RE: OWYN (Full Version)

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LilJuly76 -> RE: OWYN (8/24/2016 3:20:19 PM)

I blame the tingly genitals on BDSM porn.

I do laugh though when a player Dominant gets involved with an actual submissive and a do me sub gets involved with an actual Dominant that wants a D/s relationship, it makes for interesting posts.



WickedsDesire -> RE: OWYN (8/24/2016 3:49:22 PM)

I am - we all know this and there be many are nots my thoughts on utter shite and bullshit are well known..which you and a couple of others have had in the past have had a roblem with me stating my utter magnificence,

i feel sorry for any genuine men on these places and there are a few who buy into you attached whorebags density



ThatDizzyChick -> RE: OWYN (8/24/2016 7:44:24 PM)

Translation please?



bondageerone -> RE: OWYN (8/25/2016 2:50:08 AM)

Dear LP, I am a lesbian switch, and my whole philosophy has always been , pure mutual pleasure.
soooo who needs owyn.
ps you have been here 9 NINE years, still 45. meouw. xx Terri.



WhoreMods -> RE: OWYN (8/25/2016 5:16:39 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: ThatDizzyChick

Translation please?

Got me as well, though I think I understand the bit about roblem: it's properly "Rob Lim". I was at school with him...



MariaB -> RE: OWYN (8/25/2016 12:35:45 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: WhoreMods


quote:

ORIGINAL: ThatDizzyChick

Translation please?

Got me as well, though I think I understand the bit about roblem: it's properly "Rob Lim". I was at school with him...


[:D]



catize -> RE: OWYN (8/25/2016 3:52:21 PM)



Thank you, Lady Pact, for promoting the concept of responsibility for all involved!

Part of the problem occurs when a female submissive is too often treated in an infantile manner---and those of us who act like adults with brains are derided for not being submissive “enough”. I am not excusing those who fall for that, but they proceed even when the red flags are a-flying; and then cannot figure out what went wrong! Years ago I met a guy from another site for dinner. He spoke to me slowly and carefully as if I were mentally slow. I finally excused myself to use the ladies room, decided I was “too stupid” to find my way back to the table, left and drove home.

There are not many people on either side of the slash who know how to (or appreciate the importance of) negotiation. Part of negotiation is to ask to define their terminology, after all, one person's definition of dominance or submission may be another person's top or bottom. Or one's thoughts on what a 'pain slut' is may be my definition of a nice warm-up before we get to the good stuff. It does take experience to learn these things. And sometimes the learning curve is steep!

In my experience, too many folks are in too much of a hurry to get together; they don't want to 'waste time' with negotiations. “I just wanna have some fun!” they whine, and my reply is “so do I, that's why we need to figure out what will be fun for both of us!”



LilJuly76 -> RE: OWYN (8/25/2016 3:55:36 PM)

that's one of my main questions to define what Dominance and what submission is.



OsideGirl -> RE: OWYN (8/25/2016 4:18:38 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: catize




Part of the problem occurs when a female submissive is too often treated in an infantile manner---and those of us who act like adults with brains are derided for not being submissive “enough”.

I especially like the guys "I will make you into a better person", "I will control all aspects of your life" and I'm thinking 1) What makes you qualified to re-make my life? 2) No, there are aspects of my life that I will always control starting with my career and my family. It's even more entertaining when those comments come from some completely unkempt guy that looks like he's still living in Mom's basement. When you question them, you get the barrage of 'You're not a REAL submissive", "You'll never find someone" etc.




LilJuly76 -> RE: OWYN (8/25/2016 4:26:19 PM)

and don't forget the swearing and name calling when you try to stick up for yourself (happened to me lots by so called Dominant guys online)



catize -> RE: OWYN (8/25/2016 4:33:42 PM)

You are not a real submissive until some random guy tells you that you are not a REAL submissive!



DocStrange -> RE: OWYN (8/25/2016 4:35:01 PM)

LP,
I do love the concept. Not sure if am crazy about the acronym but that is my problem. Of course I am going to approach this from the sub side of things. I like that concept brings to light that the submissive does have say in the relationship. And that there should be active communication versus just "do what I say" mentality. I have seen so many newbies brainwashed by the internet crap, online chat rooms, etc.

I know it is important to go to live lunches, demos, events. But the reality is many start online first due to their shyness or just first exploring. The internet is an easy place to explore anonymously. Unfortunately this is where many of the fakes or clueless Doms hide out waiting for the next newbie to arrive. By the time the newbie makes it to a real live event, many have been brainwashed.

I am not sure if there is a way to intercept the online crap. But certainly education can occur at real live events.

Side Note:
I am not criticizing any legitimate Ds. I am sure it happens on the other side as well. Just sharing from my point of view and what I have seen and experienced.



OsideGirl -> RE: OWYN (8/25/2016 4:46:49 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: DocStrange


I know it is important to go to live lunches, demos, events. But the reality is many start online first due to their shyness or just first exploring. The internet is an easy place to explore anonymously. Unfortunately this is where many of the fakes or clueless Doms hide out waiting for the next newbie to arrive. By the time the newbie makes it to a real live event, many have been brainwashed.

I encountered plenty of guys that thought submissive meant stupid and easy at real life events. They actually far outnumbered the guys that I thought actually were really dominant.



needlesandpins -> RE: OWYN (8/26/2016 3:26:11 AM)

Let's face it, when it comes to a lot of these people they are very probably like my ex; they can't separate fantasy from real life. By that I mean that they've played out this thing in their heads to often to get their rocks off that they forget that in real life you just can't get the micro-managed BDSM Barbie and Ken already programmed with your every desire.

For very many of them they think they want the lifestyle because for basement Jack it's just like him having his Mum around, but he thinks he's also going to get on tap sex out of it. For some of the women, well we all know they're expecting Fifty shades of fantasy drivel, when in reality They're lucky if they can find someone that isn't already married and just looking to kick around a bit on the side.

For the actual life style people both sides have to wade through all these, the do-me-now's, do-me-this-way's, and pay-me-now's. Finding someone what really matches everything you want is the ultimate needle in the haystack.

Then of course it doesn't matter how honest you are about what you want, what you are, and what you don't want, you'll always get some arrogant arsehole telling you that you just don't know yourself well enough. That even though he's only been in your life for such a short time, he knows you far better than you know yourself.

Of course, what would I know though. I'm just a fake amongst the multitudes because I won't have sex with anything that happens to flap a psychotic cock in my direction [:D]

Needles



MariaB -> RE: OWYN (8/26/2016 3:39:11 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: OsideGirl


quote:

ORIGINAL: catize




Part of the problem occurs when a female submissive is too often treated in an infantile manner---and those of us who act like adults with brains are derided for not being submissive “enough”.

I especially like the guys "I will make you into a better person", "I will control all aspects of your life" and I'm thinking 1) What makes you qualified to re-make my life? 2) No, there are aspects of my life that I will always control starting with my career and my family. It's even more entertaining when those comments come from some completely unkempt guy that looks like he's still living in Mom's basement. When you question them, you get the barrage of 'You're not a REAL submissive", "You'll never find someone" etc.



Any of us with experience have had scenarios like this. Personally I find it entertaining and I love exchanging experiences with friends. [:D]




WhoreMods -> RE: OWYN (8/26/2016 4:10:56 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: needlesandpins
...anything that happens to flap a psychotic cock in my direction [:D]

[img]http://static.panoramio.com/photos/large/36024659.jpg[/img]



LilJuly76 -> RE: OWYN (8/26/2016 4:25:45 AM)

it does happen on the other side, not sure how often it happens. The one I'm involved with now, 5 years ago when I came along, he had another submissive, she was from Texas, she came up to our city to make a new life for herself because she didn't pay her taxes for years and she was escaping the Government, she was also collecting work disability from Texas and working another job here. He was involved with me at the same time. I'm in a circumstance where I can't live with a guy and he made a mistake after her suggestion of him moving in with her of doing so. She kicked him out when he wouldn't give her 10,000 to pay the US Government so she wouldn't go to jail. As you can imagine, he got rid of her after that.



needlesandpins -> RE: OWYN (8/26/2016 5:10:02 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: WhoreMods


quote:

ORIGINAL: needlesandpins
...anything that happens to flap a psychotic cock in my direction [:D]

[img]http://static.panoramio.com/photos/large/36024659.jpg[/img]


Ha, far more handsome than what usually lands in my inbox as an introductory photo.

Needles



Lucylastic -> RE: OWYN (8/26/2016 6:29:17 AM)

Right now, Im done with casual play(scening) the last time I played in public was with LP
sigh.
over a year ago.
Im not looking for another submissive right now until I get my life back to normal, it wouldnt be fair to them.
Im pretty much a relationship first and kink second person, I know I need that mental hook to arouse my brain. which is different to when I was out playing at clubs and events.
Not sharing expectations and forgoing negotiation is and was mostly the cause of my breakup with my ex.
I take partial responsibility, for not seeing it sooner. Boundaries were pushed and sulked about when brought up in discussion as to why they were a problem.
It took a LONG time to come to a head, I regret that, I should have explained Im too old and too damn stubborn to accept the bullshit anymore.




DaddySatyr -> RE: OWYN (8/26/2016 7:53:59 AM)


I've only "browsed" a few of the responses, here, but both Maria and Catize brought up interesting points to my mind.

I absolutely agree with Maria that we can "over share", in our particular setting. It's something that slapped me in the face, years ago. If I share too much with a submissive (I'm not speaking about sexual things, here. I'm speaking about dynamic-type things), I run the risk of "writing a script", whether we realize it or not.

Not only can that be anathema to a relationship as far as things getting "stale", awfully quickly, but it can provide a mechanism for a young lady who really isn't a match for me to pretend that she is.

I'm not saying I offer no information about myself. That would be counter-productive. I am saying that I tend not to try to lay out a "road map for all time", when we're still in the "getting-to-know-you" stage.

I love taking time (weeks; not hours, guys), getting to know a lady in very vanilla ways because there are always going to be indicators of D/s proclivities, if we know how to identify them.

That said, I have also established little "tests". I've mentioned this, here, before and got lambasted for it, but ... oh well!

In the course of getting to know a lady, I will share some of my likes and dislikes. One of my main ones is: I prefer a lady to not tie up her hair, in any way. I know some of those hairdos are nice. I get it, but unless it's a really formal affair (gown and gloves, ladies), I prefer that she just wear her hair down.

If I tell this to a lady on date two and on date three, she's still wearing her hair up ... well, she's "answering" me: "Sorry. I don't care enough about making you happy to just leave my hair alone, once I put down the brush and blow dryer." Message received. In this instance, I'm asking for LESS from her. Not doing something is pretty easy, really. I'm not asking her to go out of her way, in the slightest.

It's just a little thing, but it's very telling. Please notice: I didn't "order" her to wear her hair down. I told her that I find it very pleasing and she made a choice from there. It's a "signal" that she's smellin' what I'm cookin' or she's not.

Now, while all this is "nice", in the beginning, things take a turn, once she starts talking about giving herself to me. For me, this is where the "negotiation" really comes in, but, again: I'm not necessarily talking about the physical.

How does she feel about a guy that won't allow her abuse herself with drugs and alcohol? How am I defining "abuse"? What are her thoughts on children? What about one of us wanting to move one of our ailing parents into the house?

There's a metric shit-ton of things that people don't even bother with that can be relationship killers. Why are people in such a rush to just skip over them and "Well, I'll let future Michael worry about her love of venomous snakes." Bullshit on that. I don't want a surprise, a year down the road, when she wants a King Cobra.

As (I think) catize said: Why are people in such a damned hurry? If this really is going to be a lifetime relationship, shouldn't we try to see if we're compatible on the things that can come up in life (to the best of our ability to foresee them)?



Michael



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