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Just some things I've been wondering lately... - 7/21/2006 8:05:32 PM

LTRsubNW

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Now, I know these posts are supposed to be BDSM related, so, while I'm asking these questions, assume I've just been disciplined by a remarkably sexy woman dressed in leather (and that she was snarling when she did it).

My questions:

1) Is it illegal to sit on the floor, naked, in front of your freezer, with the door open, and your finger on the "send" button on your cell phone, having already pre-dialed 911?

2) How come the labels on all food products shows the calorie count "per serving" but when I try to eat that specific amount, I suddenly and repeatedly hear myself saying "10 more pounds a year isn't really all that bad is it?"

3) I wonder why my Mom continually attempted to clean my face with her spit until I was well into my early 20's, yet every single time I've ever gone to a janitorial supply house and asked "what's the best thing you have for removing dirt?" not once have they ever handed me a bottle of spit with my Moms picture on the front?

4) And while we're talking about Moms, that whole super strength arm swish thing. The one wherein what appears imminently to be a horrifying car crash (you know, the one where a leaf just whizzed past her front bumper, she thought it may have been a bird, so she suddenly and abruptly made her car jarringly meander from 25 miles an hour down to 15 miles per hour all in under 20 seconds), your Mother suddenly and from out of nowhere, flings her forearm across your lap (you're of course already well secured in your seat belt with the additional safety mechanism of your legs at exactly right angles the entire time you're in the car with her because "IT'S YOUR FREAKING MOM DRIVING FOR GODS SAKE!!!!!") because she knows, like all other Mothers on the planet do, that her tiny little arm (the same one that is incapable of opening a mayonaise jar) is singularly capable of keeping you, in a head on with a fully loaded semi truck, from leaping to your death through the windshield.

And lastly...

5) At what point in a cats life does she finally decide "well, I've been leaving these dead fucking eviscerated mice right next to his slippers for close to 7 years now and not ONCE has the ungrateful prick ever been kind enough to say 'Thank You' to me...fuck that bastard...see if I do SHIT for him anymore!" ?

I'd like to know the answers to these questions.

< Message edited by LTRsubNW -- 7/21/2006 8:07:50 PM >

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RE: Just some things I've been wondering lately... - 7/21/2006 8:16:09 PM

mstrjx

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Well, the talk of cats at the end made me feel frisky, so I'll just jump right in here. In order.....

a. No
b. A curious lack of willpower
c. Your mother never bothered to patent her secret recipe
d. She's hoping that one day she will inadvertantly miss your chest with her arm and 'accidentally' stiffarm you in the neck, which could be fatal.
e. Never. Pussies have habits, too.

Jeff

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RE: Just some things I've been wondering lately... - 7/21/2006 8:57:36 PM

IronBear

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Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
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No especially here in Australia where the emergency number is 000.
Not if you can honestly say "Fuck the callories, I'll burn them off with two hours hard and wild sex in ten mimnutes time."
Your Mother has a labour dispute stopping her from marketing her spit.
Sooner or later she is going to get on target and take your head off or hit you in the balls (if your a male).
What confuses the cat is that after 7 years of trying to fucki g well feed with by the dit of hard work hunting and you have been such an ungreatfull prick for not thanking the cat and actually eating the provided nourishing food, you are still alive and putting on weight. All cats know that human food is not nourishing or healthy....

< Message edited by IronBear -- 7/21/2006 8:58:01 PM >

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RE: Just some things I've been wondering lately... - 7/21/2006 9:08:44 PM

proudsub

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1. no

2. i agree, who the f only eats 1/3 of a bag (1 serving) anyway?

3. guilty as charged

4. guilty as charged

5. Actually i do say thank you, one less rodent in the yard. However, if i step on the guts first it's a four letter word before the thank you.

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RE: Just some things I've been wondering lately... - 7/22/2006 5:15:18 AM

LTRsubNW

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I knew someone would know these answers.

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