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Questions that never get a decent answer: - 8/10/2016 9:41:55 AM   
jlf1961


Posts: 14840
Joined: 6/10/2008
From: Somewhere Texas
Status: offline 		1) Why wont airlines let you declare a parachute as carry on baggage? Its not like you are planning to open the door and do a free fall from cruising altitude.

2) Why do people even think of jogging on trails that happen to be in the hunting area of large feline predators? Cougars, for example, are hardwired to see anything that runs as something to eat.

3) Considering all the evidence that proves that sharks have good eyesight, and that surfers on belly boards and short surf boards are indistinguishable from seals (at least in profile) from under the surface, why the hell are people still using the damn things?

4) Why do you need a warning in the manual of a chainsaw telling people not to try and stop the blade with hands or genitals? for that matter, who is going to try and put the blade of a running chainsaw anywhere near their genitals?

5) Why is it that women call your name at that exact instant you are doing something that really cant be interrupted? This also applies to that instant you have grease and grime all over your hands and they ask you to help fold white sheets?

6) Why is it the first question people ask when they call you at 3AM is "Were you asleep?"

_____________________________

Boy, it sure would be nice if we had some grenades, don't you think?

You cannot control who comes into your life, but you can control which airlock you throw them out of.

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RE: Questions that never get a decent answer: - 8/10/2016 10:33:26 AM   
WhoreMods


Posts: 10691
Joined: 5/6/2016
Status: offline 		Will indecent answers do?

1- They don't know that. Imagine if the 11/9 lot had had parachutes as well as box cutters.
2- They used to call this "natural selection". I don't buy that it's a bad thing, as people who are stupid enough to go jogging where there's cougars shouldn't be breeding.
3- Looking at some of the surfers I've seen, maybe they think that surfing is a good way of losing some weight and looking less like a seal? (Some of these fuckers, I'm surpirsed the sharks don't think they're beached whales...)
4- I think I saw that in a video nasty. Apparently I'm imagining that, though, as there was no torture porn at all before Saw or Hostel. (Tell that to Lamberto Bava and Lucio Fulci, guys. Fuckwits.)
5- At least she didn't wait until; you were taking a shit...
6- Because they know that they've woken you up, and you can't punch them down the phone line.

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RE: Questions that never get a decent answer: - 8/10/2016 11:38:40 AM   
jlf1961


Posts: 14840
Joined: 6/10/2008
From: Somewhere Texas
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: WhoreMods

Will indecent answers do?

1- They don't know that. Imagine if the 11/9 lot had had parachutes as well as box cutters.
2- They used to call this "natural selection". I don't buy that it's a bad thing, as people who are stupid enough to go jogging where there's cougars shouldn't be breeding.
3- Looking at some of the surfers I've seen, maybe they think that surfing is a good way of losing some weight and looking less like a seal? (Some of these fuckers, I'm surpirsed the sharks don't think they're beached whales...)
4- I think I saw that in a video nasty. Apparently I'm imagining that, though, as there was no torture porn at all before Saw or Hostel. (Tell that to Lamberto Bava and Lucio Fulci, guys. Fuckwits.)
5- At least she didn't wait until; you were taking a shit...
6- Because they know that they've woken you up, and you can't punch them down the phone line.



Uh, when you jump from a very high altitude, you need an oxygen bottle so you can breath, otherwise, by the time you get low enough to pop the chute, you are unconscious, which ends in you becoming pavement/ground pizza.

2) The writers of the manual were not referring to a psycho using it on others, but the user doing it him or herself. Now that I think about it, how in the hell are you going to turn a chainsaw where you can actually get your genitals anywhere near the blade?

3) Strangely enough, short boards are more popular with surfers who routinely surf in waters populated by pinnipeds (seals and sea lions) and hunted by great white sharks....

My personal theory is that these surfers are actually trying to commit suicide in the most newsworthy way possible.

4) Natural selection may not be far off. These trails are usually created by local authorities, so.....

5) Actually, my ex wife called me yesterday, right after I sat down to take a dump.

6) There is another question to go with this one, what the hell is so damn important that they called you at 3AM in the first damn place? (not including the calls dealing with an actual emergency, then what the hell does it matter if you were sleeping or not?)


Now I have a friend (female) who does not drink, but does go to bars (nothing wrong with that) and orders a virgin bloody mary.

I asked her why not just order tomato juice, since she is not really thrilled with everything in a bloody mary, her answer:

Because ordering a glass of tomato juice in a bar does not sound cool.

_____________________________

Boy, it sure would be nice if we had some grenades, don't you think?

You cannot control who comes into your life, but you can control which airlock you throw them out of.

Paranoid Paramilitary Gun Loving Conspiracy Theorist AND EQUAL OPPORTUNI

(in reply to WhoreMods)
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RE: Questions that never get a decent answer: - 8/10/2016 7:49:53 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		Eastern mountain lions don't chase joggers. Unfortunately, they also don't take down deer.

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RE: Questions that never get a decent answer: - 8/10/2016 8:31:47 PM   
jlf1961


Posts: 14840
Joined: 6/10/2008
From: Somewhere Texas
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

Eastern mountain lions don't chase joggers. Unfortunately, they also don't take down deer.



Since when do they not take down deer?

Although officially, the eastern cougar aka Panther, is extinct and all sightings are either extra large bobcats OR the result of a lot of beer in the hands of rednecks.

Although, occasionally, most state game officers will admit they might have moved back into the areas, although they do say you might have seen a lynx.

Now, this does not dismiss the numerous trail cam pics of these non existent felines in the mountains of Georgia, North and South Carolina, swamps of Florida etc which are often admitted to be real by game wardens, and then blown off on the odd cat that moved in from west of the mississippi river, or south from Canada (probably in search of REAL bacon.)

_____________________________

Boy, it sure would be nice if we had some grenades, don't you think?

You cannot control who comes into your life, but you can control which airlock you throw them out of.

Paranoid Paramilitary Gun Loving Conspiracy Theorist AND EQUAL OPPORTUNI

(in reply to DesFIP)
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RE: Questions that never get a decent answer: - 8/10/2016 10:23:17 PM   
Gauge


Posts: 5689
Joined: 6/17/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: jlf1961

1) Why wont airlines let you declare a parachute as carry on baggage? Its not like you are planning to open the door and do a free fall from cruising altitude.


Because if you think they are assholes by carrying a parachute onboard... they think you are an asshole for thinking they will fly without risk.

quote:

2) Why do people even think of jogging on trails that happen to be in the hunting area of large feline predators? Cougars, for example, are hardwired to see anything that runs as something to eat.


If a cougar attacks me on a trail... I swear here and now that I will fuck her face until she gags. Wait... did you mean real actual cougars?

quote:

3) Considering all the evidence that proves that sharks have good eyesight, and that surfers on belly boards and short surf boards are indistinguishable from seals (at least in profile) from under the surface, why the hell are people still using the damn things?


Because Millennials never saw Jaws.

quote:

4) Why do you need a warning in the manual of a chainsaw telling people not to try and stop the blade with hands or genitals? for that matter, who is going to try and put the blade of a running chainsaw anywhere near their genitals?


In the state of California, it has been proven to be a source of cancer. I live in PA. I am safe... yes?

quote:

5) Why is it that women call your name at that exact instant you are doing something that really cant be interrupted? This also applies to that instant you have grease and grime all over your hands and they ask you to help fold white sheets?


They normally call my name when some guy is fucking them. Does this make me bad?

Oh... Laundry... my answer... women.

quote:

6) Why is it the first question people ask when they call you at 3AM is "Were you asleep?"


Because they know I am an insomniac... and they don't want to wake me in my state of unwakedness. For real.







_____________________________

"For there is no folly of the beast of the earth which is not infinitely outdone by the madness of men." Herman Melville - Moby Dick

I'm wearing my chicken suit and humming La Marseillaise.

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RE: Questions that never get a decent answer: - 8/10/2016 10:39:11 PM   
Dvr22999874


Posts: 2849
Joined: 9/11/2008
Status: offline 		In answer to your last one Jeff, they usually say "Sorry for waking you up", to which I reply "That's okay I had to answer the phone anyway. Would you believe, there is some fuckwit calling me at this ungodly hour?" ............there is usually a stunned silence followed by a resounding "CLICK".

(in reply to Gauge)
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RE: Questions that never get a decent answer: - 8/10/2016 10:40:29 PM   
Gauge


Posts: 5689
Joined: 6/17/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Dvr22999874

In answer to your last one Jeff, they usually say "Sorry for waking you up", to which I reply "That's okay I had to answer the phone anyway. Would you believe, there is some fuckwit calling me at this ungodly hour?" ............there is usually a stunned silence followed by a resounding "CLICK".


Welcome to my life.

Enjoy it.

_____________________________

"For there is no folly of the beast of the earth which is not infinitely outdone by the madness of men." Herman Melville - Moby Dick

I'm wearing my chicken suit and humming La Marseillaise.

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RE: Questions that never get a decent answer: - 8/10/2016 10:49:05 PM   
Dvr22999874


Posts: 2849
Joined: 9/11/2008
Status: offline 		I always enjoy life gauge.......the alternative doesn't have much going for it. Although, who knows ? Why else would they build walls around graveyards ?

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RE: Questions that never get a decent answer: - 8/10/2016 10:52:11 PM   
Gauge


Posts: 5689
Joined: 6/17/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Dvr22999874

I always enjoy life gauge.......the alternative doesn't have much going for it. Although, who knows ? Why else would they build walls around graveyards ?


Casper the friendly Pickle. That's why.

_____________________________

"For there is no folly of the beast of the earth which is not infinitely outdone by the madness of men." Herman Melville - Moby Dick

I'm wearing my chicken suit and humming La Marseillaise.

(in reply to Dvr22999874)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Questions that never get a decent answer: - 8/10/2016 11:12:09 PM   
jlf1961


Posts: 14840
Joined: 6/10/2008
From: Somewhere Texas
Status: offline 		Gauge, man every time I read your answers in this section, I always imagine it coming from Archer.....

In particular: If a cougar attacks me on a trail... I swear here and now that I will fuck her face until she gags. Wait... did you mean real actual cougars?

_____________________________

Boy, it sure would be nice if we had some grenades, don't you think?

You cannot control who comes into your life, but you can control which airlock you throw them out of.

Paranoid Paramilitary Gun Loving Conspiracy Theorist AND EQUAL OPPORTUNI

(in reply to Gauge)
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RE: Questions that never get a decent answer: - 8/10/2016 11:16:07 PM   
Gauge


Posts: 5689
Joined: 6/17/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: jlf1961

Gauge, man every time I read your answers in this section, I always imagine it coming from Archer.....



We're gonna need a bigger bow?

Archer? Sorry... you lost me.



_____________________________

"For there is no folly of the beast of the earth which is not infinitely outdone by the madness of men." Herman Melville - Moby Dick

I'm wearing my chicken suit and humming La Marseillaise.

(in reply to jlf1961)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Questions that never get a decent answer: - 8/11/2016 5:35:26 AM   
jlf1961


Posts: 14840
Joined: 6/10/2008
From: Somewhere Texas
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Gauge


quote:

ORIGINAL: jlf1961

Gauge, man every time I read your answers in this section, I always imagine it coming from Archer.....



We're gonna need a bigger bow?

Archer? Sorry... you lost me.



Archer

_____________________________

Boy, it sure would be nice if we had some grenades, don't you think?

You cannot control who comes into your life, but you can control which airlock you throw them out of.

Paranoid Paramilitary Gun Loving Conspiracy Theorist AND EQUAL OPPORTUNI

(in reply to Gauge)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Questions that never get a decent answer: - 8/11/2016 8:22:24 AM   
Gauge


Posts: 5689
Joined: 6/17/2005
Status: offline 		Gotcha. Never saw it, but it seems right up my alley.


_____________________________

"For there is no folly of the beast of the earth which is not infinitely outdone by the madness of men." Herman Melville - Moby Dick

I'm wearing my chicken suit and humming La Marseillaise.

(in reply to jlf1961)
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RE: Questions that never get a decent answer: - 8/16/2016 7:48:23 AM   
essentialservant


Posts: 6
Joined: 8/15/2016
Status: offline 		A good point because you seldom get a decent answer here in the forums. From time to time some kind sole leaves one but not very often.

(in reply to Gauge)
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RE: Questions that never get a decent answer: - 8/16/2016 7:57:13 AM   
jlf1961


Posts: 14840
Joined: 6/10/2008
From: Somewhere Texas
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: essentialservant

A good point because you seldom get a decent answer here in the forums. From time to time some kind sole leaves one but not very often.



and then we get yet another sock to make things worse.

_____________________________

Boy, it sure would be nice if we had some grenades, don't you think?

You cannot control who comes into your life, but you can control which airlock you throw them out of.

Paranoid Paramilitary Gun Loving Conspiracy Theorist AND EQUAL OPPORTUNI

(in reply to essentialservant)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Questions that never get a decent answer: - 8/16/2016 4:34:06 PM   
AtUrCervix


Posts: 2111
Joined: 1/15/2016
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: jlf1961

1) Why wont airlines let you declare a parachute as carry on baggage? Its not like you are planning to open the door and do a free fall from cruising altitude.

2) Why do people even think of jogging on trails that happen to be in the hunting area of large feline predators? Cougars, for example, are hardwired to see anything that runs as something to eat.

3) Considering all the evidence that proves that sharks have good eyesight, and that surfers on belly boards and short surf boards are indistinguishable from seals (at least in profile) from under the surface, why the hell are people still using the damn things?

4) Why do you need a warning in the manual of a chainsaw telling people not to try and stop the blade with hands or genitals? for that matter, who is going to try and put the blade of a running chainsaw anywhere near their genitals?

5) Why is it that women call your name at that exact instant you are doing something that really cant be interrupted? This also applies to that instant you have grease and grime all over your hands and they ask you to help fold white sheets?

6) Why is it the first question people ask when they call you at 3AM is "Were you asleep?"


ROFLMFFAO :) :) :)

(12 quintillion "likes")

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RE: Questions that never get a decent answer: - 8/25/2016 6:54:55 AM   
thompsonx


Posts: 23322
Joined: 10/1/2006
Status: offline
ORIGINAL: jlf1961


Uh, when you jump from a very high altitude, you need an oxygen bottle so you can breath,

I found an interesting article in an old issue of approach magazine about a sailor who ejected while upside down in a thunder cloud.
He spent just under an hour in free fall.


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RE: Questions that never get a decent answer: - 8/25/2016 6:20:48 PM   
MasterG2kTR


Posts: 6677
Joined: 8/7/2004
From: Wisconsin
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: thompsonx


ORIGINAL: jlf1961


Uh, when you jump from a very high altitude, you need an oxygen bottle so you can breath,

I found an interesting article in an old issue of approach magazine about a sailor who ejected while upside down in a thunder cloud.
He spent just under an hour in free fall.




Bullshit!

The world record holder for the highest freefall (Felix Baumgartner) spent just a little over 4 minutes in freefall from ~39k feet. This left him sixteen seconds short of the world record for freefall duration (he did next to nothing to slow his speed for most of it). So unless this guy had wings (or a wingsuit) you must have been reading the Onion or something of the like.

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Did you know.....
Two wrongs don't make a right,
but three rights make a left
....think about it

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RE: Questions that never get a decent answer: - 8/25/2016 9:36:43 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		I imagine the answer to the parachute question must be D. B. Cooper.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to MasterG2kTR)
Profile   Post #: 20
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