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Ownership - 7/22/2006 2:56:21 PM

RavenMuse

Posts: 4030
Joined: 1/23/2006
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OK was thinking about responding to the 'kinks top three' thread in silly polls forum and it sparked off this particular train of thought.
DISCLAMER: Written from MY PoV.... 24/7 TPE M/s focused relationship and predominantly aimed at others of the M/s mindset. YMMV

Many there, predominantly subs, list 'control' as their #1 choise. This seemed natural, till I came to think about my own responce. 'control' didn't fit with what I feel. It isn't the core of it, part of it, yes, but not the core. The only term that fits is 'Ownership'

1. Control on its own isn't enough. Sure it is fun, sure it brings pleasure, but alone, it is shallow. When I was in Management I had a lot of control over my team of workers. But that was nothing like I have in my relationship. And it isn't simply the inclusion of the sexual or kink aspect that makes the diffrence.

2. submission. There is something very special about someone giving themself to you totaly, being focused on your pleasure and THAT being their main motivation. That being their main 'reward'. Part is also the level of trust that is built and then expressed in the level of submission given.

3. Responcibility. Another thing I got as a Manager, but in a TPE D/s relationship it is tenfold. I don't just have to ensure she compleats a task to schedual, don't just have to ensure she has the right training in order to function better in one role, don't just have to monitor her interaction with a small group of people and ensure she is doing so healthily, don't just have to monitor stress factors in the work place and ensure what can't be avoided is coped with in a healthy fashion.... These are ALL parts of it, but over her entire scope of her life.

It isn't micromanagement, because if something is running smoothly then you don't have to fix it, but you still have responcibility for it... if it goes wrong, you do step upto the plate and make it better.

What else constitutes 'ownership' to you, what other aspects fullfills you and makes you choose this kind of life?

_____________________________

This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.

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RE: Ownership - 7/22/2006 4:16:32 PM

juliaoceania

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Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
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Respectfully asked, isn't there a difference between a kink and a relationship style? Control is a kink, being a submissive to my dominant is not a kink... just a thought

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RE: Ownership - 7/22/2006 4:58:45 PM

Caretakr

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Ownership is just a managment arrangement.

It's all of the other weird stuff people attach to it, that makes it confusing.

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RE: Ownership - 7/22/2006 5:20:12 PM

petslavenj

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Joined: 6/3/2006
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This is an interesting question that i needed to take time to think about. In my own situation, being owned meant giving up my own identity. i signed everything over that was in my name, so all property was taken from me, not just my person. But there is something deeper than that. Lovey, my beloved in the picture on my profile, has always been my most cherished pet. She is at my side always. Even in death over the last year, she did everything in her power to please me. In turn, i made sure she was always at my side. i spoiled her rotten and i ensured that her every required need was met. The relationship was extreme in bond and connection. That is what i have with my Owner. He owns everything about me, my goal is to please Him and be at His side, and He cares for me as His most valued possession. He believes in me, works through my difficulties, protects me, and has improved me beyond words. He understands me like no other. He has provided training and stretched my edges. So, for me, it is far more than a management style.

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RE: Ownership - 7/22/2006 5:59:17 PM

LuckyAlbatross

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Joined: 10/25/2005
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Ownership to me simply means that one person agrees that they are the owner and the other person agrees they are the owned.

Put on whatever romantic flavors of "slave heart" and such or anything else, but generally, it's just that the people involved feel that ownership is the right way to describe their dynamic.

On general terms, I think it's about the same as Master/slave with an added objectification thread running through the foundation of the interactions between those involved.

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RE: Ownership - 7/22/2006 6:26:23 PM

peta

Posts: 29
Joined: 7/20/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: RavenMuse

OK was thinking about responding to the 'kinks top three' thread in silly polls forum and it sparked off this particular train of thought.
DISCLAMER: Written from MY PoV.... 24/7 TPE M/s focused relationship and predominantly aimed at others of the M/s mindset. YMMV

Many there, predominantly subs, list 'control' as their #1 choise. This seemed natural, till I came to think about my own responce. 'control' didn't fit with what I feel. It isn't the core of it, part of it, yes, but not the core. The only term that fits is 'Ownership'

1. Control on its own isn't enough. Sure it is fun, sure it brings pleasure, but alone, it is shallow. When I was in Management I had a lot of control over my team of workers. But that was nothing like I have in my relationship. And it isn't simply the inclusion of the sexual or kink aspect that makes the diffrence.

2. submission. There is something very special about someone giving themself to you totaly, being focused on your pleasure and THAT being their main motivation. That being their main 'reward'. Part is also the level of trust that is built and then expressed in the level of submission given.

3. Responcibility. Another thing I got as a Manager, but in a TPE D/s relationship it is tenfold. I don't just have to ensure she compleats a task to schedual, don't just have to ensure she has the right training in order to function better in one role, don't just have to monitor her interaction with a small group of people and ensure she is doing so healthily, don't just have to monitor stress factors in the work place and ensure what can't be avoided is coped with in a healthy fashion.... These are ALL parts of it, but over her entire scope of her life.

It isn't micromanagement, because if something is running smoothly then you don't have to fix it, but you still have responcibility for it... if it goes wrong, you do step upto the plate and make it better.

What else constitutes 'ownership' to you, what other aspects fullfills you and makes you choose this kind of life?

Ownership leaves no doubt about who is in charge IMHO.

I am not into all the romantic notions I often here. I feel fulfilled when I am owned. When I actually feel the reality of being OWNED. It is not easily found nor should it be, but when found I will not be afraid to cling to it HARD.

I chose this life because it is the one lifestyle that really lets me just be me. Strange I know!! lol

peta

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RE: Ownership - 7/22/2006 7:16:28 PM

popeye1250

Posts: 18104
Joined: 1/27/2006
From: New Hampshire
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To me anyway, I "control" a submissive but if the relationship moves along and that *submissive* and I want her to be my *Collared slave* then that's where the "ownership" comes in.
I think you can have a submissive living with you and not "own" her or just be seeing each other in either one's home but unless to me anyway, she is my "Collared slave" I do not "own" her.
I consider a Collar to be "forever" just like marriage.
And once she accepts my Collar it is not "mutual consent" that rules but my wishes only.
But, I think that's the difference between being a submissive and a slave. Two different things!

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RE: Ownership - 7/23/2006 2:31:37 AM

nephandi

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To me being owned is a sort of need of who i am so that when it comes i will feel more whole, it is not a kink, that i feel turned on by wearing cheap, espeicialy 80`s style jewlery is a kink, being submissive and have a need to be owned is just me.

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RE: Ownership - 7/23/2006 3:00:35 AM

RavenMuse

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Joined: 1/23/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania
Respectfully asked, isn't there a difference between a kink and a relationship style? Control is a kink, being a submissive to my dominant is not a kink... just a thought

That was part of my point and why I ended up posting here rather than in the thread about kink. Control for me isn't kink, it is just part of ownership and that is relationship style and way of life.

_____________________________

This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.

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RE: Ownership - 7/23/2006 3:04:33 AM

Focus50

Posts: 3962
Joined: 12/28/2004
From: Newcastle, Australia
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I generally disagree with what I've been reading about 'control' in this thread. To me it's the core dynamic that makes ours a unique and alternative lifestyle. To be more accurate, it's a dynamic of *unequal* control that makes D/s work - it's what separates a working D/s or M/s relationship from mere enjoyment of physical kink. Ownership is simply taking control to the next level....

Managing is having authority over others, which doesn't necessarily equate to control over them at all, so I don't see a valid comparison between occupational management and a D/s or M/s dynamic.

I'm with the subs who apparently list 'control' as main choice - it's mostly what defines a D/s - M/s relationship (in an unequal context) as opposed to supposedly egalitarian nilla relationships....

Focus.

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RE: Ownership - 7/23/2006 3:09:43 AM

Lordandmaster

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Well, maybe I'm missing something, but "ownership" isn't very hard to define, is it? You own something when it is your property, when you are free to use it as you wish. You are owned when someone else has that power over you.

(That's why I don't believe a slave can ordinarily have two owners, by the way, but I don't want to open that can of worms. I suppose there is such a thing as joint ownership, but sole clear title has always been my M.O.)

quote:

ORIGINAL: RavenMuse

What else constitutes 'ownership' to you, what other aspects fullfills you and makes you choose this kind of life?

< Message edited by Lordandmaster -- 7/23/2006 3:10:12 AM >

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RE: Ownership - 7/23/2006 9:01:31 AM

perverseangelic

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Joined: 2/2/2004
From: Davis, Ca
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For us, owner/owned is a way of describing our relationship without the baggage that master/slave or dominant/submissive has. We've found that describing oursevles using the later terms tends to create a whole lot of expectations in other people about the way our relationship works and the way both of us behave that simply doesn't apply to us. In using owner/owned we're able to fairly consicely explain how our relationship works, without all the connotations that go with most terms.

For us, it boils down to the fact that I'm his to do what he wants with, period. It makes no comment on our... protocals...or the way we address each other. It simply sums up the way things are structred in our relationship.

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