New Dom looking for training

Collarspace Discussion Forums

Home Login Search

New Dom looking for training

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Master >> New Dom looking for training

Page: [1]

Login

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

New Dom looking for training - 7/16/2016 7:33:10 PM

agentsofate

Posts: 3
Joined: 7/14/2016
Status: offline

I am a new Dom and i really need help with becoming a better , more confident well rounded Dom . I tend towards being loving and nurturing yet firm and so i feel i fit naturally as more of a "Daddy Dom" or whatever. Another thing is i am in a wheelchair and i know nobody has all the answers but need advice on getting ladies more comfortable with it. This seems to be a major barrier to get past for me in general and i already know the whole "be yourself and the rest will come together" .Thanks in advance

Post #: 1

RE: New Dom looking for training - 7/16/2016 7:41:53 PM

kiwisub22

Posts: 450
Joined: 7/16/2016
Status: offline

For general mentoring and getting the local population of BDSM individuals comfortable with you/your wheelchair, you might consider joining local groups. That way you get real time with people who can help or want to be "helped" .

Munches and play parties are a good way of mingling.

(in reply to agentsofate)

Post #: 2

RE: New Dom looking for training - 7/17/2016 9:38:31 AM

Spiritedsub2

Posts: 3316
Joined: 7/18/2012
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: agentsofate

I am a new Dom and i really need help with becoming a better , more confident well rounded Dom . I tend towards being loving and nurturing yet firm and so i feel i fit naturally as more of a "Daddy Dom" or whatever. Another thing is i am in a wheelchair and i know nobody has all the answers but need advice on getting ladies more comfortable with it. This seems to be a major barrier to get past for me in general and i already know the whole "be yourself and the rest will come together" .Thanks in advance

I doubt it's an issue of "getting the ladies more comfortable with it" regarding you being wheelchair bound. For some people it's a deal-breaker, for others it's not. Either way "the ladies" are entitled to their preferences, as are the men. And to me, dominance doesn't need to be trained into a person. Sounds oxymoronish to me. Either you've got it or you don't. IMO.

_____________________________

Don’t grieve. Anything you lose comes round in another form.
~ Rumi

Laughing Dolphin

(in reply to agentsofate)

Post #: 3

RE: New Dom looking for training - 7/17/2016 11:00:34 AM

kiwisub22

Posts: 450
Joined: 7/16/2016
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Spiritedsub2

quote:

ORIGINAL: agentsofate

I am a new Dom and i really need help with becoming a better , more confident well rounded Dom . I tend towards being loving and nurturing yet firm and so i feel i fit naturally as more of a "Daddy Dom" or whatever. Another thing is i am in a wheelchair and i know nobody has all the answers but need advice on getting ladies more comfortable with it. This seems to be a major barrier to get past for me in general and i already know the whole "be yourself and the rest will come together" .Thanks in advance

I doubt it's an issue of "getting the ladies more comfortable with it" regarding you being wheelchair bound. For some people it's a deal-breaker, for others it's not. Either way "the ladies" are entitled to their preferences, as are the men. And to me, dominance doesn't need to be trained into a person. Sounds oxymoronish to me. Either you've got it or you don't. IMO.

What I took from his post was that he was dominant, but not necessarily experienced in ways to express that dominance. And to me, the best way to become more experienced is to actually do something. You can't know what to do with a sub until you actually get your mitts on one. You might have great ideas, but until you have someone in front of you, that is all they are - ideas.

(in reply to Spiritedsub2)

Post #: 4

RE: New Dom looking for training - 7/18/2016 3:27:08 PM

Master2submilf

Posts: 4
Joined: 7/18/2016
Status: offline

m

< Message edited by Master2submilf -- 7/18/2016 3:28:06 PM >

(in reply to kiwisub22)

Post #: 5

RE: New Dom looking for training - 7/18/2016 4:49:32 PM

OsideGirl

Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Spiritedsub2

I doubt it's an issue of "getting the ladies more comfortable with it" regarding you being wheelchair bound. For some people it's a deal-breaker, for others it's not.

I'm going to agree with that somewhat. For any new Dominant in a community it can be somewhat difficult to get taken seriously. Getting out and attending events can help by allowing them to get a reputation. The thing is, that for a lot of women, it's who the man is that determines whether she's interested and getting to be a known entity would help with that.

But, for some people it will always be a deal breaker.

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to Spiritedsub2)

Post #: 6

RE: New Dom looking for training - 7/20/2016 11:58:01 AM

WickedsDesire

Posts: 9362
Joined: 11/4/2015
Status: offline

has cfs many epochs and I have managed to stay out the wheel chairs barely and yes people discriminate against a variety of lurgies

I stopped going to the local community a long long time ago and I had my reasons.

About 1 in 1000 people on these sites will actually attend a munch or club in their lifetime infer what you will with that. basically genuine women are rare on these places, and genuine men will not get a look in with them.
1 mail women
2. attend your local club munch and let their leader know you are coming they will make you feel most welcome and ensure you sit with a group of regulars

(in reply to OsideGirl)

Post #: 7

RE: New Dom looking for training - 7/20/2016 6:13:01 PM

Hatari

Posts: 15
Joined: 12/15/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: agentsofate

I am a new Dom and i really need help with becoming a better , more confident well rounded Dom . I tend towards being loving and nurturing yet firm and so i feel i fit naturally as more of a "Daddy Dom" or whatever. Another thing is i am in a wheelchair and i know nobody has all the answers but need advice on getting ladies more comfortable with it. This seems to be a major barrier to get past for me in general and i already know the whole "be yourself and the rest will come together" .Thanks in advance

I am wondering how long you have been using a chair. Reading your profile I get the feeling from the last sentence that you feel it marks you out and maybe you have yet to learn to love yourself as you are. :) I know it is difficult being disabled myself, bike accident when I was 18, may years ago, not in a chair but with mobility problems.

Somehow we need to get you to a stage where you feel in control of where you are going and able to forget that set of wheels and even to have fun with them. So I would suggest you find a couple on Munches in your area and go and just be social don't aim to be on the hunt just be yourself that self that is inside. To help have a look at http://findamunch.com/tag/grand-rapids/ or http://www.greatlakesden.net/grand-rapids-educational-munch-meeting-wednesday/ or search BDSM munchs Grand Rapids. Do make contact with the Munch organisers before you go and I know they will welcome you with open arms and make you welcome.

You will have fun and learn about this life style that drives us. Apologies if I have got the area wrong my excuse is I am the other side of the that pond the Atlantic. :)

Hatari

(in reply to agentsofate)

Post #: 8

RE: New Dom looking for training - 7/21/2016 8:58:53 AM

JeffBC

Posts: 5799
Joined: 2/12/2012
From: Canada
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: OsideGirl
For any new Dominant in a community it can be somewhat difficult to get taken seriously.

Perhaps a bit of a tangent but I wanted to comment on this aspect. Perhaps it falls under the "training" aegis :)

I can't recall ever having a hard time being taken seriously despite how poorly I fit into the kink world and the fact that I refuse to define my relationship in black & white. My own experience was that I met people and I engaged with them authentically. I asked serious questions with non-trivial answers then listened for the serious answers I got back. I think I confused some people along the way but people have always taken me seriously.

I suspect the largest driver for not being taken seriously is flouncing in the door declaring yourself SUPERDOM! When you're just some guy with some non-stupid questions it all goes like any other social situation I've been in.

_____________________________

I'm a lover of "what is", not because I'm a spiritual person, but because it hurts when I argue with reality. -- Bryon Katie
"You're humbly arrogant" -- sunshinemiss
officially a member of the K Crowd

(in reply to OsideGirl)

Post #: 9

RE: New Dom looking for training - 7/21/2016 9:52:38 AM

Chaska

Posts: 301
Joined: 7/15/2016
Status: offline

I'm in total agreement, excellent post. It's not that difficult folks.
Authenticity, Bingo. Just be yourself some people will like you, others will not, so is life.

(in reply to JeffBC)

Post #: 10

RE: New Dom looking for training - 7/21/2016 10:37:24 AM

OsideGirl

Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: JeffBC

quote:

ORIGINAL: OsideGirl
For any new Dominant in a community it can be somewhat difficult to get taken seriously.

Perhaps a bit of a tangent but I wanted to comment on this aspect. Perhaps it falls under the "training" aegis :)

I can't recall ever having a hard time being taken seriously despite how poorly I fit into the kink world and the fact that I refuse to define my relationship in black & white. My own experience was that I met people and I engaged with them authentically. I asked serious questions with non-trivial answers then listened for the serious answers I got back. I think I confused some people along the way but people have always taken me seriously.

I suspect the largest driver for not being taken seriously is flouncing in the door declaring yourself SUPERDOM! When you're just some guy with some non-stupid questions it all goes like any other social situation I've been in.

I think you pretty much nailed it. The internet perpetuates this image of how you're supposed to behave when you're a Dominant. For women, it's behaving like a bitch. For men, it's the "I get to do what ever I want" attitude. And unfortunately, it means that most newbies get taken with a grain of salt until they can prove that they can behave and treat others like a human being.

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to JeffBC)

Post #: 11

RE: New Dom looking for training - 7/21/2016 12:20:10 PM

Chaska

Posts: 301
Joined: 7/15/2016
Status: offline

I be but a mere mortal man stood before the Gods, they say unto thee simplicity is the key, oh mortal one. some forty ages it worked my late love sia with I.

(in reply to OsideGirl)

Post #: 12

RE: New Dom looking for training - 7/27/2016 3:43:01 PM

TheWriter13

Posts: 77
Joined: 6/29/2012
Status: offline

Honestly I bought some books online (go to Amazon no shortage of BDSM books and "How to..." guides/manuals there. As for the wheelchair I can't really give you help there but that's not a BDSM issue so much that it's a every day issue what I mean is even if you were in vanilla the wheelchair would potentially cause the exact same problems in areas of dating.

_____________________________

Men have called me mad; but the question is not settled, whether madness is or is not the loftiest of intelligence...-Edgar Allan Poe

(in reply to Chaska)

Post #: 13

RE: New Dom looking for training - 7/27/2016 4:23:57 PM

Lucylastic

Posts: 40310
Status: offline

Hi OP:)

I knew A very dominant chap in a chair when I ran a munch, we held our munch in a hotel that had ramp access, so he enjoyed himself a great deal, he also used to play at our private events but there were few clubs or events that accommodated him at the time.
I had a few links for disabilities and BDSM. I dont know how good they are, or relevant so please understand, Im just sharing what I have on hand.
http://dominantguide.com/3631/physically-challenged-can-you-be-a-dominant-from-a-wheelchair/
http://www.bdsm-education.com/handicap.html
http://www.seekers.org.uk/Handicapped%20in%20BDSM.html

_____________________________

(•_•)
<) )╯SUCH
/ \

\(•_•)
( (> A NASTY
/ \

(•_•)
<) )> WOMAN
/ \

Duchess Of Dissent
Dont Hate Love

(in reply to TheWriter13)

Post #: 14

RE: New Dom looking for training - 7/29/2016 10:06:34 PM

Gauge

Posts: 5689
Joined: 6/17/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Spiritedsub2
Either you've got it or you don't. IMO.

Dominance is not something that can be taught. You are or you aren't.

I spent a lot of time on whether or not I was... when I found out that I was a dominant, everything fell into place.

_____________________________

"For there is no folly of the beast of the earth which is not infinitely outdone by the madness of men." Herman Melville - Moby Dick

I'm wearing my chicken suit and humming La Marseillaise.

(in reply to Spiritedsub2)

Post #: 15

RE: New Dom looking for training - 7/30/2016 12:36:29 AM

JeffBC

Posts: 5799
Joined: 2/12/2012
From: Canada
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Gauge
Dominance is not something that can be taught. You are or you aren't.

I think simplistic labels like "dominant" or "submissive" are handy for casual conversation. Anyone who looked at Carol and I interact would drop those labels on us pretty quickly because it'd be an obvious and useful abstraction.

I also think that abstractions like that don't even begin to describe the complexity of a human mind in anything other than crayon strokes. I would certainly agree that there's some sort of bell curve and on one pointy end you have the naturally dominant while on the other is the naturally submissive and it'd be very hard for to move from one end to the other. I somehow doubt, though, that people way out in the extremes even ask about being trained. I suspect it's more the hump in the bell curve folks. In my direct personal experience it is quite possible to train a command mentality into someone who isn't entirely a natural at it if they are motivated. I wouldn't want to try it with Carol, if for no other reason than it'd be beating square pegs into round holes. But with people more moderately placed on the continuum it's done all the time.

If, on the other hand, you're talking about sexual dominance then the phrase "acquired taste" comes to mind. Again, this won't be 100% successful in 100% of the cases but there's a reason the phrase "acquired taste" is common parlance. With the right motivation, this is also a common, everyday human occurrence.

_____________________________

I'm a lover of "what is", not because I'm a spiritual person, but because it hurts when I argue with reality. -- Bryon Katie
"You're humbly arrogant" -- sunshinemiss
officially a member of the K Crowd

(in reply to Gauge)

Post #: 16

RE: New Dom looking for training - 7/30/2016 11:11:41 PM

ResidentSadist

Posts: 12580
Joined: 2/11/2007
From: a mean old Daddy, but I like you - Joni Mitchell
Status: offline

Are you looking for attitude training or technique training?

Books can help you with technique. Check out the BDSM Book List. http://www.collarchat.com/m_1726118/tm.htm

_____________________________

-=BDSM Book List=- Reading is Fundamental !!!
I give good thread.

(in reply to agentsofate)

Post #: 17

RE: New Dom looking for training - 7/31/2016 9:08:21 AM

ExiledSlave

Posts: 40
Joined: 7/3/2016
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: agentsofate

I am a new Dom and i really need help with becoming a better , more confident well rounded Dom . I tend towards being loving and nurturing yet firm and so i feel i fit naturally as more of a "Daddy Dom" or whatever. Another thing is i am in a wheelchair and i know nobody has all the answers but need advice on getting ladies more comfortable with it. This seems to be a major barrier to get past for me in general and i already know the whole "be yourself and the rest will come together" .Thanks in advance

I was a lifetime vanilla girl until about a year ago when I knocked on Master's door. I was working HHC and my client wanted to go see the house she used to live in. I knocked on the door to ask the new owner if she could look at her old house... something I was very reluctant to do, but she insisted... when He opened the door I felt this energy hit me in the gut shoot up my body, down to my toes, surge over and through me until finally it landed right between my legs.

Again, I was a lifetime vanilla girl and I had no idea what hit me, but it nearly dropped me to my knees and totally scared the Hell out of me. I was so scared of what I was feeling I was scared to go back to see him. I wanted to, I thought about Him and that feeling every moment of every day until I ran into Him at a gas station. He told me to come over and the rest is history.

Master has explained it to me often, intellectually I can see it, but having never felt it before or since with anyone but Him, it remains more in the realm of intellectual theory. It is tangible, it is very real, very energetic and the only explanation I had for it (again, vanilla girl all my life) was a profound connection. I mean PROFOUND! So profound it and He, the source, scared the Hell out of me.

Master says being Dominant is like being left handed, you are or you are not. You can learn to be a lefty, practice being a lefty and in a room full of righties you'd be a lefty. However, when you walk into that room full of lefties they know you're a righty.

Regardless of your situation or circumstances you're either a natural born lefty (Dominant) or you can learn to be a stellar Top. Which if you're looking for "play popularity" Master says you should focus on your Topping skills. He says that Dominants do what they like and only what they like and Tops do it all. That a Top has more skills than a Dom because Doms do what Doms like to do and aren't here to cater to your kink.

Therefore, the more skills you acquire will make play partners more accessible to you. But I have to tell you, if you are, in fact, a lefty, there is an /s that is going to feel the impact of your energy and s/he will not see anything but you.

_____________________________

Owned by ExiledTyrant

(in reply to agentsofate)

Post #: 18

Page: [1]

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Master >> New Dom looking for training

Page: [1]

Jump to:

New Messages	No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages	Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages	Locked w/o New Messages

Post New Thread

Reply to Message

Post New Poll

Submit Vote

Delete My Own Post

Delete My Own Thread

Rate Posts

Collarchat.com © 2025

Terms of Service

0.109