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jlf1961 -> RE: The flaws of being Mr. Niceguy or, if you are a gentleman, you be fucked (9/6/2016 12:05:37 PM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: NookieNotes
quote:
ORIGINAL: MrRodgers
Except that being a nice person of either sex should be the pre...sumption and that's not most of the premise in your original post. I've always felt to let people hang themselves on their own petard...if there is one. Judgment must await any attending behaviors and quite a few that need time and a thorough understanding before one decides on any ulterior motives and even then, could still be a misinterpretation.
One's over all behavior is the key and one should never allow any presumptions of any ulterior motive, to cloud any judgments. To me, energy and other otherwise vague subjectivities are poison to knowing really what is in another's mind and yes...even their hearts.
You're missing the point.
We're not talking about actual nice people. We're talking about the self-proclaimed "nice guys," like the OP. Those who whine about being passed by, even though they are so awesome, so nice, and women tell them they would love a guys "just like them" all the time.
So yeah, people should be genuinely nice and caring. That was actually a part of the conversation that you missed—where the distinction was made between Nice Guys (NGs) and Genuine Guys (GGs).
As far as presumptions. Again, if you'd read what I wrote and what others, including Greta write, you will see that we are not presuming. We are sensing, and eventually being proven right. That's why nice guys have to complain. Because it's clear to the rest of us where their motives lie.
Nookie, I believe you missed a key point I made in the initial post.
I have been hearing the "my boyfriend turned out to be a douche/bastard" from this particular female friend for 10 fucking years. Always with the same bullshit line.
The fact that she knows "guys like me" works with them either directly or in conjunction with her job (attorney) you would think that if she really wanted a nice guy that was not going to fuck around on her, she would have found one by now.
I hear her complain about men at least three fucking times a year, hence the statement, she does not want a nice guy, or even a loyal one, she is perfectly fine hooking up with assholes.
After the last time I heard the sob story, I did make it clear I was interested in her as something more than a friend. When she began dating her latest douche bag, I figured oh well.
The sad part of this is that it IS a common part of many stand up routines, because it happens so fucking often it is not even funny.
In fact, the current dating scene is such a screwed up mess, that I personally dont, dont actively seek relationships or sex, simply because of the bullshit.
I have seen many women on this site bitch about either the guy does not want to commit or wants to commit too damn fast.
I will carry my personal thoughts a bit further.
I suffer ptsd, combat related, and wake up from fucking nightmares in a cold sweat and often yelling at the top of my lungs.
There is no way in hell I would want any woman to have to deal with shit that I dont talk about outside a vet support group and my shrink's office.
It is the primary reason I have Kera, she is an instinctive therapy dog.
Lets put it this way, I own guns, and I keep a pistol loaded in the house. That weapon however is located in a three finger pressure lock box that is not in my room. Hell to even get to the damn thing I would have to be fully awake.
And before you say something about sleep walkers can do some complicated shit (I know this from personal experience) I would first have to get past a 100 pound wolf hybrid that wont even let me go to the fucking bathroom at night without scratching her belly.
So her statement is wrong on two counts.
One: She knows nice guys professionally, from church, etc. and has turned god knows how many down when they have asked her on a date.
Two: While yes, I would (if I had better control of my demons) love a life long relationship with this woman other than friendship, I am not going to pursue her.
Hell, due to consulting work I do, I know most of the people she works with. To be honest, we have all heard her bitch about the guys she dates.
So, I submit, if she has been telling me various versions of the same story for 10 years, she does not want a nice guy, she is perfectly happy picking douche bags.
I also submit that if I have been hearing the same line for 10 years, what was wrong with me seeking to deepen the relationship?
To be perfectly honest, most of the women my age are like my sisters. Hell they called my mom "mom" before she passed away. I am perfectly happy with the arrangement. Their kids call me "Uncle Jeff" which in a few cases gets some raised eyebrows from people when I am introduced that way.
And I am on the emergency contact list for about half the kids at their schools.
Hell, when I had an arterial bypass done in my right leg, my biggest kick was the nurses complaining about the fact that when these women visited, they brought pizza, cookies, jalapeno poppers, basically everything I was told I could not have immediately after my surgery.
The 'sister' I refer to in some of my posts is one of these women, her grandson calls me poppop or uncle jeff (depending on his mood) and to even think of her in any other manner is uncomfortable to say the least.
So it is just one woman, who has shown up at my house at all hours of the day or night, always with the same story, and always with the same line.
And yes, it is funny when it seems to be a common problem in today's single scene.
There is always that one guy that is 'big brother' who is always there to hear the most recent sob story about the current asshole.
And always with the same line, and always she goes out to find some other douche bag.
Hell, I introduced her to a guy I know that is so freaking nice, he blushes when a woman even talks to him about anything other than work, sports or safe subjects.
I would trust him with my daughter.
She turned him down flat saying he was "too nice."
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