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reticence -> RE: obey vs submit (7/22/2006 12:18:13 PM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: sublizzie
quote:
ORIGINAL: missturbation
That again is worrying, if someone did not respect my limits i would be out of there.
With respect are you not just repeating patterns of past abuse closing off and taking part in things which make you uncomfortable. Consensual abuse is never the less abuse.
I am very careful who I am in relationship with so that I do not have to deal with abuse of any kind. I am also careful who I "play" with because I want my limits respected. I'm really not going out and doing stupid things with anyone. I am also working through not disconnecting when I am in difficult situations.
But I am also aware that I can't be the only one who knows that there is within me the possibility to end up in a bad situation where the only way to deal with it is to disconnect. By asking my question about the difference between obeying and submitting, and using my own experiences as an example, I was hoping to get exactly this kind of discussion going.
One aspect of being on forums like this is helping lurkers, who seldom if ever post, find answers to questions they don't even know they have. It's not safe to play with people that you can't trust implicitly especially if you have the kind of background that includes abuse of any kind. People who've been abused can easily fall into the same kind of abuse patterns that they were in before. I am working hard to not do that. I am also very careful with any Doms that I talk with to weed out any who might find it amusing to push limits that could cause me to disconnect.
Lizzy
You are very right to keep that awareness, ask questions..and listen to your gut. It is a fine line we walk and learning to trust those that are trustworthy is difficult. When you do find that someone and can truly let go *smile* it is an amazing thing. There is a difference between letting go and disconnecting.. it can feel the same at first...that is when being with one who cares and has gained our trust comes in. I have been able to trust and do things that I would have not felt possible.
When I said sometimes we just have to do it, and the feelings will come, I meant it within that context, of a relationship with someone you trust and is trustworthy. Never would I suggest you just do something if it was against your gut feeling. We just have to remember that our gut feeling is usually in "hyper vigilence" mode.. and can hold us back out of fear. Only experience and time and finding one we can truly trust will mediate that "hyper vigilence"
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