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MistressFiera -> The Dimensions of Play (7/31/2016 8:55:47 PM)

Hello there!

I am going to be giving an educational talk (1.5 hrs) on The Dimensions of Play. During that talk I will be giving ideas on how to run a scene. I have a nice list
on the many things I have learned over the years.

I know this group has a ton of ideas and I would like to be as thorough as I can be and so I would love to hear all about how you run your scenes!

For instance important concepts when running a scene are:
1. Ambiance
2. Timing
3. Focusing in the scene on just the person you are playing with
4. Remembering the subtle fetishes and incorporating them into play
5. Dirty talking
6. Smells like leather or certain incense
7. Playing up close and personal. Touching the submissive and encouraging the submissive during hard play.
8. Knowing the things which help the submissive get into headspace or fly
9. Knowing how to turn off the right side of the brain so that the submissive flies.
10. Playing out your own fantasies or theirs
11. Making eye contact when the pain levels are highest
12. Understanding headspace for the Dom and sub.
13. Adding fear into play or adding something new entirely into play and the headspace which goes along with that.
14. Using multiple toys at once (Example: clothespins, electrical, sounds, rope and weights together)

I am wondering what I have not remembered so I honestly appreciate all of the extra ideas you can come up with!
Thank you very much in advance!
Fiera





BrownEyedGirl45 -> RE: The Dimensions of Play (8/1/2016 5:52:26 AM)

I would hate to follow some list of rules. Can't think of anything less sexy or spontaneous. And if I thought a man I was with had read such a list and felt a need to follow it, what a turn off. But hey, that's just me. And I don't have "scenes", I have sex. Like I said, that's just me.



Wayward5oul -> RE: The Dimensions of Play (8/1/2016 7:40:21 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: BrownEyedGirl45

I would hate to follow some list of rules. Can't think of anything less sexy or spontaneous. And if I thought a man I was with had read such a list and felt a need to follow it, what a turn off. But hey, that's just me. And I don't have "scenes", I have sex. Like I said, that's just me.

This sounds like ways to help others plan play and yes, scenes, for both public and private situations, not sex. There is a lot to think about to make things seem sexy and spontaneous for the sub, by the dom. I personally appreciate someone who has given these things some consideration, especially since there are so many people who do play and scenes, and don't have sex.

I don't see these as 'rules', but as suggestions for things to consider while planning.



LilJuly76 -> RE: The Dimensions of Play (8/1/2016 8:22:27 AM)

alas a lot of people can't tell the difference between sex and an S & M scene.

In my scenes my Dominants are usually spontaneous and I have always known I'm well taken care of after the scene ends, right after and the next day when the drop usually shows up.

to the OP: you have a pretty good list there, I would definitely suggest and make sure aftercare is involved.



DesFIP -> RE: The Dimensions of Play (8/1/2016 9:32:38 AM)

Negotiation. How to do it and what it entails. You negotiate aftercare also.
But not all play involves pain, what about sensual or bondage, or wax.



BrownEyedGirl45 -> RE: The Dimensions of Play (8/1/2016 10:00:26 AM)

Sex or "scene" of any kind, my opinion stays the same.



LilJuly76 -> RE: The Dimensions of Play (8/1/2016 10:53:40 AM)

I love bondage scenes, I used to do some bondage and shibari modelling, than I lost my photographer.

if you are in a relationship with the Dominant you are doing a BDSM scene with, do you think negotiations are necessary? For me if it was for teaching or if I was just playing with someone than I would discuss negotiations up front but if I'm involved with them, they pretty much know me and my reactions so I don't bother.



MistressFiera -> RE: The Dimensions of Play (8/1/2016 2:52:46 PM)

Thanks everyone for your input so far! After I posted this I thought of even more topics that I should have added like warm up, after care as someone mentioned! Role play, the art of silence, sensory deprivation.

I would also like to say that I totally believe in spontaneity but basically my audience is meant for totally new people in the scene who totally might be spontaneous but they may not have a lot of experience and might not even know how to start a scene. Also even for the experienced people we often pick up great ideas from the totally new people. I never discount what they have to offer since they think outside the box when they are new to it all.

In the Houston dynamic I have RARELY have seen sex in the dungeon in the 8 years I have been in the scene. Not that it is forbidden because it is allowed in most groups but for whatever reason sex is just something that tends to stay at home. When I am in a scene it is play meant for a masochist but you are completely right that many people would want sensual play or other forms such as rope, wax etc. I will add that to my list. :)

This to me is like packing for a trip. I know I am supposed to bring the whole list of items and I don't want to leave out the important ones. I figure that by planning well in advance I will cover as much base as I can!

Thanks to those who chimed in! :)
Fiera



LilJuly76 -> RE: The Dimensions of Play (8/1/2016 2:59:36 PM)

a lot of newbies can't tell sex from BDSM scenes.

I mentioned aftercare because when you are the submissive in the scene, aftercare is very important on both sides but especially to the submissive, like me when I go into subspace a lot of the time I don't know what I'm doing so I rely on the Dominant to make sure everything is ok.

example: at a dungeon one I walked right behind a whip because I was in subspace and had no clue what I was doing.

you can make up thousands of different sessions if you are imaginative enough, it's great to be spontaneous in that way.



Wayward5oul -> RE: The Dimensions of Play (8/1/2016 3:59:18 PM)

Health considerations?

This would probably be more with people who know each other well, or pick up play, but if you are doing a scene involving staples, needles, etc, does the bottom have any bleeding issues or taking a blood thinner?

Allergies? to latex or any material that might be used in a scene?

triggers?

etc.

I would hope that a bottom would make sure that a top knew these things, probably during negotiation, but the newer they are, the less likely that is to be the case.



LilJuly76 -> RE: The Dimensions of Play (8/1/2016 4:05:04 PM)

that is true, and health considerations is also a good thing to mention



MistressFiera -> RE: The Dimensions of Play (8/1/2016 5:26:45 PM)

I do agree about the health issues. I was thinking more along the lines of actually being able to do a scene however I will mention that during negotiation the topic of health should be covered so thanks!

What I find a lot of the time is that people sit around because they don't know how to run their own scenes. I finally thought if they don't know what they are doing then perhaps we can talk about it so that they can find their own way. I know what it is like, as does everyone here, to know nothing in the beginning but eventuallyyou are more experienced and you want to help give back to the community in some way positive.

Also the more people chime in about spontaneity the more I am thinking that is even a practical answer for everyone new or not! I have really taken that suggestion to heart!

Everyone here has had wonderful ideas! I am going to write in everything we have talked about but I am not going away so please keep your ideas coming!

Thanks again! :)



ThatDizzyChick -> RE: The Dimensions of Play (8/1/2016 7:21:02 PM)

quote:

to know nothing in the beginning

That is the really fun part of it.



Gauge -> RE: The Dimensions of Play (8/1/2016 11:03:23 PM)

This is a fast reply.

Before I ever put a hand on my submissive, we talked for hours, both in email and over the phone. We discussed health concerns, safety, limits, interests, and everything else I could think of. When we got together the first time, she had no fucking clue what I was going to do to her, but she knew that she could trust me.

If you are talking to new people, I would address the following:

1. Open, clear, consistent, communication, before anything happens is essential. Without it, it can do great harm to the dominant and the submissive.

2. Do away with labels. What one person calls a wild "scene" someone else may call vanilla. Find what you both enjoy and do that.

3. Confidence. This applies to the sub and the dominant. If one or both of you don't know what you are doing, it is your own responsibility to educate yourselves. Perhaps seek a mentor to aid you.

4. Encourage each other.

5. For dominants: be certain to check on your sub while you are playing. For subs, be sure to reinforce the things that you like with your dominant.

6. Lastly, and certainly not least: be yourself.

Oh... and number 7. Complicated play does not always result in successful play. One of the best things I ever did with my sub involved handcuffs, a bit of chain, a small length of string, a clit clamp and a small fishing weight. She still gets wet when we talk about that night. More equipment does not ensure success... skill and a slightly twisted mind does.

I may come back and add more.



LilJuly76 -> RE: The Dimensions of Play (8/2/2016 4:34:33 AM)

all very good points to. when you mentioned complicated play doesn't always result in successful play I seem to remember when we had the club here, my owner and myself usually got there earlier before anyone else so we can have some private time or a session.

one night we were in the lounge sitting on the sectional couch and we had a knife session which kind of played on my fear of getting stabbed. He knew people were coming in and people knew something was going on the couch so they sat quietly and watched, myself I was so transfixed at the time I didn't hear anything. it was a very successful mild session at the time that people gave an ovation for and I was trying to figure out when they all got there.



OsideGirl -> RE: The Dimensions of Play (8/2/2016 10:12:48 AM)

I did think of one thing to add:

If you're doing something like fire play - make sure you have safety items nearby.

I once watched a fire scene where the submissive was bent over a table, two "Doms" were spritzing alcohol on her butt and didn't realize that some had pooled in the crack of her ass....until they lit the alcohol on fire. They had no damp towels or water to put it out. They looked like two of the Three Stooges slapping her ass trying to get the fire out. And the poor woman ended up with some pretty severe burns.



LilJuly76 -> RE: The Dimensions of Play (8/2/2016 3:48:22 PM)

sure glad I didn't know them but since you mentioned fireplay. was scared of fire. then I got offered up in a fireplay class to a sadistic Dominant (thankfully he knew what he was doing) me shaking in my glory on the table while a lot of people were watching, and he was getting a kick out of it because I was really freaked out. ended up in subspace, and he kept doing it because I was at the laughing point and couldn't speak. walked around for 2 and a half hours in subspace because of that first time fire play class, shaking hands with everybody and only speaking gibberish.



WickedsDesire -> RE: The Dimensions of Play (8/2/2016 4:42:38 PM)

They have spoken, no one genuine other than me- ever



Gauge -> RE: The Dimensions of Play (8/2/2016 10:36:51 PM)

I do hope that you intend to indicate that you reached out to a few folks for help for your presentation.



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