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RE: Aftercare - when to offer it and how much? - 7/23/2006 8:01:16 PM   
ownedgirlie


Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Lordandmaster

I just hope everyone understands that there are different modes of aftercare, and it doesn't have to be warm and fuzzy and touchy-feely.  The same mode of aftercare isn't right for everyone.


In total agreement here.  Thank you for pointing that out. Mine is generally not the warm fuzzies. Additionally, there have been circumstances when no immediate after care at all was possible.  I have been taught to recover on my own when necessary, and if I have struggled, we can talk about it later.

(in reply to Lordandmaster)
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RE: Aftercare - when to offer it and how much? - 7/23/2006 8:03:27 PM   
ownedgirlie


Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressSassy66

quote:

ORIGINAL: Lordandmaster

I just hope everyone understands that there are different modes of aftercare, and it doesn't have to be warm and fuzzy and touchy-feely.  The same mode of aftercare isn't right for everyone.



Exactly My thoughts.
And want to add there doesnt always have to be aftercare.Sometimes its more of
a get grounded thing,which for Mine is just sitting doing relaxed breathing.

~chuckles~ I think we were posting at the same time...saying close to the same thing.

(in reply to MistressSassy66)
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RE: Aftercare - when to offer it and how much? - 7/23/2006 8:29:08 PM   
Nalta


Posts: 38
Joined: 6/22/2006
Status: offline 		though I'm a bit new to this whole thing, I would have a very very very hard time withholding after care. in fact, I could not think of a time in which I would want to.

(in reply to MistressSassy66)
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RE: Aftercare - when to offer it and how much? - 7/24/2006 2:46:15 AM   
Focus50


Posts: 3962
Joined: 12/28/2004
From: Newcastle, Australia
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SweetSerendipity

quote:

ORIGINAL: Focus50

Aftercare is subjective and relevant to what's brought on the need for it.  I like administering aftercare, it allows it's own unique closeness with my girl....  I never deliberately withold it nor do I make light of whether it's needed or not.
 
Focus.


Focus,

So you discuss the needs and ways of it with your girl?

Of course - like LA said; everyone is different.  Sub-drop especially hits different subs in different ways and at different times.  I have my own needs regarding it, too, as I enjoy quiet time together afterwards - usually the next day....
 
Focus.

(in reply to SweetSerendipity)
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RE: Aftercare - when to offer it and how much? - 7/24/2006 9:56:02 AM   
littleone35


Posts: 2828
Joined: 2/17/2005
Status: offline 		I need the warm and fuzzy "touchy-feely" after care i need to be snuggled close wrapped tightly in his arms.  mmmm makes me feel so good.

Matt's littleone

(in reply to Focus50)
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RE: Aftercare - when to offer it and how much? - 7/24/2006 11:15:37 AM   
MistressSassy66


Posts: 1675
Joined: 11/5/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: ownedgirlie

quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressSassy66

quote:

ORIGINAL: Lordandmaster

I just hope everyone understands that there are different modes of aftercare, and it doesn't have to be warm and fuzzy and touchy-feely.  The same mode of aftercare isn't right for everyone.



Exactly My thoughts.
And want to add there doesnt always have to be aftercare.Sometimes its more of
a get grounded thing,which for Mine is just sitting doing relaxed breathing.

~chuckles~ I think we were posting at the same time...saying close to the same thing.




Its the Great Minds think alike syndrome...LOL

_____________________________

Mistress Sassy

http://www.mistresssassy.com

In the Immortal Words of Bob....Fuck the dumb shit.

"I love you not only for what you are,But for what I am when I'm with you."- Opening line from a poem by Roy Croft

(in reply to ownedgirlie)
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RE: Aftercare - when to offer it and how much? - 7/24/2006 7:57:28 PM   
ownedgirlie


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quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressSassy66
Its the Great Minds think alike syndrome...LOL

~Grins~
Indeed :)

(in reply to MistressSassy66)
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RE: Aftercare - when to offer it and how much? - 7/24/2006 8:10:29 PM   
SweetSerendipity


Posts: 46
Joined: 6/6/2005
Status: offline 		If I correctly understand what I was told...Sadists don't do aftercare and Masochists don't need it? It may have been intended to be a situation only to that person, but I would love to hear from some S & M players out there to get their thoughts?

Blessed BE

(in reply to ownedgirlie)
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RE: Aftercare - when to offer it and how much? - 7/24/2006 8:14:12 PM   
mnottertail


Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline 		No rest for the wicked; and the righteous don't need any.

Selah,

Ron


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(in reply to SweetSerendipity)
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RE: Aftercare - when to offer it and how much? - 7/24/2006 8:26:25 PM   
DominaRava


Posts: 76
Status: offline
quote:

If I correctly understand what I was told...Sadists don't do aftercare and Masochists don't need it? It may have been intended to be a situation only to that person, but I would love to hear from some S & M players out there to get their thoughts?


'taint necessarily so.  (jumping right in here)  Sadistic or not, sometimes things just have to be taken care of.  Even a true masochist needs wounds and/or abrasions cared for afterwards.  Yes, aftercare. 
When in a pure Sadistic frame of mind, I do remember: ..."If you break your toys, you don't have them to play with later."  That isn't to say the sting of alcohol on a scrape and the flinch that may go with it isn't enjoyed, but this too is aftercare.  It depends on the person, as in all facets of all things.

*here's my nickel, too bad it's wooden*

(in reply to SweetSerendipity)
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RE: Aftercare - when to offer it and how much? - 7/24/2006 9:04:42 PM   
PlayfulOne


Posts: 1047
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SweetSerendipity

If I correctly understand what I was told...Sadists don't do aftercare and Masochists don't need it? It may have been intended to be a situation only to that person, but I would love to hear from some S & M players out there to get their thoughts?

Blessed BE


Sadist or not when things are over I take care of  what is mine.  She responsds to things differently so I just pay attention  to her and gauge what is needed from there.  How much?  As much as she needs.

K



(in reply to SweetSerendipity)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: Aftercare - when to offer it and how much? - 7/24/2006 9:19:12 PM   
SexyRed


Posts: 529
Joined: 8/19/2004
Status: offline 		As I read this, I am very sad when I realize that I never really got aftercare from my ex, and that was some of the most intense scenes I have ever experienced.

Now I know why I am not with him now, but it still hurts to think about it. He always said the same thing afterwards, what is the problem, you loved it, you came.

I long for the day when I meet a true Dom who knows the value of afterare after intensity.

_____________________________

A trucker will slow down for a blonde, stop for a brunette, but back up 500 yards for a redhead!


(in reply to MistressSassy66)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: Aftercare - when to offer it and how much? - 7/25/2006 7:42:29 AM   
dincubus


Posts: 231
Joined: 10/22/2005
From: South Dakota
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SweetSerendipity

Dear Masters and Mistresses,

I have a question on aftercare. I have no doubt that there are many threads in the archives, but I would like your personal responses, as everyone may have different thoughts. When do you find it most important to provide aftercare for your submissive? How do you know when it is enough? Is there a time when you would deliberately withhold it...after punishment or during training? Thank you in advance for your time and attention.


I personally offer aftercare, if it is talking, snuggling or cuddling after every scene that we do.  It is something that i find is definately needed no matter how intense the scene may be. It is just how i am

(in reply to SweetSerendipity)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: Aftercare - when to offer it and how much? - 7/25/2006 8:43:35 AM   
Tamerofwild1s


Posts: 1765
Joined: 12/5/2004
Status: offline 		many times when scening I will offer after care . sometimes I will give the slave time to come down or float down from her space and regain herself then talk with her about her experience ... I do this alot during training as well ..... so she understands what happened and why ... discipline time is different . if she is being disciplined she will be left for a period of time to reflect on what got her in the situation she is in . then talking is done ...... there are times where I after a strong session will hold her close andlet her know how well she did and thatshe is appreciated for doing it .. like LaM said everything is different and notalways the warm fuzzies ..... and if the way your after care is givin then you need to speak with your Dom about it . if it isn't what you want maybe you should just be friends with him/her

_____________________________

A building get torched. All that is left is ashes. I used to think that it is true about everything - family, friends, feelings - but now I know that sometimes if love proves real, and two people are meant to be together, nothing can keep them apart ~

(in reply to dincubus)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: Aftercare - when to offer it and how much? - 7/25/2006 9:50:08 AM   
afeathr


Posts: 248
Joined: 6/1/2006
From: Southern California
Status: offline 		Aftercare is subjective.  Sir uses several different types with me, and I know that what we do is as much for *Him* as for me.  After punishment, I don't get cuddled.  He grabs me by the back of the head and instills his rule to me again.  Then, it's over.  I am good with that because it's punishment.  After a scene, we cuddle, talk, fantasize, discuss... it depends on what came of the scening and how I responded and how He wanted me to respond.  We do not scene everytime we have sex so, that's a different mode as well... it's all subjective to the situation.

I would not, however, recommend withholding aftercare that is expected since that becomes part of what many subs look forward to with their Dom/Master.  If it's withheld, I could see how it would be perceived as a serious punishment that might create friction.  I can't imagine that anyone would want to bring that about intentionally from their sub, especially if she has been a 'good girl.'  Mixed signals are a sure way to create problems for many subs, especially if the communication factor is not at it's utmost.

(in reply to MistressSassy66)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: Aftercare - when to offer it and how much? - 7/25/2006 11:48:45 AM   
MistressSassy66


Posts: 1675
Joined: 11/5/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SweetSerendipity

If I correctly understand what I was told...Sadists don't do aftercare and Masochists don't need it? It may have been intended to be a situation only to that person, but I would love to hear from some S & M players out there to get their thoughts?

Blessed BE



Sometimes after some extreme spanking /whipping some soft touches and comments that reassure can be a great way to lengthen a scene.
While they enjoy the pain,some need to know that are pleasing Misstress/Master.

_____________________________

Mistress Sassy

http://www.mistresssassy.com

In the Immortal Words of Bob....Fuck the dumb shit.

"I love you not only for what you are,But for what I am when I'm with you."- Opening line from a poem by Roy Croft

(in reply to SweetSerendipity)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: Aftercare - when to offer it and how much? - 7/25/2006 1:19:41 PM   
MIslostsoul


Posts: 43
Joined: 7/23/2006
Status: offline 		I have been in play groups where if more than one girl is owned then one of the other girls may be the one supplying aftercare. I am bi so on a few occasions having that soft body there is better for me than it being him. But also that was his call to make. 

(in reply to MistressSassy66)
Profile   Post #: 37
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