on a short board looks almost exactly like a seal from below.
So, while it is true that the short board is a blasphemous creation and abomination to surfing, and probably invented by a person who either A) could not actually carry a long board, or B) was a silkie (creature who in the water is a seal but on land is a human) who wanted a decoy to keep seals from being eaten, this evidence proves I was right and you short board using idiots were wrong.
So, while you short boarders were out in the surf showing off all the fancy tricks you could do, short of a standing on the nose of the board which often resulted in a flip, and laughing at us old school long boarders, you were actually telling every great white that you were nothing more than an idiot who likes looking like a seal so that the great white would damage his teeth biting you and your damn board.
The evidence also points out that body boarders and body surfers are also easily confused by the great white and taken for seals.
With this scientific proof, I now propose a international mandate that all short board surfers should be taken out and horse whipped for cruelty to great whites (fiber glass and styrofoam cannot be good for their digestion.)
Either that or we pass a "Darwin Law" that basically states that people who do stupid things that result in serious injury not be allowed medical care for being stupid.
I would also propose that all short boards (if my mandate is not passed, and the darwin law is) carry the following warning"
IF YOU ARE STUPID ENOUGH TO BUY AND USE THIS BOARD, THEN YOU ARE TOO STUPID TO BE ALLOWED TO BREED AND THEREFORE SHOULD YOU BE BITTEN BY A GREAT WHITE YOU WILL NOT RECEIVE MEDICAL CARE AND THE VIDEO OF YOU BLEEDING OUT WILL BE POSTED ON THE SCIENCE OF STUPID.
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