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JstAnotherSub -> it's me again (7/28/2016 3:05:01 PM)
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Some of you may remember me, but maybe not. There is nowhere else I can go and type this and get responses, so that is your burden to bear I guess.
I am about 2 months out of a relationship that lasted about a year. Not easy to explain, but I will just say that I found what makes me happy being of service to a man, and he thought he hit the jackpot with a chick who always wanted to cater to him and suck his dick....but eventually I realized that I am not a sub without a dom, and walked away.
The crying is almost over about it....I just always remind myself of some of the horrible things I have survived and know this too shall pass.
Got on here just looking at profiles for the first time in a long time. Seemed to be the same old same old, but one stuck out to me. The words were so frank and strong that it made me reflect on what had just ended recently and what might be in the future, so I dropped this guy a line and told him that while I knew we wouldnt be a match, I wanted him to know that his words had touched something inside of me and wished him luck finding his bliss.
He replied and reminded me that we had in fact communicated a long time ago. Few messages on here and then some long, brutal at times talks on the phone with me crying and telling him things I have never told anyone, not about sex, just about how I feel and what hurts and things I wonder about and on and on and on.
This has all happened in a week or so and tomorrow I am meeting him. He is picking me up for us to go to dinner and then we will either part ways or I will be used in ways that both terrify and excite me more than I can say.
This is not sub frenzy, been there done that years ago. This is something that feels so right to me that I am crying right now typing, because I know that tomorrow is going to show me something about myself that I do not know. Maybe show me that I am not cut out for this at all and maybe show me that dear god this right here is what I have been waiting for.
Thanks to our friend Google, and him being totally open about anything I asked, I am confident that he is who he says he is, which is a man looking for a slave to use and abuse and break down and bring back up and make laugh and make cry and ............
So I sit here on the threshold of something, something that I believe is what I have wanted and needed since first discovering that there was a part of me who needs this, something that I actually wrote yesterdays date down about because he told me a year from now I will be his still and I will be laughing at how terrified I am right now....
No idea why I am telling yall this, except I think on Facebook it might freak a few friends out and it might make a few show up at my door saying dammit I never knew, now suck my dick.
Comment if you want to, I feel much better after just typing all this though. And I hope in a year I am still his and laughing at my fear.
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