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RE: King Baby syndrome? - 4/17/2004 10:26:38 AM

Gabrielle

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sometimes guidance comes in ways you will not immediately recognize.

The situation here has many viewpoints and I can understand and relate to them all. I personally would have let it all go. He ended the conversation when you playfully said it was his loss. He had that right. You should have let it go. If you truly believed it was his loss, you should have just stuck to that belief and gone happily to bed-seeing as you apparantly weren't losing anything. When you returned from your weekend away, apologize breifly for your comment and let him decide where it will go.

Perhaps he shouldn't have left you high and dry. But consider this. In its own way, it was guidance. You did learn not to make such comments. Maybe he didn't say in a way you liked "Please don't speak to me in that way" but his actions did communicate that. Take it as your cue and refrain from such comments in the future.

I have experienced many tantrums and shed many tears with the words "You didn't tell me" or "How could I have known?" or "That isn't fair". Know what he says? "It's not always for you to understand. I lead, you follow. " Frustrating? hell yes! Good for me in the long run? Absolutely! I learn to trust and obey without question. If I do have an issue, there is an outlet for that expression and he respects that. (I approach him nude and kneel-then say whatever the hell i want. i am submitting in outward appearance, not hiding behind anything and venting freely- works well for us)

Guidance is a funny thing. Sometimes you think its not there, but that is when you trust and soon realize it was there all along in full force!

Gabrielle

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RE: King Baby syndrome? - 4/17/2004 2:02:41 PM

ShadeDiva

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I kinda think that there might have been more of a compatibility issue here than anything else really.

I am of the firm belief that compatibility really takes around 3-4 months to accurately and realistically assess. If you are someone that jokes a lot, makes quips, and is a smartass in general, but not meaning anything negative, challenging or disrespectful by it - most dominants aren't going to either be right for you, be able to handle you, *want* to handle you, or be able to realize when you are smarting off it isn't challenging their authority, or being disrespectful intentionally or otherwise. If you are remotely like that - it will take a VERY special dominant that can handle it, doesn't view it as being negative or a challenge, and finds it refreshing and yes, even *fun*. They would prolly be as much if not more of a smartass, and be more than happy to give as good as they get, and consider it just part and parcel of the fun you can share between each other.

The reality is, that I can see the comment "its your loss" just like most folks that have replied here saw it, topping from the bottom, sulking, pouty, etc., etc., *however* I can also see it as being just a wisecrack done in humor. If it was me and I found you interesting and I didn't mind playful banter, I'd slam back with something like "Only in your dreams toots," or whatever (ok so it was a lame comeback - I do better on my feet LOL).

Had he been truly compatible, with you as you are now - he'd have fired off a wisecrack, and then bailed to go to sleep, laughing about rendering you without a manner to banter back. It wouldn't have been a big deal at all.

To be honest I see more than he read your playfulness and direct and conscious insubordinate behavior challenging his final word. His definition and view of what playfulness is isn't compatibility or a match for how you see it. <shrug> You have two choices - decide you need to tone it down and he was right, and you shouldn't be playful in that manner - or find someone that has no issues with it, and considers that an asset. rather than an issue.

I might be seeing myself in that though - I am a MAJOR smartass. And I am a loophole QUEEN! This means if I'm in a playful mood and my partner says for me to do something - it better be specific, cuz I am TOTALLY literal. LOL. I have a playful nature, and a sharp wit, a quick brain, I absolutely ADORE banter, I could do that ALL night long, LOL, I love laughing and thinking of stuff and ways to see things that weren't considered, and I absolutely love love love to have a battle of wits, wisecracks, and loopholes all in the name of fun. This pretty much means right off the bat that 98% of dominants of either gender are either completely not compatible, or are able to handle me or even want to handle me. (Add into the mix that I'm primarily dominant, and will butt heads on occasion for power, and can only be with a dominant-only person cuz if they switched, they'd get ONE chance to switch and once submissive, they'd never get a chance at switching again LOL, and it pretty much means only 1 to 9 people on this planet would either be remotely interested and then capable of dealing with me long term. That I'm a spitfire and a hell of a handful to handle is a MAJOR understatement, LOL!)

And yeah the serious folks and I totally didn't mix. I love to joke around, and that doesn't mean I am belittling anyone, I just like to laugh and have fun. The only people that could possibly handle that in me are those that have the same zest for laughter, can laugh at themselves without seeing it as equating they are less dominant, or less respected, or less anything (I personally see that as an asset in a dominant), can zing me back JUST as good or better than I can and as fast or faster as I can, lol, and views it all as playful banter and enjoys it as much as I do.

So as such I don't see that as automatically being a bad flippant thing to have said as much as maybe it was a poor choice at who you decided to make it to.

This all being said, I personally find that so far I don't care for that in those I dominate. Ironic, ain't it? LOL. Cracks me up. I TOTALLY could not handle a SAM like myself and amusingly enough I wouldn't even *want* to or be *remotely* interested in a submissive that behaves as I do - at least so far, and at this present time. Who knows - maybe that might change lol.

So I guess I really do see both angles on this one. Just I don't really have any good answers for you! heehee

~ShadeDiva

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RE: King Baby syndrome? - 4/17/2004 10:07:05 PM

rain

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i appreciate your feedback. i definetly enjoy being playful, cracking jokes, and laughing...

i know that He does have a sense of humor, but it appears my timing was off- He has to get up at 5:15 am every day, and works long days, so trying to joke about something when He is getting ready for bed...well, not such a good move.

So, live and learn...

Cheers,

~rain~

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RE: King Baby syndrome? - 4/26/2004 6:52:49 PM

Sinergy

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My favorite quote on this topic is "It takes a big person to insist and hold to being right. It takes an even bigger person to admit they are wrong."

And on that note, if I am wrong I apologize, if I am right I seek to settle the disagreement so that everybody goes away happy. It is called negotiation.

Sinergy

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RE: King Baby syndrome? - 12/24/2004 9:29:57 PM

MistressDREAD

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RE: King Baby syndrome? - 12/25/2004 10:28:00 AM

RealityFix

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A lot of any relationship comes not just from knowing your partner, but yourself ,and your own needs. I feel that self-control is needful in both Dominants and submissives-power exchange is simply not possible without this.

Ego control is part of the responsibility of a Dominant in maintaining his *self* control. If he cannot, he will be inconsistent, and ultimately ,prey to his emotions..Often, to the point that it may impact the trust, and feeling of security that the submissive has in his competence to lead.......

Stability and a degree of nobility are greatly desired in Dominant personalities, and the ability to be able to make the admission that you CAN be wrong is VERY important. One who is in a constant state of denial merely comes across as insecure. And it is very difficult to have respect for insecure people who constantly pass the buck.

It's often seen that the Dominant has the last word-but let's be practical here-if the balance of need and desire is not maintained by an honest oversight-this sort of relationship is headed for a one way trip to the rocks.

I find that many nariccissts tend to be attracted by the Dominant role-but a view of one's own perfection and infallibility is the biggest *incorrect* fantasy I see happening out there,and often,the most damaging.

One who cannot admit to mistakes, cannot correct them. The sad part of this is, they are mistakes that are perpetuated onto others repeatedly. Stubborness is no virtue, when it leads to unethical conduct.

Let me give a last word here on a langauge slang we have.

The word "snob" is an English bastardization of an old Latin term-"sini noblis".

Which means "Lacking nobility".

Something to ponder-Terry

< Message edited by RealityFix -- 12/25/2004 10:34:45 AM >

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