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Wants vs. Needs - 10/21/2016 11:30:56 PM   
tamaka


Posts: 5079
Status: offline 		Is your dominance or submission (whichever applies) a want or a need? How do you know?
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RE: Wants vs. Needs - 10/21/2016 11:44:36 PM   
Alecta


Posts: 1355
Joined: 1/19/2010
Status: offline 		It is an incidental.

(in reply to tamaka)
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RE: Wants vs. Needs - 10/22/2016 12:30:06 AM   
DaddySatyr


Posts: 9381
Joined: 8/29/2011
From: Pittston, Pennsyltucky
Status: offline
I'm not sure it falls into either group. I am who I am and, while I tend to "take stock", every once in a while, the way I conduct my relationships hasn't changed much in thirty years or so.



Michael

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RE: Wants vs. Needs - 10/22/2016 1:58:27 AM   
BitaTruble


Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: tamaka

Is your dominance or submission (whichever applies) a want or a need? How do you know?

I don't need it to survive but I want to thrive...eventually..and thats the most effective means since it is what comes most naturally. I know because I have had 56 years of practice being me.

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Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."


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RE: Wants vs. Needs - 10/22/2016 5:02:00 AM   
Kaliko


Posts: 3381
Joined: 9/25/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: tamaka

Is your dominance or submission (whichever applies) a want or a need? How do you know?



I don't need to be a submissive in a relationship or actively engaging in being submissive to survive, so it's not a need as I consider needs to be food, shelter, heat, etc. But like BitaTruble, if I want to thrive, then submission is one way (but not the only way) I am pushed to grow.

However, apart from deliberately putting myself within a defined structure in which I am the submissive, submission is neither a want nor a need. I simply am submissive, just like I am my many other sterling personality traits. I'd like to think I'm not hostage to any of them, but I suspect that's not actually true.

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RE: Wants vs. Needs - 10/22/2016 8:31:36 AM   
sloguy02246


Posts: 534
Joined: 11/5/2011
Status: offline 		FR -

I tend to think of such things as a hierarchy: starting with basic needs (air, water, food, shelter, etc.) then up to higher needs (education, intellectual stimulation, physical and emotional closeness), then into wants (wealth, physical possessions, the perfect partner, etc.).

Or if you prefer: "gotta have," then "wanna have," and then "sure would be nice to have."

(in reply to Kaliko)
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RE: Wants vs. Needs - 10/22/2016 10:06:16 AM   
WickedsDesire


Posts: 9362
Joined: 11/4/2015
Status: offline 		I want and need cuddles, sex, ravishment, theiving of body heat etc, and I do prefer them eccentric - someone who i want to put a belt around creatures throat - better I not go into that kinda stuff.

I simply want it all.
Anything less is nothing.
But make no mistake that makes for a lonely existance

What do people want, desire is a more interesting question and why. Do they even know?

wicked actually does have 3 cats and a hot water bottle ;)

(in reply to sloguy02246)
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RE: Wants vs. Needs - 10/22/2016 10:54:40 AM   
ThatDizzyChick


Posts: 5490
Status: offline 		Kinda both, but mostly a want

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RE: Wants vs. Needs - 10/22/2016 10:58:58 AM   
Greta75


Posts: 9968
Joined: 2/6/2011
Status: offline 		For me, I feel it's a need. I put it on the level of food and water to survive.
I also consider sex a basic necessity of my life.

Food and Water just keeps you literally alive but it doesn't make you feel alive or happy. If you are not happy, life becomes irrelevant.

Being able to meet someone I feel submissive towards, makes me happy because it's so rare.

Anything that makes me happy is a need to me.

< Message edited by Greta75 -- 10/22/2016 11:01:15 AM >

(in reply to tamaka)
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RE: Wants vs. Needs - 10/22/2016 11:42:39 AM   
kiwisub22


Posts: 450
Joined: 7/16/2016
Status: offline 		Dominance/submission isn't on Maslow's Hierarchy of needs - therefore submission/ masochism is a want.

And since I didn't keel over dead when my Sir died I would make the point that want is more accurate than need. All the rest is hyperbole......

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RE: Wants vs. Needs - 10/22/2016 12:14:12 PM   
tamaka


Posts: 5079
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Greta75

For me, I feel it's a need. I put it on the level of food and water to survive.
I also consider sex a basic necessity of my life.

Food and Water just keeps you literally alive but it doesn't make you feel alive or happy. If you are not happy, life becomes irrelevant.

Being able to meet someone I feel submissive towards, makes me happy because it's so rare.

Anything that makes me happy is a need to me.


Yes i understand all too well what you mean. For me, my health gets affected because i actually have bad things happen to my body and mind when i am not in a healthy D/s relationship. And i also feel like i have no way to truly self- actualize as my true self without a Master.

(in reply to Greta75)
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RE: Wants vs. Needs - 10/22/2016 12:36:25 PM   
ohthat1percent


Posts: 167
Joined: 9/24/2016
Status: offline 		I tend to be different from many people - for me, it is not about my submission at all. I don't pay attention to it at all. I survive and thrive fine without being submissive in my life so for me -- its not a want or a need.

For me, to thrive, its about I need his domination, control and authority. My submission is a result of that. I need that from him to thrive in a relationship. For so long I kept trying to define submission and utterly failed miserably at that. Then I finally realized, it is about what I need from him. I cannot manifest the submission without his domination, and his domination determines how my submission is manifested.

Moreso, I need his dominance to be a natural internalization that simply manifests itself in how he lives his life, including but not limited to how he incorporates his woman into his life.

< Message edited by ohthat1percent -- 10/22/2016 12:40:16 PM >

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RE: Wants vs. Needs - 10/22/2016 12:38:52 PM   
tamaka


Posts: 5079
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: kiwisub22

Dominance/submission isn't on Maslow's Hierarchy of needs - therefore submission/ masochism is a want.


Sure it is... dominance/submission is a "how to" for some people to achieve their basic drives (need for safety, intimate relationships, self- actualization).

(in reply to kiwisub22)
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RE: Wants vs. Needs - 10/22/2016 12:41:18 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		I don't need it to live but I do need it in my relationships to feel fulfilled.

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RE: Wants vs. Needs - 10/22/2016 12:44:17 PM   
ohthat1percent


Posts: 167
Joined: 9/24/2016
Status: offline 		tamaka, for me, you are absolutely correct. Most people have domination and submission in their lives and it manifests itself naturally within their relationships and they've never even come across the concept of "BDSM" D/s that some people seek as a definition of their relationship. Its an internal need many don't even acknowledge but they seek it naturally.

D/s and what it naturally entails has been around since the beginning of time naturally existing in the sexes.

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A dominant man is not a man who is content to simply receive submission; a dominant man is not so obliging.

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RE: Wants vs. Needs - 10/22/2016 1:17:04 PM   
needlesandpins


Posts: 3901
Status: offline 		I spent 16 years in a relationship with a man that would have told you I was a Domme because I would never have given him my submissive side, and yet I am truly a Switch ... with the right person. However, I would never make a full submissive, nor slave for someone.

Having someone to give my submissive self too was a lovely thing to have for a time, but most certainly not a need.

Needles

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I deserved better. Not than you, but from you.

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RE: Wants vs. Needs - 10/22/2016 2:08:54 PM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		The personality thing aside, I only consider it a want.

How do I know? I base that on the fact that I don't miss it when I don't have it (other than the random thought) and I don't feel it's a necessity in my primary relationship. I'm the same way about subjects like kink and poly. I wouldn't be poly if it weren't for the kink. Even though I play quite a bit, there have been several periods over the years (usually associated with a cross country move) that I didn't engage in anything for months at a time. If anything, I start missing the social aspects of the kink community and the parts associated with leather first. I'd miss the toy collection if I sold it off.


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RE: Wants vs. Needs - 10/22/2016 3:59:10 PM   
DocStrange


Posts: 1076
Joined: 6/10/2015
Status: offline 		For me it is simply a want.

Whether it is a want or a need really makes no difference to me. I am of the attitude that one should enjoy life. I do not focus on the negative things in life or the things I cannot have. I focus on the things in life that are enjoyable and do have. Whether that be enjoying the rays of sunshine on a park bench on a Saturday morning or enjoying subspace in a tight inflatable rubber mummy bag for the night :)

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RE: Wants vs. Needs - 10/22/2016 4:21:13 PM   
littleclip


Posts: 869
Joined: 5/31/2012
Status: offline 		for me it is a want. what I get from it when it does happen is such a wonderful thing I do seek it out. I am poly and enjoy serving providing for my owner and helping where I can making her life easier. the endorphin rush from play is very intoxicating so something I would seek out eagerly. I have missed playing for months at a time or more I do miss it when I go without at time my wife will tell me to go have my owner beat me to get my head straight. I prefer it to my adhd meds

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RE: Wants vs. Needs - 10/22/2016 6:19:31 PM   
kiwisub22


Posts: 450
Joined: 7/16/2016
Status: offline 		I have to admit to being somewhat concrete in my thinking - when I think of a need I think of something that will keep me alive - food, water, shelter and so on.
Anything else is a want for me.

Relationships are a want. I spent 10 years where my only relationship was with my kids, and was fairly happy. Ish.

Wants vs. needs would definitely depend on how you define the terms.

(in reply to littleclip)
Profile   Post #: 20
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