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RE: Dominants that are sexual prudes - 10/25/2016 11:57:42 AM   
WickedsDesire


Posts: 9362
Joined: 11/4/2015
Status: offline 		Greta75 after all these years there must be one person that can vouch for your fuking mess according to you...parade him/her before us and a reality - i wager you canoot

(in reply to Greta75)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: Dominants that are sexual prudes - 10/25/2016 11:58:56 AM   
Wayward5oul


Posts: 3314
Joined: 11/9/2014
Status: offline 		This guy is judgmental and a domass. From the context you gave us, I agree that he was using the word 'slut' as an insult.

However, I question this statement you made:
quote:

ORIGINAL: Greta75
But totally don't understand this from people into kink! The fact that one is into kink gotta be some what sexually mature about sex but it's just amazing. And I think I will always be amazed at it.


All of your statements together seem to imply that kinky = casual, and someone who doesn't expect things to be that way are doing it wrong.

Holding mature viewpoints about sexuality does not equal being casual with one's own sexuality. Yes, there are a lot more people in the kink world that are in open relationships, poly, whatever. And yes, that is accepted by most people involved in kink. But that does not mean that women who are into kink will spread their legs to any man just because they feel free to do so. There are lots of women in the kink community that are monogamous, and even when not in a relationship they don't jump into bed with just anyone. Implying that they do is enabling all the domasses that email women asking to fuck, because they automatically think that if a woman is on a kink site then she must be whore.



(in reply to Greta75)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: Dominants that are sexual prudes - 10/25/2016 12:23:51 PM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Greta75

I think it's prudish, considering the man claims to have a whole dungeon in his home, with whips, chains, and basically everything.
You're comparing apples to oranges. Just because he's into kink doesn't mean he's into promiscuity.


quote:

So is he looking for a virgin to enslave?


Again, jumping to conclusions. Wanting a partner that isn't promiscuous and shows discretion in how she has sex and with whom, doesn't mean he wants a virgin.


I agree that calling you a slut wasn't needed....but with this site, that's not shocking.

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RE: Dominants that are sexual prudes - 10/25/2016 12:24:16 PM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Greta75
But to me, if you are okay with a man who have multiple lovers. You aren't a prude. The only difference is, he has regular multiple lovers that he exclusively see. But end of the day also, with poly, there is always the possibility of bringing another to increase the numbers and then continue seeing these group of people over and over again. The key is "multiple".

To me, it's practically the same thing. I have regular fuck buddies that I see regularly. One for 4 years, one for 2 years. A few for 1 or 2 years until they relocated. Reoccuring people. I just don't process it as poly as we don't have exclusivity clause I guess.

I'm more in tune with those who have their sexual encounters within the relationship and/or dynamic format. Some people add in FWB or 'buddies' in with poly as well. They can most certainly do that. Poly-fi tends to be more closed poly, where it's more that people only have sex within a certain group, and that can sometimes be within the agreements made, etc. Some poly folks don't do casual sex and some do, so it's just about where the comfort scale is.

I don't think people should look at it as "always the possibility of bringing in someone else" because that's not always true. I'm weird about this, but there really only is so much time to put into relationships, so that doesn't work for me because do you really have time for eighteen people (an exaggeration) to invest in that's more than just play or sex? I'd be exhausted.

Maybe because it's I was a monogamy person and only became poly later? I don't know.

I do have to ask though... I don't know your age, but I know mine. Do people really expect others not to have had past prior relationships by a certain point? Even if you were a monogamy person, unless you were married for decades, or never been divorced or whatever, doesn't it make sense to think you had other sexual partners? I get people who don't like to engage in casual sex, casual play, etc. That's their choice. Did this guy think that NOBODY should have been in your life since you got divorced? (I'd love to know if he ponied up about how many sexual partners he's had.)



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RE: Dominants that are sexual prudes - 10/25/2016 1:31:09 PM   
Chaska


Posts: 301
Joined: 7/15/2016
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Greta75

I got a dominant at first messaged me to express interest. And then, after he read that I have casual sex on my journals. He got upset and called me a slut lol.

I don't get it!

Sometimes, there is no hope for equality for women and men when it comes to having sex for sex, when even in the BDSM world, ya got men who can't stand women who enjoy sex for sex. BTW, just for context, I haven't even replied him. He first messaged me telling me he likes my profile and is interested in me. Then came this second message. I haven't even replied to his first message. So I said nothing at all to him yet. So I don't know why he is talking about marriage. Is he crazy?? Who the hell talks about marriage at first talk!

You are very smart....probably too smart for this website. But after digging through your journal I find that we definitely, are not compatible. I have ONE attitude on sex....conservative and committed. I would NEVER marry a slut like you. NEVER. Sorry. You go have your fun. But don't expect a man like me to want to marry you. However, I do appreciate your honesty about your lifestyle. You'd probably be one hell of a great friend to hang with. But for me......you have too much dick history.


Nothin wrong with being a slut, just own it. You've admitted being one here many times, it aint gender
specific, equality et al. Yet, you're shocked and offended cuz someone called you one.

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RE: Dominants that are sexual prudes - 10/25/2016 4:32:30 PM   
ThatDizzyChick


Posts: 5490
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quote:

He got upset and called me a slut lol.

Well he was technically correct.

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RE: Dominants that are sexual prudes - 10/25/2016 7:16:30 PM   
MoxieMcfly


Posts: 76
Joined: 3/26/2015
Status: offline 		He also implied that being "a slut" some how made her into damaged goods. That was part of what made things worse. It wasn't that he just called her a slut but that he implied she was less than him because he would not be willing to love her. He also implied that she is unworthy of being loved or cared for because of her sexual decisions.

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RE: Dominants that are sexual prudes - 10/25/2016 8:53:26 PM   
Greta75


Posts: 9968
Joined: 2/6/2011
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quote:

ORIGINAL: ThatDizzyChick

quote:

He got upset and called me a slut lol.

Well he was technically correct.

He was not technically correct. I do not identify as a slut or acknowledge that word of any description of myself. Especially when I do thorough vetting on carefully getting sexual compatibility correct before I sleep with anybody. My goal is always sexual compatibility.
Men use the stupid word for anything just to oppress women from enjoying sex or even dressing in a way where it shows skin.
And I have never and DO NOT support the usage of this derogatory word for women who have sex for pleasure.


< Message edited by Greta75 -- 10/25/2016 8:58:20 PM >

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RE: Dominants that are sexual prudes - 10/25/2016 8:57:27 PM   
Greta75


Posts: 9968
Joined: 2/6/2011
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Chaska
Nothin wrong with being a slut, just own it. You've admitted being one here many times, it aint gender
specific, equality et al. Yet, you're shocked and offended cuz someone called you one.

I always said I enjoy sex. And Love sex. But I have never referred to myself as a or identified as a "slut". Do show proof before saying such falsehoods.



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Profile   Post #: 29
RE: Dominants that are sexual prudes - 10/25/2016 9:02:12 PM   
Greta75


Posts: 9968
Joined: 2/6/2011
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

I do have to ask though... I don't know your age, but I know mine. Do people really expect others not to have had past prior relationships by a certain point? Even if you were a monogamy person, unless you were married for decades, or never been divorced or whatever, doesn't it make sense to think you had other sexual partners?

It depends on what culture you are from.
There are Christian youths and traditional moral values people who truly believe in no sex before marriage. So we have plenty of 40 yr old virgins too, or 50 yr old virgins who are single and never married and will not have sex until they find the right girl or guy.
Take Japan for example. 45% of males are virgins even at 40 yr old.

But personally for me. I was brought up to keep my virginity for marriage too. I did, and to me, it's a damn big mistake! Nobody ever taught me about the importance of sexual compatibility. I think that is more important than preserving virginity.

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RE: Dominants that are sexual prudes - 10/25/2016 9:06:22 PM   
Greta75


Posts: 9968
Joined: 2/6/2011
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Wayward5oul
All of your statements together seem to imply that kinky = casual, and someone who doesn't expect things to be that way are doing it wrong.

Holding mature viewpoints about sexuality does not equal being casual with one's own sexuality. Yes, there are a lot more people in the kink world that are in open relationships, poly, whatever. And yes, that is accepted by most people involved in kink. But that does not mean that women who are into kink will spread their legs to any man just because they feel free to do so.

But this where your problem is. How is a woman who have more than one chosen partner be considered "Spread her legs to ANY MAN?"
Do you realise how stringent my quality control is ?

But I am a woman, our choices are wide and many. This means, for every 100 men I vet, I choose one that makes the cut that actually ends up in bed, to test drive if the sex works.

And I keep around 3 to 5 regular fuck buddies to keep my sex life going. These buddies often last an average of 2 years each that we continuously see each other. Sometimes sex works, but outside bedroom does not work. So they become fuck buddies.

And even to find a life partner. I need to test the sex first. Sexual compatibility is the most important thing to me in marriage. And there is no way to know unless we interact sexually.
Add BDSM into it, BDSM compatibility is super duper important! For BDSM based relationships to work as well.

So yes I cannot understand how kink people expect people to go into BDSM without testing it out first. Just what? Marry first, then have BDSM ? That's suicidal!!

Would you teach your kids to do that? WTF like seriously!

Like, okay girl, as long as you love the man, sex will magically and automatically be wonderful. If you like BDSM, don't need to try it out first. Don't worry! If you love him, it will all just work out perfectly!

WTF!

What's wrong with you people?

And the reality also is that, NO WOMAN would fuck just any man!! ZERO! All women only choose to fuck men they feel attraction to. The only difference is, the woman who needs to fall inlove to fuck may fuck fewer men as they need to feel the love first.
A woman who is hunting for sexual compatibility may fuck more men, as it's faster to ascertain sexual compatibility than to ascertain love. Love is something that takes years to establish!

But everybody HAS CONDITIONS and nobody fucks just anybody!


< Message edited by Greta75 -- 10/25/2016 9:20:19 PM >

(in reply to Wayward5oul)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: Dominants that are sexual prudes - 10/25/2016 9:17:03 PM   
Greta75


Posts: 9968
Joined: 2/6/2011
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: WickedsDesire
Greta75 after all these years there must be one person that can vouch for your fuking mess according to you...parade him/her before us and a reality - i wager you canoot

Neither could you. Who is vouching for you? How are you real?

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Profile   Post #: 32
RE: Dominants that are sexual prudes - 10/25/2016 9:22:46 PM   
MsLadySue


Posts: 2254
Joined: 12/18/2004
Status: offline 		He's only real in his own mind, which is a poor system of verification, since his mind wandered away a long time ago.

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RE: Dominants that are sexual prudes - 10/25/2016 9:26:27 PM   
Greta75


Posts: 9968
Joined: 2/6/2011
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: OsideGirl
Again, jumping to conclusions. Wanting a partner that isn't promiscuous and shows discretion in how she has sex and with whom, doesn't mean he wants a virgin.

Choosing to have sex based on feelings and choosing to have sex based on pre-determined and discussed mutual agreement is the same thing.

One uses logical method without emotions involve to find a match.
One uses emotional method to find a match.

Both shows discretion. There is no difference!

A man once told me I have a very clinical approach towards sex. That is true. I go through a list of sexual preferences, I interview every man. Only if he ticks all the same sexual things as I love, do I have sex with him.

I use a clinical way to ascertain match.

Other women use feelings to ascertain match.

< Message edited by Greta75 -- 10/25/2016 9:27:32 PM >

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RE: Dominants that are sexual prudes - 10/25/2016 9:27:59 PM   
Wayward5oul


Posts: 3314
Joined: 11/9/2014
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Greta75

quote:

ORIGINAL: Wayward5oul
All of your statements together seem to imply that kinky = casual, and someone who doesn't expect things to be that way are doing it wrong.

Holding mature viewpoints about sexuality does not equal being casual with one's own sexuality. Yes, there are a lot more people in the kink world that are in open relationships, poly, whatever. And yes, that is accepted by most people involved in kink. But that does not mean that women who are into kink will spread their legs to any man just because they feel free to do so.


But this where your problem is. How is a woman who have more than one chosen partner be considered "Spread her legs to ANY MAN?"


I did not say that I believed that, so no, it is not my problem. What I AM saying is that there are far too many people in the community that think a kinky woman does just that, and so woman on here and Fet and other similar sites get bombarded with messages from men starting out as 'wanna fuck me tonight' and evolve to 'bitch, you ain't no true sub' just because she doesn't spread those legs for everyone.

The points you seem to be making in this thread are exactly what many women in the community have to fight against-you seem to be arguing that kinky does mean casual, and if someone wanted something monogamous then they should know better than to be on sites like this.

The guy who sent you the original message was wrong to shame you the way he did, and he really was just an all-around ass. But your statements on this thread seem to be shaming him because he should know better than to come onto a kink site and expect virgins. that he has an immature view towards sexuality just because he was looking for something monogamous.

In that respect, you are no better than him.






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Profile   Post #: 35
RE: Dominants that are sexual prudes - 10/25/2016 9:33:38 PM   
Greta75


Posts: 9968
Joined: 2/6/2011
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Wayward5oul
The points you seem to be making in this thread are exactly what many women in the community have to fight against-you seem to be arguing that kinky does mean casual, and if someone wanted something monogamous then they should know better than to be on sites like this.

Casual is not the opposite of monogamous! Poly is the opposite of monogamous.

Casual is what you can be when you haven't found THE ONE or THE ONES!

But when it comes to BDSM, I expect EVERYBODY to have their own preference and method.

If a woman want to go by her feelings and choose to do it that way. I have nothing against it. It's her way.

But this same woman, should also have respect for others who do not believe in her way of finding the right match.

quote:

But your statements on this thread seem to be shaming him because he should know better than to come onto a kink site and expect virgins. that he has an immature view towards sexuality just because he was looking for something monogamous.

In that respect, you are no better than him.

I am always an eye for an eye person.

You have seen me in this forum for ages. My principle is. I don't attack anybody who does not attack me. I stick to subject. I don't do personal attacks. I am kind to those who are kind to me.

But those that are nasty and vicious, I will attack back. To me. I have every right to shame him as he started it first. If he simply said, our moral values are not compatible instead of using derogatory words on me. There would have been no issue.

And I hold no apologies for calling him a prude because he is one! Someone who feels disgust at people who enjoys sex for sex. Someone who wants to turn sex a beautiful thing into an ugly and negative thing.

I don't consider someone a prude IF they choose stay a virgin before love or whatever but has no problems with other people not doing that.


< Message edited by Greta75 -- 10/25/2016 9:43:57 PM >

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Profile   Post #: 36
RE: Dominants that are sexual prudes - 10/26/2016 8:54:42 AM   
littleladybug


Posts: 1082
Joined: 5/30/2013
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Greta75

quote:

ORIGINAL: ThatDizzyChick

quote:

He got upset and called me a slut lol.

Well he was technically correct.

He was not technically correct.


Yes, actually he was.

If one uses the definition that a slut is someone who has many casual sex partners, it certainly sounds like he was right on the money.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Greta75
I do not identify as a slut or acknowledge that word of any description of myself.



That you don't identify as something doesn't necessarily mean that that *something* doesn't apply to you.

Yeah, this guy was completely tactless in what he said. It was completely unnecessary to expound on something that could just as well have been handled with a "on second thought, you're not the type I'm looking for". But, to vilify him, and to call him a "prude"? Yup- that makes you absolutely no better than him.


quote:

ORIGINAL: Greta75
Especially when I do thorough vetting on carefully getting sexual compatibility correct before I sleep with anybody. My goal is always sexual compatibility.


And you have 3-5 fuckbuddies on the ready at any given time.

Why not just fucking own it, instead of defaulting to comments like this:

quote:

ORIGINAL: Greta75
Men use the stupid word for anything just to oppress women from enjoying sex or even dressing in a way where it shows skin.




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Profile   Post #: 37
RE: Dominants that are sexual prudes - 10/26/2016 10:09:08 AM   
Awareness


Posts: 3918
Joined: 9/8/2010
Status: offline 		The problem here Greta is that the people replying to you don't like you.

It's kind of the way it works here. If you were one of them, they'd die a thousand deaths defending your right to slut around like a common harlot. AND they'd castigate any man who dared to suggest you were a slut.

The level of intellectual honesty in this place is pretty fucking low. It's about personalities, not positions. The sooner you recognise that, the sooner you can stop considering their responses as anything other than an expression of their dislike for you.

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RE: Dominants that are sexual prudes - 10/26/2016 10:58:34 AM   
littleladybug


Posts: 1082
Joined: 5/30/2013
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Awareness


The level of intellectual honesty in this place is pretty fucking low. It's about personalities, not positions. The sooner you recognise that, the sooner you can stop considering their responses as anything other than an expression of their dislike for you.


Yup, perhaps if I actually knew her, I could "dislike" her. But, alas, she is a name on a screen for which I have no emotional feeling, either good or bad.

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Profile   Post #: 39
RE: Dominants that are sexual prudes - 10/26/2016 11:02:02 AM   
DaddySatyr


Posts: 9381
Joined: 8/29/2011
From: Pittston, Pennsyltucky
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Awareness

The problem here Greta is that the people replying to you don't like you.

It's kind of the way it works here. If you were one of them, they'd die a thousand deaths defending your right to slut around like a common harlot. AND they'd castigate any man who dared to suggest you were a slut.

The level of intellectual honesty in this place is pretty fucking low. It's about personalities, not positions. The sooner you recognise that, the sooner you can stop considering their responses as anything other than an expression of their dislike for you.



QFT



Michael

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