RE: Hurt Feelings

RE: Hurt Feelings (Full Version)

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petslavenj -> RE: Hurt Feelings (7/22/2006 7:44:34 AM)
It would be remiss to say that one of a submissive nature is not also in tune to their own sensitivities. And for me, that is one of my best qualities. For years I took everything someone said to me personally. I owned their statements and then I felt hurt. I have since learned to overcome that and I use this simple statement. "What another says or does is simply a reflection on them and their character, not a reflection on me". That is not to say that everyone says or does things to putposely hurt another, but often they do not realize how hurtful their actions or words are. And some, well they are just inconsiderate. So when someone hurts me, I remember that it is a reflection on them and often I find myself feeling sorry for them. After all, one must have low self-esteem to feel the need to ridicule, belittle, or hurt another. So, cuddleheart50 (by the way I turn 50 in Oct!!!!), remember, you do not have to own another's hurtful ways! petslavenj

wandersalone -> RE: Hurt Feelings (7/22/2006 8:03:38 AM)
My feelings get hurt or affected by others a lot less these days.But a comment from someone I am friends with can shatter me and often I find that they can hardly remember what they said, it was a flippant comment, a joke maybe. What would I prefer to be - an ice maiden with a heart of ice, no warmth, no comapssion, no caring, no love or the woman I am now -my heart has some scars from past relationships, my feelings have taken a beating or two emotionally in the past, I feel such compassion and empathy for the people who share so much of themselves in the forums, I respect them and mostly, I wish I could give them a hug and say 'you know what, you are an ok person!' smiles. I am definitely glad that I am not some ice queen.

agirl -> RE: Hurt Feelings (7/22/2006 9:38:04 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: wandersalone My feelings get hurt or affected by others a lot less these days.But a comment from someone I am friends with can shatter me and often I find that they can hardly remember what they said, it was a flippant comment, a joke maybe. What would I prefer to be - an ice maiden with a heart of ice, no warmth, no comapssion, no caring, no love or the woman I am now -my heart has some scars from past relationships, my feelings have taken a beating or two emotionally in the past, I feel such compassion and empathy for the people who share so much of themselves in the forums, I respect them and mostly, I wish I could give them a hug and say 'you know what, you are an ok person!' smiles. I am definitely glad that I am not some ice queen. Hello wandersalone, It's not always being an ice-queen.... You can still be caring, loving, warm, have compassion and empathy ...without being hurt easily by other people's nastiness or inconsiderate behaviour. It can be crippling to be acutely sensitive and a degree of rationality doesn't equate to being unfeeling, at all. with regards, agirl

kyraofMists -> RE: Hurt Feelings (7/22/2006 10:06:29 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: carolsea I wanted to add - or ask, really, do you think that sometimes submissives could be more susceptible to hurt feelings by virtue of our need to please, or not? I'm thinking about this, and I guess it's "probably not" because anyone can be soft hearted - even people who have a need for control most of the time - or a sadist - can have a soft spot. So I guess it's about even both ways. I don't know, just thinking "out loud". Maybe some have thicker skins than others.... I do not believe that it has to do with submission at all. My Lord, alandra and I are very similar in this regard. We are all sensitive and reserved about letting others inside. I am the most reserved of the three. Most people's perception of me is that I am cold and emotionless. But the saying still waters run deep is very true for me. It may be calm on the surface, but I have very deep emotions. Until you earn my trust and respect, you will not know how deeply emotional that I am. Kyra

juliaoceania -> RE: Hurt Feelings (7/22/2006 10:18:10 AM)
Yes I get my feelings hurt easy, and it wasn't easy growing up with three siblings. I developed coping mechanisms like getting the last word, being caustically witty, matching my wit against the viper that had the termity to insult me... which I came to actually enjoy because everyone has a soft spot, not just me, and I can't stand a bully. I am Aries the ram, and I tend to butt head first and then trample anything or anyone that gets in my way, and I tend to have a warrior personality too, but.... oh yes, there is that soft middle that loves sticking up for the underdog. In fact as I got older I tend to get hurt for others instead of myself, Im a big girl and can handle what is thrown at me pretty well, but DO NOT STEP ON THOSE I LOVE. ... I will head butt you... smiles. I have self image problems as anyone else, yes I can be hurt. It isn't likely to hurt me unless I give a rat's ass about your opinion. So I guess I have a thick skin in some ways. Im way more vulnerable to my Dom because he takes my weapons of self protection away. I cannot have some sort of witty retort for him (when I went to a therapist a couple of years ago this exasperated him because if I started feeling vulnerable I pulled out the comedy routine with the smart ass wit), I cannot strike back at him, I cannot tell him to go fuck himself... Im just stuck there vulnerable, and it is a good thing for me, because Im rarely vulnerable. Im always wrapped up in this air of haughty self confidence that he actually likes about me. I think there are two types of sensitive people in this world, those who are sensitive about themselves, and those who are sensitive to others... I have worked very hard to be the latter type because if I concentrate on myself, then I will be a pretty unhappy person (been there done that..smiles). It is better to project sensitivity into the universe, it is much more rewarding too...just my thoughts

SexyRed -> RE: Hurt Feelings (7/22/2006 10:29:46 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: cuddleheart50 Thank you Dustee, alot of that really hit home. Maybe its a good thing to be so sensitive cause Master tells me what a very good subbie I am all the time... That is great that he understands you. When I am oversensitive, I have often been labeled, "Drama Queen, High Maintenance, Too Intense" or some other derogatory term that represents that person's inability to cope with a highly sensitive and emotional woman. I am always reasonable, even when emotional, if that makes sense, so those above comments point to the other person's lack of insight and inability to communicate.

smilezz -> RE: Hurt Feelings (7/22/2006 10:32:04 AM)
I have to agree with kyra here. I was told just the other day that i had a heart of stone. I was raised to never let my emotions show to anyone! crying was forbidden. It has been a long...tough road to travel, some habits are hard to break. The first time i let Thorns see me cry .........the only word that comes to mind is Freedom. I am very reserved as to who see's what. It took me a long time for Thorns to break down this wall..........it was not easy, He was patient, He knew what He wanted.......and got it. Thorns is the only person alive that knows me better than myself. ~smilezz~

carolsea -> RE: Hurt Feelings (7/22/2006 10:34:49 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: greneyedjewel I am so glad I found this post. Where I consider myself a professional, happy, independant person, I struggle with my feelings constantly. I, like many of you do not relay to the person who has hurt me that fact because I don't want them to think that I am weak, so I hide it. I am a happy person, willing to do anything for the people I love and care about. If one of my loved ones is hurt in any manner, I am like a ferocious mothering animal there to immediately protect them. That is just the way I am wired. But trying to fend off someone who hurts me with words, tends to shut me down until I can regroup. Most times, looking at me, unless it is someone who knows me well, there is no telling that offensive, nasty remarks have affected me. We sensitive, loving, strong, caring people need to stick together. Yes we do... I wonder what else we have in common... Empaths unite? lol Your last sentence there makes us sound pretty special, doesn't it? It's not a bad thing, but many times people don't understand us - tell us we're overreacting. I don't think so, though.

Level -> RE: Hurt Feelings (7/22/2006 10:40:12 AM)
There is definitely such a thing as "too sensitive", just as one can be too "insensitive". I have a friend who, bless her heart, is both lol. You can't hardly disagree with her, or say anything that can be taken as critisism, and she is far too often looking for negative things that are not there. It is quite draining to be around. It's sad, because when she's on an even keel, she's a joy to be around.

KnightofMists -> RE: Hurt Feelings (7/22/2006 2:25:47 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: kyraofMists Until you earn my trust and respect, you will not know how deeply emotional that I am. Yes and this is why I have to carry a box of kleenex whenever we are together......' Of course... I am not sure if this is because she is showing me how emotional she is... or that she is allergic to me and has the sniffles.

Level -> RE: Hurt Feelings (7/22/2006 2:38:00 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: KnightofMists quote: ORIGINAL: kyraofMists Until you earn my trust and respect, you will not know how deeply emotional that I am. Yes and this is why I have to carry a box of kleenex whenever we are together......' Of course... I am not sure if this is because she is showing me how emotional she is... or that she is allergic to me and has the sniffles. coughs and mumbles something about it being the latter [sm=trident.gif]

KnightofMists -> RE: Hurt Feelings (7/22/2006 2:46:37 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Level coughs and mumbles something about it being the latter [sm=trident.gif] Yup... Kick a guy when he is down!!! You must be one of those "True Sadists!" or maybe you just one of those that see Domination and Sadism as tearing them apart and building them anew!.... When you finish building me back up.... I want bigger muscles!!! so I can beat you senseless!!! w of course that does imply you have senses in first place... or crap... I complimented you

Level -> RE: Hurt Feelings (7/22/2006 2:53:04 PM)
Did I say latter?? I meant former, really [8D]! And I'm not a True Sadist, I'm a Real one...... I have my diploma here somewhere.........

kyraofMists -> RE: Hurt Feelings (7/22/2006 3:34:43 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Level quote: ORIGINAL: KnightofMists quote: ORIGINAL: kyraofMists Until you earn my trust and respect, you will not know how deeply emotional that I am. Yes and this is why I have to carry a box of kleenex whenever we are together......' Of course... I am not sure if this is because she is showing me how emotional she is... or that she is allergic to me and has the sniffles. coughs and mumbles something about it being the latter [sm=trident.gif] hides the allergy pills Allergies? What allergies?

Level -> RE: Hurt Feelings (7/22/2006 3:51:13 PM)
LOL kyra......... watch it, he's getting bigger muscles [:D]

kyraofMists -> RE: Hurt Feelings (7/22/2006 4:45:44 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Level LOL kyra......... watch it, he's getting bigger muscles [:D] Ok, I am trying to see the downside to this. Bigger muscles... hit harder... I like pain. I think this could be a very good thing eg

KnightofMists -> RE: Hurt Feelings (7/22/2006 5:05:32 PM)
cuddle sorry for causing a couple preverted individauls to highjack the thread... I should realize that there is some impressionable um people here. but to answer you OP I think you should make a distinction of having hurt feelings and being able to manage said hurt feelings. I believe that if you learn to manage the said hurt feelings more effectively you would find that it would be less likely that you would actually have easy feelings to hurt. Hurt Feelings... Anger Issues and such are more about controlling and managing emotions. I suggest you find ways to sooth yourself in a way that is only dependent on yourself. If you feel hurt... distract yourself with a good book or exercise or whatever. It's not a effort to suppress the emotions.... but it is an effort to distract yourself of the emotion by seeking enjoyment and focus in something and thus take the edge of the hurt feelings. Nothing more hurtful to oneself than dwelling on those negative feelings and thoughts.

cuddleheart50 -> RE: Hurt Feelings (7/22/2006 5:12:15 PM)
Thats all easy for you to say..you see it from a logical point of view...I however have trouble doing that. But, thats not to say that every little things bothers me either. If you don't have sensitive emotions, then you will never understand...its even hard for me to do sometimes...I have a very hard time expressing my feelings as everyone can tell here on the forum,....most of my posts are one lines...thats mostly because I try not to run against the grain, so to speak...I know this is all broken up and probably makes no sense to you...but I however, know exactly what I mean...[:D] edited to add....I enjoyed all of your responses, no need to apologize.

sublizzie -> RE: Hurt Feelings (7/22/2006 5:17:49 PM)
I understand what you're saying, cuddles. I have feelings that are easily hurt. But then, they are easily soothed and easily amused and easily aroused. I'm easily brought to happiness and joy. When I'm hurting I've learned to feel what I feel without reacting immediately on the feeling. Sometimes I just need to sit back and reflect on the possible postives that might be meant rather than the negatives. That will oftentimes help me move from hurting to being curious. I've found being curious doesn't hurt as much and helps me move onto investigating where the other person was coming from.

cuddleheart50 -> RE: Hurt Feelings (7/22/2006 5:19:39 PM)
I have feelings that are easily hurt. But then, they are easily soothed and easily amused and easily aroused. I'm easily brought to happiness and joy. Same here.

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