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RE: Hurt Feelings - 7/22/2006 5:23:16 PM

Level

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quote:

ORIGINAL: KnightofMists

cuddle sorry for causing a couple preverted individauls to highjack the thread... I should realize that there is some impressionable um people here.

but to answer you OP

I think you should make a distinction of having hurt feelings and being able to manage said hurt feelings. I believe that if you learn to manage the said hurt feelings more effectively you would find that it would be less likely that you would actually have easy feelings to hurt. Hurt Feelings... Anger Issues and such are more about controlling and managing emotions. I suggest you find ways to sooth yourself in a way that is only dependent on yourself. If you feel hurt... distract yourself with a good book or exercise or whatever. It's not a effort to suppress the emotions.... but it is an effort to distract yourself of the emotion by seeking enjoyment and focus in something and thus take the edge of the hurt feelings. Nothing more hurtful to oneself than dwelling on those negative feelings and thoughts.

.........*manages to stop sneezing for a moment..........*

cuddles, what Knight just said is sound advice. Make it a goal to disrupt those negative or hurtful feelings, write it down, work on it every day, and it'll get easier. As he said, it isn't doing away with those feelings, or denying them, but disconnecting from them for a few moments, it gives you a chance to breathe and get your mind right. I did something similar for my temper, and it truly was an effective tool.

And whoever those two thread-hijackers were, they better knock it off! Aaaaaachoooo!

_____________________________

Fake the heat and scratch the itch
Skinned up knees and salty lips
Let go it's harder holding on
One more trip and I'll be gone

~~ Stone Temple Pilots

(in reply to KnightofMists)

Post #: 41

RE: Hurt Feelings - 7/22/2006 5:26:30 PM

cuddleheart50

Posts: 9718
Joined: 2/20/2006
From: Kentucky
Status: offline

Bless you!!! I know you are both right, its just doing it, thats the hard part...but I am going to have to do something because I usually get my feelings hurt a least once a day...and thats not good.

_____________________________

Dance like no one is watching,
Sing like no one is listening.
Love like you've never been hurt
and live like it's heaven on Earth.

(in reply to Level)

Post #: 42

RE: Hurt Feelings - 7/22/2006 5:44:44 PM

TemptingNviceSub

Posts: 3054
Joined: 10/1/2005
Status: offline

I am a type that it takes a lot to anger,but when I am angered I forgive very easily as well.And usually my anger stems from being hurt,a sort of protection mechanism one would suppose.But although I forgive the one who hurt and angered me,deep down sometimes the words said are taken to heart and I have to turn it about in my mind for far longer than is probably necessary, to work out what was negative and to try to "fix" what I percieved as something needing to be fixed.Of course on the surface all is well,but inside sometimes I am doing a lot of soul searching.Actually (smile) and amazingly my feelings have only been hurt once here on CM..not to bad a record for this over analyzer...

...Tempting

(in reply to cuddleheart50)

Post #: 43

RE: Hurt Feelings - 7/22/2006 9:12:33 PM

SusanofO

Posts: 5672
Joined: 12/19/2005
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cuddleheart: You're a Pisces, give it up. Not gonna happen! hehe.
If you aren't I apologize - I thought I remembered you mentioning you are a Pisces...we (I'm one too) are (even if we appear to be "tough as nails", or indifferent) basically marshmallows in terms of vulnerability. If you don't believe in horoscopes, skip to the second paragraph (below).When I first read about this, I thought it was bunk. But I have to admit now, looking at my experiences on the whole, that it's true. Unfortunately, the solution is to crawl back into your shell, or act like you don't care about_____(insert name of person or cause or topic here).

One comment I have is that I am weary of the term "oversensitive". Oversensitive (to me) simply connotes that the other person cannot deal with one's sensitivity. So, you're "oversensitive" acc. to them. That doesn't make it bad or wrong. Sensitivity, overall, is somethng I see as a good thing. Maybe we do need to become less vulnerable to other folks' opinions, etc. - and in that case, I've read "fake it until you make it" works fialry well. But - we don't need to "lose" uor overall sensitivity. That would ruin a wonderful thing, I think.

Just my two cents.

- Susan

< Message edited by SusanofO -- 7/22/2006 9:14:01 PM >

_____________________________

"Hope is the thing with feathers,
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all". - Emily Dickinson

(in reply to cuddleheart50)

Post #: 44

RE: Hurt Feelings - 7/23/2006 5:22:01 AM

cuddleheart50

Posts: 9718
Joined: 2/20/2006
From: Kentucky
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You are right Susan, I am a Pisces. And I have come to accept the fact that this is just who I am...and I will always be sensitive....but thats ok...its a good thing.

_____________________________

Dance like no one is watching,
Sing like no one is listening.
Love like you've never been hurt
and live like it's heaven on Earth.

(in reply to SusanofO)

Post #: 45

RE: Hurt Feelings - 7/23/2006 6:14:55 AM

SusanofO

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Joined: 12/19/2005
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cuddleheart: Like I told shivvy the other day - we Pisceans have got to stick together. Besides, anyone who is into astrology already knows we are, hands down, the best and most imaginative lovers ever, no-holds-barred, in the sack (or out of it). And that has to count for something, right? Our only possible competition in this are might be a Scorpio. Did I mention I can be humble? I can, just not in this particular area, hehe (just kidding).

-Susan

< Message edited by SusanofO -- 7/23/2006 6:52:50 AM >

_____________________________

"Hope is the thing with feathers,
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all". - Emily Dickinson

(in reply to cuddleheart50)

Post #: 46

RE: Hurt Feelings - 7/23/2006 6:17:51 AM

cuddleheart50

Posts: 9718
Joined: 2/20/2006
From: Kentucky
Status: offline

Yes, we do have to stick together! And we are very creative in and out of the sack..hehehe....I get alot of points from Master for my imagination...lol...

_____________________________

Dance like no one is watching,
Sing like no one is listening.
Love like you've never been hurt
and live like it's heaven on Earth.

(in reply to SusanofO)

Post #: 47

RE: Hurt Feelings - 7/23/2006 6:20:06 AM

SusanofO

Posts: 5672
Joined: 12/19/2005
Status: offline

Yay for Pisces!!!

- Susan

_____________________________

"Hope is the thing with feathers,
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all". - Emily Dickinson

(in reply to cuddleheart50)

Post #: 48

RE: Hurt Feelings - 7/23/2006 8:57:14 AM

mellian

Posts: 211
Joined: 9/6/2004
Status: offline

Depends on the situation and what is going on. In most cases I just become solid and a wall, but like it was shown in my last and first relationship, can catch me in an emotional period due to relationship problems and someone can just get through the breachs of the wall and hurt me. Of course, at the time, didn't help that I was dealing with all slew of new emotions I never experienced before the relationship hence wasn't ready for it. These days, I feel that I am.

-mellian

< Message edited by mellian -- 7/23/2006 8:58:04 AM >

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http://www.collarme.com/bdsm/v/50276/details.htm

(in reply to greneyedjewel)

Post #: 49

RE: Hurt Feelings - 7/23/2006 2:18:36 PM

KnightofMists

Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: SusanofO

cuddleheart: Like I told shivvy the other day - we Pisceans have got to stick together. Besides, anyone who is into astrology already knows we are, hands down, the best and most imaginative lovers ever, no-holds-barred, in the sack (or out of it). And that has to count for something, right?

DAMN that's why I am so Good! and here I thought it was lots of practice!

_____________________________

Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

(in reply to SusanofO)

Post #: 50

RE: Hurt Feelings - 7/23/2006 3:13:09 PM

cuddleheart50

Posts: 9718
Joined: 2/20/2006
From: Kentucky
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quote:

ORIGINAL: KnightofMists

quote:

ORIGINAL: SusanofO

cuddleheart: Like I told shivvy the other day - we Pisceans have got to stick together. Besides, anyone who is into astrology already knows we are, hands down, the best and most imaginative lovers ever, no-holds-barred, in the sack (or out of it). And that has to count for something, right?

DAMN that's why I am so Good! and here I thought it was lots of practice!

Are you a Pisces too?

_____________________________

Dance like no one is watching,
Sing like no one is listening.
Love like you've never been hurt
and live like it's heaven on Earth.

(in reply to KnightofMists)

Post #: 51

RE: Hurt Feelings - 7/23/2006 3:29:45 PM

KnightofMists

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Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: cuddleheart50

Are you a Pisces too?

yup

_____________________________

Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

(in reply to cuddleheart50)

Post #: 52

RE: Hurt Feelings - 7/23/2006 3:53:07 PM

cuddleheart50

Posts: 9718
Joined: 2/20/2006
From: Kentucky
Status: offline

I knew there was a reason I liked you so well!!!

_____________________________

Dance like no one is watching,
Sing like no one is listening.
Love like you've never been hurt
and live like it's heaven on Earth.

(in reply to KnightofMists)

Post #: 53

RE: Hurt Feelings - 7/23/2006 4:44:58 PM

aleshaDreams

Posts: 184
Joined: 2/19/2006
Status: offline

cuddleheart, I find that I still hurt easily and I too have been told to transform. Well the unfortunate thing with the transformation is now I have a larger issue to deal with, I don't trust anyone and have minimized my social circle substantially becoming quite reclusive. Least to say I am pissed that my trusting nature has lost its virginity because I enjoyed many more things then and was more capable to travelling to parts of my mind that now might only live in fantasy.

< Message edited by aleshaDreams -- 7/23/2006 4:45:35 PM >

(in reply to cuddleheart50)

Post #: 54

RE: Hurt Feelings - 7/24/2006 7:02:15 AM

carolsea

Posts: 185
Joined: 10/4/2004
From: North Carolina
Status: offline

(Reply to no one in particular.)

My experience has been that Scorpios are the best lovers. :-)

_____________________________

I know you believe you understand what you think I said, but I'm not sure you realize that what you heard is not what I meant!

(in reply to aleshaDreams)

Post #: 55

RE: Hurt Feelings - 7/24/2006 7:41:29 AM

LL1aintbehavin

Posts: 104
Joined: 12/27/2004
Status: offline

cuddleheart.
i so understand where you are coming from. i have always been very emotional and sensitive, wearing my heart on my sleeve.
i find it easy to take constructive critisizm when it is put forth in the right way, but when it gets to be a total outright attack, it hurts. i can't understand what i did to this person to deserve this and just retreat back inside myself to try and think it out and heal.
i guess that i have the belief that if i can't say anything nice to someone i will remain silent, and don't understand the pitt bull behaviour of some towards others. Behind every nic, every keyboard is a real live person, with thoughts and feelings that can be hurt.
Maybe i am just too much of a softie as well, but after this long it is very hard to try and get a thick skin.
i find that my husDom can read me so well that He can see in my eyes if i am upset or hurt by something and makes me talk it out, not bury it deep inside as i used to.
To a stranger, they will never know that they hurt me as i hate giving them the satisfaction, or the knowledge that they hold the key to be able to hurt me the same way again.
It is a hard way to be, i'll be the first to admit that, but as i have not found any other way i guess i'm stuck with it.
But, it is nice to know that i am not alone in feeling this way.
Thank you for starting this thread.
aintbehavin

(in reply to carolsea)

Post #: 56

RE: Hurt Feelings - 7/24/2006 8:59:12 AM

stockingluvr54

Posts: 673
Joined: 6/22/2006
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Got a soft heart too...just like you. Even though I don't really show it (some sort of defense mechanism?)....it's there. When I fall....I fall hard. What's bad is that the walls get thicker....it takes longer for a partner to earn my trust and get to the heart...and some can't/won't take the time and I can't blame them either. Think they call it "baggage"....lol (hey...at least I'll admit it)

(in reply to cuddleheart50)

Post #: 57

RE: Hurt Feelings - 7/24/2006 12:18:07 PM

babysburnin

Posts: 421
Joined: 2/16/2006
Status: offline

Great post and thread Cuddleheart,

People who don't know me well would assume that I am sensitive to others, but confident in myself - not easily hurt. As I've matured and become more secure in who I am, I am hurt less easily by those who are not close to me. I'm more inclined now to think, "Who the heck are YOU to judge me?" in those circumstances. But those who are close to me can still sting easily. Even when my Dom makes a suggestion as to how to I may improve...sometimes it hurts. As many have said, I do not wish to develop a thicker skin - being sensitive is part of who I am and makes me a better person. But there is a price. The skin doesn't get thicker, the heart just gets more guarded. I view it as gates to the inside of me. There are gates that need to be opened, one-by-one, to really get close.

_____________________________

-Babysburnin

"Love is, above all else, the gift of oneself."
- Jean Anouilh

"The highest proof of virtue is to possess boundless power without abusing it."
- Lord Macaulay

(in reply to cuddleheart50)

Post #: 58

RE: Hurt Feelings - 7/24/2006 1:19:30 PM

rick19

Posts: 98
Status: offline

I have very thick skin, but for some reason verbal humiliation (even me being the giver at times eventhough I consider myself a submissive) is a turn-on for me,

(in reply to cuddleheart50)

Post #: 59

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